


Heresy

by respectable_alcoholic



Series: Heresy [3]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:31:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 129,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7655671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respectable_alcoholic/pseuds/respectable_alcoholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonnie is back in Mystic Falls. While peace and quiet are long overdue, Damage Control is the name of the game as she adapts to the change in environment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Time I'll Keep Away from You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is also published on Tumblr and FF.  
> Soundtrack: Bat for Lashes - close encounters

  
Snowflakes, like the gentle debris of life as she knew it, brushed Bonnie’s cheeks. They seemed to know, in their calmness, something she didn’t.   
But as she trudged frantically through the snow-laden forest, she was afraid that she did know it. And she couldn’t accept it. She wouldn’t. So she called him. She screamed his name. She heard her own voice bounce between the cold trunks of trees, tear through the silent night, and no sound more than that.   
She had known the risk: that he might have been caught in the crumbling of the prison world. That he wouldn’t survive to make the trip with her.   
The whole thing just didn’t feel right. Kai Parker wasn’t a quitter, certainly not with his life on the line. She’d sooner believe that he was playing a trick on her at the worst time than believe he was actually dead. He had to be hiding behind a tree, or buried in snow. Maybe the rough trip through time and space broke them apart and he had fallen to Earth at different coordinates. Was that possible? She couldn’t know. She had more experience with this sort of thing than most, and still not enough to understand it all. Maybe the traveling separated them only by time, and he had gotten back first. Maybe he was out looking for her. Or maybe she was the first one back and he was still on his way.  
Even these ideas seemed hardly possible, but she had to cling to them.   
Sooner than she expected, Bonnie found herself breaking out of the trees and standing on the highway that passed through town. She was less concerned about being able to find her way back to her luggage than she was about finding Kai, and followed the road. Her feet ached with cold; snow had sunken into her nice boots at some point and her socks were wet, sponging up and squishing out freezing water with every step. But she endured.

+

  
The town square was deserted. It felt hauntingly like nothing had changed at all. The only difference between this Mystic Falls and the one she had just left was the snow, her only clue that she had entered another dimension. Yet as she plodded around the square, calling for Kai every few minutes, getting nostalgic closer looks at the real version of her old stomping grounds, she began to doubt.   
The windows of the Mystic Grill were all broken out. It had to have happened recently because there was no sign that anyone intended to fix it. There were no coverings and the glass still lay in a delicate mess on the sidewalk. As she glanced around for any sign of another person, she noticed other shops shared this trait of disrepair. None of the street lamps were lit.  
The stoplights, similarly, were not working. They weren’t red, green or yellow, but grey. She didn’t know how long it had been snowing, but there were no tire tracks on the street. Maybe there was a winter storm warning, everyone was home and the power was out. Maybe the storefronts were all destroyed by some desperate town vandal needing supplies, and she had just missed him. She hoped it was all of these. The alternative might be too much. She didn’t dare to even worry that she had somehow entered yet another dimension that was not home. It couldn’t be the case or she was sure she’d lose her mind.  
Out of shear panic this time, she howled, “Kai!” and then, “Somebody help me!”   
She needed to see someone, anyone. Hope, in any form.  
Then she heard something in the distance. A subtle grinding, growing louder as seconds passed. She looked toward the sound, at the corner of the Mystic Grill, where two yellow beacons of light shined through the snowfall. She became certain that she was hearing tires cutting new tracks in the tall snow.   
An SUV slowly rolled up at the corner and if Bonnie looked past the distorting snowflakes, she could make out the word SHERIFF in large print on the side.   
She sighed, quite relieved, until whoever was driving the car noticed her and the tires squealed with speed. She stepped back on the sidewalk, ready to leap out of the way as the vehicle tore in her direction and slid to a crooked stop. All her nerves fired but she refused to run because of how much she needed to see another person, whatever might happen next.  
The driver’s side door flew open and the driver dropped behind it.   
“Kai?” she called.  
With the headlights pointing so brightly into her face, Bonnie was unable to see who it was or what exactly they were doing, but she heard the cock of a rifle and a commanding, “Hands in the air!”   
There was a familiar tone to the man’s voice, but it wasn’t Kai’s so she knew this was real. Whoever it was, aiming the gun at her like she was some kind of criminal, wasn’t kidding around.  
“Hands where I can see ‘em, trespasser! I’ve got bullets for whatever you are.”  
Fingers twitching, eyes squinting at the huddled silhouette of a man, Bonnie slowly raised her hands. _That voice_. Perhaps it was tough to distinguish because that voice had never spoken to her in this way before. But she knew she’d heard it, many times.  
“ _Matt_?” she croaked.  
The silhouette said nothing for a moment. Bonnie strained to see what was going on behind the open car door. Finally the silhouette moved to the side and the car door quietly closed. A tentative footstep crunched in the snow, and another, until her following gaze trailed out of the lights beaming into her pupils. Matt Donovan, in uniform, stepped into view.  
His eyes narrowed harrowingly.  
“Bonnie?” he asked, like he didn’t really believe it. His gun lowered only slightly.  
Bonnie nodded, feeling her eyes run warm with tears of relief.   
“It’s me!” she assured. And so glad to have seen a friend first, she dropped her hands and ran toward him. She ran into a stiff hug, and she couldn’t ignore the attentive rifle at her back. But Matt’s body heat warmed her, his friendly energy calmed her and she was certain now that her mind wasn’t a total loss. Matt Donovan, the officer, was here to take care of things.   
“What are you doing here?” Matt asked, “We all thought you were…”  
“I’m not,” Bonnie insisted heartily, and had to repeat it to believe herself, “I’m not.”  
“But how? Bonnie, do you know where you are? We’ve gotta get you out of here.”  
Matt stepped out of the friendly embrace.  
“What?”  
He hurried her into the nearest car door, which put her in the back seat. She wasn’t about to fight; the inside of the car was so warm. Before she could get her frozen hands to buckled her seatbealt, they were speeding out of the square and back down the highway out of town.  
“Where are we going?” Bonnie asked, slipping her numb feet out of her soaked footwear.  
“Whitmore,” Matt answered resolutely.  
“Why? I need to go home,” Bonnie said achingly. She was also dying to take a peek in the little yellow house on Jubilee and see if Kai was there. But the last time Matt had anything to do with Kai, he was being attacked in the Salvatore holding cell, and Bonnie doubted he would react well to the thought of Kai maybe being out there somewhere.  
 _But is he?_  
“Mystic Falls…isn’t your home anymore, Bonnie.”  
“What are you talking about? Just take me to my Grams’ house. Please. I need to change, I need to…to…get home.” _And look for him_.  
Bonnie thought of the way Kai had looked at her when they last danced. There was no way he wouldn’t have waited for her in the woods if he was still alive. There was no way they wouldn’t have found each other.  
“I can’t take you there, Bonnie…”  
Kai was dead.   
“…I’m sorry.”  
All she could do now was sit with her hands in her lap and accept it, and move on to more pressing matters. She felt her throat tightening and she stared out the window, watching trees and flurries pass, urging herself not to hope she’d see him.  
“Where have you been?” Matt’s voice interrupted her quiet mourning. He was possibly even more intent on an update than she was.  
Bonnie tried swallowing the tightness away, but her voice cracked anyway.  
“It’s a really, really, really, really long story. Why can’t you take me home?”  
“It’s a really, really, really, really long story.”  
Something big was going on. Matt’s stiff behavior was just one sign. She could see how tightly his hands gripped the steering wheel, his nervous profile every time he glanced from side to side. He seemed to be watching out for something. Or someone.  
“Matt, what’s wrong with Mystic Falls?” she pressed, not able to speak as clearly or loudly as she wanted. She could only sound as solemn as she felt. “The windows in the Grill were broken. All the power’s out.”  
“I know.”  
“So?” Bonnie leaned forward and hooked her fingers through the wire caging between the front and back seats.  
“Everything changed after the wedding, Bonnie.”  
“You’re telling me.”  
“You disappeared, we all thought you were…well, we didn’t know what to think. Because Kai was gone, too. We didn’t know if he took you, if he did something to you, or if you just ran. But Elena never woke up.”  
“But what happened to the town, Matt?”  
“Lily’s Heretics happened to the town. And Damon. Damon just…lost it. We had to evacuate Mystic Falls.”  
“How long ago?”  
“Pretty soon after the wedding. Damon and the Heretics just started picking people off, then Damon started picking Heretics off. Stefan managed to lock him up long enough to compel whoever was left to leave their homes and forget it all happened. Now Mystic Falls is practically a ghost town.”  
“What about Jeremy? Where’s Caroline?”  
“They’re fine. Jeremy’s off doing whatever the hell he’s doing. Caroline’s finishing school. Enzo is Enzo. Besides everything, everyone’s fine. Not great, but fine.”  
Bonnie hesitated to ask about Alaric.   
“I guess I’m pretty lucky you were there, then,” Bonnie mentioned of her chance rescue. If Matt hadn’t been there to pick her up, she wouldn’t have a clue about the sad story she’d walked right into. She would have been stranded. Someone else might have found her first. “Why were you? If the town is empty…”  
“Whole towns don’t usually lose their entire population for no apparent reason. Rumors get spread. Sometimes other vampires pass through. Sometimes kids sneak in. So…I patrol.”  
“To protect them from…”  
“Damon still lives at the boarding house.”  
“And Stefan?”  
“He’s there, keeping Damon in line. Mystic Falls, population of two.”  
“What about Lily?”  
“Lily’s gone.”  
“Gone where?”  
“I killed her.”  
“Wow.”  
“Self defense.”  
“And the Salvatore brothers haven’t retaliated for that?”  
“As far as I can tell I did them a favor.”  
It seemed Matt had no idea that Damon had left Bonnie for dead. Which probably meant that Damon, in the fashion, had kept his dirty little secret all to himself. She suddenly couldn’t wait to tell Caroline.  
She sighed.  
“Damon just lost it, huh? Figures.”  
“Bonnie…” Matt began, turning his head just a little to his right so she could see very plainly the concern in his features. “When I got out of the car back there…why did you call me Kai?”

+

Bonnie hadn’t realized until she smelled the wood that she really missed walking through the halls at Whitmore. She missed being there altogether, having classes and homework and learning new things.   
Matt quietly led the way. Bonnie followed on bare feet, carrying her wet boots in each hand, keeping her head down. She could tell he didn’t know what to say anymore. He’d already filled her in on most of the bad news and she had put off telling him her story. She was still debating whether to gather everyone around so she only had to tell it once, or just keep it all to herself.  
“Still in the dorms, huh?” Bonnie made small talk. “You’d think by now she’d be living in an off-campus party house.”  
Matt chuckled.   
“She’s gonna be so happy to see you, Bonnie.”  
“I hope so.”  
“You know she’s gonna harangue you for answers.”  
“I know.”  
“Maybe she’ll let you get some rest first, you look like you need it.”  
They came upon the door to Bonnie’s old dorm room, and Matt stopped to knock.  
After two sets of three knocks, the door finally opened a crack.  
“Matt, what on Earth?” a voice asked. Bonnie knew already it wasn’t Caroline’s voice. The pitch was just a little lower, with a European accent.   
So she was about to meet a roommate.   
_Great._  
She wasn’t ready to meet any strangers. Readjusting to her own friends, who she loved and missed painfully, was going to be enough work.  
“It’s kind of an emergency,” Matt lowered his voice, “I need you to let us in.”  
“Us?”  
The crack in the door widened and Bonnie caught sight of the young woman on the other side. Big green eyes peered at her from a pale, round face and quickly widened in amazement. Her brown hair fell in bed-messy waves down past her shoulders and she wore a long silk robe, beautifully patterned with paisleys in pink, dark blue, silver and green, tied tightly and effectively around her thin waist. Bonnie realized she was staring at the woman’s proper frame and worked to make better eye contact, at which point the woman stepped aside and rushed them into the room.  
“Thanks,” Matt said, so politely, and Bonnie didn’t know what she should say.  
The room was dark but seconds later a small bedside lamp was turned on, illuminating the dorm room. Except for the other woman’s belongings set up around what used to be Elena’s bed, the room was exactly the same.   
“Caroline’s freshening up,” she said, “She’ll be out in just a minute, I’m sure. _Caroline_!”  
From the closed bathroom door, Caroline’s voice shouted, “ _Just a minute_!”  
Bonnie’s heart leapt.  
“She has some drama class in an hour, she always gets up early enough to look her best, that girl,” the woman said, folding her arms delicately across her chest, “ _Caroline, I think you’ll want to come out here now_!”  
Matt sat down on the foot of Caroline’s bed and Bonnie remained awkwardly standing, not sure if she was still welcome enough in this space to sit and feeling too nervous to sit anyway.  
“So you’re Bonnie,” the woman said incredulously, having received no introduction. She was looking at Bonnie with amazement, and what almost struck her as a touch of attraction. Her heart shaped mouth sat curved in an unexpected smile.  
Bonnie frowned and nodded. She guessed if this woman was Caroline’s new roommate she must have heard about her at some point in time.  
“You’re even prettier in person,” she complimented with a small smile.  
“Thanks,” Bonnie muttered, and glanced uncomfortably to Matt.  
“Bonnie, this is Nora,” Matt finally filled her in on the name of the strange, petite woman who wouldn’t stop staring at her.   
“Oh.”  
“She’s uh…she’s sort of the last Heretic.”  
“Oh,” Bonnie repeated with more emphasis than she intended.  
“Goodness, Matt, you don’t need to say it like that,” Nora said civilly with a hint of stress, then added, “Not that it isn’t the truth, I suppose.”  
“And she’s…” Bonnie began, not sure how to finish her question without being rude.  
“She’s off the dark side,” Matt enlightened.  
“Honestly,” Nora complained and Matt chuckled.  
“What? You’re with us now.”  
“Because my companions were killed and Caroline kindly took me in.”  
The bathroom door opened and Caroline stormed in with her head tilted and a hair curler clamped in her hair.  
“Nora I thought I told you to get more of that awapuhi shampoo next time you went to the store because we’ve been out since last Tuesday and I _know_ you went there yesterday because where else did you get the new loofa I just saw hanging in—oh my god.”  
Bonnie watched as Caroline’s eyes found her and everything stopped; her sentence, her walk, everyone else in the room. The curler in her hands fell to the floor.

+

“We really don’t need to go to the hospital, Care, I’m fine,” Bonnie insisted as Caroline, in tears, dragged Bonnie across campus.   
“Look at you, you’re Twiggy, Bonnie, and you won’t tell us what happened and your skin is cold and you might have hypothermia, you need to see a doctor, damn it!”  
“She’s right, Bonnie,” Matt chimed in. “If you don’t go now, she’ll just call an ambulance on you.”  
Bonnie groaned and stomped along. Nora followed silently behind.  
She had gotten as far as announcing that she’d been in a prison world since the day of the wedding, and that was when Caroline cut her short with, “We’re getting you to a hospital.” Bonnie pleaded her case, that she was in no need of medical attention, that if Caroline was so worried she should simply feed her blood. “Well you never know what vampire blood might not heal,” her indignant friend whispered and tutted her on. Now they were caravanning through the sliding glass doors to the ER.  
Caroline compelled the front desk to set Bonnie up in a room that instant, and just two minutes later she found herself pouting in a hospital gown, in a hospital bed, avoiding eye contact with the two vampires seated nervously across the room. Matt, the only calm and reasonable person, had stayed behind in the waiting area.  
A nurse finished fitting her fingers with pulse socks and left the room. Bonnie felt appreciative that Caroline was so worried about her but at the same time she wanted to disappear. It was six in the morning and not a terribly busy ward, but even the occasional stranger passing by the open door made her nerves skitter.   
_People. So many people._   
Apprehending a request, Caroline jumped out of her chair and closed the door for Bonnie.   
“Thanks.”  
Caroline nodded and returned to her chair to wring her hands and stare Bonnie down, next to Nora, who still sat without a peep.  
Bonnie sighed, “They’re just going to tell you how fine I am.”  
“Then we’ll let them,” Caroline retorted before she started crying again. “Have you been all by yourself, all this time? Again?”  
Bonnie shook her head and braced herself, knowing that she wouldn’t have the energy to keep many juicy details to herself.  
“Actually, no,” she admitted.  
“Who else did Kai punish?”  
“Um…himself.” “What?”  
“I’ve been with Kai, Caroline.”  
“Oh my god,” she squealed. The door opened.  
“Sorry,” Bonnie’s nurse interrupted pleasantly as she bustled back into the room, “I forgot to turn this thing on. We hardly use this room.” She poked around with something under Bonnie’s bed until whatever it was that needed fixing was fixed. On her way back out the door, Caroline hooked the woman by the elbow.  
“Bring a rape kit when you come back,” she ordered.  
“Caroline,” Bonnie scolded as the nurse nodded and left. “That will not be necessary.”  
“Well I don’t know! I just want to get you all checked out and make sure that every little thing is okay, I swear to god I’m going to find him and I’m going to—”  
“There’s no need.”  
“Please. He took both of my best friends, my home town and my almost boyfriend all in one fell swoop. _Everything_ that is wrong with my life is his fault. He’s getting it, Bonnie.”  
“He’s dead, Care.”  
Caroline paused and Bonnie took the silence as a good opportunity to tell the whole story, or as much as she could before the doctor came.   
“If you let me, I’ll tell you what happened,” Bonnie offered seriously.  
The other girls exchanged glances and returned eager, silent gazes back to Bonnie.  
“Okay then.”  
She was sure to mention how her relationship with Kai changed over time, that for the most part he was more like a companion than a captor. She left out the extent of how close they did get, temporarily. She didn’t need a rape kit and a psychoanalyst. And most importantly she told the truth: that Kai had sacrificed himself to set her free.   
She began to worry that her story was too watered down for how intense it really was because of the stunned look on Caroline’s face. Nora seemed only moderately surprised by the end of Bonnie’s story. A little saddened, even. Both girls said nothing.  
“Come on,” Bonnie urged, “One of you tell me I’m not crazy.”  
“I have to make a call,” Caroline announced, and popped up from her chair. The door closed behind her, leaving Bonnie and the weird, pretty, quiet Heretic she had only just met to endure what could’ve been the most awkward silence of Bonnie’s life.  
“You’re not crazy,” Nora said at last, her emerald eyes boring into Bonnie’s with wide earnestness.   
Bonnie nodded and pursed her lips, but all she could think to say was, “You didn’t have to come.”  
“I wanted to.”  
Bonnie nodded again and looked to the glass panel in the door for any sign of Caroline.  
“I’m sorry,” Nora said, “When you said that, did you mean you wish I didn’t come? I can leave if you’d like, I know we’ve never met. God, this must be awkward for you. I’ll go.”  
The tiny woman tightened the robe she was still wearing and stood up. As much as Bonnie wanted to be alone, (and couldn’t fathom why), she was also a little intrigued by Nora, not just by the accent that was pleasing to her ears, or her prettiness that was pleasing to the eyes.   
Nora was one of Lily’s Heretics. It meant she knew Kai, at least a little. They were stuck together in 1903. Kai was responsible for her freedom. Did Nora feel any sense of loyalty to him for that? And just as Bonnie had been Kai’s living blood bag, Kai had been Nora’s. It was a peculiar thing, she thought, for her to be sharing a room with this woman.  
Annoyingly, it occurred to her that Kai could’ve found this woman attractive. How could he not? She was gorgeous. She had to wonder if anything else had happened in 1903…if any _other_ needs of Nora’s had been his duty to quell.  
“Don’t go,” Bonnie said before Nora opened the door.   
As she turned around, Bonnie noticed she could feel more than just the presence of another living being in the room with her. She felt magic, too. _Of course_. Nora’s magic. It was the first magic she’d felt since she’d been back, and it was so unlike Kai’s. While Kai’s was sharp and goading, Nora’s almost stung. But it was a sweet sting. It didn’t hurt but it was very _there_. For as quiet as she had been, her magic and her aura was almost abrasive, but welcomely so.   
Bonnie watched the sophisticated yet publicly robed woman cross the room to stand at her bedside.   
Her thin hand found Bonnie’s and she held it gently, her eyes searing.  
“Are you okay, Bonnie?”  
For what felt like the first time in Bonnie’s life, her heart crumbled at the sight of so much honesty in another person’s eyes. She couldn’t place what it was about Nora, who she thought she was. But all of a sudden, though seconds earlier she had wished to be alone, she felt safe and content, and normal and sane, with her there.  
The door swung open again, sufficiently interrupting Bonnie’s intention to answer Nora’s question just as honestly as Nora had asked. A dark-haired, statuesque beauty of a doctor entered the room with a clipboard and as much shock on her face.  
Bonnie almost stuttered her plea for confirmation.   
“ _Jo_?”


	2. So We Can Love Until Infinity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sia - big girls cry (bleachers remix)  
> Lykke Li - I'm waiting here  
> Massive Attack - paradise circus

“For breakfast? Really, Bonnie?” Caroline chided as she watched Bonnie pour herself a short glass of bourbon. Then she grinned mischievously. “Pour me one.”  
In honor of her friend’s return, Caroline instated a ditch week. It was only the morning after Matt found Bonnie in snowy, deserted Mystic Falls and she was staring down an entire week of her favorite bubbly blonde and the strange Heretic by her side at all times. She supposed it was for the best.   
After a world-rocking game of catch-up and a flying colors check-up, Jo had prescribed Bonnie some good rest and a sizable breakfast. She encouraged the girls to drive her to the house she shared with Alaric a few short miles off campus. They all changed clothes at the dorm room and by the time they arrived at the house, as per Bonnie’s increasing hunger and decreasing interest in sleep, breakfast was already on the table. A hardly shaven but visibly upbeat Alaric Saltzman greeted her with an awkward hug that should never have been offered, and heaps of pancakes, which she hated but grinned and ate anyway.   
It was the merriment that kept her wakeful. Everyone was so glad to have her back, and it felt different from past returns. There was a sense of hope in the air, and Bonnie could tell they all needed it. At the same time, she found herself still grappling for answers, for updates, for another helping of bourbon without anyone noticing. While Nora played the wallflower, Caroline buzzed in and out of the room with phone call after phone call, Alaric kept busy churning out pancakes for the company he seemed to be expecting and Matt helped.  
Bonnie kept sipping and smiling, enjoying the sound of the radio playing loudly from the kitchen, new overplayed songs she hadn’t yet heard, and watching the way the weather changed through the floor to ceiling windows in the dining room. Jo and Alaric’s house was a relative mansion in the Whitmore area, and it sat on a hill where plenty of nature could be overlooked through the wall of open windows before her. The sun, as it rose, made the snow on the roof run in drips and streams, casting down in front of her view of rural Whitmore. Winter birds chattered for this warmest part of their day and she reveled in knowing that they were real, and that sometime soon the melting snow would be replaced by new snow because this world changed organically for better or for worse. She was glad to be a part of that cycle again.  
At last, it seemed, Alaric had used all of every possible ingredient in the house, and he sat at the long dining table across from Bonnie, Nora and at least sixty pancakes.   
“Gettin’ enough to eat?” he asked, grinning at Bonnie, who nodded and swallowed yet another reminder of Kai.  
Caroline returned to the table and took her seat at Bonnie’s other side.  
“That was Jeremy,” she said, folding her cloth napkin over her lap. “He says he’ll be here as soon as he can but it might take a few days. Tyler’s going to be another hour, he’s stuck in traffic but he’s really excited you’re back.”  
“I didn’t know Tyler cared.”  
“Please, Bonnie. I’m waiting to hear back from Enzo but Stefan is ecstatic and relieved and he’s gonna try to make it up here sometime soon to…I don’t know, give you a hug or something…he’s being weird.”  
Bonnie dropped her fork.  
“You called Stefan?”  
Caroline blinked and tilted her head, “Why wouldn’t I?”  
“Please tell me nobody’s said anything to Damon.”  
“Oh, God, no,” Caroline laughed. “And Stefan can keep a secret.”   
Bonnie hadn’t yet told her about Damon’s betrayal but this reaction was exactly what she hoped for, so she decided she could continue to put it off until the merriment died down.   
“Good,” Bonnie said, picking up her fork to stab a fluffy piece of pancake, “I don’t need Damon to know I’m back yet, or maybe ever.”  
“Don’t worry, nobody’s talking to Damon since the whole Mystic Falls Massacre fiasco. He’s cut off.”  
“Finally.”  
“I know, right?”  
“So it was about Elena?”  
“What was? His bloodbath-y bitch fit? Definitely.”  
Bonnie shook her head. Alaric had stopped listening and was in his own conversation with Matt. She wondered what terms Alaric and Damon were on. They had been drinking buddies for the longest time; it had to hurt that he couldn’t have that anymore. Unless he did, in secret.  
“We should visit her,” Nora piped in before slipping a delicate bite into her mouth.  
Caroline leaned in to make wired eyes over Bonnie’s plate at Nora, “Yes!”  
“Visit who?” Bonnie questioned, astounded there was anyone else on her list of people to check in with.  
“Elena, duh.”  
“But I thought she-”  
“Well yeah, Bonnie, but she’s still _in_ there,” Caroline motioned to her head. “There are other ways to talk to her.”  
“But can she talk back?”  
“Of course! What, do you think I just stand over the foot of her casket and ramble to myself?”  
Bonnie set her fork down again and held her breath. She was officially too piqued to put anything other than liquor in her system. Elena could be visited. Communicated with. After all this time of mourning, it was a welcome and simultaneously infuriating detail. Caroline babbled on.  
“She’s being stored in the Salvatore crypt in the Mystic Falls Cemetery so I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like but I can give Stefan the heads up and we’ll go today. If you’re feeling up to it.”  
Bonnie was trying not to hone in too much on the word “stored” being used in reference to her best friend’s body, and the surrounding conflict of that “storage.” Elena was being “stored” until further notice, “further notice” being the day Bonnie died.  
“I actually left my luggage in the woods, back in Mystic Falls, so…”  
“Two birds, one stone, got it,” Caroline gave her a thumbs up just as her cell started ringing. She jumped up from her chair and bounced into another room to take the call. At the same time, Nora cleared her plate and moseyed off into the kitchen with it. Matt followed her, leaving Bonnie alone with her former history teacher.   
It was quiet for a minute. Apparently no one else felt inclined to return right away and Bonnie began to feel a swirling anxiety. She had forgotten how to make conversation.  
“So Jo took good care of you, I’m sure,” Alaric said, rescuing her from the pressure.  
“Very good,” Bonnie agreed, reaching for her glass of bourbon, her crutch.  
“Good. That’s…good.” Alaric cleared his throat and, seeing Bonnie drink, poured himself his own healthy helping of bourbon.  
The burning liquid ran down her throat and Bonnie feigned a wince, just to have something to do with her face. Alaric, respectfully, smiled and looked at his plate.   
It relieved her to see him this way, waiting for his wife to come home from work instead of waiting to join her in death. For as bad as things were, they kept getting better. Matt was a police officer with a purpose, Caroline was getting through school, Jo and Alaric were fine.  “I’m glad she’s okay, Ric,” she said.  
“Hm?”  
“I’m glad Jo is okay. I mean, the last time I saw her, she was…”  
“Yeah,” he interrupted, perhaps not wanting to relive the last time Bonnie saw his wife. “Well, I assume the girls filled you in.”  
Bonnie raised her eyebrows.  
“Didn’t they?” he said uncertainly, his kind eyes narrowing in doubt.  
“She survived,” Bonnie said, “Is there more?”  
Alaric looked back down to his pancakes, sighed, chuckled darkly and began cutting obsessive little triangles with his fork.  
“Jo…” he began with a lift in tone, taking Bonnie back to class when good old Mr. Saltzman got into storytelling mode, “…woke up when I was burying her.”  
“Oh no.”  
The man smiled widely, falsely, almost sarcastically, looking suddenly older than she remembered.  
“I don’t know who got to her. Neither does she. Naturally she wasn’t compelled but she certainly doesn’t remember drinking any blood, so maybe it was administered very sneakily in her morning decaf, but… Anyway, there it is. She woke up. I, of course, fed her. And she turned.”  
An unexpected chill trailed down Bonnie’s back.   
How could she not know? How could she not sense it in the hospital? There were two other vampires in the room, maybe it skewed her senses. The nurse had taken all her vitals, leaving no reason for Jo to have any skin contact with Bonnie. But why didn’t Jo say anything?  
Why didn’t Kai?  
Unless it wasn’t him who fed her the blood. It couldn’t have been a good intention on his part that saved Jo from the theatrical death he put her through. No, any time Jo came up in conversation Kai seemed to believe that he had killed her for good. But who else would’ve slipped her vampire blood in anticipation of a deadly wedding crash? Who saw it coming?  
“What about the-”   
“Don’t…don’t ask her about the twins. Please,” Alaric calmly begged. “Jo died early enough in the pregnancy to get away with telling people that she had a miscarriage, and that’s what people believe. It’s sort of a sore subject.”  
“Sure,” Bonnie agreed compassionately. She wanted to hold Ric’s hand, do something, anything, to be comforting. It would’ve been just as much for herself as it was for him, because her heart hurt.   
“I mean,” he continued, “The twins are healthy as ever. We have our own equipment down in the basement and we check on them almost every day, we listen to their little hearts and look at the ultrasound, and we talk to them. They’re fine. It’s just hard.”  
Bonnie blinked and shook her head to make sense of what Alaric was saying.  
“I’m sorry, you lost me.”  
“Jo and Alaric’s babies transitioned when Jo did, the babies are vampires, vampires who never age and thus are stuck inside of Jo and will probably never be born,” Caroline announced as she reclaimed the room. She took her seat beside Bonnie and smiled. “Come on, Bonnie. Catch up.”   
“You wanna say it any louder, Caroline?” Alaric griped, “Jo’s gonna be home any minute and if she hears us talking about this…”  
“Right,” Caroline said, turning to Bonnie. “So that was Enzo on the phone, he’s glad you’re back but he and Sarah had some dinner or something with her adoptive parents planned today and they aren’t coming for pancakes, but we’ll see them eventually.”  
Predictable, Bonnie thought. She didn’t care for Enzo’s company anyway.  
“Sarah..?”  
“Salvatore,” Caroline specified.  
“Oh. Weird.”  
“Yeah… But when you think about _our_ lives, _our_ friends, _our_ history, it’s not really that weird.”  
“Right.”  
“Bonnie,” Alaric cut in before lowering his voice, “You’re sure Kai is no longer a problem?”  
She could hear the desperation, the dread. She could hear it in his voice that, if her answer to this question was anything other than a stony-faced and hearty Yes, she’d never see him or Jo again. They would flee. But did it matter the consequences? She had nothing but the truth to tell.  
“I’m positive.”

+

By the time Bonnie found herself on the highway to Mystic Falls to locate her luggage and pay Elena a visit, she couldn’t ignore the fatigue. An aching inclination to weep kept creeping up on her but she damned it to the back of her mind each time. There was nothing she could do about it. Kai was gone.  
And _good riddance_.  
She was just tired. It was just her mind, ready to blank out for a while, that was depressing her. It was the merriment wearing off and reality coming on. She was a human being in bad need of rest from a long journey.   
Matt drove. Tyler Lockwood sat in the passenger seat. In the back, Bonnie watched sad coniferous trees pass outside the window, Caroline sat comfortably in the middle chatting with the boys up front, and Nora on her other side practically mirrored Bonnie. The whole drive Tyler drank from a bottle of cheap beer and made mournful comments about the town his father used to run and what had become of it. He also had unsavory asides in memory of the same man, but the legacy of their hometown remained beloved nonetheless. Matt kept telling him to keep the beer bottle down and out of sight, “because if another officer sees you with that in my car, Tyler, I swear.”  
“Matt!” Bonnie wasted no time in asserting herself, hitting the back of the driver’s seat with her hand. “Slow down, this might be the spot.”  
The SUV slowed to a stop on the side of the road and Bonnie hopped out. Mystic Falls was oddly colder than Whitmore, and it was unplowed and generally unattended to. She suddenly felt lucky to have been pressured into borrowing one of Caroline’s winter outfits. Though she was shorter and the clothes weren’t a perfect fit, she was glad not to be trooping around in a dress, or to have been coerced into a trip to the mall. That, she definitely wasn’t ready for.  
Caroline stepped out behind Bonnie.  
“Wait,” Bonnie said. “This will just take a minute. You don’t have to get out.”  
Caroline laughed, “I’m not letting you wander into the snowy woods alone to carry a bunch of luggage. I’m coming with and I’m helping.”  
“Care, please.”  
“Why?”  
“Catharsis.”  
The blonde’s disappointment was evident in her waning smile, but her understanding revealed in the way the smile stayed.  
“Ok,” she shrugged. “But I’m waiting right here.”  
“Deal,” Bonnie said, offering her a grateful nod.  
It took only five minutes to find her luggage in the daylight. It and her messy tracks from the previous night remained. Her own footprints led her straight to the spot. It wasn’t until she reached it that she realized she wasn’t the only one following the tracks.  
She felt him first by the ends of the little hairs rising on the back of her neck. A predator stalking her from the trees. His energy familiar but his intentions unclear. His slyness suspicious.  
Bonnie clutched tightly the handles of her suitcases and turned to face her stalker.  
His face even gaunter than she remembered and his eyes deeper with brood, he shocked her. But his hands stayed in the pockets of his black coat, he kept a safe distance of five feet and no veins threatened the skin beneath his eyes.  
He had come in peace. But she had learned to expect that from Stefan.  
Something in his eyes reached out to her. She sensed he was glad about something.   
“Hi,” he said.  
Bonnie shifted on her feet.  
“Hi?”  
“Welcome home.”  
Bonnie contorted a smile as she looked around the dead forest.  
“Thanks,” she guessed.  
Stefan took a couple steps toward her and nodded as he leaned in and wrapped a single arm around her loosely. She leaned out of the casual hug at the same time he figured he should tighten it for better authenticity, but she was released from the embrace immediately after. Stefan regained his safe distance and smiled embarrassedly at Bonnie.  
“That was—”   
“It’ll never happen again,” he promised.  
“So you’re stalking me because…”  
“I was going to meet you guys at the crypt. But I heard the car stop on my way. Figured I’d come and give you a hand.”  
“Oh. Well thanks,” Bonnie shrugged, handing off one of the suitcases.  
“Yeah, that and I needed to talk to you, alone.”  
Stefan accepted the suitcase he was handed, and sneakily took the other off her hands as well.  
“In other words you were stalking me. Because…”  
“I know what Damon did to you,” Stefan admitted, not afraid to look Bonnie in the eye as they walked side by side.  
“Oh.”  
“And he knows that you’re back.”  
 _Shit shit shit shit._   
“How?”  
“Just hear me out.”  
“Hearing. Not liking.”  
“Damon feels…terrible. To understate it.”  
“I see,” Bonnie said, gritting her teeth in budding rage. She felt the snow underneath her feet melting.  
“He wanted me to tell you that he’s not going to bother you.”  
“But he is bothering me. He’s bothering me through you, Stefan.”  
“I’m just a messenger, from him to you, just this once, and never again. Look, he just really wants you to know that he feels terrible, and that you don’t have to look over your shoulder because he’s relieved that you’re okay and you’re never going to see him. Okay?”  
Bonnie stopped walking to look firmly into Stefan’s eyes. She didn’t know whether to trust him, and even if she did, she wouldn’t trust Damon’s words through anyone’s mouth.  
“Okay, Stefan,” she replied coldly and resumed walking.  
“I know you don’t believe me. But I won’t let him near you. I promise.”  
“Okay, Stefan.”  
“Hey,” Stefan stopped and let go of a suitcase to sneak his hand around Bonnie’s. She felt his cool palm encase her freezing hand and tighten around all her knuckles in earnest. His skin on hers ignited a sensation in her that he had seen Elena recently.   
She remembered the first time his skin ever touched hers and she felt death. This was similar. Nothing was clear, she only received the inkling. She looked again into his eyes and read his sincerity. “I mean it, Bonnie. Welcome home.”  
She curved the tips of her stiff fingers around the edge of Stefan’s hand and looked sincerely, sadly, back at him.  
“Okay, Stefan.”  
At the SUV, Caroline regarded Stefan as a platonic old friend. Tyler acknowledged him bitterly, and Matt exchanged a nod. Stefan loaded Bonnie’s things into the back, then warned of a winter storm due shortly enough to strand them if they didn’t turn back to Whitmore that minute.   
Caroline whined, “But Elena.”  
“Can wait,” Stefan finished, and pointed down the other direction on the road.

+

It was decided without discussion that Bonnie would stay in the dorm room with Caroline and Nora. Jo and Alaric offered to put her up, as did Tyler Lockwood, who announced once he got back to his own car that he didn’t care about storms or Salvatores and he was going back home, to the Lockwood mansion in Mystic Falls. Caroline told him he was going to get himself killed.  
Bonnie politely declined the offers. She just wanted to curl up in her own bed and fall asleep in the middle of a lazy conversation with the other girls about nothing in particular. A slumber party habit she had missed. And luckily both Nora and Caroline spared her any mention of Kai, or questions about the time she was away, or ideas about what she would do now and whether she’d go back to school. Instead, they talked about what good movies were out, s’mores and how best to make them, and made plans to get s’mores supplies the next day.

+

In the middle of the night, Bonnie woke up to a knock on the door, and the sounds of Nora walking across the floorboards. She sat up in time to catch her wrapping that pretty robe around herself as she crossed to the door and opened it a crack.  
“What can it possibly be now?” she whispered.  
Bonnie recognized Matt’s voice on the other side of the door when he said, “You guys should get dressed and come down to the hospital.”  
“For the second night in a row? Whatever for?”  
Bonnie noticed Caroline was sitting up and groaning as she rubbed her eyes.  
“Just come with me and see for yourself so I know I’m not crazy.”  
Nora huffed and shut the door.   
In fifteen minutes the girls were in jeans and winter coats, following Matt into a hospital room. Bonnie noticed first the tattered formal dress draped over a chair in the corner of the room. As she filed in behind Matt and Caroline, something nice washed against her and she knew before she looked any deeper into the room what she was going to see: Elena Gilbert. Bedridden and weary. And Bonnie’s hand flew straight to her chest.  
Her heart still beat but for how much longer? How could this be?  
Jo suddenly whisked into the room, crowding Nora against the wall, and rounding up Bonnie, Matt and Caroline.   
“Ok,” she began in a hushed voice, stuffing her clipboard under her arm and holding on tight to a red gift bag with red tissue paper fluffing teasingly from out the top. A tag with Josette in Elena’s handwriting on it dangled from the handles. “She doesn’t remember what happened, how she got here or who checked her in, and no one else seems to remember even seeing her in the lobby, or setting her up with a room. Security tapes are being checked right now. But she had this.”   
Jo held up the gift bag. “So I’m guessing _this_ ,”she added, reaching into the bag and pulling out a plump bag of dark blood, “is for me.”  
“Weird,” Matt said.  
“Super weird,” Caroline seconded. “But whose…why…?”  
“She came in whiter than a ghost.”  
Everyone collectively looked in Elena’s direction at the pallor in her face.  
“That poor girl barely had a drop of blood left in her body. So even though this has my name on it, I think it’s hers,” Jo theorized, shifting nervously from foot to foot. “It’s…it’s… _cure_ blood.”

 


	3. I'm Only Human, Can't You See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lana del Rey - blackest day  
> Georgia - nothing solutions  
> Flume - never be like you

“I’m dying to catch up with everyone over coffee and a million muffins,” Elena mentioned with a grin that spread from ear to ear.   
Even though she’d been in a hospital bed for around forty eight hours rebuilding blood, she’d been quick to perk up to the Elena Gilbert that Bonnie knew well. The only hump in the road to recovery was getting her to finish the cups upon cups of syrupy hospital-grade juice that would help her human body normalize itself.  
“Well, yuck-juice now, amazing coffee later,” Bonnie mothered, “Come on, you have to get your levels up by noon or Jo says you have to stay another night.”  
Accustomed to the rollercoaster that her homecoming had become, Bonnie hadn’t left the hospital since Elena was brought in. She slept in the chair at the foot of Elena’s bed, survived on snacks from the vending machine, stole a novel from the gift shop and read when Elena rested. Caroline would bring her clothes, wine coolers and fast food when she visited, and while they wouldn’t let Elena drink with them, the three girls still managed healthy hours of girl talk.   
It was fun, in its own way. It kept her mind occupied and it further delayed unpacking her suitcases from the prison world. Bonnie was content to continue this vagrant lifestyle if it meant she never had to confront her memories of the last eighteen months, or the person she spent them with. She did eventually share her story with Elena once she was conscious enough, but somehow talking about it without having unpacked felt as distant as discussing a dream she had. Or a nightmare. It wasn’t real yet. She was still in limbo, in travel, as though her soul hadn’t quite caught up with her body. So far not a single tear had been shed for Kai and she wanted to keep it that way.  
Bonnie watched Elena grimace through a cup of radioactive looking orange juice and chuckled.  
“Cruel witch,” Elena joked. “I can’t wait to get out of here and drink some real orange juice with like, actual pulp, from oranges. And eat french fries. And move around. And see Damon. I know he’s responsible for the whole empty Mystic Falls thing and believe me, I’m not letting him off that easy, but I think it’s weird that he still hasn’t visited. He hasn’t even called.”  
Bonnie crossed her arms and walked back to her chair where she was in the middle of bagging all the belongings she had accrued in the last 48 hours.  
“You haven’t even tried to stand up yet, you might need physical therapy,” Bonnie said to the dirty jeans she was folding, blatantly avoiding having to comment on Damon. During their catch-up talks, Elena had mentioned getting a visit from Damon almost every day when she was under the sleeping beauty spell, and it was obvious that he never said a word about what he did to Bonnie. Why would he? All Elena knew about Bonnie was what any of their friends would have told her: she disappeared.  
The door opened and Caroline came in with a drink carrier of iced coffees, and Stefan. Bonnie was sure she visibly prickled at the sight of him, and that he noticed. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and gave her a smug smile.  
“I come bearing beverages and news,” Caroline said, handing Bonnie a drink and clopping over to Elena in her yellow, wish-it-were-summer winter boots. She patted Elena on the head, handed her a coffee like it was some kind of dog treat and sat on the corner at the foot of her bed.   
Stefan, this being the first time he’d come to see the newly awake Elena, gave her a bent over half hug. “Good to have you back,” he said, smiling, and stepped back to idle closer to the door. Bonnie didn’t know quite why but she found it suspicious that neither Stefan nor Damon had dropped everything to come visit Elena the minute she was found.  
Caroline leaned to throw the drink carrier across the room, landing it squarely in the trash can, and re-situated herself prettily on the bed.   
“Jo has decided to adopt a hell-with-risks YOLO attitude and drink the cure blood tonight, and we’re making it ceremonious.”  
“She means Jo wants to take the cure and Caroline’s turning it into an excuse for a party,” Stefan cleared up.  
“Just a small one,” Caroline defended, shooting Stefan a look.  
“Right,”he conceded, “Just friends. And friends of friends. And friends of friends of friends.”  
“There will only be twelve of us, that’s including the unborn twins. So…”  
“Wait…” Bonnie started the tally of friends in her head, “Jo makes three, Alaric, us girls, that’s seven, plus Nora, Matt…and Tyler? And Stefan? And…?”  
 _Not Damon, not Damon, not Damon_ …  
“Jeremy just got into town,” Caroline cautiously informed.  
“Ah,” Bonnie nodded, trying hard not to let the apprehension show. She really wanted to see Jeremy, and really didn’t.  
“Wait, so, Damon isn’t coming?” Elena asked, her eyes narrowed and the disappointment painfully clear. Bonnie felt sorry for her. He was still technically her boyfriend and she had to wonder how much longer that might last.  
Elena and Caroline both looked to Stefan, so Bonnie figured she would too. And Stefan looked only to Bonnie, those brooding features coming into prominence.  
“We just figured it was best that he stay at home, considering…” he said, subtly prompting Bonnie.  
“Considering what?” Elena asked, “I mean I know he’s probably not on anyone’s good side at the moment, but I’m back now. He’ll be good.”  
Realizing Bonnie was still hesitant, Stefan turned to Caroline and Elena.   
“Well, Bonnie will be there.”   
The girls still looked at him confusedly and Bonnie re-crossed her arms. The jig was up. Stefan turned back to her. “You haven’t told them.”  
“Told us what? Bonnie?”  
Bonnie sighed and dug her fingernails into the rim of her cup. She guessed she might as well give it to them irritatedly straight.  
“On the night of the wedding, Damon came to kill Kai. But…Kai had hurt me, pretty bad. I was gonna die. And instead of saving me…” Bonnie trailed off, internally disgusted by the idea of needing anyone’s _saving_ and admitting it out loud. “He left me. Because then…you might wake up,” her voice nearly broke as she watched Elena’s face fall.  
The silence in the room while her friends digested this piece of news made her more uncomfortable than anything. What were they thinking? Did they believe her? Was she making herself look like some kind of narcissistic, attention-starving victim?   
“Oh my god!” Caroline practically yelled with disgust.  
“So that means…” Elena said.  
Bonnie finished her thought, “Kai saved me.”  
Caroline scoffed, “Yeah, as he dragged you off into the proverbial sunset.”  
“Care…”  
“I’m not stupid, Bonnie, I know Kai had a thing for you, and whether you currently have Stockholm Syndrome is still up for debate because, I’m sorry, you don’t seem at all happy to be back. I know you’ll be okay, you’ll get better if I have anything to do with it, and…that’s an aside. I am sick and tired of men doing stupid, horrible things for love. I am officially _never_ talking to Damon again.”  
“You were already never talking to him again because of the massacre.”  
“Well now I mean it.”  
“Seriously, Caroline. He’s Stefan’s brother, he’s the love of Elena’s life,” Bonnie said, unable to ignore the way Stefan winced. “He’ll make it up. He always makes it up. Look, Elena,” she turned to the quietly sullen girl in the hospital bed, whose grip on the iced coffee she had been craving moments ago grew weaker with distraction. “I know you want to see Damon, so I won’t go to Jo’s ceremony. You can invite him. I don’t want you guys to avoid him just for my benefit, ok?”  
“Are you kidding?” Caroline snapped.  
Elena cleared her throat. She shifted in her bed to sit up straight, shaking her head. Everyone waited as she stitched her fingers around her coffee thoughtfully and turned a sure face up at Bonnie, “Damon’s not getting an invitation. I…I need to process this.”  
Bonnie uncrossed her arms and breathed, needing herself to process this show of support from both of her best friends at the same time. She supposed she should have expected it, and her sense of surprise needed scrutiny as well.  
“I need a shower,” Bonnie excused herself.  
“We’ll leave you alone,” Caroline said to Elena and shooed Stefan out the door behind Bonnie.  
The two vampires stopped her outside and closed Elena’s door. The hustle and bustle of concentrating nurses drove them into a tighter group against the wall. Caroline didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around Bonnie.  
“I’m sorry, I wish you’d told me,” she said, and then let go of Bonnie to glare at Stefan, “Or you!”  
“Wasn’t my business,” Stefan shrugged.  
Bonnie took a sip of her coffee and swished it around in her mouth.   
_Stockholm Syndrome. Yes, probably_ , she thought.  
“Look, I have to go,” Stefan said, “Damon needs an update on her condition.”  
“You’ve only been here for two seconds. Just call him and then go back in there and actually visit with her, get her some flowers from the gift shop or something.”  
Stefan sighed and nodded, “I might.”  
“And you totally dodged my question earlier,” Caroline persisted, “Who’s the mystery hero?”  
“I don’t want to get into this,” Stefan brushed off.  
“Mystery hero?” Bonnie asked, suddenly intrigued. Stefan’s eyes darted to Bonnie and his mouth pressed firmly into a frown.  
“Mystery hero,” Caroline confirmed. “I asked Stefan who he thought checked her in the other night and he’s a bad liar—good secret-keeper, but a bad liar, Stefan, you really need to work on that— so I got him to admit that he actually does know, and that the same person who checked her in is also the genius who broke her spell. But he won’t say who.”  
“Because it doesn’t matter,” Stefan said. “I happened to meet this person and they happened to have an idea and that idea happened to work. End of story.”  
“Right, because everything always just happens to fall perfectly into place. And if it doesn’t matter who it is then why won’t you tell me? I know it isn’t Klaus. What other secret, sneaky, morally questionable frenemies do you have?”  
“How do you know it’s not Klaus?”  
Caroline blushed. “I just know.”  
“Have you been talking to Klaus?”  
“No.”  
“Look, I don’t have time for this Caroline. I’ll go get Elena some flowers, ok? And then I have to get back to Damon.”  
Without further comment, Stefan gave Bonnie a pathetic half smile and she watched his back as he sauntered down the hall and away.

+

“It’s so annoying that he won’t tell us,” Caroline went on as she unlocked the door to the dorm room. “Who do you think it could be?”  
Bonnie followed into the room, sipping her coffee and shrugging, finding that she didn’t particularly care.   
“I don’t know,” she said, “Has to be a witch of some kind.”  
“Ugh, I know! And the fact that whoever it was just bled Elena like that without worrying if it would kill her, just so Jo could be human again.”  
“Maybe Alaric got the bright idea,” Bonnie offered, sitting on her bed and slipping out of her boots. “He’d have the motive, right? Who else knows or cares more about Jo than Elena?”  
“Alaric cares a lot about Elena. What about the Gemini coven?”  
“All of whom are dead?”  
“Not anyone who left the coven before Kai killed himself.”  
“But if they only cared about Jo, there was no need to break Elena’s spell. They could’ve just bled her and left. But they didn’t.” Bonnie felt silly for having to break down the mystery with Caroline. She was just glad with the way things were turning out. “Whoever it was bothered to break the spell and take her to a hospital so the blood loss wouldn’t kill her.”  
“In other words, some kind of angel has descended upon Mystic Falls.”  
“What?” Bonnie chuckled.  
“I just think it’s weird that, all in the same week, you come back, Kai dies, Elena’s spell breaks and Jo gets to be human again…fingers crossed that the cure works on the babies, too. I mean, they are inside her for god’s sake, they drink what she drinks, how messed up would it be if—”  
“Crossing them.”  
“I’m sticking with the angel story. It’s more fun.”  
Bonnie sighed. “Do you need anything with the bathroom before I get in the shower?”  
“Maybe just a mini primp. Give me two minutes.”  
Caroline shut herself in the bathroom, leaving Bonnie to her thoughts. The room was abnormally quiet for a dorm, and empty. It was finals week, and in opposition of Caroline’s ditch week idea, Nora was off being a good student like everyone else.   
Despite the comfortable loneliness Bonnie sat in, she became aware of a minute nagging sensation in her nerves. And it grew as seconds ticked by, like someone else was in the room with her, watching, coming closer. At first, she passed it off as a spook. Though she was back in the real world her mind was still off, still acclimating to the normalcy. Having a moment like this, where she felt an unseen presence in the room, seemed standard. She was probably hearing human sounds from another floor or a distant hall, so quiet they hardly registered, and the acute awareness of these sounds conjured a ghost.   
But her heart. It began to thump wildly, and so frantically that she couldn’t ignore it. Her skin livened with goosebumps as she shot to her feet and looked around the room.  
“Show yourself,” she uttered lowly, just in case the presence might listen.  
No one appeared, but a heavy, metallic sound caught her ear. It happened only once, the sound of something small hitting the floor. She looked toward the sound and saw that something had indeed fallen off of Caroline’s nightstand. She gave one final glance at her surroundings before approaching the table and kneeling to find a recognizable beastly ring sitting pompously on the hardwood.   
She picked it up and returned to her bed to sit with it, turn it in her fingers and weigh it in her palm. Emily Bennett’s energy seeped from the ring into her skin, giving her a sense of power, and of legacy.   
Caroline emerged from the bathroom, looking no different except for the confidence bubbling from her aura.   
“Why do you have Damon’s daylight ring?” Bonnie had to ask.  
Caroline stopped to cross her arms and give Bonnie a bewildered look.  
“I confiscated it after the massacre. How’d you find it?”  
“It just fell on the floor.”  
“That’s spooky. It should’ve been in my music box, invisible. I had Nora cloak it forever ago.”  
“I wasn’t snooping, I swear.”  
“You witches,” Caroline shook her head, appearing to be slightly impressed. “I’m gonna run to the liquor store to get some stuff for tonight, any requests?”  
“Gin,” Bonnie said without having to think about it.  
“Well, ew, but okay. Just re-cloak that and put it in my music box when you’re done, savvy?”  
“Aye aye,” Bonnie muttered.

+

It was time to stop avoiding her suitcase, she decided. The one full of grimoires could wait but, as she found a new aversion to her old wardrobe that had been waiting in her dorm room dresser, the suitcase full of practically stolen designer clothes from the prison world was calling to her.  
Bonnie stood over her bed, staring cathartically at the black floral suitcase. She’d stepped out of her hot shower sooner than she wanted because of how intensely the watched feeling had returned. She had to wrap a towel around herself right away so as to feel decent in front of the imagined ghost. Now she stood dripping on the hardwood, freezing and clutching to her breasts a purple towel that was too thin, waiting to feel ready to unzip her memories.  
“Here goes nothing,” she sighed, remembering how Kai had said those words the last time she saw him, before he staked himself.  
She dragged the zipper along its track and lifted the top. Inside lay all the beautiful clothes as she remembered them, a little jostled and some of them still damp from the night they spent sitting on the snowy forest floor. Bonnie rifled through them, not knowing what else she expected to find. Her iPod was there; she tried turning it on and it was broken, from the cold or from the ascension she’d never know. Her cellphone was there; she put it on its charger, next to the new one Caroline had just bought for her.   
The only dry outfit was a velvety dark blue romper that fit tightly and boasted more see-through netting than actual fabric. It was far too sexy for a cure-drinking ceremony, the outcome of which was not certain for Jo and her babies. But she liked it, and had a hard time caring how appropriate her attire was. She planned on drinking anyhow.   
She began emptying the suitcase to put things in a rightful place among her possessions, and her hand brushed against something that wasn’t visibly there. She couldn’t tell if she actually felt it, or if she had felt the buzz of a spell as her fingers passed through it.  
“ _Manifestat_ ,” she murmured with a frown.  
Before her eyes, multiple stacks of money appeared, along with a plastic sandwich bag full of polaroid pictures and three Christmas presents wrapped in Halloween themed wrapping paper that had a cartoonish witch on a broom.  
“Fuck,” she whispered. She couldn’t tell whether she was livid or relieved to have some lingering part of Kai’s defiance sitting in her suitcase. He had clearly sneaked these things in and cloaked them so she wouldn’t find them until after he was gone. He must’ve known, then, that he would die. It was no accident that she was alone when she got back.  
With much hesitation, Bonnie picked up the sandwich bag and pulled out the stack of photographs. She flipped through, finding mostly pictures of Éternité, interior shots of their living room all decorated for Christmas, a picture of the gorgeous upstairs bathroom, in which she could see Kai’s reflection in the bathroom mirror, holding the polaroid camera and frowning. He knew she liked that bathroom. There was a picture of her garden out front, and a picture of the lavender grounds in the afternoon, so clear she could see the flurries of cotton behind Kai, squinting in the sunshine. He had taken an official selfie for her. She flipped past that and found the picture he’d taken of her in the kitchen, the one where she looked so miserable she couldn’t recognize herself. The picture underneath that was of Kai, standing in front of the antique vanity mirror in the _Hers_ suite, all dressed up in the Santa suit he’d bought and stroking his bushy Santa beard with a perfected _come-hither_ expression on his face. Bonnie laughed out loud.  
She looked into his eyes in the picture. _That gleam_. Whether or not pictures captured people’s souls, his was there. When she looked at him she saw nothing else.  
Finally she flipped to the last picture in the stack…and immediately gasped. She slapped the picture down to her lap and looked up, anywhere that was away.   
“You didn’t,” she said, shaking her head. She glanced around the room again, confirming uselessly that she was completely and entirely alone, before she turned the picture over again and had another look.  
It was funny that he hadn’t known this was a crude fad until she mentioned it to him, and now she was in possession of Kai Parker’s first and only dick pic.  
She shook her head, not knowing where she was going to hide this or how she would ever walk past its hiding place with a straight face. That is, if she kept it. It was a nice dick but how would she explain the picture if any of her friends accidentally came across it? Her face heated up just looking at it, as did the delicate spot between her thighs, which was a conflicting thing to think about. Decidedly, she slipped the picture to the bottom of the pile and put them all in the back of her underwear drawer.  
In all the fuss she’d dealt with the last few days, she had forgotten it was the holiday season. Christmas was so close. Yet she was in no mood to open the three small gifts waiting for her. If her guess was correct, Kai had found her these things in France, before either of them had any idea that they wouldn’t actually be spending Christmas together.   
Guilt slithered in. Though she knew better than to lay much blame on herself after her entrapment, she felt strongly that she didn’t deserve the gifts. She hadn’t even gotten him any.   
The gifts remained in the suitcase. Bonnie zipped it up and stuffed it into the far corner of the highest shelf in the closet.

+

Contrary to expectation, the ceremony at Jo and Alaric’s house actually was a quiet get-together, where only the friends Caroline had named were present. It was still, however, overwhelmingly social and Bonnie couldn’t grasp how to behave properly. She began to realize that post-prison world rehabilitation might be harder than the last time. It didn’t help that her choice of clothing was commented on the second Caroline laid eyes on her. The blonde whistled and said, “I didn’t know we were picking up johns after this!” After which Bonnie crossed her arms and tried to ignore the way Tyler, Matt, Stefan and Nora all looked at her in ways she didn’t think she had ever been looked at before. Jeremy, who she hadn’t seen in a very long time, raised his eyebrows and smiled but was quick to rise from his cozy spot beside his sister to welcome Bonnie with a sincere hug.   
She started drinking the minute it was offered, which led to a fuzzy evening. But she remembered the bullet points. Everyone gathered in the rather large living room to watch Jo carry the cure blood in a tall glass, sniff it and frown at everyone like they didn’t really expect her to drink it, and gulp it down anyway. She needed to sit for a moment, but after a pinprick to her index finger wouldn’t heal, the room burst into joy. It would take a week of ultrasounds to tell if the cure had also worked on the unborn babies inside Jo, but hope became her nonetheless.   
In the rowdy celebration that followed, Bonnie slipped out unnoticed. While everyone else’s lives took a positive turn that evening, she had learned in too short a time frame that Jeremy was married to a girl in Denver and Alaric was no longer teaching Occult Studies at Whitmore because the college decided to stop funding it.   
Her grandmother’s class no longer existed. It was just another part of her that Bonnie could no longer hold onto, which ultimately gave her the uncomfortable feeling that she was floating in space.   
With Jeremy, Bonnie hadn’t necessarily planned to ever rekindle the relationship, but somehow knowing that he’d found someone else to whom he could commit himself so permanently, in the relatively short time she was away, made her question the authenticity and depth of his past feelings for her.   
Her confused wandering led her to the nearest bar, which was about as rowdy as a club. It was a Friday night, she remembered, but the crowd wasn’t going to stop her from getting the alcohol she needed to ignore them. And when she did get the gin and tonic she craved, she lost herself in the middle of them. She could feel strangers’ backs bumping against hers, hands grazing her ass every other minute, but she was numb on the surface and miles away inside herself. She lost track of the time that passed before she was found.   
Someone grabbed her hand in the dark and gripped tight. She turned her head in a blur to find Nora’s big eyes searching hers.   
“What are you doing here?” she yelled in her delicate accent over the music.  
Bonnie blinked and cleared her throat to yell back, “How did you know where I was?” but she couldn’t feel her lips or her tongue, and it came out slurred.   
Nora, however, must’ve understood, because she yelled, “I followed you!”  
Bonnie nodded and swallowed the last of her drink so she could dangle the empty cup to show Nora that she needed more. Nora’s hand loosened, but her eyes wouldn’t leave Bonnie’s. Even in her drunken fog, Bonnie felt the magic so clearly, swirling around her. In a house full of friends, how was it that only Nora had noticed when she left?  
Another face she knew appeared in the crowd. She had broken eye contact with Nora just in time to catch his dark hair, the grim look on his face. Bonnie’s heart slammed with sobering force in her chest. The man’s eyes, crystalline blue, flitted over her before he turned and disappeared in the crowd.  
She couldn’t let him get away.  
Nora’s hand slipped out of hers as Bonnie began to fight her way through people, in pursuit. She heard her call behind her but she had to ignore it if she was going to catch him. She caught another glimpse of him, and he of her, before he turned again. Was he luring her? _Of course_ , she thought. What else would he be doing here? He wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t allowed. He wasn’t the man she had been wanting to chance upon. Now he was breaking the rules and the calm face she had kept on to show her friends; he needed to be punished.   
High on her rage and the volume of the music, Bonnie arched her fingers and threw her hands down at her side, willing all of the glass in the bar to shatter. There were screams. She could hear them. But she didn’t care about the commotion she was causing and the music didn’t stop.   
She saw him round the corner into the exit hallway, and followed. She was expecting to trail him outside but as soon as she turned into the empty hallway, she was caught.   
“No,” she growled, and showed him her teeth as she glared up into Damon’s face.   
He held onto her elbows and stared ferociously, not at her, but into her. She felt pierced, impaled to the wall behind her by his icy gaze. His shoulders rose and fell with every breath as though he’d exhausted himself luring her, or was nervous. Or was he angry with her? He had no reason to be, nor any reason to finish her now. Elena was awake. What did he need with her? Why had he come?   
“Go home,” Bonnie threatened, “Before I end you.”  
His eyes widened into a softer concentration on her. She thought, for the briefest of terrifying moments, that he might kiss her. Instead, he spoke.  
“I didn’t do it because of her,” he said. Bonnie just barely caught sight of the tips of his sharpest teeth when he said it, but before she could ask what the hell he meant, she blinked. And when her eyes opened, she was lurching out of Nora’s lap to puke into the gutter outside.  
They were sitting on the curb, a short way down the street from the bar. When the spell of vomit was finished seizing her, Bonnie sat up to search her surroundings in a panic, but Damon was nowhere to be seen.  
“Where is he?” she rushed out, wiping her mouth.  
“Who?”   
“Damon!” Bonnie practically yelled at Nora. “Where is he?”  
“Nowhere near!” Nora raised her voice back, and firmly said, “For his own good he’d better be nowhere near. Why?”  
“I saw him, I talked to him.”  
“Bonnie, you hardly spoke to me before you collapsed. You saw no one. It seems I only arrived just in time to drag you out of there before some strange pervert put you up.”  
“What?”  
“You passed out.”  
“But the glass! I broke everything! Why aren’t people running out of there?” she screamed, positive that she was less concerned about their safety than she was about her sanity. Maybe she wanted, for once, to be the monster.  
“I’m worried about you,” Nora admitted.  
“He’s in my head!” Bonnie yelled again, digging her fingers into her temples.  
“Would you like me to take him out?” Nora asked as she took Bonnie’s hand and gave her a quick siphon. It felt like a small zap, nowhere near as drawn out as Kai’s siphoning style. It wasn’t meant to hurt her, but she gasped anyway at the familiar feeling. She was only used to feeling that from _him_.  
“Why’d you do that?”   
“To snap you out of it,” Nora replied, clearly exasperated with Bonnie’s panic mode. “And to let you know that if Damon Salvatore really was in your head I’d suck him right out.”  
Bonnie sighed and let her breath even out as she shifted her posture on the curb and looked out at the closed businesses across the street. Everything in her field of vision left a hazy trail each time she moved her eyes as she was still a little drunk, but she didn’t feel as good about it anymore. She detected, by a lingering unease in her stomach, she might puke again soon. But for now she was okay to sit, and stew, and regret. She’s come so far only to start drinking herself to madness again. Maybe Kai was right. Maybe she needed to find a therapist. But who wouldn’t strap her down in a facility the minute she started rambling about witches, vampires, prison worlds and sleeping beauty spells?   
“Damon killed the love of my life,” Nora said calmly, out of nowhere. Bonnie looked back to her, but she was just as lost, zoning out on the asphalt at their feet.  
Bonnie bent her elbow on her knee and rested her chin in her hand. Things started coming together. A full picture of the woman beside her, in her mind. She had learned more about Nora in that one statement than she had in the last few days.  
“I’m sorry,” Bonnie mumbled. And she meant it.   
Nora smiled in the corner of her mouth.  
“Her name was Mary-Louise.”  
“Oh,” Bonnie said, on accident.  
“Oh what?” Nora asked, now looking at Bonnie with the same corner of her mouth still turned up, as if she was expecting to hear something in particular.  
“Oh…nothing,” Bonnie stammered. “Well I know that you knew Kai for a little while in 1903, and I wondered…I just didn’t know if…because you’re so pretty…if you and Kai ever…”  
“Goodness,” Nora laughed. “Well no, never, he’s not exactly my type. That and he’s practically my flesh and blood anyway.”  
“Uh…?” Bonnie contorted her face, utterly confused.   
“Gemini coven,” Nora clarified and raised her hand briefly, “Former member. A long, long time ago. Before I was cast out for being a siphon.”  
“Interesting.”  
“Bonnie…did something else happen between you and Kai? Was there more you didn’t tell us?”  
Bonnie wanted to turn her face away but couldn’t seem to pry her eyes from Nora’s, yet again. She pressed her mouth into a frown, unsure whether to answer truthfully. She felt Nora’s hand slide into hers again, her soft palm align with her own.   
“You can tell me,” she said. “I’m very good at keeping secrets. After all, I haven’t told a soul here how much that bloody madman loved you.”  
Bonnie’s eyes narrowed questioningly.  
“Well, he never said it. But he wouldn’t shut up about you and I could just tell. The way he concocted his little revenge plan, as if it was about anything other than wanting to childishly trap you so he could have you all for himself. I wonder if you know you were just as toxic for him as he was for you. He loved you so much he couldn’t handle it. Nonetheless he loved you.”  
Bonnie gritted her teeth and felt the saltwater building up beneath her eyelids. She swallowed and sniffed, and blinked them away, a matter of habit. Those tears weren’t allowed to fall.  
“Yes,” she croaked the truth, “There was more.”  
Nora nodded and smiled knowingly, but the smile lacked any glee. It was mournful and sympathetic, and it comforted Bonnie more than she could express.  
“I thought so,” Nora said. “Perhaps then it’s time you stopped humoring all of us and mourn him properly.”  
Bonnie shook her head and tried her best to assure her, “I’m fine.”  
Nora clasped her other hand over Bonnie’s and a warm feeling radiated through her chest.  
“Bonnie. Take it from me, woman to woman…you’re not fine. You’re heartbroken.”  
If it was so evident to a stranger like Nora that Bonnie might have been in love, then maybe it was true. No matter how much she denied it to herself, assigned the lingering suspicion to Caroline’s diagnosis of Stockholm Syndrome and the slew of physical symptoms to whiplash, maybe she really had loved him.   
What bothered her more about it was that she never told him. He could have died knowing that at least someone did. Even if he wouldn’t have believed her, at least someone would have said it. He didn’t deserve it but she wished he would’ve known there was a Christine Daae to his Phantom, a Belle to his Beast, a Catherine to his Heathcliff.  
“Of course, being heartbroken doesn’t mean you love the bastard back,” Nora continued. “I’m not saying you ought to mourn him to honor his memory. He was a sick son of a bitch for doing what he did to you. But whatever happened there, however close you got, whatever you let him do to you, whatever you did of your own free will, you had to. For survival, no? Even if you weren’t in immediate danger, I bet you were unhappy. Changing how you felt about him was a mechanism, I’d bet. You must be a mess inside, trying to figure it all out, trying not to look mad in front of us all. Mourn him for you. Then you’ll move on.”   
Now all Bonnie wanted to do was go home. Home, her room in Grams’ house, in Mystic Falls. If it was still there.  
She pulled away from Nora.  
“There’s something I have to do,” she said. 


	4. All I Have is You, This Ghost Inside My Brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willow - cycles  
> Son Lux - you don't know me  
> Son Lux - change everything  
> Collective Soul - shine

She stole a car.  
It was just sitting there. By a pump at the gas station. Keys in the ignition. Nobody in it.  
She was just glad she didn’t have to hurt anyone to get it. Because she needed it. She needed it more than they did, and she’d do whatever it took to get it.  
She drove to Mystic Falls. Her determination was blinding.  
“Please don’t follow me this time,” she had said to Nora. She needed to do it alone. Even though she shook she was so nervous. Even though every smart fiber in her soul howled at her to turn around. Even though it was a bad idea.  
Before intelligence kicked in to change her mind, she was pulling into the Salvatore driveway. She knew her arrival would be heard before she reached the front door at her humanly pace. Despite it, she was thrown the courtesy of being able to knock. Fifteen more seconds to jump back in the stolen Honda and get the hell out. Or to smooth her twitches out.  
Was he on the other side of the door already? _Thinking up his last words, I hope_ , Bonnie thought.  
The heavy door creaked open. There he stood in all his broken glory.  
“ _Damon_!” Bonnie snarled.  
He wore a simple black shirt, his usual jeans and glass of bourbon to accessorize. He was a bit unshaven, unlike the way she had hallucinated him earlier that night. Was it really in her head? His hair tousled and his demeanor buzzed, he clearly hadn’t left the house that night, or anytime recently. This was perhaps the vision of a defeated Salvatore. But his eyes remained the same. Icily blue, deeply black in the pupils, so big when they turned on her she couldn’t help but feel preyed upon any time they did.  
“Bonnie,” he acknowledged with confusion.  
“I’m not okay, thanks for asking.”  
“Okay,” he breathed, scowling and looking down at his bourbon. She wondered if something was wrong with him. He seemed subdued in some way. She was expecting a big standoff the first time they saw each other, which she knew they inevitably would.  
“I gotta tell you something,” Bonnie said lowly, beginning to shift her weight left to right, left to right, excitedly, prepared to take him out if he made the wrong move.  
Damon’s eyes moved from the heels on her feet to the high hem of her romper, to her bare shoulders, to her eyes.  
“Tell it,” he dared, his eyelids retreating to show her a more alert vampire than she thought she was dealing with. She knew it well, the look he gave people when he was challenging them in the haughty way he did. Her fingers fluttered at her thighs.  
“You don’t get to destroy an entire town of lives just because you lost her,” she said.  
Damon blinked and she knew she was hitting at that perfect nerve.  
“She won’t see me.”  
“Good. I’m glad.”  
She heard a car pulling up behind her, saw the headlights flash across Damon’s eyes. She didn’t have to change her posture by any compromising degree to know it was Stefan. The sound of his car door slamming reverberated against the outer walls of the house and she heard Stefan’s voice behind her.  
“What are you doing here, Bonnie?”  
But she ignored Stefan. She wasn’t paying Stefan a visit. This wasn’t about Stefan.  
“You know,” she said to Damon, “Even if she wasn’t miraculously back, I would’ve done this.”  
“And what are you doing?” he drawled before tipping back a gulp of bourbon. The ice in the glass clinked, twisting her last nerve. She felt Stefan cautiously approaching from behind. She knew it was for her own safety, in case Damon turned violent. She also knew she wouldn’t need Stefan’s help.  
“I’m taking my town back,” she stated, more sure of it than anything else in her life at that moment. Maybe knowing that would give her some sense of direction. She smiled a little bit, feeling the power in having said it out loud. She had only been back for a few short days, and no one but the Salvatores had heard her promise it, but she could already feel support. As if all her friends and anyone who had been forced out of their homes in Mystic Falls, anyone who had been killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and anyone who had lost someone because of it, was standing behind her.  
“I’m finding a mayor. I’m finding a police force. I’m cleaning up those businesses out there and rehiring staff and I am moving people back into my town, human people. And don’t worry, I won’t fuck with the nice little system you and Stefan have here. You can stay. But you stay inside. The minute you step out of bounds I will punish you. I’ve said it before but it’s in effect now and mark my words, Damon, I don’t need an army, or friends, to back me up on it: if you ever kill in my town again, you will die.”  
Damon glared and took another heated sip of bourbon.  
“Fine,” he said. “Anything else?”  
_So easy?_  
Bonnie put her hands on her hips and sharpened her scowl.  
“Actually, yeah.”  
She swiped the glass of bourbon from his hands and felt him watch her longingly as she swallowed the last of it. Then she threw the glass down to the ground, watching Damon’s eyes narrow at the shattering sound. “Stay out of my head!” she hissed.  
She remembered only after she said it that she still wasn’t sure if her hallucination of him at the bar was her own mind playing with her, or if he actually had something to do with it. But she wasn’t about to weaken her resolve by making clarifications. She threw Damon one last singeing glare before she turned around.  
She passed Stefan on her way back to the car and when she swung the driver door open, Damon decided to have the last word.  
“Hey!” he called from the door. “Bon-bon!”  
She stopped, one heel in the car and one in the dirt. Damon stepped out into the porch light and sauntered down the driveway. She watched him come with a spell waiting on the tips of her fingers. He walked with angle and restraint, stopping a foot from Bonnie’s face, Stefan shadowing him stiffly.  
“How’d that cure blood taste, huh?” he asked. “Did Jo like it? Did it taste sweet and salty like Elena? Or did it taste gritty and foul like—”  
“Damon!” Stefan roared.  
Damon rolled his shoulders, a motion of irritation and self-control, as his jaw tightened and he refocused on Bonnie.  
“Sorry your town’s a mess,” he said meaninglessly. Then his face turned a degree so he could eye her sincerely, and with taunt. “But I didn’t do it because of her.”

+

Damon’s bourbon was heavy. She wouldn’t be as quick to blame grand theft auto as she would to blame the bourbon that she was pulled over on the highway to Whitmore and arrested.  
At the time, she wasn’t in the mood for blame. She thought it was funny. Even laughed as she was pressed face-first against the side of the stolen car and the handcuffs were wrestled onto her wrists. It wasn’t until she was quarantined in a cell that she began to feel any shame. Even then, it was minor and non-affecting. Her only rope to morality was the look on Matt’s face when he stood in uniform outside her cell, asking her what the hell happened.  
Instead of grabbing the rope, instead of answering, she proposed to him a game of, “Kiss, Marry, Kill, ready, Matt?” And when he frowned in disbelief, she laid out his options, “Elena, Caroline, Me.” But before he could play, she stopped him short, “But wait, I already know what your answers would be. You’ve played this game before.”  
“You’re still drunk,” Matt said, shaking his head like he was so ashamed of her.  
“You’re right,” she giggled. And he left. She didn’t know why she had treated him that way. She wasn’t bitter about romance where Matt was involved. Something about mistreating someone who really didn’t deserve it was just a thrill she hadn’t discovered until then.  
An hour later, Nora appeared on the outside of her cell. By then Bonnie had tired of sitting up on the bench and was slumped over on the linoleum floor. She’d puked in the corner and was officially a self-loathing mess.  
“If I had known what you were getting yourself into I would have followed you anyway.”  
Bonnie winced up at Nora’s blurry silhouette, blocking out the blaring fluorescent light behind her. “You look pretty badass in there,” she said, inspiring Bonnie to stand up, though it strained her, and approach the bars.  
She stood in front of Norah, their eyes at level, and wrapped her fingers around the bars.  
“Get me out of this hick bastille,” Bonnie said.  
“I tried.”  
Bonnie sighed through her nose and leaned against the bars, the steel cold at her temple as she gazed at Nora with eyes she knew would look dead. She pursed her lips in thought, catching Nora’s eyes drifting down at them for an almost unnoticeable second before they flitted back up. Uninhibited free woman she felt like, Bonnie could admit to herself she didn’t mind it. She caught herself doing the same.  
“Stefan’s here,” Nora said. “He wants to chat with you, and then I’m taking you home.”  
“Home…”  
“To Whitmore. Or wherever you like.”  
Bonnie nodded and bit her lip. She noticed the door that separated the hall of cells from the rest of the police station was opening. Stefan came in with a grocery bag and a ring of keys.  
Nora raised her eyebrows and left. Stefan took her place on the other side of the bars and looked at Bonnie with that same smug smile. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or just disappointed like Matt, but it pissed her off.  
“What,” she spat with a hard T, letting the cold bar bore into her skull as she leaned heavy, challenging Stefan with her dead eyes and a crooked jaw.  
Stefan’s eyes, like Nora’s, floated down to Bonnie’s lips, but they lingered a fraction of a second longer, going on many seconds longer. He wasn’t as polite, not tonight. And for one of these seconds, she felt that pull from her hips. She felt the masculine energy culminating between them, from him, and it reminded her of Kai more than anything, and it made her wish Stefan was Kai more than anyone.  
He looked down.  
The keys jingled as he inserted one into the lock on her cell door. Bonnie backed up from the bars as he let himself in.  
“Mind telling me why I’m here picking you up, of all people?”  
Bonnie scoffed, “Of all people? Like I’m not allowed to break the law once in a damn while?”  
“No, you’re not. You’re Bonnie Bennett. You’re the best of us. I can’t think of a reason in the world why you would end up here.”  
“Uh, I stole a car. Drove it drunk. Might have hit a rabbit on the way, I still don’t know what that bump in the road was, but hey, killing is the worst of crimes and that sure as hell isn’t why I’m here. I’m confused. Society confuses me. Please unlock the damn cell so I can go home and think about what I’ve done with some fucking dignity.”  
Stefan cocked his head, leaned back against the cell door and crossed his arms.  
“Who are you?” he asked with an accusatory tone.  
Bonnie rolled her eyes and clopped across her cell.  
“Same girl I’ve always been.” _Only a woman now_.  
“I disagree,” Stefan said. “This girl isn’t getting out of this cell. Maybe if the Bonnie I know comes back.”  
“If you don’t know who you’re looking at then you never knew me at all, did you, Stefan? And who are you to decide anyway? Hey, maybe my humanity’s off.”  
“You’re a witch.”  
“Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder. So I guess I don’t have to wait for you to unlock that door, ‘cause I can just…” she left off there as she raised her arm, and with a flick of the wrist Stefan’s posture crippled. The grocery bag in his hand, and the keys in his other hand, both dropped. He huffed, bared his teeth, fisted his hair and grunted, the color in his face flushing red.  
Bonnie laughed and lowered her hand.  
Stefan, panting quietly, corrected his stance as the red and the pain left his face. Quick, like a vampire, he advanced on Bonnie. She didn’t retreat, didn’t let him back her up against any walls, didn’t raise her hand to attack again. She knew Stefan better than that. He wouldn’t do anything to harm her.  
He didn’t stop until their foreheads were almost touching. He was taller, so she had to tilt her head back enough to keep a threatening line of eye contact. But she had to look hard if she wanted to find the danger in his stare. He was angry, that was clear, but it appeared that he intended to do something else about it. Something he had never done to Bonnie before, perhaps never thought of doing. Nor had she considered it.  
She felt Stefan’s hand sneakily wrapping onto her left wrist and locking. What he planned to do with it, she couldn’t guess. She only knew if it was something she didn’t like, she could make him let go. But she waited to find out and she didn’t know why. At least she was beginning to question herself, his intention, this moment, this entire night.  
Stefan was scowling at her, having what she imagined to be a swarm of brooding thoughts at the same time she was. He sighed through his nose and his eyes dropped again from her eyes to her lips, and back up again as his boot slid an inch closer, bringing his body with it. His frowning mouth followed suit, closing in.  
She had never thought of kissing Stefan before. Now that she was standing in the vortex of the opportunity, she was thinking of it. And it felt so harrowingly wrong.  
Was he not feeling that wrong beat in his heart? Why was he squeezing her wrist so tight? Bonnie felt her bottom lip tremble, her heart hammer a warning between her legs, a sensation of guilt flaring so hot it boiled the liquor in her blood.  
“Stefan?”  
Circulation returned in two beats to her wrist as his grip slackened and his thumb slid, however affectionately, over all the veins there. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. His hand fell to his side and he took a step back.  
“I know you’re just adjusting,” he said, “But get it together.”  
Had it been a test? If her voice hadn’t sounded so small and doubtful when she said his name, would he have gone ahead and kissed her? Suddenly she didn’t think so. She felt tricked, coerced by a method she found acutely humiliating, into giving up.  
Stefan picked up the grocery bag on the floor and pulled a handful of clothes she recognized.  
“I don’t need that,” she said.  
“There’s dry puke on your ass.”  
Bonnie twisted around and tugged her romper to see if he was right, and unfortunately there was indeed a crusty spot on her butt. It was small and not very noticeable, but it was there. She couldn’t remember how she would’ve sat in it, or how it would’ve splashed, but did it matter?  
Stefan set an old purple, long-sleeved shirt of hers on the bench, along with a pair of jeans.  
“No bra?” she teased angrily.  
“Figured you were already wearing one,” Stefan shrugged with just as much anger.  
“I went commando on all accounts so turn the fuck around.”  
Stefan raised his hands like he was under fire and did as he was asked. Bonnie balanced awkwardly on one wobbly leg to take her heel off and let it clop onto the floor. When she took the other heel off, she felt she had no choice but to hurl it at the back of Stefan’s head. She supposed she should have anticipated that he would see it coming, even if he couldn’t actually see it. He spun around before the heel could hit him and caught it in his hand, giving her an incredulous look.  
Wanting to irritate him much further, she didn’t let his turning around stop her from changing. She dug her thumb underneath the first strap of her romper and pulled it down her shoulder until her breast fell out. True to her word, there was no bra shielding her body from Stefan’s eyes. Still, she kept going, pulling down the other strap and freeing her other breast. She pushed the tight romper down her ribs, down her sides, showing him her belly, her hips. Stefan’s frown opened in subtle surprise and he half blinked at the sight of her before his eyebrows narrowed with a touch of shame and he turned back around before the grand finale. Maybe he didn’t notice, but he still held her shoe in his left hand, and she could see how tightly. The shoe was just another rope to morality.  
Bonnie stomped into her jeans and jerked the waist up her legs, growing more and more agitated at Stefan for almost kissing her. For the implications laid in the almost-kiss as a tactic.  
“Not that I want you to,” she said as she zipped and buttoned the jeans, “But would it be so unrealistic if you deigned to actually kiss me?”  
She burned holes in the back of his head as he looked down at the ground, still holding on to that heel.

Finally outside the police station, the sun was barely rising, casting a hopeful shade of bluish orange across the sky. Bonnie clutched her trusty romper as she sat in the passenger seat of Nora’s Prius. Stefan waited at the passenger door for her to buckle her seatbelt. She could see his car across the empty parking lot and was glad he wouldn’t be climbing into the back of the same car she was in. She needed a break from him. From everyone, really. Except maybe Nora.  
When she was good and buckled, Stefan leaned over her. She recoiled into the passenger seat and felt his mouth close into a warm kiss on the corner of her forehead. He pulled back, smiling softly, and closed the car door.  
Bonnie looked at Nora, who was frowning at Stefan’s back with almost disgust, and confusion. She turned to watch Stefan walking to his car, then back at Nora, who was now waiting for an explanation. Bonnie let her hand sink into her purple sleeve, clawed the end of the sleeve over her fingers and spiritedly wiped Stefan’s kiss off of her skin. Nora smiled cheekily and started the engine.  
Bonnie watched the police station disappear behind them in her sideview mirror. She saw Stefan’s car in the distance pull out of the parking lot and peel out in the opposite direction. Maybe she didn’t mind his kiss after all. Even if it never happened again, and it shouldn’t, she knew something had changed between them. Whether it was her night of being bad or the year and a half of mental age they had separately experienced, she was standing in a new light. It suddenly wasn’t so crazy to think she could have her turn with a Salvatore.  
If she wanted such a thing.

+

Bonnie had Nora drive her to the dorm anyway. She intended to pack up her things again and move them back to Mystic Falls, when the time was right. Much more planning was in store for the big Mystic Falls revival she had in mind. First on the list was a long sleep. And even before she could do that, she needed to give herself a sense of closure.  
She knew he wasn’t going to pick up the phone. Dead men typically don’t.  
Still. She had added his number from her prison world cellphone to her real world cellphone. She walked out on the campus, feeling the sun’s early beams so warm and comforting on her cold, sober cheeks. She strolled barefoot across the grass and between the trees until she felt that no one would cross her path and interrupt.  
She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and dialed his number. To her surprise, it actually rang. She was half expecting to hear _We’re sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected_. Could a ghost in Oblivion be called?  
Instead, after four rings, she heard a robotic woman recite the number she had reached and tell her to leave a message. She hadn’t prepared a message in her head. Her closure was supposed to be the telephonic inability to reach him. Now it was going to be a voice recording, an unrehearsed eulogy sent off into space.  
She heard the tone that indicated it was time to speak her mind, to leave her last words there, to say what she had to say.  
She was quiet for a minute, then she began with an, “Um…”  
Her hand started sweating against her phone as she pressed it to her ear. She looked down at her toes in the grass. Her black nail polish was chipped.  
“Hi, Kai…” she finally said. “It’s me. Bonnie. I just…I wanted to say there won’t be a funeral for you. I think I’m the only here who ever gave a rat’s ass about you, and I still don’t even know if that was real, I can’t tell what’s what anymore, I’m…sort of lost. Nora thinks that if I ever let myself like you it was a survival mechanism. But…I don’t know. You’d think if I was that smart then I’d be happy now, because I did survive. Yeah. I survived you. But I can’t figure out how to be proud of myself. I think I miss you but I missed Ghost Whisperer when it was cancelled and that was a terrible show. Oh, um, I got your dick. The picture. Thanks, I guess,” she chuckled. “I don’t know what I’ll do with it but at least now every time I sleep with a guy I’ll have it for reference. I tend to doubt anyone will compare but that could be some particularly rosy retrospection on my part.  
“…I’m rambling. Look, um, this is goodbye, ok? I didn’t think you’d actually…die. I just wish I would’ve said a thank you, sorry, or something. Something that would’ve made dying worth your while. Oh well. I’ve had a crazy night and I should go. I should hang up. But once I do, that’s it. I’m deleting your number. You’re dead,” she laughed, at last feeling the hot tears break loose over her cheekbones.  
“Ugh,” she groaned, “I wasn’t supposed to cry. I’m laughing and I’m crying, it’s weird, because I’m not happy. This is the last time I cry for any reason having to do with you. I’m done. I’m moving on, like I should have done a long time ago, before I met you, before 1994 happened to me. I’ve been dead a long time. I need to come back to life now.  
“But um, between you and me…I think I might’ve loved you. Not just like a friend loves a slightly crazier, murderous, weirdo of a friend. I fell in love with you, a little bit. And I don’t know why, and I don’t think what Nora told me applies to us. I know it doesn’t. I mean, everything is wrong with you, but I…stopped caring. Love…must be biology. I’ll have to stop believing it’s anything else. That I loved you is proof, right? But you’ll have to take it ‘cause, after everything you did…after everything you lost…that’s all you got.  
“Goodbye, Kai.”  
Bonnie hung up. She sniffed and wiped the tears off her face, stuffing her phone resolutely back in her pocket.

+

Three thousand miles from Mystic Falls, a man with a long shadow was crossing the hall in his candlelit home. The power had been cut, the electricity bill was long overdue, and he felt no desire to concentrate too hard on the lightbulbs. Willing their light would be like beating a dead cat. Candles were fine, and overstocked in this particular man’s house.  
There was a second knock on the front door before he made it to the handle. He was a little unsteady on his feet but he had high hopes for the energy that a pepperoni pizza might give him while he recovered from the substantial blood loss he had endured only a few days ago. _Who needs doctors and hospitals_? He gave the delivery girl a twenty dollar bill, and said, “Keep the change,” debating out of habit whether to have a look at her carotid arteries, before he remembered, gladly, he didn’t need to anymore.  
The man with the long shadow closed the door and took his pizza into the dark kitchen, setting it on the island while he poured himself a glass of tap water. At least that worked. There was nothing in the fridge and, in his mental fog, he’d forgotten to order a 2 liter of pop to go with his pizza. But he couldn’t blame himself. It was more than just blood loss he was recovering from. There was that, but also an addiction of sorts, the breaking of which heralded minor physical transformations, and on top of all these, he felt as though an entire chamber of his heart had been surgically removed without anesthesia. Harder yet than the pain, the resolve not to soothe it was paramount.  
He’d have to remember to buy pop the next day. Along with literally everything else he might need. He’d only just gotten home from a very long vacation and his cupboards, all of them, were bare. But water. He’d forgotten how good it could taste.  
The cellphone in his pocket buzzed.  
He rolled his eyes and whipped his new phone out, wondering what news his contact could possibly have for him already. But it wasn’t a call. He had apparently missed it when he was paying the pizza girl. Now all he had was a voicemail, which he preferred, as he was hungrier than hell. He just wanted to load his face with calories while he watched crap television, a distraction healthier than the ones he’d been partial to, of late.  
The man with the long shadow clicked on his voicemail folder. His eyes, bloodshot in their swollen sockets from hardwired metaphysical unrest, softened, sorrowfully.  
He hadn’t anticipated any calls from this number.

 


	5. Pull Out Your Heart to Make the Being Alone Easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creepoid - american smile  
> Phantogram - don't move  
> Son Lux - easy

"Mr. Parker?" the pasty blonde confirmed. She wore her shiny hair back in a ponytail and stood on his doorstep, clad in a shapeless work jumpsuit, holding her clipboard with more good-morning gusto than he could appreciate.

"Guilty," Kai said, showing her a charmer of a smile. He wasn't having the greatest of mornings… He was behind on sleep. Something about her absence, how the house hung hollowly still and silent, devoid of her breaths at night, empty of her warm magic…haunted him. But he didn't want to leave, and he didn't want to suffer any less.

The girl smiled back and handed him her clipboard.

"I just need you to sign the bottom and then I'll bring in the things you ordered."

"Sounds good."

He signed away and glared in the morning sunlight as she walked back out to the gigantic truck she had left running.

He had made the mistake of browsing a home improvement website on his smart phone, pretty much right after he decided that he was going to sell the Parker property. Now he was staring at a truckload of wallpaper, wallpapering supples, ceiling paint, paint supples, and a horde of general maintenance items. The house hardly needed any fixing up; he just hated to look at the Home & Country vibe it had going. Hated it so much he went through a feng shui fit of destruction and emptied the entire house of furnishings. He didn't consider that it was just the house and the things that had happened there that were bothering him.

Jessie, or so it read on the blonde's name tag, began hauling boxes out from the back of the truck. He supposed he should help her. He didn't.

He turned back into the house and pulled his phone out. He needed to make a call anyway.

Bobbing his head through the ringing, he strolled into the kitchen while he waited impatiently for his contact to pick up.

He had specifically instructed that his calls never go to voicemail. When he had a question or a request, he didn't like to wait and leaving a message was taking a risk.

" _Yeah_?" his contact finally answered.

"Hey, buddy ol' pal, it's good to hear your voice," Kai chummed with plain falsity, his voice rebounding off the hardwood and all the newly bare surfaces. It was like he had just moved in.

" _What's this about_?"

"Right to the point, I like that. Well, I had biscuits and gravy for breakfast this morning, I'm happy to report there's a fucking breakfast delivery joint in Portland, so no worries, I've eaten, I'm taking care of my fragile human frame, and I'm even about to exercise. Ever replaced wallpaper before? Ugh, it's my nightmare."

" _So the point_?"

"…She called me the other day."

" _She—really_?"

"Yep," Kai held the phone between his ear and shoulder while he twiddled mindlessly with a screw he found lying on the kitchen island. "I mean, I didn't answer. She left a message."

" _Why would she do that? She knows—she thinks—you're dead_."

"She thinks she loves me."

He heard the sigh draw out on the other line.

" _Maybe she was drunk_."

"Come again?"

"S _he's had a little bit of a drinking problem since she got back. We had an incident the other night_."

"Is she okay?"

" _Yeah. Yeah, she's okay. I think. I don't know. She stole a car and got herself arrested_."

Kai laughed, "Sounds like she's adapting just fine to me."

" _She called a dead jackass to profess her love. Doesn't sound fine_."

"I guess it was her way of saying goodbye. It was a long message, believe me, I feel eulogized."

" _So…why do I feel like you need something_?"

"I can't have her calling me. I can't have her thinking about me at all. I can't physically stay away from her knowing that she's out there with the crazy idea that she loves me."

" _Don't fucking kid yourself_."

"Listen, I want you to give her a distraction."

" _What_?"

"You fucking heard me, set her up on a blind date or something, take her out, keep her busy, help her meet someone with, like, feelings, or something. Introduce her to people who have not kidnapped her before."

There was another sigh on the other end, and a pause, giving Kai the time to remember that he wanted an update on his sister's condition as well.

"Hey," he held his breath, "How's Jo?"

" _It worked_."

"Spawn one and spawn two?"

" _Are human, and growing again. She did an ultrasound this morning_."

"Good."

" _This stuff with Bonnie might have to wait. She's not too happy with me right now_."

"Make her happy with you."

" _It's that easy_ ," his contact said sarcastically.

Kai gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes so wide they cut into the back of his head.

"Buy her some god damn flowers. She likes buttercups. Say sorry for whatever the hell you did—"

" _What_ I _did_?"

"Look I know we're both just dudes but you've been around the block a few more times than I have, wouldn't you say? Probably smoothed things over with a few more chicks than I have. You'll figure it out."

" _She just got back, she's still adjusting to all the changes around here, I highly doubt she's interested in dating_."

"Then forget the dating part, just…help her…forget me." Kai had to push the words out of his chest like a last breath. "I don't care who gets involved or how."

" _I'm not buying her flowers_."

"Fucking great, thanks."

" _What about you? Any blind dates scheduled? You getting out there, meeting some nice normal women you'll never be able to tell the truth to_?"

"Likely."

" _Want me to call you when she, uh, christens her new life_?"

"No," Kai said firmly, wincing at the very thought of Bonnie doing the do with anyone but him.

"Mr. Parker?" Jessie's voice called through the house, louder than he liked.

" _Sounds like you're off to a good start_ ," his contact quipped. " _She sounds lovely_."

Kai hung up the phone, in no mood to kid around. The girl came around the corner with a small box in her hands. Seeing him leaning against the island, she stopped and set the box on the floor by the wall.

Kai thumbed his phone thoughtfully and set it on the island. The girl sounded slightly out of breath. He thought he should offer her water. He didn't.

"That's the last box, Mr. Parker," she said, nodding for no reason.

She looked so young. Maybe twenty. Kai tilted his head to one side as he studied her. She was pretty, sort of. Not difficult to look at. He guessed he was probably weirding her out.

"Do you think I'm good looking?" he asked her, stuffing his hands in his pockets so he could look like the harmless, vintage Pearl Jam shirt-wearing, lone wolf, entrepreneur type, coffee every morning, normal and normally different kind of guy he was going for.

"What? I—Mr. Parker…" she stammered, a scarlet blush spreading over her pallid cheeks.

"Don't be shy." He smiled. "It's a simple question."

"I suppose so," she said.

"Yeah? I'm good looking?" Kai laughed, somewhat relieved. He was moderately irritated that he could no longer use compulsion to get what he wanted from people, like simple answers to simple questions. At the same time, making people uncomfortable entertained him.

"Would you date me?" he asked.

"Mr. Parker," the girl admonished weakly, positively gushing.

"Where do you like to hang out, Jessie?"

The girl started playing with her thumbs.

"Um, I don't know. Starbucks?"

"So if you saw me at Starbucks, would you think in your head, _hey, that guy's reasonably attractive, I could date him if I never learned anything about his horrible past or sociopathic tendencies?_ "

"Umm…"

"Thanks, Jessie. You've been a big help."

"I'll just leave the box there."

"Yeah, you will," Kai said, casually leaning off of the island so he could stretch his fingers out into the hair on her head, grab it tight and snap her neck. Her body buckled into a goofy heap on the kitchen tile and Kai bit the side of his lip that wasn't smirking.

" _Have a good rest of your day_ ," she said.

Kai blinked out of his neck-snapping fantasy. His hands were still in his pockets.

Jessie showed herself out, alive and only slightly disturbed.

Maybe he'd wait a while to try dating.

* * *

 

Scull Bar was rowdy on Christmas Eve.

Caroline and Nora had compelled half of Whitmore that it was the place to be, including some of the bartenders. Bonnie took no part in their sick god-playing, until she realized on her own what everyone else needed to be compelled to believe: there was nowhere she'd rather be than drinking free booze in a bar where she wasn't the only person who looked as out of place as she felt.

The bar was all done up in tinsel anyway, she was in a tight black dress she wouldn't mind showing off, and she was having a good hair day. She could feel it finally growing, the dark strands sprouting from their follicles, growing just long enough for the ends to start curling. She also had a lot to think about, and she preferred to do her thinking before a glass of whiskey.

"Four fingers, please," she said to the bartender, needing it.

Contrary to expectation, one heartfelt speech of a voicemail was not enough to cauterize what she now knew for certain was a gaping wound in her chest. She promised herself she wouldn't cry about him again and she'd managed to stay true to that. But only that. She never deleted his number from her phone and she definitely wasn't done.

She missed him with such strong dolor she felt that it physically moved her body at times. Like she was on a raft in a furious ocean, or hanging tight in a derailed train. The force of her disposition was not her choice. And even though she knew he was truly gone, she just couldn't seem to actually let him go. She couldn't stop thinking about him, and mourning him in secret colored her every exchange with a navy hue. Everyone thought she was depressed. And she was.

She was a sad girl. But she couldn't tell anyone specifically why, so she never talked about him. She went quiet the one time he came up in conversation, and shortly changed the subject. And keeping these feelings of loss and longing all to herself only exaggerated them. At night she dreamed of seeing him in a public place, chasing him around corners unable to keep up, or of kissing him before remembering that he was dead, realizing she was kissing a ghost and then waking up in sweat and pain, feeling like she'd only just been with him. He felt real in her head; so real she tortured herself wondering if he really was a ghost in her room. But it was impossible, she knew. Oblivion wasn't so faceted. He was nonexistent.

The bartender set her drink on the bar with a sympathetic smile and she shoved all thoughts of Kai Parker to back of her brain-closet, resolving to just get through Christmas Eve and let the mess in her mind bust down the door later.

Earlier that day, she'd finished moving all of her belongings from the dorm room to her Grams' house, which was impressively still intact unlike most other things in Mystic Falls. She learned Stefan was responsible for its preservation, and she learned it from Stefan himself, who seemed randomly intent on preserving their friendship as much as her grandmother's house. Her antics in the jail cell appeared to have been cast into the old water under the bridge and things were back to some semblance of normal.

As if the return to familiarity wasn't enough of a good thing, some poor delivery driver was sent into the badlands of Mystic Falls just to deliver her a housewarming gift. A bouquet of buttercups, from an anonymous sender. "A secret admirer," Nora had laughed. Caroline delved into theories. Stefan rolled his eyes.

Now the mystery was to be solved between Bonnie and her four fingers of Jim Beam. But as hard as she wracked her brain, she couldn't imagine the flowers coming from anyone who wasn't a close friend trying to throw a little lighthearted kindness her way. They were probably from Jeremy.

Jeremy, the married man, was spending his last night in town at the Saltzman house with his sister and their pretty-much father figure, Alaric. Which made Jo their pretty-much mother figure. A small part of Bonnie envied the Gilberts for their stand-in parents, as little as any of them needed parents anymore. They were adults. But she imagined it must feel nice to have someone watching out for you, someone to run to with problems. And she supposed she could also run to Alaric or Jo with problems. But maybe she just wasn't that kind of person. Even when she did have a family, she was self-sufficient enough not to need them for anything more than love. And she still had her mom, but Abby was only as present as a freckle on her back. She was part of her, and she saw her sometimes, but Bonnie was always the one who had to reach out.

 _I should tell her I'm alive_ , Bonnie thought, wondering if Abby even knew she'd been away.

"To family," Bonnie said out loud, suddenly inspired, raising her glass up. Nora and Caroline, who were having their own conversation and didn't seem to be paying a speck of attention to the lost-in-thoughts witch, suddenly chimed in with their glasses in the air and a "Hell yeah." Sometimes she forgot: she wasn't the only one who had lost so much.

Caroline and Nora resumed their conversation, the blonde beginning to slur more than the brunette. Bonnie noticed Nora's hand idling gently on her shoulder as she turned away, a comforting tether to let her know that she wasn't being ignored, that the conversation was enthralling but not excluding. And even though Bonnie sat to the left of the girls, on the edge of the bar with no seeming company, she didn't feel so alone with Nora's hand there. She sipped her drink, her thoughts wandering back to the flowers in the vase on her kitchen table, and from there onto the proud fact that she was one of the only women in the bar who wasn't wearing a Santa hat. Unlike her girlfriends.

_Santa._

_Kai._

_Stop._

Her thoughts drifted on to Damon, and how annoyingly compliant he had been the other night. She staked her claim on her hometown and he just let her. He just accepted her demands and her threats, like he'd been expecting her to make them. Like he'd been hoping for her to. And then that thing he said… _I didn't do it because of her_. The same words he'd said to her when she "hallucinated" him beforehand, confirming that he had indeed been inside her head. Hallucination or not, it was real. And what did it mean? _I didn't do it because of her._ Do _what?_ He said something about the town being a mess. It sounded like he meant his inspired rampage on Mystic Falls wasn't about Elena. Bonnie wondered but couldn't seriously consider that it was about herself.

An uncomfortable prickling on her back interrupted her thoughts. There was another vampire in the room. She looked behind her just in time to greet Stefan as he walked up to the bar, resting his hands over Caroline's and Nora's shoulders while he gave the bartender a nod.

He'd brought a guest, a mildly inebriated-looking twenty something man with his hand in his pocket and the other on a beer bottle he held close. Bonnie could tell just by the way he stood next to Stefan that he was a human.

"Ladies," Stefan greeted grittily, "Meet Jonathan."

"Hi Jonathan," Nora said, batting her lashes melodramatically, causing Caroline to burst into giggles. Bonnie didn't see what was so funny.

"Bonnie," Stefan smiled and nodded. Jonathan's eyes fell on her.

Caroline swiveled in her bar stool, taking a sip from her blue cocktail, and asked, "So when did you two meet?" like she already knew the answer. Bonnie knew for certain she was missing something, even though Caroline's eyelids were drooping like she forgot how to keep them open.

"Oh, just now," Stefan replied casually, "Jonathan was standing in my way when I walked in the door, so I figured I'd drag him in with me. He's a nice guy, though, grad student, wants to do great vague things, isn't that right, Jonathan?"

Jonathan quietly agreed, his eyes unwavering from Bonnie's, even as her face fell into a frown at the grad student's cocksure gaze.

Stefan's hands migrated from Caroline's and Nora's shoulders onto Bonnie's and she snapped her attention away to the liquor selection behind the bar. Stefan leaned just behind her ear and lowered his voice to say, "That's your first and last drink of the night, right?"

Bonnie shrugged out of his grasp, murmuring, "Fuck off."

Stefan sighed, "I compelled the bartenders anyway, just in case. Don't bother asking for a refill."

"Because someone telling me No is really effective."

"Jonathan," Stefan called, "Bonnie wants to hear more about your aspirations." And with a pat on her back and a whispered, "Have fun," Stefan stalked off. Jonathan rounded Bonnie's left side and pulled up a stool at the corner. She watched him get settled, trying to make her disgust as plain as possible. She was sure this Jonathan tool was a nice guy but she wasn't into making new friends just yet, not when she was still getting used to her old ones and especially not when the whole thing reeked of a set-up. She could hear Nora and Caroline snickering on her right, gossiping in hushed voices that only another vampire could hear beneath the sounds of the barroom and the bad karaoke.

"So…" Jonathan started, and Bonnie cut him off before anything could take seed.

"I'm pregnant," she said, shrugging innocently.

"Oh," Jonathan said.

"Yeah," Bonnie drew out, ignoring the sound of Caroline slapping the bar and laughing hysterically. "It's early, so I don't look like it yet, but…" and she smiled just a tinge, to look earnest, "I think I'm gonna keep it, you know?"

"And you're drinking?"

"Uh," Bonnie looked down at her bourbon, "This is apple juice."

"Oh, cool. Well hey, I like kids," Jonathan offered optimistically.

"They're great," Bonnie buffered, wide-eyed and suddenly unsure how she was going to get rid of him without spinning a much wider web of lies than she had the energy for.

She felt Nora's hand trailing over her back to land on the shoulder nearest Jonathan and the Heretic leaned in to flatten her other palm over Bonnie's belly.

"How is our little jelly bean doing?" Nora asked, smirking just inches from Bonnie's helpless frown. She looked into Nora's orbs for eyes, all her skin burning from so much friendly contact, the anticipation of a siphoning even though she knew it wasn't coming, the playful magic fusing instead from Nora's aura into hers, and saw her escape.

Bonnie let go of her bourbon to place her hands over Nora's and nodded with a shit-eating grin, "I feel a little queasy." She caught a glimpse of Caroline's highly entertained eyes on them.

Nora looked on to Jonathan and smiled her politest, "This one gets morning sickness at night, can you imagine? I only wish her doctor would have warned us before we chose to have a baby. She hates nausea, thinks it's worse than a stab wound!"

Jonathan's smile faded. "Wait, you two—"

"In vitro!" Nora cleared up enthusiastically. "It's all the rage these days."

Bonnie could almost feel Stefan rolling his eyes from across the room somewhere.

"So you're…"

"We're what?" Bonnie pressed, waiting, fishing for the blubbering she knew was just on the tip of his tongue.

"Well, married, for starters," Nora chuckled, glancing down at Bonnie's left hand. "Oh dear, what happened to your ring?"

"It's-er-in my purse," Bonnie shrugged, proud of herself for how quickly she was picking up this improv game, "You know how I lose things when we go out."

"I do," Nora agreed with the cheekiest of smiles.

"Ugh, get a room," Caroline played along, making a hand gesture that knocked over her drink and she squealed.

"Gladly," Nora said just before she planted a breezy, aboveboard kiss on Bonnie's lips. And for a second, Bonnie was stunned.

" _Ni-hi-hice_!" Jonathan raved. Nora rolled her eyes and took her hands off Bonnie, tossing her a blushing side-smirk before she was back in her own bubble.

By the time Bonnie could calm her weirdly thrilled, girl-kissing heart, Jonathan was beginning to lean in too close for comfort. His upper arm was touching Bonnie's upper arm, and it took everything in her mostly sober control not to smash her glass on his face. She had to remind herself that this impulse would have been perfectly acceptable if she was still in the prison world. It would be okay if it was Kai, because Kai could recover from a face full of glass exponentially quicker than Mr. Asking-For-It.

 _Kai_. Something popped in her chest. It always felt like someone had flicked a pebble at her breastbone, every time she thought of him. A memory shooed across the foreground of her mind: Kai's hands shaking when he thought he was putting a spell on her, the one that would make it possible for him to get her pregnant. She could see them, his hands, his sharp knuckles, vibrating so clearly, but couldn't tell suddenly whether she had actually seen it or invented it. His humanity was off then, he had no reason to be nervous. It couldn't have been real, and she felt stupid for even thinking of it now.

_Stop._

At least life was going on; she actually debated smashing her glass in Jonathan's face, instead of just doing it. She was rehabilitating.

"What are you guys doing after this?" Jonathan asked, still focusing most of his clammy energy on Bonnie.

She leaned toward Nora and whispered, "He's still not taking the hint."

"Of course not, dear, he's compelled," Nora giggled and elegantly stabbed at the ice in her drink with her straw. Caroline busted into another fit of snickers, a new blue drink already in her hand. The girls must have heard Stefan compel Jonathan before he even walked up.

"Then why—?" _did you kiss me_? Bonnie wanted to ask, but got cut off when she felt Stefan's unnerving return. She turned to see him grabbing Jonathan by the back of his collar, the brooding disappointment plain on his face. When the grad student turned his head in surprise, Stefan looked him directly in the eyes and commanded, "Get lost."

"Goodbye, swine!" Nora called as she took an uppity sip of her gin and tonic.

Stefan sat in Jonathan's stool and crossed his arms over the bar, nodding again at the bartender, who immediately poured him a drink.

"What the hell, Stefan?" Bonnie snapped.

"Yeah!" Caroline piped angrily from her end of the bar, "What the hell?!" Everyone turned in her direction to see her glaring so accusingly at Stefan, before her features cracked into a smile. The blonde started laughing again.

"Ok," Nora chuckled, "Someone's had a bit."

The Heretic pushed her half full drink forward on the bar and slid off her stool. "I'm just gonna take her back to the room then, before she winds back down and someone loses a head. Coming, Bonnie?"

Bonnie glanced from Nora's inquisitive orbs to the three remaining fingers of bourbon in her glass. Stefan seemed sure this was her one allotted drink for the evening. If it was true, she didn't want to waste it.

"I'm gonna finish this."

Nora patted the back of Bonnie's hand on the bar. "Just call me when you're ready to go home and I'll come pick you up."

Bonnie nodded and returned to her drink, hoping to dive back into the place her thoughts left off before that sad set-up gone wrong. It had escalated pretty quickly, it felt like it didn't even happen. She wondered if Stefan had been watching the whole time, and she found it interesting that he waited to cut things short until the point, not when she told blow-off pregnancy lie, not when Nora kissed her, but when Jonathan got too close. Apparently she wasn't the only one ready to see herself in any romantic entanglements.

But it was so quick and cheap of an interaction, she would be able to forget it easily. And maybe if she ignored Stefan he would go away and resolve never to try setting her up again.

For how cordial he'd been earlier that day, he was quick to fuck things up. But he didn't leave. They sat side by side and quiet for a while after their friends left, nothing but the horrible karaoke to lighten the weighty air of mood between them. Until the song that Bonnie was sure had been the worst of them finally ended. The next singer was called up to the stage and Stefan chose the moment of relative peace to nudge Bonnie with his elbow.

"So what was it like kissing Nora?"

The next song started up as Bonnie turned her eyes on him, reliving the moment when Nora had pressed their lips together. It was the first time she'd ever kissed another girl, and now that it had happened, she wasn't sure if it would be the last.

"You'd like to know, wouldn't you?" Bonnie half smirked, not quite ready to devote her entire mouth to any particular facial expression.

She heard the guitar of the song twanging gently, familiarly; the bassline carrying on, making her want to sway; there was something about it, and her chest started aching again.

"I'm sorry," Stefan said over the music, over the strangely tolerable quality of the amateur singer onstage.

" _I look to you and I see nothing_ ," Bonnie heard her sing.

She shook her head, "It's whatever."

"No, I don't know what got into me. You've seemed sad, I thought Jonathan was a decent looking guy, I didn't ask him to harass you, I just wanted you to feel…"

"Pretty?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. You are pretty, but it's not that. I just wanted to…distract you…from being sad…about things."

"Thanks, Stefan. But sometimes all it takes is a cupcake," she said honestly.

"Noted. And for what it's worth, I'm glad you blew him off, he seemed like a tool. You shouldn't be dating in your condition anyway."

"Hm?"

"With your, uh, little jellybean there," he said, nodding down at her belly.

"Oh," Bonnie laughed, feeling better about the night and simultaneously beginning to feel overly agitated and unable to place why. It wasn't Stefan bothering her anymore, it was something else. Something leeching in her skin, crawling through her veins and headed for her heart.

" _You live your life, you go in shadow_ ," the singer lulled.

And it dawned on Bonnie.

Just as quickly as she realized what was bothering her so much, she tipped the remainder of her drink down her throat and slid off her stool.

"Where're you going?" Stefan asked.

"Out of this fucked up joke," she snarled, grabbing her coat and storming for the door.

 

Stefan caught up with her outside. She had to walk a few paces from the bar until she couldn't hear the music anymore. She let the fog of her breath guide her, bunching her arms into a tight cross over her chest as she shivered. But the cold was easier dealt with than the rush of memories.

"Bonnie, what the hell?" Stefan asked, just barely getting his arms into his jacket sleeves by the time their paces matched.

"Sorry," she said, rather characteristically and she applauded herself for that, inside.

"Did I say something?"

"No."

"Ok..?"

"It was Mazzy Star," she admitted, stamping her boot on the concrete.

"Yeah, shoegazey dream pop was never really my thing either, but come on."

"No, it's…not the genre," she stammered, wanting to articulate what exactly she was feeling, what she was remembering. But if she told Stefan, it'd be a thing she said out loud, and it would become more real than it already was. Bringing someone else into her circle of secrets would only make it bigger, stronger, harder to conquer and leave behind.

"It's him, isn't it?" Stefan asked on his own. And it was so intuitive she couldn't be sure Stefan himself wasn't a figment of her creation.

So she asked, "Who?" One last dodge.

"Bonnie, what happened over there? What really?" Stefan's breath rushed out white in the cold black wind. He frowned while he waited.

"We danced."

Stefan laughed weakly. Bonnie did too.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"To Mazzy Star?"

"Once."

"Like idiots?"

"Pretty much."

Stefan just shook his head, smiling a little bit to himself. Bonnie already knew he was going to drive her home. She knew he wouldn't let Nora drive her all that way when he was going back to Mystic Falls anyway.

 

What she couldn't have anticipated was realizing, or frenzying at the realization, that she missed the needy sensation of fangs in her flesh. Stefan's Porsche pulled up to the curb at her grandmother's house and before she could step out of the car, before she could let this chance go, before her moment alone with a reasonable and understanding vampire was over, she had to ask.

"Stefan," she breathed, her hand twitching in its tight grasp on the door handle. She counted in her mind before she could look at him and say it. "Will you bite me?"

And once the question was spoken aloud she came to understand that the pain she so craved was heavily associated with her memories of Kai, and what it was like to be around Kai, and what it was like to be sensual with Kai. In all the time she knew him, he brought pain. And she knew so damn well that she was unhealthy to ask for pain because, even so temporarily, it left her with the intimation that she hadn't lost him completely. She knew. But she asked for it anyway.

Stefan looked startled.

"I…what?"

Bonnie shook her head and wished she'd never asked. "Nevermind," she said, too nicely, and opened the door.

"No," Stefan said, reaching over and pulling the door closed again. He hesitated to speak again, his concerned amber eyes gleaming at her. "…Why?"

Bonnie looked down into the darkness at her feet.

"I don't miss it," she said truthfully. "I just miss him. I fed him. I fed him for a long time, you know? And I hated it, but after a while you just get used to things. After a while…it made me feel like I was doing the right thing."

"How sentimental, but do you realize who you just asked?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Stefan. I shouldn't've."

"No, you shouldn't've."

Bonnie bit the insides of her cheeks and wouldn't look at him. His hand was still on her door handle, preventing her from leaving the car. Otherwise she knew she'd already be gone. She could feel Stefan's soft glare, but she didn't know what else to say or do, except wait to be permitted to leave.

It hardly occurred to her to feel afraid, until a rush of impatience drove her to glance at him. He was staring at her, still so astounded but with a noticeable tint of temptation. She didn't think of it before she'd asked, but if he chose to oblige her there was a chance she wasn't getting out of his car with her head attached to her body. Even dead, she was sure she couldn't handle being the one responsible for pushing Stefan over the edge again.

"Stefan," she said quietly, hoping that her voice would ground him if he needed grounding. "I'm going inside now. Could you…" she tipped her head in the direction of his hand, still on the door handle.

Stefan blinked. She felt his self-control settling in the way he sighed, and leaned. But his hand stayed, blocking her exit. And as he leaned, he crossed a shadow where the light from the street lamps couldn't reach inside the car, she saw his silhouette descending and she shrank back into the leather of the passenger seat, until she could shrink no further and in the darkness she felt his lips against the softest part of her neck.

She knew better than to struggle. At this point the smartest thing she could do was sit still and wait, to see if this would pass, to see if she survived it.

His mouth opened and a small pinch of her flesh wasn't hers anymore. Her skin was in his mouth, held hostage between his flattest teeth, teased by two taunting tips poised to puncture where his tongue, instead, and so tentatively, touched down. She could feel her heart for how hard it pumped, positive he was entranced by it, and she tried, she tried to pace her breath in such a way that would slow the beating, that would leave room for him to think. She bit her lip and looked up to the roof of the car, opening her neck, relaxing into him and hoping compliance would win his mercy.

She waited for the bite.

He only kissed, from one artery to the other, closing and reopening his lips across her trachea, growing less concerned with this first crossing of boundaries—her best friend's ex, his ex's best friend—as the hesitant tongue trailing over her drumming skin started to swirl in hunger of another kind.

Bonnie squirmed in her seat. He was more in control than she thought. It wouldn't last if he chose to actually bite her, but she grew certain as things progressed that he was smarter than that. She wasn't getting what she asked for, because the hot tension collecting between her thighs wasn't it, but that was alright. She didn't know that his lips on her neck would feel quite as good as they did. Or that she would start to wonder what it might feel like to invite him in—to her house and her body—and what he might feel like. How like or unlike Kai he might fuck. How in or out of love with Kai, or how traitorous, she might feel afterward.

But it hardly mattered. Because it was over before it began. Stefan didn't belong to her. And she didn't belong to him. He sucked on her neck because she kept her face turned away, for shame. She thought of giving him everything, of turning her face and kissing back, doing to him what was being done to her, but she couldn't. And when he had to stop for the burgeoning erection he knew she wouldn't take in, she saw it.

"You still love her," she said, watching a thought of Elena walk from his left eye to right. To which he sighed and looked out the windshield, at the still tree line. His hand slid off the door handle and he settled back into the driver's seat, turning pensive and sad.

"You still love her and she's still alive," Bonnie went on to a statue of him. Her hands shook and her cunt quaked, and for how wrong it all was she really, really wished she had the emotional stamina to start something with him. He was a good person, with a body that interested her from the first time she saw him, and she was willing to bet her magic that his sex was good sex.

But Kai was the last person she let inside her. She guessed she wanted to hang on to that for a while.

She wished Stefan a Merry Christmas, let herself out of the car and went inside. It wasn't as frustrating to be stuck with a hungry cunt when her body started cramping for the onset of her first period since returning. Strangely she was glad to bleed. She felt again a part of the push and pull of life, a product of nature, a daughter of the moon, and of mortality.

She texted Nora to let her know she was home safe. She texted Elena in response to an earlier text asking if she was okay, and she was. And she texted Caroline to say that she wanted to host an impromptu Christmas gathering the next day, because she had missed everyone and she wanted them to know it.

She did hope Stefan would think about what she said. The crater in her soul…she wouldn't wish it on anyone.


	6. Mirror on the Wall, Show Me All the Ways to Stay Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Radiohead - burn the witch  
> The Dodos - walking  
> Phantogram - black out days

  
**_January_ **

  
The new year arrived practically unannounced. Bonnie had difficulty feeling time as it passed; it refused to heal her, so she refused to acknowledge it. At first.  
Stefan proved a reliable secret-keeper, telling none of their friends the truth of her feelings about Kai, or the moment in the Porsche. When he saw her, he smiled knowingly because it did happen and it did mean something, and it didn’t change anything between them for the worse. If anything her friendship with Stefan only became solidly so: a friendship. And one of her best.

Outside her circle of secrets, Nora turned fast to preferable company. It became clear during Bonnie’s first trip to the mall that Nora wasn’t as reserved as she first appeared. Losing the love of her life had made her that way, but the Heretic began occasionally revealing a side that was bawdy, brash and bitchy, all to a level Bonnie found unexpectedly refreshing, and entertaining. Even better, despite these secret qualities, she wasn’t as quick to dash the memory of Kai Parker as anyone else she knew.

Stefan compelled Elena’s way back into Whitmore for the spring semester to pick up where she left off on her education. Bonnie wasn’t interested in sitting in a classroom.

She counted the money Kai had stolen in the prison world and used it to buy herself a black corvette.

Over a round of Manhattans at Scull Bar, the Mystic Falls Founders Council (#MFFC on Caroline’s social media updates) was reinstated, their duties reformed and their mission clear. The circle consisted of Tyler Lockwood, Matt Donovan, Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert, Caroline Forbes and Bonnie Bennett, and with special parameters in consideration, they were going to rebuild their town for the human and supernatural beings alike who’d called it home.

  
**_February_ **

  
Another anonymous bouquet of buttercups was delivered to Bonnie’s doorstep for her birthday. With the amount of time she was devoting to the recovery of her town, she put no more thought into the flowers than the thinking it took to find a vase.

A short-lived relationship with a therapist Caroline compelled to think objectively about all things supernatural proved just effective enough for Bonnie to walk away feeling empowered in her own mentality. On the third session, the therapist told Bonnie that mourning Kai was a lingering habit of a survival mechanism. …Bonnie never went back.

A few good men (Matt, the new Mystic Falls police force and firemen) finished fixing up the buildings that had suffered. Tyler, on his first task as town mayor, worked with a sector of the very functional Whitmore police station to locate and contact surviving Mystic Falls citizens and invite them back home. Homes that were never reclaimed were emptied by the Salvation Army and handed over to real estate agents.  
Job openings for their favorite businesses _first_ were published in newspapers of neighboring towns.  
The council estimated that Mystic Falls would be up and running again by the end of the summer. As long as Tyler was certain that he could design a newer, better, 100% werewolf-proof cell somewhere on the Lockwood property.

  
**_March_ **

  
Bonnie met with the board at Whitmore college to request the revival of an Occult Studies class. She proposed that, given the right marks on a hefty occult studies exam designed by the class’ most recent professor, she herself would like to teach it. She drew up a resume, not of experience in education or the work force, but of life experiences (sans unnecessary details like the fact that she was a witch with vampire friends) that demonstrated her knowledge of the subject matter. She believed that her confident and determined presentation would compensate for other experiences she lacked, such as public speaking and teacher education. (Caroline offered to lay down any necessary compulsion, but Bonnie preferred to do things the human way.)  
The board took Bonnie’s request under review, but rejected it shortly afterward; an Occult Studies class simply wasn’t in the budget anymore. Nora commiserated with her over a bottle of vanilla vodka they mixed with club soda until the girls drank themselves so loopy that mixing was too much of a hassle. Over the time it took to watch the Phantom of the Opera twice in a row, the bottle was emptied, a deep conversation almost led to something physical, and Bonnie decided to quit drinking.  
One week after the rejection, the Whitmore board called her again to say that a new benefactor, who wished to remain unnamed, had donated a generous amount of money to the college, specifically to fund an Occult Studies class to begin in the fall semester.  
Caroline credited the win to her angel theory.  
Bonnie celebrated with a brisk gin martini.

_**April** _

  
She moved into a small basement bedroom in the Saltzman household to begin an intensive self-paced education on all things occult. Alaric kept a practical library of occult books, mainstream history books, and books that blended occult and mainstream history into a comprehensive, multi-faceted history of civilization. Bonnie intended to study them all when she noticed how excited Alaric was to design the exam that would qualify an undergraduate to teach his former class. She had little doubt that Alaric would go easy on her, but just to butter him up she donated to his library duplicate grimoires she’d collected in her prison world, ones whose original copies were still safe on their shelves in her Grams’ house. He thanked her heartily, and started referring to her humorously as “the apprentice.”  
Though it was temporary, living with Jo and Alaric was one of the stranger experiences she’d had. She had never lived in a home with a patriarch and matriarch, for one, and it was even weirder how peaceful the household felt. Most days she buried her face in a book while Alaric flipped through others for exam ideas; they would sit in silence and the occasional bird-song lulling in through the always open patio doors, coming up for air once every few hours to exchange one single phrase or another over scotch and soda, and a lunch of sandwiches. Jo was working her last month before maternity leave and was hardly home, but when she was she slept hard for a compact eight hours and awoke cheery, rosy-cheeked and ready for Indian takeout.  
While Jo had given her magic to Kai long ago, Bonnie was still able to feel her essence; witch-born properties, like comforting little atoms, floated throughout the house. A day hardly passed before Bonnie began to feel as though Grams also lived in the house and it felt more home than home.  
It wasn’t always wonderful.  
In her pregnancy, Jo had to convert from a coffee person to a tea person, and it sometimes made her cranky. The woman never directed her anger toward Bonnie, and hardly ever at Alaric, but on occasion it could be felt so intensely that Bonnie grew suspicious about the actual source of Jo’s stress. More and more the inkling that something big was hiding behind Jo’s sharp eyes, from Alaric as much as Bonnie, prickled along the younger witch’s spine like she was slowly backing up against a tall cactus, and couldn’t move away from it.

**_May_ **

  
Bonnie passed Alaric’s exam and had an official interview before the Whitmore board. Vague expressions and nods were passed back and forth but at the end she was told to expect a lot of mail soon and to have a course syllabus submitted before the end of spring term.

Somehow in the slew of finals week with graduation day approaching, Caroline found the time to plan herself a raging graduation/pool party as well as an elaborate baby shower for Jo.  
Bonnie had moved back home from the Saltzman house, invested too much of her time into binge-watching nineties television shows, and was late to both of these parties. She arrived at the grad party just in time to keep her clothes on (and her scar covered) and she made it to the baby shower in time to grab the last twin-themed cupcake and watch Jo scoff at a FedEx package like something foul that had been slipped into the gift pile just to irritate her. The pregnancy was really going to her brain, Bonnie thought.

  
Apprehension she couldn’t explain or compartmentalize mutated in Bonnie like a tumor. It was a warm night, she’d had four too many shots of the blackest rum and grown inexplicably pregnant with a hankering to relive her prison world privileges. She drove far enough out of Mystic Falls to find a functional grocery store, stole a box of pop tarts, almost ran another car off the road when she drove back, then broke into the little yellow house on Jubilee and drunk dialed the dead man in her phone to leave a message she wouldn’t remember if she went through hypnotherapy. She didn’t learn until the next day, after waking up on her couch with all three of her girlfriends standing over her, that she’d been found half dead and half clothed lying in the middle of Jubilee street at three in the morning.  
“W-who?” she asked, positive that she was still drunk.  
Nora crossed her arms over her long purse strap and turned her eyes down at her brown cardigan sleeves, looking drab like she hadn’t slept or showered in days.  
“Damon.”

  
**_June_ **

  
With Nora’s gentle guidance, Bonnie was able to quit drinking. Ten mere days of sobriety reminded her how good her body could feel when it wasn’t poisoned. Even her magic flowed from her fingertips with an ease she’d forgotten was possible.  
The idea that Damon had been near, had seen her, had touched her, fed her blood, held her, carried her home (or to the porch, to call Stefan, because it was as far as he could go) all while she was blackout drunk and couldn’t protest, disgusted her. And she never wanted it to happen again.

A week before her due date, Jo gave birth to two healthy, human baby girls. After their mother and father, Bonnie was the first to hold them. She couldn’t make much sense of the pure, uninhibited love that brimmed from her soul. Whether it was the miracle of life, or the realization that Kai’s wish for the continuation of the Parker bloodline had ultimately been fulfilled, Bonnie began to feel a sense of completion, of true closure, and of contentment. And later, irony. Because she was positive, when one of the infants wrapped their little fingers around her thumb, that she felt the tiny sting of an innocent, low-grade, adorable siphoning.

  
**_July_ **

  
Tyler Lockwood snipped a big red ribbon in the Mystic Falls town square. The gang’s combined efforts to rebuild their town added up to a Welcome Day barbecue turnout of three hundred people, some new citizens, some prospective.  
The Mystic Grill was officially reopened that day, and Bonnie had the pleasure of calling in a reservation for, “Bennett, party of ten.” The tenth table member was a new face, but a face welcomed with many congratulations after Matt announced his engagement to her. She was an officer on his force, and her name was Penny.  
Enzo and Sarah Salvatore crashed the dinner party after buying a house close by. Stefan didn’t kill him for bringing his niece into the world of vampires and Damon never showed his face. From where Bonnie sat, she could see all of her friends in a joyous way. Caroline sat to her left, sneaking blushing peeks at her cellphone every time she didn’t think Bonnie was watching or able to read that her texts were all from a mysterious “km”. Nora sat to her right, thumbing the stem of her wine glass while she observed the goings on of her new family. Elena and Stefan sat close beside each other, and just by the way they smiled Bonnie could tell something was happening there. Jo and Alaric held a twin each, looking exhausted and happier than ever. And Tyler, in his Welcome Day mayor suit with a tie loosened and a beer in one hand, sat at the end of the table with the serene air of a finally accomplished man. If there were any thoughts of Olivia Parker, they were placid and passing.  
It appeared that all in Mystic Falls, for once and for a long time coming, was well.

**_August_ **

  
She was the hot professor with the cool car.  
Bonnie stood on the same floor her Grandmother had and taught her first Occult Studies class. Few students had actually registered for the class, but Bonnie was secretly glad her starter crowd would be small and practice-size. She kept dropping her lecture notes and making odd comments that nobody understood (other than Nora, who had decided she was taking advantage of her right to an education until she majored in nearly everything; the world of opportunities for women had cracked open much wider since 1903.) Bonnie needed to work on her stage presence, she knew. Maybe someday she’d show her class a little spell and call it a parlor trick.  
Though it tested her self-assuredness to stand in front of twenty people who were practically her peers and preach her passion for the occult, she refused to lose faith in herself. She would win her students’ favoritism, eventually. Her class size would grow, eventually. She was no Alaric; her charisma was another flavor. But she loved sharing her knowledge, she loved being able to talk freely about the things that were real to her, and she loved that people listened.

**_September_ **

  
Bonnie scheduled an appointment for her first haircut in years. It had grown to the middle of her back, dark and wavy, a physical manifestation of the time that had passed since she lost him.  
She had looked forward to the appointment for some time. How lighter she would feel to have every millimeter of hair that had been on her head for the Kai Parker years to be cut away and swept into a trash can.  
She ditched the appointment.

+

**_October_ **

It had been planned sometime in the last weeks of September that Tyler Lockwood, in the fashion of a small town mayor, would host an open-invitation Halloween ball at the Lockwood mansion. Even though she was swamped with the responsibilities of a professor, Bonnie found herself sucked into planning for an afternoon. Halloween was only a week away, it was Sunday, and instead of lazing on her couch she was wobbling around the mansion in heels, discussing her childish hanging-bat and cobweb ideas with a professional decorator. Caroline, who’d initially appointed herself to the party planning, had to recruit someone else to meet with the decorator last minute because she was due at her first day on the job as a weekend news anchor for WPKW9.  
In the middle of a heated debate with Tyler and the decorator over whether to serve alcohol out of a giant hollowed pumpkin, her cell phone rang.  
“Excuse me,” she said politely, rolling her eyes the second she turned away.  
She clopped into the grand foyer and swiped the green telephone symbol on her screen.  
“Thank you,” she said into the phone, instead of hello.  
“ _You’re welcome_?” Nora laughed on the other end.  
“Sorry, I just feel like a piece of taffy trying to help Caroline plan this damn Halloween ball.”  
“ _Pun intended?_ ”  
“Absolutely. What’s up?”  
“ _It’s about that, actually. I’ve just finished my psychology midterm so I had a moment to actually use my brain, and it occurred to me that I won’t have a date for the silly ball if I don’t buck up and ask someone. And, well, I haven’t really got anyone but you._ ”  
“Oh,” Bonnie bit her lip, trying to picture it. Nora was her friend, and she’d always gone to school dances with Elena and Caroline in high school.  
“ _We’d go as friends, of course_ ,” Nora clarified. But in recent weeks Bonnie had begun to feel like Nora thought more of her. It was in the way she looked at her, and how she cared for her. Bonnie couldn’t say she minded being looked at in a way that made her feel special, or being cared for in a way that made her feel important.  
“Right,” she delayed.  
“ _Bonnie?_ ”  
“Yeah, let’s do it.”  
“ _You’ll be my date?_ ”  
“Sure. Why not? Elena’s going with Stefan, Caroline’s probably going to be Carol Lockwood 2.0, Jo and Alaric are going as the Addams family and dressing the twins up, everyone’s got something and I’ll just end up being a wallflower, so yeah…it would be nice to have an official friend date.”  
“ _Fantastic! Oh, I need to shop for a costume, though. What are you going as_?”  
“I was thinking sexy witch.”  
“ _You’re supposed to dress up_.”  
“No, I—oh,” Bonnie laughed, “Maybe I’ll pick up some warts.” A little bell sounded in her ear. “Hang on, I got a text.” She pulled the phone away briefly to read the message she was hoping would be Caroline, saying she was on her way.  
“ _Oh my god_ ,” she heard Nora’s voice say. “ _I think I got the same text_.”  
Bonnie only needed to skim the message to decide she was getting in her car that instant.

+

“I can fix this, you have to let me fix this!” Bonnie yelled at Stefan in the hospital hallway. Her whole world felt tilted, and it didn’t help that the hallway was blue with flickering fluorescents. Stefan kept shaking his head, running his hand through his hair and pacing back and forth. He wouldn’t listen.  
Caroline and Elena stood by watching the argument, doe-eyed and crossing their arms, perhaps to quell their jitters. Everyone was shaken.  
“Bonnie,” Stefan said, finally turning on his heel to look her in the eyes. “You can’t protect them from this. It’s not safe for you, it’s not safe for them. Who knows how many others are out there?”  
It was luck that Stefan had been on his way to their house when Jo and Alaric were attacked. Alaric’s vampire hunting skills were behind but Stefan’s decapitating skills were advanced. She was just glad that Stefan got there before the attacker could even lay eyes on the babies.  
“I can do it, Stefan. Come on. Let’s just come up with a plan and fix it, like always. There is always a solution.”  
“You don’t get it, Bonnie! You just don’t get it. You’re not strong enough for this!”  
“Like Hell I’m not—!”  
“Well none of us are strong enough to lose you again.”  
“Who cares? If I can do anything to protect those babies, I’m going to, and it doesn’t have to be so dangerous. I can cloak their house, Stefan. I know I’m not a Gemini witch but I know the spell, and Nora can help.”  
“It’s too late for that, Bonnie. They need constant protection until this is over, and that could mean the rest of their lives.”  
“There has to be another way.”  
“Go home. You’re staying out of this, period,” Stefan insisted, turning back to the closed door behind which Jo was lying in recovery from a blow to the head. Since ingesting the cure-laced blood, vampire blood wouldn’t heal her.  
Bonnie let out a furious breath she had been holding and whipped around to beckon her friends to step in. Elena uncrossed and recrossed her arms, giving Bonnie an apologetic shrug.  
“He’s right, Bonnie,” she said apologetically. “We can’t lose you again.”  
Bonnie huffed and looked back to Stefan in time to catch him assessing her from the corner of his eye while the glint of an idea darkened. He quickly looked away.  
“You have a better suggestion, then?” Bonnie growled at his back, curling her fingers into a fist and containing the urge to grab him by the shirt and jerk him backward, keep him from walking away, make him listen, show him.  
Stefan cracked his jaw and just said, “Maybe I do.”

+

The apartment was empty of most things.  
A growing stack of old pizza boxes, wrappers from frozen TV dinners, dirty laundry, blood red sheets tacked over the windows that made the air thick with the scents of historic mold and frustrated sex, a book about time travel and a Nintendo were just about the only things he did have.  
Those and the TV, of course. He spent most of his time with it.  
The goings-on of Portland could be heard through his covered windows and it was all he had to remind him that the world was still out there. It sometimes made him regret selling the house. It sometimes made him think he could have endured the guilt, passing through the halls unable to forget which walls were stained with the blood of his siblings under just a few coats of paint, knowing that if he took the time he could scratch certain patches with his fingernails and find the evidence of his true nature. Stained on wall was as good as set in stone. He was a monster. But if he had to embrace it to get some peace a fucking quiet, he wished he would have.

Kai had almost gotten Mario to rescue Princess Toadstool when Faith No More’s _Blood_ started blaring out of his cellphone. It was his contact’s ringtone. Rather than ignore it, he quickly answered and held the phone between his ear and shoulder while he continued playing his game.  
“What,” he droned, in effort to conceal how anxious he was to hear news of _her_ , even if it was bad. It had been months since his last update.  
“ _Your family’s in danger,_ ” the grim voice of his contact said, with a subtly demanding tone.  
“Wha?” Kai mumbled as he jerked the controller, causing Mario to jump pitifully over Bowser and lose his firepower.  
“ _Get your ass out here. You told me specifically not to ask our one and only witch for favors. Well, we need a favor here, and if I’m not asking her to do it, that leaves you_.”  
“Ahem. I believe you have one Nora Hildegard in the house?”  
On the screen, a tiny but living Mario reeled away from Bowser and Kai was proud of himself for dodging death.  
“ _Yeah, well, I don’t know if she’s strong enough_.”  
“She’s plenty strong.”  
“ _She’s not Bonnie Bennett strong. She’s not coven leader strong. That’s the kind of strong we need here_.”  
Kai weaved Mario through a rain of Bowser’s hammers.  
“What’s going on?”  
“ _I don’t know how but someone got wind of Jo and the twins being full of cure blood. Cue the parade of bitter, desperate immortals coming after them fangs first. I killed the bozo who put Jo in the hospital but I don’t know how many friends he has, who he told, how fast word travels, when they’re coming, I don’t know what to do, but I know it’s not over. We need help._ ”  
Kai didn’t think he’d ever heard so many words come out of his contact’s mouth at one time. It was distracting.  
“ _Bonnie already thinks it’s her responsibility to fix it_.”  
“God damn it,” he cursed, his hands shaking on the controller as a hammer just barely clipped Mario’s 8-bit head. GAME OVER flashed on the screen with a depressing jingle and he set the controller on the carpet in front of his criss-crossed legs.  
“ _You’re needed in Mystic Falls, so…time to pack up_.”  
“I can’t,” he said, “I can’t.”  
“ _Look, asshole. I don’t know what happened between you and her. But_ —”  
“No, you don’t,” Kai cut in. “You don’t know. It was bad. There’s a reason I exiled myself.”  
“ _Well she doesn’t need to know you’re here, she doesn’t_ —”  
“She’ll know. Ok? She’ll feel me. She knows me.”  
“ _So cloak yourself_.”  
“From her? I’d fail. You don’t know what we had, what we did, how we lived, how I treated her. Like meat, Stefan. I manipulated her, I fucked her, I turned my humanity off, I killed her. I fucking devoured her.”  
A fast montage of everything he’d ever done to hurt Bonnie played in his mind and a tremor ran through his body, a knot of guilt throbbed in his groin. He swallowed and, out of habit, licked the tips of his incisors, so dull and human.  
“I am dead to her,” he said, “And I’m not coming back to life.”  
The other line was silent for a moment. He debated hanging up but didn’t, and he feared that his hesitation was a subconscious tactic. He waited to be given another reason, just one more, one very good reason to go.  
“ _Fine_ ,” Stefan said. “ _I’ll call you back when your sister and your infant nieces are dead enough for you to care_.”  
“Fine.”  
A sigh fizzed like static on the line.  
“ _Whether or not you wanted a chance to redeem yourself, Kai, this was it_.”  
The line clicked and he was alone with his grief, his doubt, his empty bag of pork rinds and his game over.


	7. Electricity Lingers in Our Fingers, or, I'm a Reasonable Man, Get Off My Case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lianne La Havas - Wonderful  
> Mtns - Crave  
> The Shins - Port of Morrow  
> Radiohead - Packt Like Sardines in a Crushed Tin Box

  
  


_Did the world get a little bit colder_   
_Not wiser just a little bit older_   
_So slow that we're bound to fall over, oh_   
_Did the heart grow a little bit harder_   
_Too much, too late, too far, too gone_   
_But wasn't it kind of wonderful_   
_Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby_   
_Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful_   
_You can trip, flick a switch negative_   
_Break the circuit between us_   
**_But electricity lingers_ **   
**_In our fingers_ **

-Lianne La Havas, Wonderful

* * *

 

He tried to whisper in the wormhole.  
Ice stormed his lungs. But his will was enough. He had to do it.  
Just in case.   
In case he lived.  
And then from the darkness, blinding light.  
And then from the light, darkness.  
And snowflakes.   
They landed delicately on her black eyelashes. They melted on her lips and he was jealous. Because she couldn’t see him.   
The guts inside him twisted as his body acclimated to gravity. Such a journey he had taken them through. One he thought for sure he wouldn’t survive. He had been expecting to die. To be torn apart by black matter. Rendered nothing. Thrust into the oblivion. Yet there he was. Standing. Standing not five feet from her. Standing in the snow. Physical.  
He had not planned on this.  
She was meant to go on without him. Flourish. Thrive without the gnarled fingers of his infatuation dragging, dragging her down.   
He worried his feet would leave prints in the snow.  
He waited until she explored.  
He watched her walk away.   
Winced at the sound of her hoarse calling his name, maybe the slight breaking in her voice was real. Maybe she felt him, too, howling back from his heart for her. Maybe she felt it, too, warm water freezing when it tried to flee her eye.   
Colder the farther she walked away. He would die, hypothermic, he thought. He hoped.  
Only the snowflakes dropping on his skin, turning to slivers of sad drips, knew he was standing out there.

+

It took him twenty minutes to find Elena.  
He had thought, given that she was still technically alive, she’d be in the boarding house somewhere. An attic, at the farthest.   
_My mistake._  
He felt a tug when he cut through the cemetery, on his way. An inkling of his own magic nearby, a spell of his clawing out when, like a self-aware organism, it sensed its source passing by. It felt its father.  
Elena was in the Salvatore crypt. The poor girl. As if they wished she were just dead instead, as if it were easier to pretend that.  
He used his heartache to cast a crack in her coffin before he lifted the lid.   
The sleeping beauty lay underneath, exactly as she looked when he last saw her.  
He could have killed her then. He could kill her now, he thought.  
He wanted to.  
He needed blood and he could hear it, he could smell it rushing just beneath her skin as he heaved her over his shoulder. And he grunted under her weight; though she was light, he was weak with hunger.  
“Do me a favor and lay off the big macs from here on out, babe,” he said to the sleeping girl.

+

“Well looky here,” Damon drawled between swishes of bourbon, his eyes full and penetrating when he opened the door to find Kai standing on his doorstep.  
“Let me in, it’s cold as fuck,” Kai demanded.  
“What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend,” Damon asked without feeling, “And why are you alive?” He seemed drunk.   
Stefan appeared in the doorway then. The look he gave Kai was tinged with a bit more concern. Fear, even. _Good_ , Kai thought. _Be afraid_.  
“Oh. Good. The cooler brother,” Kai breathed heavily under the dead weight on his back, then he said for the second and decidedly last time, “Let me in.”  
“Why don’t you just put Elena down and we’ll think about that,” Damon said.  
Kai thought about it and shrugged, effectively rolling Elena from his shoulders to a hard fall on the doorstep. The Salvatore brothers cringed in unison, Stefan lunging from inside the house to catch the unconscious girl, too late.  
“What the hell, Kai?” he yelled, scooping her into his arms.  
“Well?” Kai smirked up at Damon, who held up a finger while he took a finishing swig of his drink. Momentarily Kai fantasized that Damon had been the one to step outside of the house and collect Elena; he imagined whisking Damon’s head from his neck, fiber by stringy, slimy fiber, for what he did to Bonnie. Damon swallowed and scowled at Kai.  
“You’ve got some weasel-sized balls showing up on my doorstep after what you did to Elena and Bonnie.” Damon threw his glass to the ground outside.  
“What I did to Bonnie?” Kai challenged as he noticed in his periphery Stefan carrying Elena past him into the house. He decided to let this go, a gesture of good graces. And he chuckled to Damon. “Well I sure as hell didn’t leave her to die, now did I?”  
Damon’s nostrils flared and he growled, “Where is she?”  
“Oh she’s fine, probably home by now. Bonnie and I just took a little vacation.”  
“Magical,” Damon quipped sarcastically, though Kai could see a glimmer of something else in his eyes.  
“Oh, it totally was magical. Shimmering beaches, shopped ’til we dropped, sex like you wouldn’t believe,” Kai said mischievously, treasuring how Damon appeared to cringe. Jealous? “And now that we’re back, I want Bonnie to have her best friend, so I need you to invite me in.”  
Stefan reappeared in the doorway, surely having laid Elena somewhere safe like a holy corpse, and he crossed his arms. Kai couldn’t help but love the sight of both brothers standing there glowering at him like they were some kind of threat.  
“Unless you have a supernaturally loud alarm clock in that backpack of yours, ain’t happenin’,” Damon said, “We’ve tried everything and you’ve done enough. So take a hike.”  
“Hey, it’s a full moon, isn’t it?” Stefan asked, nudging Damon.  
“That it is, brother.”  
“Tyler Lockwood still come to Mystic Falls once a month to manstruate?”  
“That he does,” Damon smirked, from Stefan to Kai. “Do have a safe trip back to wherever the hell you came from.”  
Kai rolled his eyes. “Because last time Beethoven bit me it was such a conundrum. Having to absorb the magic from my big bloody boo-boo and actually end up with more power than I had before, man what a drag.”  
Damon snarled and flew at Kai, who was used to getting on last nerves. He apprehended the attack and shoved Damon against the wall of the house. If there was anything he’d mis about being half vampire, it was the strength. He could feel Stefan hovering behind him, so he threw a little aneurysm his way, thinking of Bonnie.  
“Check it, Damon,” Kai said cooly, “I didn’t come here to kill you, but I will. I kinda want to, so please, stop asking for it or I’ll feel obliged. I actually came here because I do plan to wake Gilbert up. If you have a problem with it, by all means, don’t invite me into the house. She can stay comatose, I don’t really care, to be honest. But if I leave her that way, and if I leave you alive with nothing but time and longing and bourbon on your hands…kinda not good for Bonnie. I already know what that means for her. And so do you. So how about it? Let me wake up Princess and I won’t put your heart in a little doggie bag for Cujo.”  
Damon grunted and glared, barely fighting back against Kai’s hold. Maybe he was actually listening. His cold blue eyes flicked away to Stefan, who Kai could hear was healing from his aneurysm attack and getting up.  
“Come in,” he heard Stefan pant behind him.

+

It wasn’t easily forgotten how charming the boarding house kitchen looked when lit by the sun’s rising light. Though Kai could hardly appreciate things like that the last time he was in the boarding house at dawn, he remembered the look of it. Maybe it was knowing that he would never see it again that now made him feel so royal to sit in its orange glow.  
Damon sat on the other side of the table, not directly across from Kai, and both men drank bourbon to bitterly welcome the new day.  
Stefan was out on an errand Kai had sent him on.  
“ _I’m not waking her up until I’m human again_ ,” Kai had said once his invitation into the house gave him leverage. And it led to a whole new battle of brooding scowls, crafty threats and pussycat hisses, but in the end he had the brothers whipped. Kai found that he might very well get anything he wanted if he dangled Elena’s life before the Salvatores’ eyes.   
He scribbled Stefan a shopping list for Funyuns, gift stuff and medical bloodletting supplies. Because they couldn’t very well take Elena to a hospital with a big vampire bite on her neck. It would arouse suspicion, and not the kind that entertained Kai enough to blow the lid off his plans. He didn’t fully know yet what he was doing. He only knew that he wanted to stay dead in Bonnie’s eyes, and so instructed Stefan to “ _Keep the day’s agenda under wraps_.”

It was awkward sitting alone with Damon.  
He still wasn’t happy with Kai, but it didn’t stop Kai from chit-chatting some Mystic Falls updates out of him. He was particularly curious to hear about why Damon wouldn’t leave the house. While he listened to Damon’s reluctant, short-winded responses, he formed a picture in his mind of what life might soon look like for Bonnie, deliberating over whether it was safe enough for him to really leave her behind. But it became clearer and clearer that the destruction left in Damon’s wake was caused by guilt, over Bonnie. And Kai didn’t pity him, or hate him any less.

+

“There’s just one more thing,” he said to the brothers, while he watched them watch him hesitating to drink.  
He had already found a beauty of a vein in the crook of Elena’s left arm and slid the needle in, attached to a long, thin tube he held in his fingers. Like a straw.  
Elena Gilbert, juicebox.  
All he needed to do was suck.  
But he wasn’t done negotiating.  
“Oh joy,” Damon murmured, “More conditions.”  
“Yeah,” Stefan chimed in, “Isn’t it kind of big enough that you’ve only had to be a vampire for five minutes and we’re just letting you drink up the cure for immortality?”  
Kai tuned in to the crackling of the late afternoon fire in the fireplace behind him, daydreaming of pitching somebody into it, preferably one of the numbskulls sitting in that room. He couldn’t do it, of course, but merely the fantasy took him to peaceful state of mind.  
“Number one,” Kai began, and smirked when both Salvatores groaned.  
“Conditions in outline form,” Damon grumbled on as he leaned back into the couch, next to Stefan. They were glowering at Kai from where they sat, across from where Elena lay on the other couch, sleeping blissfully while Kai pinched and rolled his end of the tube between his thumb and forefinger, wanting so badly just to feed.  
“Damon,” Kai softened his voice, knowing it was unexpected. But his conditions, he knew, were too important for threatening pretense. It had to be plain that he needed these conditions met.   
“No one can know that I was here. Bonnie thinks I’m dead, and I need it to stay that way.”  
Stefan crossed his arms and furrowed. “May I ask why?”  
“It doesn’t matter why. I won’t ever be coming back to Mystic Falls after this. So hey, another win for you guys. However…”  
Damon groaned again.  
“Separation anxiety is real, so…number two, I’m gonna need updates. For a while at least.”  
“Updates? Like you’re sponsoring an endangered animal on some reserve?”  
Kai’s heart sank lower in his chest.   
“No,” he said, “Updates like I’m attached to her and I have to know how she is. I don’t mean every day, but maybe once or twice a month, until I move on. I’m gonna need your phone numbers. Both of you.”  
“Not mine, no way,” Damon simpered.   
“Shut up,” Stefan snapped at him.  
“Number three,” Kai went on. “Sometime in between draining your GF and dumping her cute patootie at a hospital, I want you to drain me.”  
“I’m sorry, what?” Stefan asked.  
“If I did my research right, I’ll be fine. Not that you care. But like you said, I haven’t been immortal for very long. This godly figure isn’t going anywhere.”  
Damon uncrossed his boots and leaned forward, his interest mildly piqued.  
“And what, pray tell, do you intend to do with your own smelly, ferrety, saturated fat-filled, cure-infused blood? That is, if I don’t just let you die of blood loss?”  
“Well, Damon, I intend for our little hospital-bound damsel to hand-deliver it to someone who needs it most. Someone who will already happen to be at— _oh, which hospital is it that’s nearest since you slaughtered all of Mystic Falls?_ —Whitmore. Perfect how that worked out. Although given the distance I’m not sure Elena will survive the drive.”  
“You dick.”  
“Of course, I do have some self control. Some. I could just as easily leave her enough blood to get through the night and save everyone a little drama.”  
“That cure was meant for me,” Damon growled. “We were supposed to take it together.”  
Kai repressed the smile threatening the corners of his mouth, and instead formed a cold, stern glare.   
“Nobody knows I was here, you give me the scoop on Bonster when I need it and my sister gets the cure. Or I’ll make it rain aneurysms in here and drink Elena to death while you two knock imploding heads.”   
“It was you, wasn’t it?” Stefan asked. “You’re the one who turned her.”  
Kai grinned, “I might’ve slipped some of your mommy’s blood in Jo’s decaf mocha day of the wedding.”  
Stefan rose from the couch, his dark eyes so piercing Kai almost felt ashamed of himself.  
“Are you out of your mind? She was pregnant. She’s been pregnant for over a year. She has infant vampires stuck inside of her, she has to feed more than other vampires because her babies feed off of her.”  
Kai shrugged.  
“I wanted theatrics but I actually didn’t want my twin sister to die. Can’t blame me for taking preventive measures.”  
“You sick—”  
“Yes, I’m sick. But I’m working on it. Do we have a deal or not?”

+

Elena Gilbert’s blood filled him from his heart to the very ends of his capillaries. He felt, first, the satisfaction of having fed, the fullness, the confidence, the almost rage of health. Then he blinked, and when he opened his eyes again he was on the ground. The brothers stood over him, just about as concerned as he expected them to be. Their confused frowns were enough to tell him that he wasn’t under attack, if not by the medicinal blood sponging up his vampirism.   
When he could sit up again, human, and so aware of the fragility of his own body, somehow he felt grateful. Never again could he become the monster he used to be at the flip of a switch. If he ever loved again, it would be ruined by many other things before bloodthirst.

+

Bleeding out took longer than he liked. It didn’t help that no one stood by at the other end of the tube, sucking. His dark life-force dribbled out into the plastic bags that would soon be in Jo’s hands. He wondered if she would be able to taste him in it, if she would know when it spilled down her throat that the blood was not so different from her own. Had it been moot to drain Elena discreetly?

+

Night fell and he was bled.  
He figured by the time his vision turned to spotty pinholes, he was closing in on the finish line; it was time to unplug the needle.   
He had filled nine blood bags, and watched as Stefan nestled each one into the red gift bag that had been on the shopping list. Seeing so much of his red stuff all sitting in one place made him queasier than he expected, so he looked away. Damon helped him pull the needle out from his arm and then flicked a band-aid at him.   
When he tried getting out of his chair, his head spun. He reached for the arm of the couch but miscalculated and slowly sank to the ground. He was suddenly remorseful for taking so much of Elena’s blood and leaving her on the couch for as long as he had. At least she was asleep and didn’t know what had happened to her. She’d pull through. He hoped.  
Kai inched his way along the rug until he could reach the sleeping beauty on the couch. He took her hand in his, ignoring the watchful glares of her boyfriends, and closed his eyes.   
He concentrated, pulled with his will, until he felt that swirling jolt of magic return to him.   
Her curse, his power.  
“He’s siphoning it,” he heard Stefan say, outraged, to Damon.  
“How the hell—”  
“Chill,” Kai croaked.  
“Nora tried to siphon the curse, it didn’t work,” Stefan snapped.  
“Think of it this way,” Kai said, his breath labored and his voice hard to push out, “Nora’s on my side.”  
“You’re saying she faked it?” Damon asked.  
Just then Elena gasped and her eyes flipped open wide. She caught only a glimpse of Kai before Stefan kneeled down and compelled her not to remember it.

+

For two days he lay in what he thought might be his death bed. A corner room in the top level of the boarding house, alone most of the time. Damon stayed away. Stefan came and went, bringing orange juice, meat, and junk food upon request. A new cellphone. News of Bonnie, getting along in her first days. Kai could tell Stefan hated helping him, but he was thankful in secret. Being human meant relinquishing some dignity from time to time, and Kai understood that now. He needed Stefan, however much he hated it and Stefan hated being needed.  
He dreamed of her. Little death dreams that taunted, and they made him want to die for real, for good and forever. Her cocoa skin gliding over his, a thought, a memory, a desire so real the lines between physics and dreams cracked, collapsed, meant nothing. She, a product of his mind, she, an astral projection, she, herself, was so there, so real he had to check in with Stefan and assure that Bonnie actually was elsewhere.   
He certainly would die before he left Mystic Falls without seeing her one last time. Her blurry form walking away in the snow wasn’t enough of a last sight.

+

Before he felt ready to move around, he made himself stand. He fixed the bed he’d been sleeping in. Cleaned up after himself. Nodded at Damon. Sent Stefan a text. Left.  
He followed his fingertips to the dormitory at Whitmore, cloaked. It was morning and he let himself into her room. She wasn’t there. He waited.

+

He knew it was wrong.  
She stripped herself of the dirty jeans and blouse she wore and stepped into the shower. He was not invited, but he didn’t leave. He watched and admired her for the last time, standing just outside the shower pressing his hand against the glass door, praying to the spirits that the steam wouldn’t make his feeble human body pass out.   
Having the resolve not to show himself was hardest. He almost gave up when he dropped Damon’s daylight ring. It wasn’t his fault. Gemini magic had called to his snooping hands from a box on a nightstand, and Bonnie’s cute little, “Show yourself,” had called to his heart. He had a spasm and the ring fell hard to the floor.   
He felt her accusing stare, even as glazed as it was by the nothing she saw. Could she sense him? Or now, while she was nude in the water and his eyes could not be removed…could she feel him?   
He wished he could impress the words in her mind without having to speak them _, I love you_. And _goodbye_. And it felt like an act against nature to walk away. He thought his plane might crash for how wrong it felt to leave her. But he arrived safely in Portland. His sign that he had done the right thing.  
Bonnie Bennett was best left alone.

  
+

**January**

  
Using part of a family fortune that had been left to anyone smart enough to know where it was hiding and uncloak it, Kai fixed up the Parker house. It was a good distraction that kept his hands and his mind busy. He cleaned out his old room, finding that nothing in it meant much to him anymore. He called up a donation truck to pick up most of his and his dead family’s things, concluding that if he couldn’t have Bonnie, he needed nothing more than food and video games.  
All magical books and relics were boxed up and locked up in a storage unit in town.

 

**February**

  
He sent her flowers for her birthday.  
He dawdled.   
He bought a ’72 Pontiac Firebird. Blue.  
Having grown quite fond of pick-up and delivery services and not needing to visit public places, he developed a habit. He ordered food. He ordered clothes. He ordered CD’s. He played Nintendo games. He became his teenage ideal. He watched porn and jerked off regularly.

 

**March**

  
A conversation in texts:   
**Stefan:** She wants to be a professor now. Occult Studies at Whitmore.  
 **Kai:** Didn’t Sheila Bennett teach that class?  
 **Stefan:** Yeah, but it’s been dropped. Doesn’t look like they’re bringing it back.  
 **Kai:** Money?  
 **Stefan:** I don’t fucking know. She’s upset.  
 **Kai:** I’ll take care of it.

 

**April**

  
A conversation:  
“ _I think Jo knows_ ,” Stefan announced nonchalantly the second Kai answered the phone.  
“Why do you say that?”  
“ _I don’t know. Maybe because she just asked me where you’re hiding_.”  
“Why would she ask you that?”  
“ _I tried to keep this hidden, believe me. She said the cure blood tasted…familial_.”  
“She’s known that long?”  
“ _She’s here. She wants to talk to you_.”  
“No. No, no, no, I’m dead, Stefan, I’m fucking dead, she does not want to talk to me.”  
“ _I can hear your voice_ ,” he heard his sister say faintly on the other line.  
Kai kept quiet.   
“ _Now you stop talking_?” Jo persisted. “ _Listen to me, asshole. I know you’re alive. I know you’re out there. I might have given you my magic but I was born a witch, certain intuitions don’t just go away. Where are you? Are you at home? …You stay there. Stay away. Stay away from my family, stay away from Bonnie, stay away from this general hemisphere. And stop calling Stefan. Nobody here wants anything to do with you_.”

 

  
**May**

  
He went shopping at a real department store to peruse the baby section. He hated everyone around him, especially the employee who asked if he needed help.  
But the tiny little clothes. The tiny little shoes. He held a mini Nike in his palm and frowned at it, not loving but not hating the tickle in his chest. Then he saw a toothbrush the size of his finger. A pair of pants Miss Cuddles would have been snug in, with cartoonish cupcakes on them. His eyes almost started watering. It was gross, he kept thinking, just disgustingly cute. But part of him was melting.  
Finally he settled on a couple of onesies, one with a vintage Nirvana logo and one with the Batman symbol. To complement, he picked two tiny tulle-fluffy skirts, one pink, one white.  
A tipoff from Stefan had enlightened him that Jo’s baby shower was a week away, so he paid for the fastest available shipping and rested peacefully that night. Though not without a passing fantasy of what it might be like to shop for twin babies of his own.

A voicemail:  
“ _Kai_ ,” she cleared her voice, “ _It’s me. Bonnie. I’m standing in your house right now. The yellow one. Where you lived when we were…back there. I’m drun_ k,” she laughed, “ _About to sit down in the kitchen and eat some pop tarts in your honor. Hahaa, honor,” she laughed again. “Because you’re so honorable. But I do miss you. It’s weird, I don’t get it. I just fucking miss you. You’re funny. Were. Funny. But I’m opening this pop tart now_ ,” crackling wrapper noises sounded, scratchy against the speaker, “ _There it is. God, I love pop tarts_.”  
Kai could hear her chewing when he listened to the message. Chewing while she talked. And his chest ached like a bruise.  
“ _Mm_ ,” she moaned, “ _So good. Sorry, I know you’re dead and everything but you gotta try one of these. How do they taste so much better when I’m drunk? It’s amazing. You know what, I’m gonna leave one here on the island, just for you, dude. It’s all yours. So…come and get it, if you’re a ghost or something. I know you’re not, but just in case. And um, it’s hot in here, I don’t feel that good all of a sudden so I’m gonna just…I’m gonna set the phone down for a second and step outside. Be right back, okay, bye_.”  
After that, silence. For ten minutes. Then it ended.

A conversation in texts:  
 **Kai:** 1276 Jubilee St. Get Bonnie home safe.  
 **Kai:** pop tart on kitchen counter. put in sandwich bag and FedEx it to me. don’t ask.  
 **Stefan:** not in Mystic Falls right now. I’ll call Damon.

Kai was both angry and relieved that Bonnie apparently kept his phone number. Maybe she was having just as much trouble letting him go. And he didn’t want that, and he hated that he kind of liked it.  
Mostly he was heartbroken.

A stale pop tart in the mail four days later helped with the pain, and made it worse.

 

**June**

  
He finally sold the house.   
He moved into a small studio apartment in urban Portland.   
He ordered a pizza on his first night.  
The girl who delivered it was pretty enough.  
He could tell by the dilation of her pupils she thought he looked good too.  
Maybe it was bad magic.  
He lured her through the door and told her to take a break.  
She let him fuck her.  
If she laid on her stomach and he took her from behind, and if he squinted at her worming spine in the darkness, the girl looked just enough like the one he wished he was fucking.  
He came.  
He told her to get back to work.

  
**July**

  
Loneliness was eating him alive. Out of desperation, he began a lackluster search for surviving members of Gemini families; children who hadn’t yet been initiated when his death orphaned them; anyone who might have left the coven before his death could kill them. He followed most leads to dead ends. Literally.  
Other than Jo and her daughters, it seemed no one else with Gemini blood existed.  
He started ordering “pizza” twice a week.

**August**

  
Nothing changed. No one called and he called no one.

**September**

  
He looked in the mirror and realized he had grown a small beard.  
“Fuck,” he said.

 

**October**

  
_Whether or not you were looking for a chance to redeem yourself, this was it._

  
It was a bad idea. He had his reasons for saying No. Jo was a big girl, she could take care of herself. If Damon and Stefan were as good at protecting other people as they were at protecting Elena, there was nothing to worry about. Kai was not going to Mystic Falls.  
And he believed himself until he shaved.  
Then he put a blazer over his old Pearl Jam shirt. All of a sudden he was packing up everything he cared about in his apartment. And loading it into the trunk. And hopping into the driver’s seat of the Firebird.   
It really was the perfect season for a cross-country drive.


	8. Come On Baby, Don't Fear the Reaper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Van Halen - Runnin' with the Devil  
> Tori Amos - Sweet the Sting  
> Royal Blood - Little Monster  
> David Bowie - the Man Who Sold the World  
> Redbone - the Witch Queen of New Orleans  
> Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear) the Reaper  
> Nina Simone - I Put A Spell on You  
> Bat for Lashes - Strangelove

Kai stopped for his last tank of gas at the Kentucky border. The sun had not fully risen.

While the nozzle pumped away, he figured it was a good time to call Stefan and let him know.

"I assume you can have a room ready for me within the next four hours, being the owner of a boarding house and all?" he said when Stefan finally answered the phone.

" _I…yeah…so you're coming, then_?" Stefan stuttered. Had he really not expected Kai to change his mind?

"I'm in Kentucky," Kai informed grimly, noticing a petite brunette getting out of a white Prius on the other side of the pump.

" _That's close_."

The brunette was probably pretty underneath the sunglasses, Kai thought. Around his age, maybe younger. She wore a plain blue t-shirt and jeans, her hair long and loose, straight all the way to her ribs. Probably a heartbreaker, wherever she came from.

" _I guess I should, uh, tell Jo you're on your way, then_ ," Stefan said.

"She still at the hospital?" Kai asked nonchalantly, leaning just a little to his left to see if there was anyone sitting in the brunette's passenger seat. He was pleased to find that there wasn't. _Roadtripping alone?_

" _She should be released in an hour or two_."

"Well she can't go home," Kai said, dipping his gaze back to the nozzle in his own car when the brunette caught him staring.

" _Ric's been home, nothing's happened_."

"Where are the babies?" Kai snarled, suddenly appalled.

" _With Jo. And they're under surveillance so you can lose the attitude_."

"Set up another room at your place."

" _She won't stay there with you staying there. I'd be lucky if I got to live after even suggesting it_."

"I'm sorry, did I say she had a choice? She doesn't. And if she tries to fight you on it, ask her whether she wants her daughters to survive long enough to have their first Christmas."

A sigh staticked the line. " _I'll have Ric talk to her_."

Kai glanced around for any cameras that might be fixed up above and didn't see any.

"Whatever you have to do, Stefan," he sighed, replacing the gas nozzle back on its hook. "So Ric knows?"

" _I talked to him, and Jo, a few days ago. Before I called you_."

"How did dear old brother-in-law take it?"

" _How do you think_?"

"So…does that mean anyone else knows?"

" _No, Bonnie has no idea._ "

"Do me a favor, try and keep it that way as long as you can."

" _Won't be long, considering Caroline_ -"

"Just try, Stefan," Kai interrupted before he hung up. The brunette was getting back into her car.

He stuffed the phone into his pocket and hopped over to other side of the pump to grab her car door just as she was closing it.

"Excuse me," he said, putting on his politest smile, "Do you happen to know which way I should go to get to Virginia?"

The girl lifted her sunglasses and gave Kai a look like she thought he was the dumbest person she'd met that day.

"Um, towards the border?" she said.

Kai nodded, liking the freckles on her cheeks that had been hiding.

"Thanks."

The girl smiled apathetically and tried closing her door again. Kai held on.

"One more thing," he said, smirking his worst. " _Invisique_."

+

He wasn't sure why he did it. Nerves, he guessed.

The brunette screamed for miles down the highway, waving her arms between long feathers of wind-whipped hair out the rolled-down window, trying to get the attention of drivers passing by. But no one looked, and she couldn't figure out why, and Kai had the hardest time keeping it together in the driver's seat. He could barely see straight for how hard he was laughing.

Finally he said, "They can't see you, dummy," and turned up the radio to drown out her screams with Van Halen.

Then she started hitting him. Slapping his arm, swiping at his face, shoving his shoulder.

"You're gonna cause an accident," he laughed. Until it got out of hand. He almost swerved into oncoming traffic. His smile disappeared quickly.

" _Phasmatos somnus_ ," he muttered, and the brunette went limp over his right arm. He shook her off and pushed her back into her own seat.

"You're no fun," he realized out loud.

+

"Son of a bitch!" Caroline griped as she came storming into the ballroom.

Bonnie, and all the decorating staff, briefly looked up from what they were doing to raise their eyebrows at the blonde, huffing in her heels across the tile, each angry click rebounding off the walls and ceiling to let the world know there was a problem.

Carelessly, Bonnie stuffed her whole handful of black roses, which she'd been arranging with more art and precision, into the wide vase in the center of an antique side table.

"Do I wanna know?" she asked when Caroline practically slammed her hip into the wall and dramatically covered her eyes with one exasperated hand, sighing.

" _No_ ," Caroline mumbled loudly.

"Ok, well, flowers are done. Where do you want me now?"

Caroline uncovered her eyes and pursed her lips at Bonnie, letting her nails rake obsessively through her up-done hair. Something was really wrong.

Bonnie opened her mouth to ask, just what Caroline was waiting for, and then got cut off.

"The town teens are having an anti-party at the cemetery, tonight, instead of going to ours," Caroline admitted woefully. "Of course. Because the party I work my butt off to throw perfectly is still just a lame adult party because I am now just a lame adult."

Bonnie stifled a relieved chuckle. She should've known it was nothing.

"How do you even know about it?"

"I work for the news, Bonnie. I think my sources are reliable."

"Jeez, sorry."

"Those prissy pompous kids think _my_ party's gonna suck? Oh just wait."

"We did the same thing when were kids. Doesn't matter how awesome this party is gonna be….they don't care."

"They will."

"And what are you gonna do? Unleash Tyler on them?"

"Or compel them all to come to the real party."

"You can't do that, Care. Remember what we said when we built this town back up from the ground? No supernatural interference with humans."

"I know, I know, I just…ugh! I'm crashing it. I don't even care. I'm going straight from this party to theirs and I am crashing it like the bitch I am. And you're coming with me."

"Yeah, sounds like a blast. Just us _bitches_ ," Bonnie agreed with half-hearted enthusiasm, knowing she definitely wasn't wasting any of her lame adult time crashing a teen party at the cemetery.

Her phone rang. She pulled it out from her back pocket to see that it was Nora, and had second thoughts about answering. Decorating the Lockwood mansion was just so time-consuming and there were only eight hours left until people started arriving. She silenced the ring and slipped the phone back in her pocket.

"What's going on between you two?" Caroline asked, suddenly having moved on from the party drama to Bonnie drama.

"Who two?" Bonnie asked, sticking her fingers back into the bouquet stems in the vase, needing to do something with her fingers.

"You and Nora, obviously." Caroline crossed her arms and gave Bonnie a prying look.

"We're going to the dance together? As friends? And it's nothing you might be thinking in that distorted brain of yours?"

"I'm just saying," the blonde threw her hands up and smirked, "Anytime you two are in the same room, you practically drool over each other."

Bonnie removed her hands from the flowers, having separated the stems in a way that made them a little too independent of each other, essentially ruining the arrangement. She crossed her arms and faced Caroline with resolve.

"We do not drool, we're really good friends. I like her."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"Caroline, please."

"I'm just saying," the blonde shrugged innocently.

"Can I have a task now?"

Caroline considered her for a moment.

"Playlist. Go over it with the DJ and make sure he doesn't have any unfortunate ideas."

"Got it," Bonnie smiled and fled the ballroom.

+

"My name is Lisa and I have a dog to get home to. I'm majoring in British Literature at Kentucky state and my dog is probably hungry. Please! My name is Lisa."

"Oh my god," Kai droned at the open stretch of road before him. "Can we please talk about something besides you?"

"Please let me out of the car! My name is Lisa!" the brunette cried.

"Yeah, you've said that like twenty times already and there's no point. I get it, you're trying to humanize yourself so that I'll see the error of my kidnapping ways and feel remorse and let you go but it's not happening. I'm not ready to let you go, Liza, and I'm not going to remember your name anyway."

"Are you gonna kill me?"

"No!" Kai laughed, trying to sound shocked that the brunette would even suggest it. He cocked his head to look at her from the corner of his eye, "But I'm not gonna lie, somebody else might once we get there."

The brunette blanched.

"Relax! I'm kidding. Sort of."

"Why?" she kept crying, "Why me?"

"Uh, because you were there?"

The truth was he needed something, anything, a screaming girl would do, to distract him from how nervous he was to see Bonnie again.

"Why can't I move my hand!?" she yelled, jerking her arm. While she slept, he'd put a binding spell around her wrist and the safety bar on the passenger's side of the roof. That way she couldn't jump out of the car at eighty miles per hour.

"Oh, about that," Kai said, "I'm sort of a witch. Or warlock, or whatever."

"You're fucking crazy," she murmured.

"Yeah…yeah, I am, kinda," Kai mused, then turned to her with a smile, "Happy Halloween!"

+

"Hair up? Down? Up? Down?" Bonnie asked, repeatedly pulling her hair up into a bun and letting it fall back down.

She and Nora stood in front of the mirror in Bonnie's master bathroom, primping for the ball.

Nora stopped applying her mascara for a moment to squint at Bonnie's hair in thought.

"Down," she said finally, "After you spent all that time curling it, why not?"

Bonnie nodded and studied her long dark curls, appreciating that not much length was lost after curling it. She loved having her long hair back. And it looked good with her tight black costume.

Nora had insisted on corsets. Bonnie could hardly breathe, as Nora had gone to a certain length to find authentic clothing. They weren't witch costumes so much as they were seventeenth century upperclass attire, bold enough in color to stand out when they hit the ballroom. Bonnie looked like she was going to a king's funeral.

_Call me old-fashioned but I like my witches dressed in black._

Nora wore an elegant grey dress with shoulder ruffles Bonnie couldn't be jealous of. But the look suited her. She was beautiful, and worth the work. The girls had taken turns lacing up each other's corsets. " _Tighter_ ," Nora kept insisting with a labored yet well-controlled breath. " _Looser_ ," Bonnie kept pleading in breathless squeaks.

"Bonnie…" Nora's earnest voice broke through her stream of thoughts as she concentrated on her pomegranate lipstick. Bonnie stopped rubbing her lips together to give Nora the attention her tone seemed to request.

"Are you happy?" the Heretic asked.

Bonnie smiled. "What?"

Nora only steadied her gaze. It was a serious question.

"Yeah," Bonnie assured her. "Yeah, I'm happy."

"You weren't for a while," Nora reminded, regarding her carefully.

"I know."

"It was hard to see you so melancholy all the time."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Nora smiled weakly, looking at Bonnie like she thought the apology was absurd. "You've experienced things none of us have in our worst nightmares."

"I've been through some weird times," Bonnie compromised, not quite comfortable with agreeing that her bad experiences were worse than anyone else's. "I think a lot of pain just…caught up with me, all at once. But I dealt with it. Right now, things are good, you know? I'm ready to move forward."

Bonnie nodded to herself and gave Nora a real, close-mouthed smile.

"You do seem happier."

"I am," Bonnie said, realizing only then as she said it out loud that it was true. Sometime in the last months she had begun to change, to step into herself, a new woman. She had a home, she had her friends, a great job with a future in it, a gorgeous car and a thriving herb garden. And beneath it all, she had her magic. She had herself.

No one but Stefan really knew that Kai's death had been a part of her long grief, and she couldn't outwardly admit to Nora now that she felt happier because it was that grief over Kai that had lately lifted from her back. She could convey the relief in a small, honest smile, but not yet say with words that she had finally let him go.

She let him go, and she was happy.

She only hoped nothing would change with the threat looming over Jo and her family. Once again, Bonnie felt like the clouds overhead were closing in on her. For all the good in her life, balance was calling.

+

The boarding house looked just the same as it ever had. Kai pulled into the driveway at dusk, having wasted at least a few hours pulled over on the side of the highway, pacing around the car and yelling at poor whatshername about things that had nothing to do with the real reason he was so uptight. She was right. He was crazy. And he had probably traumatized her. But they finally made it to Mystic Falls and he was sure he could convince Stefan to wipe the girl's brain clean of him and how he'd tormented her.

He was relieved to find no other cars in the driveway. Though he no longer had the strength of a witch-vampire hybrid, he found that merely being the leader of an obliterated coven gave him strength enough to drag the kicking, wailing brunette easily to the front door of the house.

He knocked three times and loudly, tugging a bit on the girl's jerking arm to remind her fighting was futile. She continued her protest anyway, and Kai sighed.

Almost since the Firebird crossed the Virginia border, he'd swear he could feel Bonnie's nearness, lousy in the air like the scent of smoke from a fire days away. It made him feel like he needed a shower. He needed to sweat. He needed to touch himself. He needed, like always, to seek her out, latch on and suck, swallow everything about her into his deep belly. It was the same cloying hunger he kept his distance to bate, only now he was human and the need felt, if possible, even stronger. He couldn't drink her blood but he could pluck out her soul.

The door opened and Stefan stepped aside to let him in, glancing questioningly at the brunette.

"Oh, sorry. Manners," Kai reminded himself. He motioned in a charismatic, presentational way to the girl. "This is Jen."

The brunette, who still shook, murmured, "Lisa."

"Right," Kai winced, hitting his forehead, "Right."

Stefan smiled so tightly it looked angry. "Welcome, Lisa. We weren't expecting you," he said, both politely and irritatedly. Damon came into the foyer, surprisingly without his usual crutch of bourbon.

"Damon," Kai nodded, a stiff pleasantry.

"Weasel," Damon nodded pleasantly back. His eyes shifted to the girl. "And who's this?"

"An offering," Kai said before her name was spoken again. "I figured some thanks were in order since you're putting me up and all."

"Did you kidnap her?" Stefan asked, appalled.

"In layman's terms," Kai drawled.

Damon stifled a chuckle and Stefan glanced apologetically to the girl and back at Kai, shocked.

"No…Kai…you have to take her back, we don't—"

"He means _thank you_ ," Damon interrupted.

"We can't have an abductee in this house, Damon, it's against the council's rules, no feeding on innocent people. Kai, you have to take her home."

"In Nowheresville, Kentucky? I think not."

"This is so—I mean, why would you even think that we would want—?"

"Hey, hey, I panicked, alright? I started thinking about Bonnie on the road and I just—I don't know what got into me."

"You started thinking about Bonnie so you kidnapped poor little Leah and—"

"It's Amy," Kai corrected.

"It's Lisa!" the brunette sobbed.

Stefan shook his head, crossed his arms and let his eyes sweep the room, completely beside himself. Kai shifted his suitcase from one hand to the other like it was much heavier than it really was.

"So can I go unpack, or—-?"

"Damon," Stefan ordered, "Drive her to a bus station please. And you know what else."

Damon smirked at the tearful girl and led her out the front door. Kai watched the girl walk away, minutely treasuring the time they had together, confident that Damon would at least lightly use her for her intended purpose. This gave him some small satisfaction. He grabbed his suitcase and continued into the house.

"I see Damon's no longer on house arrest?" he called behind him to a lingering Stefan.

"We're easing him back into the world, yes."

"Is that safe?"

"Are _you_ safe?"

Kai smirked, though with his back still turned, Stefan couldn't see. "Jo here?"

Stefan sighed. "Upstairs. We set her up with Alaric and the babies in one of the bigger rooms. She doesn't like it but…she'll adjust. She's getting ready for the Halloween ball right now. Guess you should do the same."

"Whoa, whoa," Kai turned a fraction to face Stefan from the staircase. "A ball?"

"Big party at the Lockwood mansion. Yes, Bonnie will be there. You might want to pick up a costume."

"Costumes," Kai snorted, "….are for children."

"Your point?"

"Well what are _you_ going as?"

"Myself, obviously. I'm not a child and I have no one to hide from. But the Saltzman's are going as the Addams family. Maybe you can find a bald cap and go as Fester."

"Ha ha." Kai scoffed and made his way up the stairs. _Halloween ball._ Nobody ever told him about any Halloween ball. Now he had to recover from a days-long road trip, look good and mentally prepare to see Bonnie. She probably had a date. He didn't have a date. He didn't need a date. Did he? Should he have held onto the brunette a while longer? No. He didn't need her. He didn't need anyone.

He could hear his sister talking sweetly to her daughters when he passed a door that must've been their room. Briefly he felt a bizarre urge to burst through the door and have his first look at his infant nieces. He really wanted to see them, for some reason. He wanted to poke their little button noses and meet them, leader to member. Of course, he wasn't a leader anymore without a coven to lead. But he felt the need for something ceremonious. Something meaningful to say, _I am your uncle, I am your elder, I froze your mother's Hane's one time when we were ten, I am your would-be leader and I welcome you to this world_.

Perhaps he would save it for later, after he'd borrowed a Salvatore tuxedo and appeared, at least by fashion's standards, a new and upstanding person.

+

It started to rain by the time Bonnie's corvette parked outside the Lockwood mansion. She and Nora ran through the rain to the open front door where Tyler, like a good mayor, awaited on the porch welcoming townspeople as they arrived.

Bonnie felt a little bitterness walking through the door, having spent so much time there already trying to put the party together with Caroline. But when she walked in and saw how many people actually showed up, and how nice it all looked after their hard work, she felt a touch of pride, and a hint of understanding in regards to Caroline's obsessive party-planning skills.

The ceiling hung with silk streamers, black and orange. Hollowed out pumpkins with taps installed in them were planted at a table inside the door where a waitress was pouring their contents into crystal goblets to fill out her tray. Bonnie was pleased to see that Caroline actually had found that recipe online that made the cocktail black, like poison. She hadn't had any alcohol since that awful night in May and a black cocktail was tempting, but Nora noticed her eyeing the waitress and gently tugged her hand toward the ballroom.

Bonnie let herself be led, unable to ignore Nora's fingers interlacing with her own. But she didn't mind. What if Caroline was right? What if this was more than just a friend date? Nora was pretty, there was no arguing that. If Bonnie were to experiment with her sexuality, Nora was probably her first choice. Not only was she easy on the eyes, but she was easy to be around. She cared about Bonnie, unconditionally, it appeared. Bonnie tried to picture, accidentally, herself in a romantic situation with Nora. And she wondered if Nora knew what she was doing in bed. Probably, she thought. And it couldn't hurt to try sleeping with someone, of any gender, who knew what they were doing. Couldn't hurt at all. Unless it was Kai. He'd known what he was doing and that did hurt at times. In the best way.

Bonnie shook her head.

Music blared from speakers attached around the ceiling high above. From where she stood, she could see Matt and Penny dancing, dressed as husband and wife from the American Gothic painting, Enzo and Sarah Salvatore dressed as Victorian vampires, Elena standing off to the side in a bloody doctor's scrubs, talking with Caroline, who had splattered costume blood all over her least expensive pantsuit. Apparently this was the year they all wanted to be darkened and dramatized versions of themselves. But these versions, Bonnie realized, were the scariest thing she could imagine.

She spent the first hour talking with Nora, picking grapes off a communal vine in the dining room where blood-spattered cupcakes also tempted. They eventually moved on from the snacks, but hardly got to dance into their second song before a familiar male voice interrupted.

"May I have this dance?" it said.

Bonnie almost didn't want to turn around and face the speaker. Though she hadn't heard the voice in a long time, she knew by the way the hair on the back of her neck rose that something wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to be hearing this particular voice. The man who owned it was dead to her.

A nasty spell halted in the back of her throat.

She turned.

+

Jo wouldn't look at him. Alaric hardly would either. He understood. But it was still frustrating.

The first step to acceptance was allowing him to ride shotgun in the mini-van. Alaric drove and Jo sat in the back middle seat, between two car seats. Kai was told to wait in the carbefore everyone else got in and the first he saw of his sister and his nieces was a blurry over-the-shoulder glimpse as Alaric helped them in. Jo said nothing to him and matter-of-factly pretended the passenger seat was empty. Ric wasn't as hesitant to bore his eyes with warning into Kai's every few minutes. But it was hard to take seriously when he was dressed like Gomez Addams.

During the painfully quiet drive, the silence dug under Kai's skin and he had to say something.

"Josette," he began with not so much timidity as finality. Still his fingernails imprinted deep half moons into the knees of his borrowed tuxedo pants. "I know you won't accept my apology for everything I've done…and you shouldn't. But I need you to know that I'm sorry anyway. And I want to make it up. So… Can we please set aside our differences and start over?"

A stabbing moment's silence followed, in which Kai could feel his twin's response burgeoning behind him, and her spouse's patience wearing for her to respond first.

Finally Jo laughed. Kai glanced up at the admittedly great Morticia Addams Jo made in the rearview mirror.

"Our differences?" she chided between hollow chuckles. "Kai, the difference between you and I is you're the one holding the bloody knife and I'm the one holding my bloody abdomen."

Kai sighed and settled stiffly into his seat. Forcing reconciliation wasn't going to happen. Forgiveness was probably not in his cards. He almost wished something bad would happen at the ball so he could use the opportunity to prove his allegiance to the family he had left.

He could hear the babies, behind him, making small noises with their mouths. He wanted so badly to crane his neck and watch them do it, but he feared their mother would behead him with her glaring eyes alone.

Motionless and unforgiven in the passenger seat he remained.

+

"What are you doing here?"

His cool blue eyes smoldered, hardly apologetic except for the uneasy slant in his right eye. Nora's posture changed at Bonnie's side.

"Ric asked me to come," Damon admitted. "Given recent events, can't say I blame him."

"I'm sure some bimbo on the opposite side of this room would love to dance with you," Nora informed him.

"Does Stefan know you're here?" Bonnie asked, glancing over each of Damon's shoulders in search of the other brother. "Does _Tyler_?"

"Yes, the Big Bad Wolf and Little Bo Peep thought the extra protection was a good idea," he said, "We don't know how many vamps are after Jo or when they'll come."

"So why aren't you with her?"

Damon exhaled through his nose and frowned. "I need to talk to you."

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"Privacy would be great," Damon added, returning Nora's scowl.

Bonnie laughed cruelly. This was the first she'd seen of Damon since December. Of course it wasn't the first he'd seen of her, but she had tried to forget that fact. She'd grown used to regarding Damon in a spiteful way but it still felt weird to stand before him and denounce any good thing there ever was between them.

"Bonnie, please. It's important."

"Say what you need to say and go," Nora snapped.

"This doesn't concern you."

Bonnie crossed her arms over the front of her dress to show her displeasure, but uncrossed them almost immediately for the fact that she could hardly breathe in her corset.

"One dance," Damon pleaded, "And then I'll leave you alone."

"Promises, promises," Bonnie sighed.

"Bonnie," Nora said in her ear, hooking their arms. "Honestly."

"No, you know what?" Bonnie said, gently slipping her arm out from Nora's, "I'll give him his damn dance. I have a few things of my own to say."

Bonnie led Damon towards the middle of the floor, feeling Nora's concerned gaze on her back. She turned her head to give the Heretic a reassuring nod, something to say, _I'll be fine and you better believe it_ , before setting tense hands on Damon's shoulders and smirking. She could tell by some twitching on his face that he wanted to smirk back, or smile in some relieved and disbelieving way, but he held it back respectfully. His hands found her hips and settled there with a little more confidence than her dislike for him warranted. He thought he deserved this dance.

"So," Bonnie prompted irritatedly. "Let's talk."

"I haven't slept in two years," Damon said outright.

"Excuse me?"

"Ever since the wedding…" he panted, taking it slowly as though what he was about to say had been weighing on him like a marriage proposal. "…I'm haunted. I've had these…these nightmares, or hallucinations."

"About?"

"You. About your grandmother. About Emily. All you Bennett women have been in my head every single night. It's like a curse. ...And I deserve it."

Bonnie nodded. A sudden shiver rippled along her spine as though a ghost had just entered the room.

"But hell, if they kill me I need you to know how sorry I am, Bonnie."

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, trying to ignore the warmth spreading and tickling in her fingertips. What was this? Goosebumps littered her arms.

"We might be seeing a lot more of each other. With Ric and Jo moving in and the danger they're in, I can't just hide away all day anymore. So if slash when we see each other next…I want to be civil."

Bonnie knew there was no way she was just going to let Damon ease his way back into her life, whoever it was about. "And you're apologizing to me now, after all this time, hoping to absolve yourself of guilt so that it's not awkward when other people are around?"

"No…no."

"So that you can get some sleep?"

"No."

"Because I don't forgive you."

"You have every right to hold a grudge. Even if I'm the only one who thinks you deserve the truth."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"There's something you should know. Stefan and I…we've been keeping something from you, from everyone."

"Stefan?" Bonnie's voice faltered a little, somehow both able and unable to believe that Stefan could have been keeping some apparently groundbreaking secret from her.

"Listen, just know that it was for the best. Ok? I promise you, we only had the best in mind for you…" he trailed off hesitantly, then hunched over and groaned. His hands flew to his head and it was a familiar sight. He was having aneurysms. But she wasn't the one causing them. Or she didn't think she was. She jerked her hands into the safety of her chest and balled them into nervous fists. Was she hurting him with her mind? Or was another witch doing this? She looked up and around for the concentrating eyes and found none. But she laughed a little bit, seeing Damon in incredible pain, figuring it was probably Nora.

People dancing around them started to notice Damon's fit. Bonnie waved them on.

"He's just being dramatic," she assured them, "Happy Halloween."

Then she leaned down to Damon's level and whispered, "I don't care what secrets you're keeping. Nothing you do affects me anymore because there's no place for you in my life. So enjoy your nightmares, tell my grandmothers I said hi."

Then with a smile Bonnie strutted off to find her date.

+

"Where is she?" he asked upon meeting Stefan at the mouth of the ballroom. The Addams family had just ditched him to join in the festivities, and he would watch them from afar. He would keep them safe. He would. But he was a multi-mission man this Halloween and he scanned the townspeople, hardly knowing what to look for. He hadn't seen her in so long, didn't know what she was dressed up as, or if she dressed up at all for Halloween.

Stefan crossed his arms and shrugged, his gaze lost in the sea of ordinary monsters. Kai got the feeling that Stefan might actually be on the lookout for a different girl, but it didn't matter when his ribcage began to buzz with an all too familiar hum. Stefan, whoever he was watching for, looked straight ahead where perhaps it was more likely to catch a glimpse of anyone who was sought. But Kai, feeling a pull to the left, turned his head.

He wouldn't need Stefan's help, he realized, in looking out.

Bonnie was there.

And it was the back of her, and her hair was about a foot longer than he remembered it, and her body a bit more round with self-care, but there was absolutely no mistake. Longing cried in him. Propulsion in her direction was most carefully restrained, a shriek of homecoming joy in his groin silenced.

Damon's hands fell over her hips as she danced with him. Kai couldn't hear the words coming out of his mouth, but he suspected he wouldn't like them. And he didn't have to even think the spell before his wanting it made it so. The aneurysm was cast and Damon, suddenly wincing in excruciation with his hands flying from Bonnie's hips to his own head, glanced immediately to Kai.

Kai ducked before Bonnie could follow the angry gaze. _Not this way_ , he thought. He wasn't ready for her to see him. Not like this.

There was a human not too far away wearing a mask that struck him. It was a black plate covering all of the man's face except for his eyes, carved like the face of a goat with details all to the top, where two sharp horns jutted about a half a foot above his head. The mask suited the man's decision not to wear a shirt, but Kai guessed it would just as well suit his tuxedo.

"Stefan," Kai nudged, "Compel that guy to give me his mask."

"What? No. I'm not supposed to."

"Say that again?"

"Council rules, no interference with human life, that means no compulsion."

"You're a fucking vampire. Use it or lose it, Stef."

"Don't call me Stef."

" _Stef_."

"No."

"I changed my mind, I can't let her see me. She's going to kill me."

"I don't doubt that."

"Compel that guy for his mask or compel the whole ballroom to forget me being brutally murdered, you decide."

Stefan rolled his eyes.

+

"What was that all about?" Nora asked, her fingers intertwining with Bonnie's as they danced to the next song. Bonnie could tell by her attitude that she wasn't responsible for Damon's crippling aneurysms. She supposed Nora couldn't be, since she found her outside in the gardens, talking with Caroline and Elena.

"Nothing important," Bonnie said. Nora smiled dryly and nodded as if she expected as much.

"Well _I've_ got news," she said, shaking her hair off to the side of her face and grinning slyly. "Elena's avoiding Stefan. Because they slept together last night!"

"Oh," Bonnie said, only surprised because she thought for some reason the affair had been going on longer. She was also tired of gossiping about other people's love lives. She thought back to the night in Stefan's Porsche and wished, briefly if not destructively, she had gone ahead and slept with him. She hated herself for wishing it, and it wasn't that she didn't want Elena to have him and be happy. She just missed men. She missed affection in general. She wanted someone to touch, kiss and worship the corporal extension of her soul the way that another person only could in the entanglement of sex.

"Bonnie, are you alright?" Nora's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. And at the same time she noticed someone halfway across the ballroom, noticing her. Some stranger in a tux and a horned mask, very blatantly watching her. There was something familiar about the way he stood, she thought, but she often thought that about people she'd never seen or met in her entire life. Consequences of being a witch. She sensed things about people without really needing or wanting to, and it tended to make them stand out to her when they shouldn't.

"I'm fine," she uttered a bit more weakly than she meant, and tightened her fingers in Nora's. She squinted at the man in the horned mask, only to find that he'd vanished. "I just feel…funky, all of a sudden."

"Want me to loosen your corset? They can really do a number on a girl."

Bonnie shook her head and returned her blinky eyes to Nora, "I'm okay."

They started dancing to Blue Oyster Cult and Bonnie had fun, though she began to feel sicker as the song went on. During one particularly violent circle in which the girls twirled, she caught another glimpse of the horned mask, closer now. _Come on baby, don't fear the reaper_. And when she adjusted her head, spun the other direction to get a better look, he was gone again. _Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper_. It was nothing, she reminded herself. Just her nerves making something out of nothing. _We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper_. But what if it was a vampire? And where was Damon? Was he watching Jo and the babies closely enough? Where was Stefan? _Baby I'm your man. La la la la_. The music began to sound tinny in the ballroom, or maybe just in her own ears. Nora danced her faster, faster. _Then the door was open and the wind appeared, the candles blew then disappeared, the curtains flew then he appeared, saying don't be afraid_. She caught a flash of the masked man again, closer again, watching her again. Something seriously weird was happening and she felt it in her chest more than in her crawling skin. Vibrations. And he was gone again. And Nora giggled, and Bonnie did, too, for the absolute terror in her heart now.

The song was ending and Nora was slowing her bouncing spin and laughing, having had so much fun she didn't even notice that Bonnie felt on the brink of passing out. She looked into her dance partner's eyes, which lifted to something over her shoulders. The glee in her expression fell and a pallor washed her skin.

" _No_ ," Nora said, so quietly it almost went unheard.

Bonnie breathed deeply, hoping that whoever stood behind her it was not him. She dropped her hands to her side and dug her fingernails into her palms, and turned, half expecting to see Damon there again, fully expecting to kill him if that were the case.

But Damon was nowhere in sight.

Instead, she saw horns.

+

Her lip quivering was the first thing he took in. The whole sight of her, standing right in front of him, laying her eyes on him, physically, for the first time in almost a year, was too much to take in one look. He kept his eyes trained on her still face and, not ready for any skin contact just yet, held out his sleeved elbow for her to take. If she chose.

Perhaps it was her denial getting in the way of knowing it was him. Because Bonnie stared at him, simply struck, but Nora frowned and paled as if she could see right through the black mask. Bonnie's head turned down and to her left, a subtle check-in with the woman behind her, but Nora had already begun to shrink like an exorcised octopus backward through the crowd. And when Bonnie glanced back, she was gone.

Kai's heart walloped in his chest. He was glad for the mask, not only because it anonymized his identity but because it hid the sweat collecting on his brow, and the quiver on his own lip when her green eyes turned back up at him so suspiciously, yet her hand found its place in his elbow.

To dance with Bonnie again was a terrible idea. A terrible, unplanned idea that came naturally to him when he found himself in a ballroom of masked dancers and she was there. There was almost nothing better to do than something so horrible and unplanned as to ask for her hand. Even after he got his mask, there was no choice but to go get it ripped off.

" _I put a spell on you_ ," Nina Simone sang in the background, " _Because you're mine_."

He agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment. And Bonnie did let him lead her in a transfixed state, almost as if he actually had put a spell on her. He wouldn't put it past himself... but no magic was needed here.

+

What was it about him? Why couldn't she breathe? Why couldn't she think? How could she be so foggy? He rarely removed his eyes from hers so why couldn't she see who he was? Because if anything was certain, it was that she knew him. Somehow. From somewhere. The way he carried himself, the way he moved, the light blue in his eyes and yet the darkness in them. She knew them. Knew them so well, she thought, so well she almost dared to think they belonged to a man whom they couldn't possibly. The glints, the undaunted angle of the shoulders in the sharp tux, the composure in every movement he made… He was just like… He seemed very much like…

She noticed a tremor in her fingertips where they rested on his jacket, around the back of his neck. Just to calm them she pressed into the fabric. Quite accidentally she tapped into a short rush of magic, and whether it came from herself or from the masked man she couldn't be sure. But it felt strange, foreign as if from him but familiar as if from within. Or perhaps the strange magic was his, but it knew hers as well as she suspected she knew him.

He had magic. That she could tell. This person was no vampire, but was instead one of her own. She hadn't heard any news of another supernatural coming to town. Had he come for her? What was his lineage? What was his coven? For all the grimoires she'd perused, for all the books she'd studied, for the goddamn college class she taught every day, she knew so little still about her own kind.

She wanted to speak to him but couldn't seem to find her tongue in her mouth. He remained as mute. His palms that let her hipbones grind into them with every step spoke enough. They said, " _Melt_." And, " _Yes, you know me_." And, " _Run_." And she could deny none of these; her hips felt simultaneously hot with desire, an inkling of reunion and the instinct to scamper as far the hell away as she could. _But who is he? Who is he? Who is he?_

" _Who are you_?" she finally asked out loud and burned with the urge to peel the mask off his face.

He neither spoke nor broke their slow rhythm, but as an afterthought his hands, somewhat guiltily, trailed an inch or two up her sides and left her body with palms upturned. He stopped moving, and so she had to. But his hands stayed there, between their bodies in that beckoning way, and Bonnie felt like she was meant to take them. She let her trembling fingers glide down his sleeves, casting him a deeply hesitant look. She felt the lip of his jacket sleeve pass her fingertips as her right hand, first, fitted itself into his.

Before her other hand even made the journey a half second later, she was hit with it. Not how, or why, or any answers or trivial details, but merely the fact that it couldn't be anyone else. His skin on her skin conveyed that much, and the truth ran through her, a gallon of ice water, a bucket of blood; she was rinsed.

Her entire jaw now shook and even if she had the words, they'd never make it out in their proper form. The spellbound expression she knew had been dumbing down her features turned cynical, and hysterically so.

It couldn't be. He couldn't be. This masked man was no vampire, no Heretic, it couldn't be… Unless dying only made him human, miraculously. She was so confused. So confused.

But who else's magic ever went purling through her with this much master?

She looked down at their hands and noticed then what looked like the same black ring she had once given to a certain malevolent force of a man.

Her left hand flew from his palm to the chin of his mask. She thumbed the rim for a second, in necessary attempt to prepare herself for who she was about to find underneath.

He made no move to stop her. His eyes even, however fearfully, begged her to do it.

And so she did.


	9. Who Are You, What Then Will You Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor Victories - give up the ghost  
> Rihanna - same ol' mistakes  
> Son Lux - redone  
> Echo & the Bunnymen - the killing moon  
> Phantogram - howling at the moon

“ _Invisique_ ,” Kai whispered.  
Because the second the horned mask was pulled gently from his face, and Bonnie looked upon him, having believed for so long that he had been dead…she appeared to stoop over, her legs buckling beneath her, sending her body careening into him. He caught her underneath an arm and around her ribcage with a hushed, “ _Whoa, whoa_ ,” thinking she may have lost her footing. But when his gravity came to her rescue, her head also flopped backward, all her dark hair swishing lushly down toward the marble floor. Her eyes were closed and her beautiful lips set apart in a quite unconscious gape.  
She was going to be so embarrassed.  
His first instinct was to disappear, so that no normal people would interrupt his moment. But he couldn’t just stand there on the dance floor, invisible and propping up an unconscious girl. Shielded by his spell, he heaved her dead weight into his cradling arms and carried her off in search of privacy.  
He didn’t want to take her too far without her consent. That, and her petite physique was misleading; in her sleep, the woman was heavy as hell.   
He started up the staircase, passing by an unsuspecting Tyler Lockwood. He was tempted to wreak some minor havoc on his way, flick Tyler’s cocktail glass so that it spilled on his tux, swing Bonnie a little to the right so that her sleeping foot kicked Lockwood in the nose or something, but he resisted the urge and continued on up the stairs. He didn’t know how long he had before she woke up, and he guessed she probably wouldn’t love to wake up in the arms of a traitor.  
He found a bedroom at the end of the hall that looked promising. It shared the same generic qualities as some kind of Bed and Breakfast joint, obviously meant for guests and obviously never used. Most importantly, there was a bed to lay her body on.  
He carried her to the lace bedspread, hearing the door close behind him as he willed it to, and set her cautiously down, ensuring that her head was on the pillow and her spine was straight. Slipping his hands out from underneath her back and wincing as his biceps relaxed, he looked down at her corset. It looked so tight. Wasting no time, he trailed his forefinger from her breasts to her belly, watching the corset strings singe and sever as he went, and watching her chest rise and fall more visibly now, her mouth take in and let free each breath more audibly.   
Now all he could do was wait. Wait, and sweat, and try to keep his hands to himself. He realized he’d been breathing rather heavily over her. Would one kiss on her still skin be so wrong? One small, innocent peck on the cheek? Or on the lips? Or on the tongue? He wanted her immediately, and fully.   
He shrank into the shadows of the room and sat on a chair where he could both keep his distance and maintain a watchful, so watchful, closeness.

+

It must suck to be hated by everyone.  
This is the first thought Bonnie had when she opened her eyes. A thought of Damon. She didn’t feel sorry, really. She just felt. What was it like to ride nightmares through years, never sleeping, with no hope of redemption by the cruel witch you wronged?   
Maybe it was the dark morning and the serenity it brought Bonnie that led her to these complacent thoughts. And good for whatever ghost or psychological function that cursed him, but was one hopeless vampire worth so much energy? Bonnie wasn’t about to go and forgive him, but a numb acquittal might not be the worst thing. Oddly, yet naturally, she couldn’t live knowing that somebody else was suffering so much because of her. Even if they deserved it.  
 _Dark…morning?_   
Finally her eyes focused on what she was looking at. A shadowed ceiling. She had just woken up, yes, and her body felt loose and relaxed as though she’d slept for hours, but it wasn’t morning. Far from it, she realized, when she rolled her head to the right and saw a night sky through french doors. _Where am I? Where am I and where was I before?_ She didn’t recognize those french doors, that balcony, that view, or this room, this bed, this moment, this day. What day was it? Why was she here?  
She took a deep breath, feeling rather healthy for being so confused. Her head was not swimming, not aching, just blank. The only strange feeling she could find in herself was this gnawing reminder of some kind of panic, something she had felt, maybe moments before, maybe days. The last thing she remembered was…  
She sat up in the bed, a fast huff of frightened breath in the dark. The last thing she remembered was….   
It was coming into her ears now, the bass. The music from the party. The Halloween party. The Halloween party downstairs still going. It was night, it was Halloween, she was in Tyler’s house, upstairs, in a bedroom that thankfully did not look like it would be Tyler’s.   
The last thing she remembered was…  
“Kai..?” she breathed when she caught sight of a man’s silhouette. It was sitting in a chair just a few feet from the bed, its face obscured by the darkness but its identity absolute.   
He responded to his name by leaning forward. It seemed sudden, as if he himself had just woken up at the sound of her voice, or as if he’d been waiting with such anticipation and could no longer contain it. His face crossed into view and it appeared fixed; she could see ten months of longing, a kind of death, in his eyes, but the rest of his expression regarded her carefully, almost coldly.  
“Your hair’s really long,” was the first thing he said.   
His voice sounded the same, weathered only by mental age. Her hand, indulgently, sought out the curls spilling down her shoulder. Then she stopped herself.  
“That’s the first thing you have to say to me?” she accused weakly. She inhaled deeply and felt a certain amount of comfort that didn’t feel right. Her eyes fell down and noticed her corset, clinging to her frame by halves. They still shielded her chest from exposure but only with careful movement.   
“Nora’s gonna kill you.”  
That only made his eyes colder.  
“Somehow I think I’ll live,” he said, and then his stare, drifting back to her shoulder where her hair flowed, softened. “I like it.”  
Her precariously covered chest flushed with heat. She focused on breathing, on staying awake this time, and had she actually _passed out_? She hated that. But what healthy woman could hold her ground at the sight of this particular ghost? And was this even real?   
“I don’t understand,” she voiced her thoughts out loud, “I thought you were dead.”  
Kai sat on the edge of the chair, his elbows on his knees and his hands in a clasp, frowning.  
“I’ve been in Portland.”  
“How? I got back, I was alone, you weren’t there, where were you? I looked for you!”  
He looked down at his hands. “I didn’t want you to see me,” was all he said.   
Bonnie shook her head, but wasn’t afraid to stare at his averting eyes, daring him to look up and face what he had done. She had missed him. She had missed him so much.   
“How could you do this to me?” she asked.  
Kai shook his head solemnly.  
“Don’t pretend that the minute we got out of that hell you weren’t going to banish me from your life for what I did to you. Me dying was the best thing for you, and you know it.”  
“You’re wrong,” she stated, and at the same time wondered if he was right. He died, and she moved on. She made a functional life for herself, she was happy. Wasn’t she? And what would’ve happened if he never “died”? Would she have learned for certain that she felt some kind of love for him if she never got to mourn him? Was it only that distance between the living and the dead that made her heart, inevitably, grow fonder? Would she have pushed him away otherwise?  
Kai stood up and stepped a foot closer to the edge of the bed, his shoulders not as erect as before, his confidence not so icy.  
“I’m sorry,” he said. Bonnie concentrated on picking at the lace on the blanket underneath her, rolling little rips between her thumb and fingertips while she listened to every word that came out of his mouth and thought of the things she could do to lash out.   
“I didn’t come here for you,” he said, and she imagined grabbing him by the hair and hurling him out the window.  
“Stefan called. Told me about Jo.” And she imagined hitting him with a _motus_ and sending the desk full of fragile antiques behind him cascading to a shattered heap of junk. Oh, how Carol Lockwood’s ghost would haunt the hell out of her for it.  
“So I’m here to protect my family and that’s all.” And she remembered how close she had once been to family for Kai. Would he still have left if she’d agreed to marry him? Would any of this have happened? Would they even be home?   
“I’m gonna be staying at the boarding house for a while, I just wanted you to hear it from me first.” She imagined tearing like a whirlwind through the boarding house and ripping the brothers to shreds for this. Keeping him from her. And _Stefan_. After all they shared, after she confessed to him how much she missed Kai, after how far downward she spiraled right before Stefan’s eyes and they all knew it was due as much to social anxiety as it was to mourning this bastard who, it turned out, was alive and well all along.  
“…I’ll stay out of your way,” Kai concluded, and she imagined this to be untrue.  
His declaration almost sounded rehearsed. Still, her heart bled.  
“You’re going to come back from the dead,” she croaked, “And then walk out of my life again? Just like that?”  
Kai nodded callously. “Yep.”  
Bonnie’s fingers shook as she collected the ruffles of her dress into her lap absentmindedly, knowing no pain, knowing no anger, like what broiled in her chest.  
“Fix my fucking dress,” she demanded with a quiet, even voice. She kept her eyes turned down, pointed at the darkest shadow in the room so that they might get lost there and not in the eyes of the man who last had her.  
The edge of the bed dipped under the wight of Kai’s knee as he climbed in to reach her. She let her eyes wander over every part of him but his face, noticing how he kept one foot planted on the ground. She remembered what it felt like to sit in any given piece of furniture and dread him joining her on it. Sharing a seat of any kind with Kai Parker almost always led to something unfavorable. He was the kind of man you’d better fare standing around.  
His hand, five fingers spread, glided over the finely halved corset and she had to wonder how and why her clothing was torn in the first place. But as he wordlessly, motionlessly, mended it, and her breath constricted in its tightness, she gathered that she must have looked blue when she passed out on him.  
Her lungs clenching, she opened her mouth wide to take in a thin breath and accidentally looked up into Kai’s face.   
How this idiot could trap and torture her, force her attention, until she cracked and liked him, liked him some more, loved him, only to leave her alone with it…it bewildered. Infuriated. Broke her heart. And how, with the way he looked at her now, could he pretend he wasn’t still invested? All this time…wasted.  
Kai blinked and turned away. He headed a few paces for the door and Bonnie had just enough of a second to wish he wouldn’t go before he stopped and turned back around.   
She should’ve expected this.   
She’d begun to feel like she didn’t know him at all. She didn’t know this unaffected ghost.  
Until he came at her, and she knew him so well. He came at her like he always had, with an ominous tint to the color of his eyes that made her heart, however broken, batter its protest. It made her skin tingle with flight, it made her knees hike up to her chest and kick, kick at the bed to propel her body backward, to get away, to run. And as always, he caught her.   
_Warm_ , she thought. He was strangely warm.

+

His heart pounding, breath hollowing his chest for all it was worth and with an involuntary rumble of satisfaction, he ate her mouth.   
He mashed his lips onto hers. She hummed her surprise and grabbed onto his lapels, pushing with her hands, pulling with her fingers. He slid his hand through her long hair and pushed the base of her skull to keep her from pulling away, ever. His other hand dug into the bed so he could claw his way into it. And her dress was a mountain of ruffles but he climbed that too.   
Enough with this coldness. Enough with faking it. Enough with fantasies.   
He never kissed the pizza girl in Portland. It had been almost a year since anybody kissed him. But Bonnie…  
For a moment he didn’t know how he lived without her.   
He let his tongue adventure from his mouth, gently gliding the inside of her cheek and prodding the base of her tongue. He felt out her tastebuds and the thin flaps of flesh underneath her tongue as she stretched hers as deep into his mouth. He scratched himself on her sharpest teeth until it begged him to bleed, and if he could still pour his life’s essence by the pint onto his love’s lapping tongue, he would have. If he could lick his way down her whole throat to show how much he wanted her, he would have.  
Too soon, he felt his pants getting tighter around his groin. His dick was suffocating. The need to fuck grew strong, like generations of Gemini behind him were relying on it. He felt so mortal and temporary, that doing this now was so important. He cupped Bonnie’s jaws in both his hands and sat with all his weight on her ruffled lap, lifted his pelvis and sat again, and leaned further into her, and bucked so that his dick might have the slightest chance of feeling her warmth through her dress and his pants. He kept her busy kissing as he began practically humping her, and to little avail, but she hadn’t ripped his head off yet, so that was a good sign.  
He reeled his tongue back into his own mouth and moved his kiss to her chin, and down to her jaw, and to the soft beginning of her neck where the blood ran just beneath, happily inaudible to his human ears. Playing, he took a nip of flesh between his front top and bottom teeth and nibbled gently. She made a sound of approval and he knew that she knew, without needing to be told, that he would not and could not any longer break her flesh.  
Though for nostalgia’s sake the idea of rubbing this pinch of skin, corroding it raw between his teeth until a sore opened and she was marked in yet another way for his conquer, made him even hornier.  
He couldn’t.   
He had to be a better man now than to fulfill his every violently sexual whim.  
He resorted to sucking the skin, for neither was getting away from the other without some evidence placed. A bruise of lust from his leeching lips would be kindest. As he worked on an artful hickey, he felt her nails skim the back of his neck. Nerves there raced to the surface of his skin with awakening pleasure.   
If he kept this up, she was his for the taking. Joyfully. Disastrously.  
All that time of suffering without her would have been for nothing. He would dissolve her dress, he would enter her, he would get attached…she would never be free of him. And Bonnie needed a life without him in it.  
He pushed up off of the bed. He dragged his fingernails in regret along her jaws and let her face go. He closed his lips into one final kiss on her lips and tore himself away from Bonnie, rushing the hell out of the room as quickly as his shaking legs could carry him.

+

He was human now. As sure as the stars.  
She didn’t know how but with a little deductive reasoning, she guessed it had something to do with the fishy details surrounding Elena’s awakening. It must have been Kai who woke her, and he had to have cured himself before the blood, likely _his_ blood now that Bonnie thought of it, made its way into Jo’s hands. Which explained Jo’s irritability. And Stefan’s evasiveness. Damon’s appearance that night, and the big secret he was trying to fill her in on.  
“Oh my god,” she murmured to herself when Kai took all of his human warmth and fled the bedroom, leaving her as stunned as she was wet, and all of these realizations came tumbling to the forefront of her mind. She was beginning to think clearly now that he had left her mouth, left her aura, left her hungry, left the room. Everything, for the first time in forever, made so much sense.  
She wiped him off her mouth and hopped off the bed, collecting all her ruffles and crinoline, double-checking that her corset was mended, and she stormed.  
Bonnie stopped only once on her way to her car, and it was to deliver Stefan an earth-shattering slap across the face. She feared that with so much anger and hurt running through her veins, punishing him with a minor spell might turn out more major than she intended. And he wasn’t the only person she wanted to punish; Damon and Kai, and Jo to a certain extent, had all kept this secret from her. At this point she wasn’t even sure if anyone else could be trusted. But she intended to find out, she decided as she floored the gas pedal under her seventeenth century heel. She needed to know who was with her and who was against her.

+

It wouldn’t matter how hard he tried. Kai would never feel at home in the boarding house.  
The Addams family poured straight from the mini-van into their room and locked the door behind them without a word to say, leaving him to his own devices until the Salvatore brothers caught up. He’d been too nervous to eat anything at the ball, and now he was too upset to feel hunger at all, but he ate some stale crackers anyway.  
“Shopping list item number one,” he muttered to himself while he perused the empty kitchen cabinets, “ _Food_.” There was absolutely nothing to eat in this kitchen.  
 _Baby food_ , he thought. He’d go out the next day and buy some baby food jars. He didn’t even know if the girls were old enough to eat it, but maybe the consideration anyway would help ease him off of Jo’s bad side.   
He wondered where Bonnie was. He only caught a glimpse of her face before she left the party and she looked pretty upset. It wasn’t his intention to upset her and he felt guilty. He supposed he could text and ask the woman herself where and how she was, but he felt that he had made it pretty clear, mainly by his words and his exit, they were not on friendly terms. He hoped she understood that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be friends with her. He wanted to be everything with her. It was the bigger picture of their lives and their respective purposes he had in mind. He needed to revamp his coven. She needed to be Bonnie Bennett, whatever that entailed. Hopefully, he thought, it entailed revamping her family. The Gemini Coven was flat out of Bennett allies.

Kai heard the front door open and slam closed. He gave up on trying to taste something good in the soft crackers in his mouth so he spat them out into the trash can and threw the half full box on top of his discards.  
Stefan came into the kitchen, looking only at Kai as if he’d done something wrong.  
“What the hell happened back there?” he asked. Kai dug his fingers under the neck of his borrowed shirt, feeling rather constricted in it all of a sudden.  
“If you’re referring to the slap on the face you got for keeping secrets—”  
“No, Kai, I’m wondering where the hell you disappeared to?”  
“Keeping tabs on me?”  
“Yeah, like you should be, on Jo,” Stefan accused while Damon strolled into the kitchen with a fresh glass of bourbon.  
“I threw her a glance before I took five, she was fine.”  
“Mm,” Damon nodded, leaning against the doorway between the kitchen and the hall. “While you and Bonbon were off doing the monster mash, we got a little visitor. Don’t worry, we killed him for you.”  
Kai sighed and put his hands on his hips. Monster mash. Good one, he acceded internally, even if the accusation was false and _that’s not the point_. Jo was in danger and he wasn’t there. Kai straightened his face. “I thought Tyler was letting people walk in without invitation to weed out any threats.”  
“Uh, yeah, Jo stepped outside for a teensy second to get bottles out of the car. She’s fine, not a scratch, and suffice it to say I had my murder britches on tonight so you’re off the hook. But now we know the threat is real.”  
“She didn’t say anything,” Kai said, feeling something like disappointment, or shame, or something, curdling in his chest. Why wouldn’t Jo mention the attack on the drive home? Especially if she could use the fact to make him feel guilty and useless.   
“She’s not counting on you, Tweedle Dum. Surprise, surprise.”  
“Well, she should.”  
“Look, regardless,” Stefan piped up, “There will be more. Damon and I have already transferred ownership of the house to Ric, so no one’s getting in here without a fight and she’s on self-imposed lockdown. But you probably shouldn’t leave your sister’s side until we figure something out.”  
“Wait, wait, you didn’t have an invitation barrier before?” Kai asked, dumbfounded.  
“A what?”  
“A threshold spell? To keep the vamps out?”  
Stefan cocked his head and eyed Kai suspiciously, or sympathetically. He couldn’t tell the look he was getting, but it made him feel stupid.  
“Vampires…don’t…get those?” Stefan said.   
“What kind of vampire life did you live?” Damon asked with a fun smirk, eyes twinkling cruelly.   
“The amateur life, apparently,” Stefan answered his brother, looking like he wanted to smile but was still too angry about the slap.  
Kai pursed his lips to keep from frowning too obviously. They were making fun of him.  
“I only got to be a Heretic in the prison world,” he defended, “There were no scummy vampires to learn from.”  
“Did you even drink blood?” Damon teased, “Or was fruit punch red enough?”  
“I drank Bonnie’s blood, as you well know.”  
“From the tap?” Damon put his hand over the side of his mouth and leaned over to Stefan, “Or out of a sippy cup like an amateur baby bloodsucker?” Stefan just frowned at Damon.   
Kai smiled along, confident enough that however Damon made his fun, and however brief the condition was, however isolated, he’d been a _real_ vampire. He’d done enough damage and had too many regrets for a single person to bear. It certainly was good to be human again.   
“Speaking of Bonnie,” Stefan raised his voice over Damon’s snickering “Maybe stay away from her.”  
“Right,” Kai nodded, “Yeah, don’t tell me what to do.”  
Stefan’s posture shifted. He looked at Kai to point at him with all of his fingers straight and diplomatic. “Bonnie was one fast train off the tracks, it took a while to get her back,” he said, then ordered in as low of a voice Kai had ever heard from him, “I mean it. _Don’t_ dismantle her.”  
Kai began to feel cornered. Stefan’s energy was closing in on him and Damon, though maintaining his sassy distance in the doorway, was close enough. If these two buffoons thought they could keep getting away with cornering him like this, he’d find a splendid way to retaliate.  
“Too late, Stef,” Damon said. “Did you feel the ground rumble when she left the party? Hell’s opening.” The boozing vampire looked to Kai, “You’re one cat that should’ve stayed in the bag.”  
“Meow,” Kai monotoned, his aggravation growing. “Take a pill, bros. We all want the same things, ok? No dismantling. Bonnie Bennett will stay mantled.” _To my dick_ , he joked to himself and was tempted to say out loud, even if the thought was untrue and damn near self-destructive.   
“Make sure of it. I’d rather not have the holy hell slapped out of me again.”  
“Hurt, did it?” Kai leered as a montage of memories of slaps from his favorite girl’s hands filed through his mind. “I miss that.”  
Damon grimaced in distaste. Stefan crossed his arms and looked in another direction. He needed to get laid, Kai thought. Clearly they all did. Himself especially.  
“Welp,” Kai clapped his hands together, “It’s been fun, but I have one more order of business to tend gently to. I trust you can be the watchmen for another hour? Or three?”  
“Where the hell is it you think you need to go?”  
“Don’t get your frocks in a fuss, _Mom and Dad_. Just something I have to do.”  
“Not Bonnie I hope,” Damon grumbled and took a sip of his drink.   
Stefan smiled sheepishly at Damon and said, “You’re the mom.”  
Kai smirked and took his leave without affording a response on either matter.

+

Bonnie had texted Caroline that she would meet her at the teen graveyard party. Her primary focus had been to remove herself from Kai’s presence and calmly quiz her friends on their involvement in the big secret, but the first thing she did when she arrived at the graveyard was accept a plastic cup of something that was way too strong for its size, and now as she led Caroline and Elena through the woods to find some privacy, she wasn’t sure what she’d do.  
The moon hung fat and bright, though not quite full. Dead twigs and dried leaves cracked and crunched beneath their feet. The bonfire was a small glow in the distance before Caroline stopped and said, “Ok, Bonnie, I think this is far enough, now can you _please_ tell us what this is about?”  
Elena, who had been quiet the whole walk, said, “Actually, I think I know.”  
Bonnie turned to face her friends and crossed her arms. Caroline mirrored her and frowned at Elena questioningly.  
“I wasn’t sure it was him,” Elena admitted, shaking her head doubtfully, “I just saw him from the side as we were leaving. But how can it be? Is it really him, Bonnie?”  
“Is it really _who_?” Caroline snapped. Bonnie could hear her patience vanishing. She looked down to her shoes in the dirt, aching as she shifted her feet, wishing she had changed into regular clothes so she didn’t feel so god damned weird raging around in someone’s great-great-great-great grandma’s clothes.  
“You guys are really good at playing dumb, aren’t you?” Bonnie muttered, before reaching out. She appeared to wrench down an invisible handle from the air, gritting her teeth and breathing deeply. She brought her gnarled fingers into a fist outstretched before her and Caroline and Elena both fell to their knees as though gravity itself had tugged them by the wrists.  
Elena yelled in pain and Caroline cursed, both girls turning scared and confused doe eyes up at Bonnie. She could see Caroline trying to get back onto her feet, but she wouldn’t be able to until Bonnie approved of it.   
“Swear to me you weren’t in on this!” Bonnie roared, a little surprised when she heard her own voice sear through the silent forest. The noise of the party was dulled by distance but there was a new ringing in the air. It was almost mechanical in its pitch and it knifed through her ears, making her want to bang her head back and forth just to shake it out. She could feel tremors of rage, and fear, and hurt, rippling out from her chest to the surface of her skin and the high pitched noise seemed to breathe in lower pitches as she herself took breaths. The noise was coming from her.   
“ _In on what_?” Caroline pleaded for answers, panicked. The wind, which had been blowing faster the more time went on before Bonnie externalized her anger, now howled.  
“ _It’s Kai!_ ” Elena answered over the noise, “He was at the party.”  
“ _What_?!” “Bonnie, stop!” Elena cried, covering her ears.   
“ _Swear to me you didn’t know he was alive_!”   
“ _Bonnie_!” her friends chimed in agony. It wasn’t her favorite sound, these girls in pain. Hadn’t she spent so much, _too much_ , of her energy making sure she _wouldn’t_ hear that sound?   
“Please,” Bonnie softened her tone and tightened her eyes shut, wishing she could make herself stop. She paced her breath and focused on the blackness beneath her eyelids, hearing the noise beginning to fade. She had to remind herself who she was, what she was doing, to whom she was doing it.   
She relaxed her hand to release the energy there.   
“You guys are my best friends,” she said, “Just be honest with me, promise me you didn’t know, promise me you wouldn’t keep something like that from me.”  
She opened her eyes and watched her friends, one at a time, guardedly moving back onto their feet. She couldn’t stand the sight of her own best friends looking at her like she was crazy, like she was going to hurt them. Though she just had, hadn’t she?  
“We promise,” Elena insisted, her voice cracking with the truth. “How could we have known?”   
“What the hell’s gotten into you?” Caroline snipped as she steadied herself and brushed the dirt off her pantsuit. Her way of pledging her loyalty, and shaming Bonnie for doubting it.   
She believed them. And she realized she stood before them like a queen over her subjects; expectant, rash, punitive. Her _friends_. Did she really just bring them to their knees?   
She had no right, whether or not either of them had kept this secret, or even a thousand secrets, from her.   
She was not herself.   
What the hell indeed _had_ gotten into her?   
Something vile.  
“I’m sorry,” she burst in a half whisper, unable to speak clearly for the embarrassment.   
“Bonnie, are you okay?” Elena asked, so caring, so forgiving. Caroline crossed her arms, but the purse in her lips gradually loosened with a little more concern.   
Bonnie sat drearily on a nearby rock and laid her hands open in her lap.  
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.   
Kai was alive. Kai was alive.   
In a way she was more okay than she’d been at any point in the last year. A jagged hole in her chest that she had felt for the ten months of mourning Kai less and less seemed to feel, in an instant, as imaginary as it was. The not-so-imaginary jagged hole in her abdomen, the one that was healed three years over, felt as opened as it was the day he created it. Yes, he was existent, he was breathing, and he was fucking _human_ of all miracles, but he had abandoned her…again. And to do what, exactly? How had he spent all of those days away while she spent hers in gloom and embittered forward-thinking? With whom were these days spent? Did he get to begin again on the coven he obliterated? Did he meet a new blank slate of a witch to help him fulfill his so-called destiny? A woman he had not stabbed, left for dead, kidnapped or entrapped…yet? Or was he lonely? Did he make friends? Did he know how? Had he been killing? Should he have died? Was he as horrible as ever? Did he take care of himself? Did he ever think about her? Did he get her messages? Did he screen those two calls? Did he care? Did he feel anything? Did he _ever_. _Feel_. _A damn. Thing. At all._   
Bonnie realized she had disappeared into herself for a moment and that both of her friends were waiting for her to say something. They were probably still so confused. She had more explaining to do. More pertinent information to reveal. Bases to cover.   
She opened her mouth to begin, then she wondered.   
“Where’s Nora?”

+

Kai was cloaked when he entered the dorm room. For a moment, he stood behind the woman, waiting for the right moment to reveal himself, waiting for his Bonnie-boggled brain to feed him the right words to begin with, for the right demeanor to wash him so that he would not be perceived as psychotic as he probably was. He watched the woman pace from her dresser to a runaway-red suitcase lying open on her twin bed, tearing her nicely folded clothes out of the drawers and packing them in haphazard shoves. She wasn’t openly crying, but she sniffled and kept rubbing her eyebrows with the heels of her hands in distress.   
After a moment she stopped, her back to him, hands shaking in their resting point on the zipper of the suitcase. She still had a drawer and a half left to empty.  
She sighed.  
“I know you’re there.”   
Kai was not as surprised as he was proud. Proud that he could less easily hide from someone who was once of the same brood. He took it as sign that the encounter might go as he planned. He let go of his spell and showed himself to her turned back.   
_Nora Hildegard._  
Last known Heretic. Gemini ancestor. Born rebel. Ravishing beauty. Though not as pretty as Bonnie, in Kai’s opinion. But to be fair to his favorite Heretic (besides himself when he was one), nobody was as pretty as Bonnie.   
_Stop thinking about Bonnie_.   
“Gemini magic,” Nora said as she calmly turned to face him, “I can feel it a mile out.”  
“Going somewhere?” Kai asked, psycho eyes shifting from suitcase to face, daring her to lie.  
Nora crossed her arms and straightened her spine, an adjustment of posture that told Kai she wasn’t afraid of him, didn’t feel threatened. And that was fine with him. He hadn’t come to strike fear. He didn’t want to make threats.  
“Yes, in fact. Somewhere far. Just tell Bonnie I’ve died, in the fashion.”  
“That’s cute.”   
“What do you want?” she asked with a passive tone, as though he may actually get what it was he wanted. He grinned.  
“A cheeseburger, for starters,” he said offhand, returning a gesture of realism to her. “The Blood Brothers have shit for food and I’m starving. But I don’t expect you have any patties, buns or grills up in this adorably academic pad, so, from you, I actually came to retrieve…it.”   
Nora raised an eyebrow.  
“Ah,” she said, and he felt a shift in the atmosphere. “And what exactly do you intend to do with it?”  
“Well, to be honest, nothing,” Kai shrugged. “It’s not like I can go back. Thing is…I’m sort of planning on rebuilding, and it is technically a Gemini relic. It should be filed away. …Plus I kind of just want it.”  
“I see.”  
“You do still have it, right?”  
“Of course I still have it.”  
With a slight reluctance to all her movements, Nora turned back to her suitcase. Kai watched her slender hand disappear into a pocket and emerge, clutching the gorgeous glass ball. He exhaled and smiled a little in relief. He hadn’t laid eyes on the ascendant since he filtered through its broken shards in the prison world.   
Nora held the delicate ball out to him and he accepted it with both his hands, ready to feel its warm vibe in his palms. “Glad to see its keeper took good care.”  
Nora emptied the last of her drawers in one armful and loaded the clothing into her suitcase, topping the pile off with a couple of trinkets from her bedside table.   
“How could you do this to her? She thinks she’s good at hiding it but I can see it,” Nora declared as she bent and began zipping up the suitcase. “You got her to feel something for you.”  
Kai bit his lip and practically gushed with conceit.   
“Congratulations,” she strained, finishing the zip. “But you’ve fucked it up.”   
Kai rubbed his thumb over a spot of frost on the glass and moved the ascendant to his pocket.   
“I don’t need to explain myself to you.”  
“Nor should you want to, I don’t actually want to hear it. I have a Greyhound to catch.”  
He watched Nora load the suitcase onto the ground and start for the door. He wondered where in the world she thought she was going.   
“Hey—”   
“Please,” she interrupted. She stopped at the door and looked to Kai, her eyes begging.   
“…Don’t tell her that I helped you. We’ve become good friends and I…well, I can’t bear to think of how it would hurt her to know that I helped you put her in that wretched place. If I’d known sooner how good of a person she is I would’ve brought you both back and slaughtered you at her feet like the swine you are. …But we can’t change the past. Still, I would like to be remembered fondly.”  
Nora took the doorknob and turned it a fraction. Kai flicked his wrist and the sound of the heavy old door’s lock clunked.   
“You don’t need to be remembered,” Kai said matter-of-factly. “You’re not going anywhere.”  
Nora sighed and let go of the doorknob to glower at him. She might make a challenging fight.  
“Is that so?” she laughed harshly. She certainly thought she could take him too. But no acts of force were in the cards tonight. What kind of leader would that make him?  
No, a little coercion, with enough leverage weighed by an expert of his caliber, was a failsafe.   
He rubbed his hands together and smiled.  
“I’ll make a deal with you.”

+

In the interest of being able to laugh the night off sometime in the future, the human, the witch, and the vampire decided it was best to stumble back down to the teen party and get so drunk it warranted brain damage.   
Bonnie had just told her friends everything she knew about the Salvatore brothers keeping Kai a secret, and her knowledge didn’t amount to much. But she was sure to make it clear that he wouldn’t be a threat, and there was no need for Caroline to hunt him down. Elena’s primary concern, it seemed, was Bonnie’s wellbeing. She kept asking if Bonnie was going to be okay with Kai just hanging around in Mystic Falls. Which she wasn’t, but did it matter? Elena also seemed put off that she’d spent so much time around Stefan and was never told, but even Bonnie could guess that it was because Elena was her oldest friend and Stefan knew she wouldn’t keep such vital information from her.  
Though the night was ruined, it was unanimously agreed among the girls that they would put their grudges aside and focus on the important thing, which was the safety of Jo and the babies. It felt otherworldly to Bonnie that she and her friends could be so mature, even while she seethed inside to keep slapping people, Kai especially. If anyone deserved to be brought down on their knees for answers, it was him. She still had so many questions.  
But she wouldn’t be seeing him, she supposed. He said it himself.  
Her eyes were lost swimming in the bonfire when Nora finally showed up. She felt her energy first, like sap, dripping and weighted. She had already changed into jeans and a long-sleeved top, and Bonnie envied her for that.   
“You disappeared on me,” Bonnie said to the fire. She crossed her arms and fully intended to keep her cold shoulder up until she was certain Nora had not betrayed her.  
“Sorry,” her date granted, voice solemn.  
“Kai’s alive.”  
“I know.”  
“How long have you known?”  
“As many hours as you have.”  
The fire cracked and Bonnie blinked. Passing out in the Lockwood ballroom had made her fuzzy and she could hardly remember Nora’s disappearing act, but she believed her. Now that she stood beside her and was reminded what it felt like to share auras, she didn’t believe this woman could be any more deceitful than Elena or Caroline. She slackened her stance a little, not too obviously. She was still on edge from having been kissed halfway to Hell.  
“Where were you?” Bonnie asked, nicer now.  
It was Nora’s turn to speak to the fire.  
“You may not like it.”  
Bonnie finally looked at the woman to her right and carefully studied the guilty pout in her lips. She was ashamed of something. There was no need for it, though. She owed Bonnie nothing, and Bonnie expected nothing of her. Nothing but loyalty, as they were supposed to be friends.  
Nora looked down and fidgeted with the end of her sleeve.  
“I’m sorry,” she muttered, and showed her palm to Bonnie.   
Two small red cuts, each an inch in length, diagonal and parallel on Nora’s palm, stared up at her. It could’ve been a cat scratch, though the wounds looked deep and the blood in them was dark.  
“It’s taking forever to heal,” she said of the wound, still sounding apologetic. Bonnie took Nora’s hand for a closer look. The second their skins touched she felt a spark of something new, as though Nora’s magic had grown stronger sometime in the last few hours.   
“What’d you do?”  
The Heretic’s hand practically trembled and the women looked into each other’s eyes. She inhaled through teeth Bonnie could see were chattery and twisted her lips into a repentant frown.  
“I joined him,” Nora said fearfully, though Bonnie caught just a hint of pride in her tone. “I just rejoined the Gemini coven.”

 


	10. What A Lovely Way to Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've renamed one of Jo's twins because it doesn't make sense in this story for her to be named after Liz Forbes.  
> Songs:  
> Zella Day - Jerome  
> Radiohead - Creep  
> Sarah Vaughan - Fever  
> Zella Day - Sweet Ophelia (digster live session)

“We had sex, ok?” Bonnie finally spat it out. It had taken all of five minutes for her to put it in such certain terms for the three girls in the booth.   
Caroline kicked her boots on the ground, flailed her hands in a jazz and grinned uncontrollably while making the most restrained giggles sound like suffocation. Elena covered her mouth and expressed how wowed she was with her big brown eyes. Nora merely nodded like she knew it already.  
November outside the windows of the Mystic Grill was bright grey and frosty, the coldest morning of the season yet. It was the perfect setting for sharing dirty details with girlfriends in sweaters over a hot breakfast of waffles and hazelnut coffee.  
Bonnie was forced to the extreme length of telling this truth because Caroline was trying to plan a big Thanksgiving dinner at the boarding house and couldn’t understand why Bonnie didn’t think it was a good idea. Apparently the surface level of her bad history with Kai wasn’t enough of a reason for Bonnie to avoid gatherings on holidays. Which seemed greatly selfish and unforgiving on Caroline’s part, if it hadn’t been for the nauseating good guy act both Kai and Damon had been putting on lately.  
The mood had lightened considerably in the weeks since Halloween. True to his word, Kai had stayed out of Bonnie’s way. She hadn’t seen or heard from him and it was as though his big return had been a dream. A really, really hot dream. And waking life remained basically the same. She woke up early on weekdays, dressed like a widowed professor, drove to Whitmore, taught a class, ate a salad, taught her next class, drove home, graded papers and tended to her herb garden. Sometimes she practiced new spells, little household hacks. Sometime she ate out with friends. Kai, however nearby he dwelled, was as dormant a threat to her routine as a benign tumor.   
Except for his charm.  
Coaxing Nora to join the remixed and reimagined Gemini Coven was one thing, though Bonnie didn’t blame her for it, really. But showing up at Whitmore Medical during Elena’s shift and formally checking in on her with an apology, a handshake and a peace flag in the form of a Starbucks coffee to top it off…. _that_ was something else. Bonnie didn’t know which was worse: that it worked or that Elena called her afterward to tell her about it and say, “You know, he’s weirdly kind of cute.” And apparently in the second week of November he had reached out to Caroline with this idea for a Thanksgiving get-together. Bonnie knew that he knew that Caroline was everybody’s go-to girl for party planning. Kai needed only to plant the idea in her brain and by Thanksgiving a party would bloom.   
As if there were some conspiracy, Damon seemed to be following a similar path.  
Bonnie was in the middle of giving a serious lecture about shrunken heads when some delivery nerd from a flower shop barged in to hand her a bouquet of weeping violets, in front of her entire whooping and aww-ing class. Attached was a card that read:

**_Bonbon,_ **

**_This card redeemable for however many slaps it takes to make you happy._ **

**_Slap,_ **   
**_Damon_ **

In addition, Elena received a long letter from Damon in the mail. She let Bonnie read it and it essentially detailed the thinking he’d gotten done since Kai’s sleeping beauty curse was placed. He was glad they’d had their chance at love, even if it was over. He knew about things rekindling with Stefan and he was good with it, and he missed her but he knew it was for the best. He was sorry about Bonnie. He knew she would never forgive him, and nothing between them could ever be like it was, not that it was even great to begin with, and Bonnie just kept nodding when she read the part about herself. On all accounts, Damon was correct. But the fact that he appeared to be handling things like an adult nowadays did impress her. _Only took three lifetimes._  
Damon and Kai. Good guys.  
And now trying to get out of Thanksgiving dinner on the basis of their bad blood was moot. So began the excuses.   
“Oh. My. God! You guys did it?” Caroline exclaimed. Bonnie waved her hand down and shushed. “Are you serious?”  
“Was he good?” Elena asked, pinching the end of her fork between her teeth in excitement.  
“Is he big?”   
“Was he sweet?”  
“Or was he rough? He seems like he’d be rough.”  
“My god, I tell you guys something I should be ashamed of and you’re drooling for details.”  
“You know, I _thought_ you missed him.”  
“How did it happen? Start from the beginning!”  
“I’m not getting into it—”  
“Bonnie!”  
“Yes, he was— _kind of_ —good.”  
All the girls blushed, Nora included. Bonnie herself grew hot in the cheeks.  
“Tell us more!”  
“What is this, Grease?”  
“What was it like? Come on! Fess up!”  
Bonnie groaned. “Fine. He was _really_ good, ok? Like, insanely good, my toes curled. And yes, bigger than average.”  
“How many times did you guys…?”  
“Depends on what you count.”  
“Oh. Oh, Bonnie. Did he go down on you?”  
Bonnie rolled her eyes. “And vice versa. We had a lot of time, Care. The world was empty and miserable and there was almost nothing better to do.”  
“Hold up. Does he do good work down there? ‘Cause being single has not been my favorite. I’m not saying I’d ever date him but I could use some maintenance if you know what I mean.”  
“Don’t even think about it, Caroline, he’s possessive and weird,” was what Bonnie said, and she actually managed to get it out in passive words. What she wanted to say in threatening grunts from the pit of her belly was, ‘ _Don’t fucking touch him_.’  
Caroline nodded, “You’re right. You’re right. Plus he’s…” _Mine_ , Bonnie thought. “…still kind of stuck in the nineties,” Caroline finished with a grimace.  
“The point is,” Bonnie raised her voice a little so that no more questions could be asked, “It’s awkward for me to see him and I’d rather keep my distance. Just give it the bad-breakup-treatment. Mmkay?”  
Everyone relaxed back into the booth and stared down at their food or out to the other tables. The Grill was almost empty, except for them and a few other townspeople eating alone.   
“Nora. How’s your hand?” Bonnie changed the subject.  
Nora laid her hand out on the table, palm up. Bonnie hadn’t had a chance to talk with Nora for a week, and the two slits in her palm she received for rejoining the Gemini coven had still been there.  
“It’s getting better,” she said, and Bonnie could see that even though the slits were still red, the skin had healed over them. It was almost as if she still bled underneath.  
“So weird,” Bonnie said, having no experience with these types of wounds. Nora had been referring to it as her _induction cut_. She said she’d heard of them before but that the ritual was a new type of induction for the Gemini coven. Kai must have picked it out of a stranger’s grimoire.  
“It’ll take some time to heal,” she said, “Because it’s a magical wound. I guess the scar will fade but it will reappear during rituals.”  
“Did Kai tell you that?”  
“Yes. We had our first circle Wednesday night.”  
“Circle?” Bonnie held back a cruel laugh. “Circle of two?”  
“The magic still works, Bonnie. The cut was redder, even. Practically glowed.”  
“What’s a circle? Is it like a witch support group?” Caroline asked.  
Nora laughed, “As much as Kai needs one, no. It’s a gathering of magic. We sit, take hands, chant a little. It’s just a sort of togetherness covens do, it makes us more powerful. It was our first one so it was awkward and small and I don’t really feel much different, but I imagine as the coven grows that will change.”  
“Is Kai looking for more witches?”  
“Looking, yes. Finding, no. Most of the witches out this way are either dead or really hard to find. It’s fucking vampire country. No offense, Caroline.”  
“None taken,” Caroline shook her head, suddenly looking very guilty.   
“How does it work being in a witch’s coven when you’re half vampire?” Elena asked.  
Nora shrugged, “I’m still half witch, aren’t I? I was born into the coven forever ago anyway, I think that’s what matters to Kai. Jo doesn’t even have magic anymore and he still wants her to rejoin.”  
“He said that?” Bonnie asked, shocked.  
Nora nodded. “He’s lonely.”  
“She’ll never join,” Bonnie said, looking back on the time she lived under Jo and Alaric’s roof. There wasn’t a single Gemini memento in the house. Not even memories, good or bad, verbally passed on. Furthermore, every time Bonnie even thought of Kai, Jo’s mood shifted as though she could feel her brother’s astral presence in the air. She hated him.

+

Kai didn’t know or care where the Salvatore brothers were, or why they rarely bothered to make an appearance when Kai made breakfast. He’d grown accustomed to eating alone, even though he lived in a house of seven now, and even though at least two of the six other people were food-eating humans.   
This morning was different.  
This morning, Jo actually came downstairs.   
She’d done a pretty decent job of avoiding him since Halloween. He still hadn’t even seen the inside of the room she and her family were staying, but he hoped it was at least the size of a small apartment, because she hardly ever left it. Alaric was the one who usually came out; he cooked her meals, warmed up bottles and gathered general necessities to deliver back to the room. He often delayed his return trip to sit and have a short, responsible-new-dad sized glass of bourbon with Damon. Kai usually made a cameo during these sessions. It often resulted in some verbal abuse from Damon and a less than friendly expression from Ric, but he had hope that one day he would actually be invited to the bourbon huddle. It wasn’t that he needed to be social; he was as accustomed to being an outcast in a full house as he was to eating alone. He didn’t even really need Alaric to like him. He only wanted to be hated slightly less, so that his sister might be affected in the same way. That Alaric didn’t seem entirely disappointed to be living back in Mystic Falls, Kai observed, might be helpful in improving the general household atmosphere, which had been sour and awkward every shitty minute of every shitty hour since the day he arrived.  
But obviously something was changing. Maybe Jo finally realized she couldn’t keep herself, or the babies especially, locked up in a tower forever. She would need to face the dragon eventually.  
Kai sat stiffly at the kitchen table, mid-sip on a glass of orange juice, watching through the clear rim as Jo opened the fridge and stood there for a moment, maybe looking for something to eat. He glanced to the table full of serving dishes of scrambled eggs and fried potatoes, tortillas and chopped onions, a basic feast sitting before him. Though he stopped expecting anyone to sit and eat the breakfast he had cooked, he always compensated for the possibility.   
Jo shut the door of the fridge and turned automatically in his direction. She crossed her arms and stared him down from the opposite side of the kitchen, so he figured he would finish taking that sip and put his glass down on the table.  
“Yaw?” he said, his mouth full of juice, before swallowing.  
Jo’s crystal eyes gave him a hard once-over before she breathed in and said what she wanted to say. “The girls are going to start crawling soon. I got Stefan’s permission to baby-proof the house. He’s out picking up some outlet covers for me right now, but I already have the cabinet locks.”  
Kai hung onto this, the longest string of words she’d put together for him yet. He waited for the rest, but when she said nothing else he realized she was expecting him to offer his help. He’d waited so long just for her to speak to him, and now that she actively needed something, it was even better. But part of him wanted her to work for it.  
“Oh?” he said, reaching again for his orange juice.  
“The girls are asleep for now, but it won’t be long before they wake up and when that happens…it’s hard.”  
“You hungry? Lots of food here. You should eat something. _Mom_.”  
“Christ, Kai. I could use your help, alright? Will you help me?”  
Kai grinned, “Sure, sis.”  
“Don’t call me Mom. It’s creepy.”  
“But you are one.”  
“And you’re a piece of shit, but I don’t strut around calling you that.”  
“‘Preciate it, thanks. …Where’s hubby?” Kai asked before stuffing a forkful of scrambled eggs in his mouth.   
“Off with Damon somewhere, who knows,” Jo said, ignoring his word choice. She decidedly took the jug of orange juice from the table and instead of pouring herself a cup, took a long swig straight out of the jug. Kai smiled a little bit, hearing their mother’s voice in the back of his mind scolding, “Josette, use a glass! The rest of us like orange juice too.” He let out a short chuckle. Jo finished her swig and returned the jug to the table, about a pint emptier than it was before. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and looked at Kai.  
“Did you just think of mom, too?”   
“She would’ve scolded you so hard just now.”  
Jo nodded.  
“Josette Parker,” Kai mocked the voice of an older woman, “Get your kisser off that orange juice or so help me, spirits, I will start buying grapefruit juice instead!”  
“Remember when she did?”  
“Shyeah, it was gross.”  
A moment of silence passed. Jo cracked her jaw and shifted on her flats, looking around the room with displeasure.  
“We’re not bonding,” Jo informed him.  
“Uh, I don’t remember asking you to paint my nails.”  
“I’m going to get the cabinet locks.”  
“You get ‘em.”

  
+

After breakfast, the four women took a shivering walk through downtown Mystic Falls to shop for dresses to wear to Matt’s wedding months away. While passing by the window of a baby store, Elena swore she saw Stefan inside. “You guys go ahead to the dress shop, I’ll catch up,” she said, and only Bonnie caught the dopey lovestruck expression on Elena’s face before she disappeared in pursuit of a man she thought she saw.   
Bonnie lagged behind Caroline and Nora, losing herself in thoughts of Kai. She’d been wondering, obsessively on and angrily off, why Kai would kiss her like that if he wanted nothing to do with her. She felt teased. So teased she wanted to one-up him.

+

Installing cabinet locks was harder and more frustrating than it looked. Kai and Jo finished only three before shrill cries blared out of the baby monitor.  
Jo nearly ran out of the kitchen and he thought he’d been left to finish the task on his own, but his sister unexpectedly returned, and with a baby in each arm. He paused his screwing to appear attentive, hoping she would ask for his help and hand him one of his nieces for the first time. He looked up at his sister, arms around babies’ bellies while the babies’ chubby legs dangled, fat little feet kicking, tutus swishing, their hands in and out of their slobbering mouths, their wet lips so tiny and precious and shiny with snot running from their dinky adorable noses. They were half Saltzman but those noses were Parker noses, he’d attest to it.   
Kai bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from tearing up. They were so cute. In disgust, he shook his shoulders and cracked his neck and looked back to the cabinet in front of him.  
“Do you think you could set up their high chairs?” Jo asked reluctantly, keeping the babies to herself. Kai nodded and jumped up to help without hesitation, fetching the folded up high chairs from their corner. He felt like such a good little helper, though Jo needed to coach him on the process of unfolding them.  
“Why do they make these so fucking complicated now?” he griped.  
“Watch your language!” Jo scolded.  
“Can we trade? I’ll hold, you build?”  
“Not a chance.”  
“This is ridiculous.”  
“It’s not that hard.”  
He felt like an idiot but all the more accomplished when he finally got it right. Jo buckled in the babies and asked him if he would also help make their bottles. This, at least, was still simple enough. He even remembered how to check the temperature of the formula on his wrist. It had been almost twenty five years since he prepped a bottle for an infant sibling.   
_Sibling._  
He handed the bottles to Jo and went back to screwing things. His sister was a good mom to keep her daughters out of their uncle’s arms. They were supposed to have aunts and uncles besides him, and he was the reason they didn’t. He was the reason they were once immortal embryos, stuck in their mother’s womb. He bled himself dry to get them the cure, but now he was the reason they would never be healed by vampire blood if they needed it. And a day would come, he assumed, that they would need healing, healing at the speed only vampire blood was capable of, and desperately. If Jo stayed in this town, close to so many vampires, disaster would always be around each corner. He cringed to think of all the stories Bonnie had told him, all the tight spots she’d found herself in, times she’d almost died, times she _did_ die.   
These little girls. He was beginning to worry so much for them.   
“Have you spoken to Bonnie?” Jo asked. Kai looked back at her, each of her arms holding a bottle in a baby’s mouth while their little hands cheered in flaps and flails.   
“Not since Halloween,” Kai shook his head. He was betting Jo had hoped for an answer like that. Though in his mind he’d spoken to Bonnie many times since Halloween. _Many, many times_ , he thought, feeling a tug in his junk. It was harder than Hell to be a mile down the road from her house and not creep through her window every night to have his way. He had his imagination to hold him over but he did worry that it wouldn’t be enough after a certain amount of time. Meanwhile, he was cumming in the shower every night to stay away.   
“How come?” Jo asked, her tone dead, almost with disinterest, even though she was the one to bring it up.  
Kai shrugged, “Right thing to do.”  
Jo nodded. “It is the right thing to do.”  
“Why do you ask?”  
“I keep having dreams that you’re talking to her.”  
 _That’s funny, so do I._ “But I’m not.”  
“But you want to.”  
“And?”  
“Nothing. I just wanted to know.”  
Kai sighed and moved on to the next cabinet. He placed the screw and began pressing it into the wood, and his mind was suddenly a storm of Bonnie thoughts. Why was Jo asking about it?  
“…Do you think I _should_ talk to her or something?” he asked his sister.  
“Absolutely not.”  
Kai ground his molars and turned the screwdriver.  
“I kissed her,” he grunted.  
“What? When? _Why?_ ”  
“Halloween. Because I wanted to. And because she looked at me with her eyes and her face and I couldn’t not.”  
“You need to not.”  
“I love her.”  
“Please.”  
“I do.”  
“You don’t know what love is,” Jo said evenly, easily, no change in her tone to indicate that she meant any harm by it. It was simply a matter of fact.  
“Maybe not. But since I met her, my world just…” Kai tightened the screw he was working on and set the screwdriver down. “It’s weird. Everything feels different. And it’s shitty now that I can’t be with her. I can’t even think about her without feeling like I’m gonna barf and shit my pants. She makes me sick.”   
“How nice,” his sister drawled sarcastically, though he could hear in her tone that she was giving his condition some diagnosis that she was keeping to herself.  
“Even music sounds different. Every song makes me think of her. Even songs about that aren’t about love, like songs about dogs. And murder.”  
“Do yourself a favor. Don’t tell _her_ that,” Jo advised.  
“Did she ever mention I asked her to marry me once?”  
“What the hell?”  
“Yeah. Pretty much sums up her response, too.”  
“You need help.”  
Kai spun around on his butt to have this conversation face to face. “So help me.”  
“You’re beyond my expertise. You need a criminal psychologist.”  
“I need a priest to exorcise the love for Bonnie Bennett out of me.”  
“You’re weird.”  
“I’m possessed.”  
One of the babies coughed and Jo took the bottle from her mouth. Kai lifted his chin in the direction of the sound, a little concerned. The baby coughed a little more, then everything was fine. He watched his sister smile in comfort and the baby made a cooing sound in return. He didn’t know what it was or what it meant, this expressive baby sound, but his heart spun in a circle. “I’ve never wanted you to die, Jo,” he said, because for some reason he felt that he needed to and that now was the right time. “It’s my fault you were turned.”  
“I know.”  
“I’ve never really killed you. I never really will.” Jo said nothing. He forgave that. For all his verbal expertise, he wouldn’t know how to respond either.   
“And I would never hurt them,” he added, motioning to his nieces. “You know that, right?”  
Jo hesitated.

+

On Thanksgiving, Bonnie showered. She dried her hair and threw it back in a bun out of her face. She put on a loose black hemp-made dress, long-sleeved, ending at her knees and swishing comfortably. It wasn’t particularly cold yet for the season so when she was dressed adequately, she made herself a peanut butter sandwich and took it out to her back porch with a novel she’d been wanting to start for a while, and a glass of wine. She’d started drinking again, minimally. She liked to think she had it under control now.  
She left her phone inside, on silent. If anyone wanted to reach her, they could knock on her door and spend Thanksgiving with her instead of at the Traitor Boarding House.   
She was content to spend the holiday alone, if that was her fate. She was fine, really. The only thing shading her mood was the dream she’d had the night before. It didn’t even feel like a dream as much as a passing thought in sleep that took her, for a matter of seconds, into the belly of her best-suppressed feeling. Nothing happened, it started nowhere and progressed nowhere. She remembered only lying on a horizontal tree with her feet up on a vertical forest floor, and balancing there so as not to fall through the horizontal forest while Kai balanced on top of her. She couldn’t remember being specifically naked, either one of them, but she remembered and still felt, while she sat awake in her lawn chair, the querying movement of his cock inside her. And even though an abyss of forest threatened an eternal fall beneath the one tree that kept them from it, he kept moving against her, slow motion, moaning, breathing her name. She was so afraid to move the slightest inch, or look down. And even though the dream began and ended right there in that moment, she’d had the distinct feeling that she was just caught. She’d been running for her life, somehow, through this gravity-less forest, and she didn’t make it. He had her.  
She got goosebumps just thinking about the dream, and had to keep shaking it off and forcing herself to move on to something else. But she couldn’t get it fully off of her. She couldn’t get him fully out of her. And the feeling she had gotten so good at rejecting, at ignoring, at pretending it didn’t exist, wasn’t that she loved him. She still believed and accepted it, despite herself. She loved Kai, and the revelation was old news. What was difficult to acknowledge was that there was no escaping it. There was no moving on. There was no self-help, no program of steps toward a better future. He could torture her with a kiss and then ditch her. He could reenact the darkest chapters of their history and she would not look away. He could exact his worst on her softest vulnerabilities, and she would always want him.  
And why? It was wrong. She needed more resolve. She needed more self-respect. She needed an orgasm to calm herself down. She needed to focus on her book, and some better peanut butter, and a cheap sexual experience to show Kai that she was not his even if she was, and she needed to stop thinking about it because she had been doing so well until she had that dream, and she needed a road trip, and to talk to her dead grandmother, and _how dare he_?  
She would need to get even.

+

It finally happened.   
Jo was trying to balance the girls, two bottles and a glass of water in her arms on her way from the kitchen to the living room. Stefan, Damon and Alaric were all in other places, getting the house ready in different ways for the company they were about to have. Kai was sitting in the throne, one knee hanging over an arm and the other leg balancing by the rubber of his Converse shoe on the edge of the seat, while he flicked through Bonnie’s old facebook page on his smart phone. He wasn’t supposed to be sitting on the throne, as the brothers had told him repeatedly it was an antique and only for show, but they weren’t in the room to remind him. It was a good thing he’d been sitting there anyway; he was able to jump up and jog over to Jo just in time to scoop a slipping a baby from her arms.   
Jo made a sound of relief, only having spilled a little bit of water on the rug, and readjusted the other baby to a more secure cradle in the crook of her arm.  
“Sissy, at a certain point you just gotta make two trips,” Kai said, getting used to the feel of his chubby little niece’s body in his hands. He brought the baby in close and held her against his chest with one arm while he took Jo’s glass of water in the other. To his surprise, the baby he held didn’t cry and reach back for her mother. Instead, she leaned into his shoulder and started chewing on her hand as if Kai had already held her a hundred times before.   
Jo looked at Kai, sucking in one side of her bottom lip, her face expressing half gratitude, half regret. She must’ve known it was her own fault. He couldn’t have planned this. But there he was, holding her baby.   
Kai resisted the urge to smirk at Jo and smirked instead at the baby. She shifted little blue eyes up at him and they locked gazes for a second. Suddenly Kai felt his insides shift. In the infant’s eyes, he could see the possible future of his coven. Would it be these two girls who one day needed to merge their powers to take over for him? He’d only just come into leadership, he didn’t know if he was comfortable with that, and it was twenty two years down the road but he wasn’t ready to have a successor in place, just idling, just waiting, just growing until the time came, their time, her time, Kai’s time.   
This was the cycle of leadership and things had always been this way. Something he wasn’t expecting, a sense of relief, or unburdening, flowed in to him.   
There were descendants.   
It was a good thing.  
Even if it meant he couldn’t be king forever, it meant his coven had a better chance of legacy, of outlasting him after he died (if he ever allowed himself to die), and of surviving.   
He’d started something new by collecting Nora; the coven was officially revived. He only needed to collect his sister now, to make sure that what he started was going to last. Because if he collected Jo, it would eventually, inevitably, lead to the collection of her daughters.  
“Which one am I holding?” Kai asked.  
Jo half smiled without warning.  
“This one’s Josie,” she said, bouncing the baby in her own arms, “And you’re holding Lydia.”  
“Lydia,” Kai smiled down at the baby who was named after his mother.   
Now that he could see the name on a fresh face, it was beautiful. Less tainted by the love that had waned as he grew older. Kai had always loved his mother, even for how hard he’d made her life. She and Jo were the only ones in the whole house growing up who ever gave him a break. But in the end, his mother still helped to put him away. Sometimes, he thought, it was even her idea. If it was true, he didn’t know whether to be thankful and resentful. He knew he wasn’t the first Gemini criminal to be locked away in a prison world, but he liked to think he was put there because his mother wouldn’t stand to see him killed for what he’d done. He was still her son, after all. Her first baby.   
It wasn’t until he escaped 1994 that he learned, sneakily, she didn’t live much longer after he was put there. She died of cancer while he was away.

Kai helped his sister get to the couch, and he stole an extra minute with Lydia in his arms, sitting down beside Jo to cradle the baby and stare dumbstruck into her eyes. He’d held all of his siblings when they were babies, but never felt anything like this. Like he was cradling hope, and a very fragile future…more fragile than anything ever before. More fragile even than the ascendant to his world with Bonnie, or Bonnie herself, or his own life. This innocent, cherubic, Parker blood-filled little gremlin was the most important thing in the world.   
Well, she and her sister equally. Kai extended his extra minute to an hour of quiet worship. Jo ended up passing out in the middle of feeding Josie, so Kai scooped the other twin into his free arm. Maybe he’d be punished for it when Jo woke up, but this arm-aching cuddle was well worth her worst of scowls. He could sit this way all day.  
More and more he felt like every time ever when his parents gave something special to Jo for no reason. It wasn’t their birthday, it wasn’t a holiday. Mom and Dad just got her things, because she was good and she deserved random gifts, and Kai didn’t.   
Jo had something he didn’t.  
He was jealous.  
The front door whined open down the hall and the sound of Caroline’s heels and yoo-hooing voice bounded through the entire lower level, threatening to wake Jo and ruin Kai’s cuddle. He rolled his eyes.  
“Hey, have you seen—” the blonde started when she entered the living room, but stopped short when she saw Kai and the half asleep babies, and the fully unconscious woman on the other side of the couch. Then Caroline blushed, beamed and scream-whispered, “Oh my gosh _look_ at you.”  
She dumped her purse on a side table and carefully clopped to the other couch to sit across from Kai and lean forward like she didn’t want to miss a second of this.  
“How long as Jo been asleep?” she whispered, reaching forward to pet a thin lock of Lydia’s hair off her forehead.  
“Not long enough.”  
“Nora and Elena are just now leaving Whitmore but I’ll text them to be quiet when they come in.”  
Kai nodded appreciatively.  
“Bonnie can’t make it, so…” Caroline pursed her lips apologetically. Kai knew his face fell, even as he tried to keep himself composed. “She…has plans. With her mom.”  
It was a lie. Bonnie was a bad liar and he could remember her telltale tics pretty clearly, but Caroline was even worse. He knew a little about Bonnie’s mom, anyway. There were no plans. Bonnie just wasn’t coming. She was spending Thanksgiving at home, probably alone.  
She hated him that much.  
“Good for Bonnie,” he said.

+

Bonnie’s reading was interrupted by the chirping of a bird that landed on her patio table. She looked up from her book to frown at the courageous bird, and frown deeper when she realized it looked familiar to her.   
A yellow finch.  
The same kind of bird that led her home when she was lost in the prison world. The daisy Kai had charmed into a finch to find her, fool her, bring her back.  
Whether it was a meaningless coincidence, a sign from the universe, or a messenger charm from Kai, it was clever. Clever because it made her long for company after it flew away.

Ten minutes later, she found herself bopping her head to a song while she drove through town. She used the beat to keep herself distracted from thoughts of where she was going and what might happen there, whether she was really welcome. _I’ll stay out of your way_ , he said. He never told her to stay out of his.  
She pulled up to the boarding house. Or, where it used to be.  
“ _What the hell_?” she muttered to herself. Because instead of an obnoxious, overbearing house, Bonnie was staring at an empty plot of land.  
She turned the engine over and got out the car, slamming the door and walking up the gravel to where the front of the house was supposed to be. It was just grass. Dead grass and fallen leaves.   
Before she could come to the obvious conclusion, she heard a joyful, “Bonnie!” and something grabbed her hand. She blinked and suddenly the boarding house was there. Elena was standing right in front of her, holding her hand and welcoming her.  
“He cloaked the house,” Bonnie theorized.  
“Yeah. Sorry, I would’ve told you but Caroline said you weren’t coming. Is everything okay?”  
Bonnie nodded innocently. “I just decided I want to spend Thanksgiving with my best friends and I don’t care who else is around. Did I miss dinner?”   
“It’s almost ready,” Elena smiled forgivingly, “You’re right on time. You might want to move your car though…”  
Bonnie glanced back to her car in the driveway to find that she had almost rear-ended Nora’s Prius. Kai needed to come up with a better parking system if the cars were all going to be invisible.  
Walking to the car and getting back inside it and putting the key in the ignition all tempted her to just drive right back home. She asked herself out loud what she was doing, not sure and not caring if Elena could see her talking to herself.

Inside the house, she was welcomed warmly by most. Elena led her straight to the kitchen where everyone seemed to be hanging out, chatting while cooking. Caroline squeaked and gave her a death-hug and side-eye, which Bonnie knew had something to do with Kai but decided not to try and decipher it. She got normal hugs from Nora and Matt, and a half hug from Penny because they weren’t yet on full hug terms. Tyler nodded at her, Alaric patted her on the back and graciously let her swipe the half full beer bottle out of his hand. Stefan smiled grimly from across the room and kept his hands in his pockets. She hadn’t spoken to him since she slapped the shit out of him. Even Damon greeted her with a fuller smile, but intelligently kept a safe distance. Bonnie had considered bringing the card he sent her to redeem it for a slap. She wasn’t in the mood for equalizing him violently on a holiday but she was almost ready, she knew, to humor him in some way. Mostly for herself, so she could let him, and what she hated him for, just go.   
Once everyone had said their hello’s, the girls grabbed a round of beer bottles for themselves and toured to the back patio to let the men finish their cooking.  
“That went well,” Elena commented on the way, “With Damon just now.”  
“Are you still icing him out?” Bonnie asked.  
“As much as I can, what with him being my future brother-in-law.”  
Bonnie stopped in the middle of the hallway to gape and beg for reassurance that she heard Elena correctly. Elena merely grinned and extended her hand out for Bonnie to take. Caroline and Nora giggled excitedly and gathered around Bonnie to drink in her reaction.  
A fat antique ruby sat on Elena’s ring finger. How did she not see it earlier? Bonnie hoped she could physically appear as excited as she felt for her best friend. She made some kind of exclamatory noise, not sure if she’d even formed a word.   
“When did he ask you?!” she squealed.  
“Last week after we all had breakfast. We went out to dinner and he just got on one knee and…yeah!”  
“And you’ve kept this from me all week?” Bonnie chided playfully.  
“I wanted to wait until everyone was together!”  
“Well we’ll all have to go out and celebrate this weekend,” Bonnie suggested, wanting nothing more than to close her eyes, disappear from this moment, and reappear in a bar.   
She was excruciatingly happy for Elena, and somehow sad at the same time. Everyone around her was finding their family. Even Nora, becoming part of the Gemini coven. Bonnie had no sense of belonging, no family, no coven. No roots, it seemed. She’d been happy with her awesome job and she had reveled in her independence, but it meant littler and littler the more she pictured herself in the next ten years, or twenty. She wanted children someday, and love, and a happy ending. Matt’s wedding was coming up, Elena’s wedding date would be announced soon, she was sure, and now she was picturing them. What would they look like? What would she herself look like at these weddings? And now that she thought of it, what did she want to look like at her own? She remembered Kai asking her about her dream wedding, forever ago. How little thought she’d put into it until she was asked. Maybe she really did want it. She wanted it viciously. Not at all for the fanciful celebration of love, but just to have it. To have someone, to lay roots. To lay rest to all the trauma and misfortune that had befallen the Bennett family and begin again.  
“Ok?” Nora whispered, nudging Bonnie as they went on. She nodded. Why was everyone asking her that all the time now?  
The women passed through the living room and a flush of heat ran through Bonnie’s veins.   
Jo looked like she was napping on the couch. Josie was asleep in her play pen. Kai sat in a chair by the fireplace with Lydia in his arms, holding a bottle to her mouth. She knew it was Lydia because of the direction her hair curled.  
Kai looked up as Bonnie followed the other girls across the room, more slowly now as she could not seem to remove her eyes from him.   
This was only the second time she’d seen him since his big return, and the revival in her heart was almost overpowering. It was made worse, too, by the sight of a baby in his arms. Not swing or dangling carelessly, not in danger, but lying comfortably, calmly, quietly. Bonnie could see that if anything was ever in the _safety_ of Kai’s arms, it was that baby in this moment. She’d never pictured him this way, but now that she was seeing it she couldn’t un-see it, or un-explode her ovaries, nor did she want to.   
“Hi,” she breathed, holding up a weak hand, her fingers twitching a bit because of the unscheduled blasting in her general pelvic region.   
Kai’s eyebrows narrowed at her and she saw him inhale. He looked her up and down, but instead of acknowledging her with the _hello, I still love you_ that she expected, he returned his gaze to the baby, efficiently ignoring Bonnie altogether.  
She realized her friends hadn’t stopped to witness this awkward exchange and she was practically alone with him. She sighed, nodded and ha’d a little without meaning to be so spiteful.   
“He’s been like that all afternoon,” Caroline practically swooned to Bonnie when she caught up to everyone, already outside and making themselves comfortable at the covered patio table.   
“So cute,” Penny said, probably having no idea who or exactly what Kai was.  
“Yeah,” Bonnie admitted. “Cute. …And Jo’s ok with him doing that?”  
Caroline shrugged, “She’s been asleep since I got here. But you saw Ric, he was fine with it. I mean, Jo probably hasn’t slept this long in months and Ric’s probably just happy to have a little break.”  
Bonnie scratched the back of her head and hmm’d, pursing her lips. She hadn’t expected this.   
“He seems happy, being an uncle,” Elena assured her, sensing her unease.  
Bonnie shook her head and muttered, “Uncle Psychopath,” under her breath.

+

Kai could not allow himself to be kind to Bonnie. It made him feel wretched and small but the facade was as easy to hold up as it was to be himself. Even though he did want her there. He practically force fed Caroline the idea of having a big get-together in the hope that Bonnie would be there, like he was the god damned great Gatsby or something. When he heard she wasn’t coming, he sent her the finch. And he knew she would know the finch was his, so acting like he didn’t want her there now was dumb, rude, pointless. He didn’t understand himself. She mixed him up, she made him stupid, she made him a masochist.  
All through dinner he could tell she was less than impressed by his attitude. She seemed as eager as ever to ignore him back, but he kept stealing glances at her and she rarely broke a smile. She sat on the other side of the table, at the opposite end of him, between Nora and Elena, listening more to Caroline’s background jazz playlist than the various dinner conversations.   
_Oh well_ , he thought. He would learn to breathe again. Someday. Maybe. Probably not.  
Jo had finally woken up, fought a serious battle with post-nap mental fog to steal her babies back from him and set them up in their chairs, looking somehow sleepier than before. He hoped she did not feel as taken advantage of as he did; Ric had decided to initiate Kai into the babysitter’s club most cruelly by allowing him to change the stinkiest diaper he had ever smelled in his life. He washed his hands three times and still felt unsure about eating with them.  
Halfway through dinner, against all hope, conversation turned to the topic of Jo’s protection and what Kai’s plan was. He had some ideas, but none he was ready to share yet. Thankfully, somebody asked if there were any leads on how word got out about Jo’s condition. Who, in other words, spilled the beans? Who was responsible for the delicate balance of peace in Mystic Falls bursting into shit-flames?   
He got the shock of his life (not really) when Caroline stood up, cleared her throat and said, “I think it’s my fault.” Everyone at the table stopped eating for a moment and Caroline took a nervous breath before she explained herself.  
“So…nobody judge me please…I’ve been talking to Klaus, on and off for the last…I don’t know…two years…”  
“Are you serious, Caroline?” Stefan interrupted, his brooding mug perhaps one of the most judgmental at the table.  
“This is Klaus’ doing?” Elena asked, amazed.  
“No, no, no…I just mentioned a while back that Jo was a vampire and that she was pregnant, I thought he would find that interesting, and I don’t know what I was thinking, but when they were finally born, I also mentioned that to Klaus, and it led to talking about the cure of course, and he wouldn’t tell anyone, he didn’t, I promise, and I’m so sorry Jo, Ric, I didn’t mean for all this to happen but I think somebody, either on his end or mine, must have heard me talking about it. I’m so sorry.”  
“How do you know Klaus didn’t tell anyone?” Stefan asked.  
“Well because I told him not to.”  
“Oh, well, since you told him not to. Thousand year old vampire does right by Caroline Forbes, is that how it is?”  
“It wasn’t him, _Stefan_. He’s even offered to come to Mystic Falls and help protect Jo until the danger blows over.”  
Kai, having had enough of Stefan’s attitude, stabbed his fork into a stable upright position in his turkey breast and spoke up with a stern, “No.”   
Everyone at the table looked to him, tuned in to his authoritative tone. He didn’t hate it.   
“We aren’t bringing any more vampires into this. I don’t care how badass they are, I don’t care how much you trust them.”   
No more vampires. He’d been thinking about it for a while now. Nora wasn’t a problem for him, due to the half of her that was a witch, but he’d grown tired of vampires and all the bad news they brought. He wasn’t quite ready to say it out loud but there was going to be a gathering of covens for Winter Solstice, not too far from Mystic Falls, and he’d been toying with the idea of recruiting help from them.  
Caroline sat down, folded her hands in her lap and looked at her plate. Kai felt bad for her. He wanted to wring her neck and pet her pretty hair at the same time.   
“And I don’t really care how all this shit started, either,” Kai continued, hoping it could be of some relief to her and her big mouth. “It doesn’t matter how Jo’s story got out. It’s out. And it was an honest mistake, Caroline, I believe you. And who knows, I bet this shitstorm would have happened eventually anyway. But what matters now is that my sister and my nieces stay safe. I appreciate all of your concerns, but it’s a family matter now,” Kai emphasized, accidentally looking directly at Bonnie, who looked away at the same time and flicked a pea from her plate at Damon. Damon caught the pea, gave Bonnie a stern but cautious look and set the little green weapon down on his own napkin, a subtle surrender Kai couldn’t believe he was seeing.  
“So…please…” Kai wrapped up to the rest of the table, “Let’s just eat.”

+

She never would have expected to see Kai getting along with a room full of people. Damon made a snide comment to Kai from across the table and Kai made an intelligent offhand retort. Stefan, similarly, insulted him and he took it with a graceful comeback. These brutal yet easy exchanges gave Bonnie the impression that Kai was settling in well enough in his board. It blew her mind knowing that almost everyone at the table hated him yet a civil Thanksgiving dinner could still be shared.   
Tyler, like Bonnie, appeared to be ignoring him so she guessed things between them were less resolved. They probably always would be, and that was normal, in Bonnie’s opinion. The day Kai and Tyler started getting along would be the day one killed the other. That day, thankfully, was not this day.   
What surprised Bonnie the most was seeing Jo and Alaric so calm. They’d suffered some of Kai’s worst doings, and yet were sitting at the table eating their dinner around him, letting him hold their babies like he wasn’t the demon they all knew him to be. She began to feel like she was the crazy one for being the only person uncomfortable with him at the table. He was the demon dog, why wasn’t he eating out back?  
Her mind was taken off it temporarily when Caroline opened up. Her friend cried a little to herself because she felt so guilty. It didn’t honestly surprise Bonnie that Caroline had shared sensitive details with someone outside the circle, ultimately damning them. Still, she didn’t know how to feel about it. Jo got up from her seat and, perhaps because of her new mothering instincts, or her doctoring instincts, crouched behind Caroline’s chair and rubbed her arm and kissed the top of her head. Bonnie supposed that if Jo could forgive Caroline for such a big mistake, she should too. And if Jo could sit at a table with her brother without stabbing him in the neck with the turkey blade, then Bonnie would just have to play along. For now.

After dinner, she stuck around, “To help clean up,” she said, but she knew herself better than that. What she really wanted had two blue eyes and a Soundgarden shirt on.   
Bonnie sat on the countertop, drying plates as Elena handed them to her and then handing them off to Caroline to put away. Nora had said her goodbyes and left around the same time as Matt, Penny and Tyler, and Bonnie couldn’t help but feel that their friendship was getting frailer by the day. “Is everything ok between you two?” Caroline asked. She must’ve picked up on Bonnie’s disappointment when Nora announced she was leaving.  
“I thought it was,” Bonnie shrugged sadly.  
“You don’t think it has anything to do with…” the blonde trailed off.  
 _Kai?_  
“Why would it?” Bonnie wondered out loud, considering that if Nora was jealous of Kai for any reason involving her, it could mean that maybe he did still love her. And she wondered what they talked about in their little coven circles anyway. It was frustrating not to be included.   
“With what?” Elena asked, clueless.  
“Nothing,” Bonnie insisted to her, then turned back to Caroline. “And anyway, he’s being a total dick to me.”  
“Who are you talking about? Kai?”  
“Somebody say my name?” the devil himself said as he sauntered into the kitchen.   
Bonnie froze in the middle of accepting a wet glass from Caroline, and the glass slipped through her fingers, landing to a crash on the kitchen floor. Caroline looked down at the glass, then up to Bonnie and rolled her eyes.   
“Elena,” she said, “Come help me find the dustpan.”  
“It’s behind the fridge,” Elena pointed.  
“I don’t mean that one.” Caroline padded past the glass to hook arms with Elena and leave Bonnie and Kai alone. Bonnie hardly noticed them leave. Kai was biting his lip and stepping awkwardly around the shattered glass mess with dirty bottles in his hands.  
“Just putting these in the sink,” he said tonelessly, “I’ll wash them myself.”  
Bonnie’s heart began to wallop in her chest. She wanted to leap down from the countertop and run miles away from the potentiality of being ignored by him again, but she couldn’t seem to move. Instead of being so ambitious, she concentrated on moving her brittle fingers through the towel in her hands to dry them off.  
“You should go,” Kai said. “Help your friends find this nonexistent other dustpan.”  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she needed to ask, even though her teeth chattered. He was so close, standing just at the side of her knees. He let the bottles fall in the sink and turned on the faucet. She burned to yank him over a couple inches and wrap her legs around his body. How would he respond to her then? Would he still be so cold?  
“I don’t know what you mean, Bonnie.”  
“After everything you’ve put me through. How can you treat me like this?”  
“How am I treating you?” he said to the bottles as he filled them with water and moved his fingers through them to rub off the dry formula.  
“Like I’m not me. This isn’t how you treat me.”  
“No,” he agreed, his tone cruel. “I used to treat you like dinner. Would you like me to go back to that? Because I already ate a lot tonight, I’m pretty full and I don’t have the energy to do this with you right now.”  
Bonnie scoffed, a breath that emptied her chest of seemingly all its contents and she felt hollow. What game was he playing now?  
“Did you get the message I left?”   
“What are you babbling about?”  
“I called you when you were supposed to be dead, I left you a message. Did you get it?”  
“Why would you call me if you thought I was dead?”  
“I missed you.”  
“That’s pathetic.”  
“Did you get it?”  
“Obviously not, please go away.”  
 _Yeah, obviously not_ , she agreed in her mind. Because if he had gotten it, the Kai she knew would have materialized by her side and smothered her with his love the minute he knew she loved him back. Unless he didn’t believe her. _And maybe he shouldn’t._  
“It was important,” she contended as much to herself as to him.  
“Clearly.”  
“You coward,” Bonnie gritted and slid down from the counter. She was going to leave the room, but a fleeting wave of anger filled her and she chose instead to look sideways at the faucet. In a second, Kai threw the bottle he was holding, his hand spazzing out of the water as it began to steam and he growled. One of his eyes was twitching when he glared up at Bonnie, and she smirked.  
“Ow,” he said angrily, his eyes boring into hers as though that would teach her not to scald him again. Bonnie crossed her arms and leaned one hip against the counter. Kai turned the sink off and back on again and continued washing the bottles.  
“You’re just trying to get a rise out of me.”  
“Huh,” Bonnie said, looking sideways at the faucet again, “How do you figure?”  
Kai threw the bottle down again and shook his hand off, wincing. He turned his body a degree, shoulders huffing the way she liked. “That’s _hot_ , Bonnie, cut it the fuck out, Jo needs these bottles clean.”  
The nerve he had to speak to her this way when she spent nearly a year of her life in fucking mourning over him. She tried to restrain it by curling her fingers into fists so that she could not use them maliciously. But she felt like she was going to lose control no matter what she did to stop herself. She uncurled her fingers and calmly reached out, digging her nails into the front of his soft, warm shirt, relishing the feeling of taking a hold of him, before she shoved him.   
He was moved only slightly off balance, and his posture went rigid. She could see him trying to control his breath, but there was an angry vein swelling up in the middle of his forehead. She’d never noticed it before; she was always distracted by the other veins that spidered out from his eyes whenever she pissed him off.  
“Bonnie,” he said lowly, his breath getting deeper, “This isn’t us anymore. Please don’t.”  
The lights overhead flickered and he blinked at her. Briefly, she looked past him and realized she was staring down the leader of a coven and even though it was small it was something she did not have. He was a powerful person. And she was messing with him.  
 _He shouldn’t have so much power_ , she thought. It wasn’t right for someone like him to have the ability to drop the ceiling on her if he so desired. Because he of all other people was more prone to jump to such a desire.  
He must’ve seen the glints in her eyes, because he repeated firmly, dangerously, “Please don’t.”  
But she knew no other way with him. She extended a hand and stretched her fingers thoughtfully.  
“Or what?”  
He chuckled evilly, “ _Or what_ …” he mocked. “You know it’s been a while since we’ve gone head to head, Bonster. I’ve learned a few things.”  
“Likewise.”  
“Including when to hold back,” he said, repositioning himself at the sink. He turned the water back on and picked up the same bottle he’d been working on.  
Bonnie scoffed and lowered her poised hand. “Doubtful. You’re still you.”  
“Go home. I don’t want you here.”  
“Then why did you send the finch?”  
“What fucking finch?”  
“Don’t play dumb.”  
“Go, Bonnie.”  
“No.”  
Bonnie recrossed her arms and Kai looked to her. She could tell he was biting the insides of his cheeks, her cue that she was hitting a good nerve.  
“Go,” he snarled.  
“No!”  
He threw the bottle down a third time and she had half a second to flinch before he grabbed a fistful of her dress, his wet hand soaking through the fabric at her left hip. He was gritting his teeth, tilting his head in a condescending way and shifting his body so that she’d have a hard time getting away from him. If she wanted to get away.  
He breathed through his nose and stepped in close, his dead eyes lowering to her lips and rising to her eyes, back and forth. She ground her spine against the counter ledge and tipped her chin up at him, daring.   
She was right. He was still him.  
“That’s what I thought,” she whispered, and breathed with her mouth open, his face so close she knew he could feel her air.  
He twisted his grip on her dress and she became aware of his thumb pressing into her hip bone. His free hand, with fingers outstretched and reticent, took a moment of ponder before they settled softly on her neck. His shallowing breath ghosted over her mouth while he watched his own hand, and she felt his fingers slide around to her nape while his thumb dug delicately into her jugular. She could feel her own protesting pulse thump-thump-thumping against the pad of his thumb. “Is this what you wanted?” he whispered, sounding dangerously like her worst memories of him.  
She considered the question while trying to decide between the urges to propel herself on tip-toes and bite his lip or to mimic his grasp on her clothing and tear him to shreds. She wondered if he was experiencing a similar internal debate. One thumb threatened to choke her and the other, she hoped, was about to begin a slow journey from her hip bone to her pubic bone. It hadn’t even begun but she could feel him planning it, she could feel the potential rising in his thumb as if it was already gouging painful circles over that wet bundle of nerves between her legs. It would be so easy.   
_Is this what you wanted?_  
“Yes,” she whispered. He could’ve been asking about the intentions of either thumb, but either thumb she would darkly accept. To be pleasured by him again, or to be endangered by him again…both sounded harrowingly good.   
“Oh! God,” Caroline’s voice sounded from the doorway and Kai broke away from Bonnie in an instant. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was quiet in here so I thought… _wow_.” Caroline shook her hand off like she’d just touched something sticky and, laughing awkwardly, walked right back out of the kitchen.  
Bonnie tried catching her breath as she straightened herself out. From where Caroline stood, it must have looked so weird. Weird and wrong, but hot enough for her to assume it wasn’t something she needed to put a stop to. Maybe it wasn’t so unhealthy to love Kai the way he was. Maybe she wasn’t as crazy as she felt sometimes.  
“What’s the matter?” she heard Elena’s voice say in the hall, and then her friends’ footsteps hurriedly fade.  
Kai leaned over the sink and went back to rinsing bottles. It was over.   
Bonnie swallowed and went after her friends to say goodbye. She could feel Kai’s aura clawing after her with aggravated desperation. But desperation for what? To pleasure, or punish?   
Caroline’s words from breakfast a week earlier echoed in her mind. _I could use some maintenance if you know what I mean._  
Clearly she wasn’t going to get any maintenance from Kai without begging. And she didn’t particularly like being on her knees.  
As she power walked down the hallway, a dark shadow flashed in front of her. It slowed to its still form and Damon suddenly stood before her, his eyebrows furrowed, sapphire eyes as clouded and brooding as his brother’s. She had one guess what it was about: the flowers, the card, his comically inadequate idea of redemption. But she didn’t ask. She didn’t care. She was squeezing a weep of molten lava between her thighs and a better idea was birthed.   



	11. Have You Had Enough of Me, Sweet Darling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nine Inch Nails - Only (El-P remix)  
> Marilyn Manson - Tainted Love  
> Zella Day - Hypnotic (Photek remix)  
> Howling - Stole the Night  
> Radiohead - Decks Dark

“Did Bonnie leave?” Kai asked Caroline while he watched her strap her heels on by the front door. It had been about fifteen minutes since Bonnie walked away from him. Since she wasn’t right there holding those hot black heels she’d been wearing and affixing them to her feet to go home like her friends, he assumed she had left already. Except he could still feel her in the house.  
Elena shrugged, “We haven’t seen her. Have we?”  
Caroline blushed and shook her head, collecting her purse and her coat.   
Hope you enjoyed the show, Kai thought, wondering deliciously what he and Bonnie must have looked like from Caroline’s angle.  
The girls turned to each other and started some kind of logistical conversation about a sleepover Kai couldn’t bear to stick around for. He left them and stalked down the hall, fingers at his sides lifting up and feeling out for the energetic waves of Bonnie’s magic.  
He wasn’t going to apologize. But if he found her in a good room alone, he imagined he might find a way or two to make her the sorry one.

+

It didn’t feel as bad as she imagined. Given the circumstances, she felt completely justified in what she was doing.   
“You will not kiss me,” she ordered. “You will not say a word to anyone about this, ever. You will not expect this to happen again, ever.”  
In the hallway, she had reached a friendly hand out to Damon and slid her fingers through his hair, much to his confusion, before she locked her knuckles and pulled. At her mercy, he did not resist. He used none of his vampiric strength to defend himself. Perhaps he knew what he was being dragged into; perhaps he did not mind.   
“You will not smile,” she added, when she caught him smirking.  
She pulled his hair all the way to his room, where she left the lights off, the better to imagine that he may not be who he was. She jerked him around until they staggered to the bed where, instead of climbing in, she leaned against the side. She pressed her knuckles on the top of his skull until he took the hint and dropped down on his knees.   
“I don’t want to hit you, Damon,” she said lowly, panting already because she was nervous, and she hated that it showed. She wanted to tower over him and make cutthroat demands, not stutter and whimper requests. But she found it hard to simply order him to put his mouth on her. This was her real life, not a porno. So she just said redundantly, “Don’t make me hit you,” as she pulled the edges of her black dress up and thumbed her evergreen lace panties down her thighs. She left her dress on, her breasts covered, her heart to herself, because his room was cold, and because this wasn’t for him.   
When her ass was bare enough for him to get to work she twisted her fingers back through his tousled hair, winning a wince and glimpse of a fang that turned her on for the reminder of Kai. She shoved Kai over the cliff of her consciousness and buckled a leg over Damon’s shoulder.   
Damon looked up at her and she could tell he wanted to smile. He was grateful for this opportunity, it appeared.  
“Don’t,” she repeated, gritting all her teeth hard together.  
“Yes, ma’am,” Damon agreed spiritedly. She felt him breathing on the inside of her thigh, the first thing she thought she’d never feel from Damon Salvatore. Not that she ever really wanted to feel it. It was only pleasant now because it had a purpose: it was going to help her forgive him.  
She imagined kicking her heel into his flank like a horse to get him started, but it wasn’t necessary. He took his cue when she bit her lip, diving forward underneath her dress to slam his open mouth against her angry cunt.   
Bonnie gasped at first, having felt no foreign touch there in almost a year. She looked down at the moving bump in her dress and wanted to scream when the tip of his tongue probed her clit. Damon’s cold hand traveled up her leg and wrapped around just beneath her knee, the other hand slithering around her angled thigh and clutching her hip, pulling the skin, tugging her lip back and opening her up to his teeth.  
Teeth.  
Teeth.  
Teeth.  
Kai.  
Not Kai. Imaginarily, she shoved him again.  
Damon.  
Now.   
This moment.  
Strange tongue worming into her cunt.  
Herself.  
Herself.  
Nora.  
The alcohol in her bloodstream.  
Blood.  
Kai.  
Herself.  
Justice.  
She felt her grip on Damon’s hair weakening while a moan shimmied out of her mouth.

+  
  
The mystery of Bonnie’s lingering vibrational presence was solved when Kai gave up on looking and retired to his room to sleep off another fucking night without her. He laid awake in bed, belly full of pie, his help no longer needed in the baby department, when he started hearing her moan.   
It came first from his imagination. He assumed it was muscle memory, his mind knowing its own schedule, that this time most nights was when she, synthetically, made her appearance. But she sounded so real.  
He thought he was going crazy until he sat up and cocked his head, and understood that there was no way he was imagining it.  
“What the fuck,” he whispered out loud to himself.  
He walked to the door and froze, his ear against the wood, fingertips ready to burn holes right through it. She moaned again and it sounded near. Damon’s room was across the hall.  
“ _No_.”  
He wondered if that was why he couldn’t find her. He wasn’t looking in the last place he thought she’d be, even if her radial aura was stronger there.   
The notion of Bonnie moaning from the inside of Damon’s room was far out of place and Kai didn’t have anyone to turn to and beg for answers. He picked up his phone and checked the time, not really knowing why. He opened his music app and closed it right away, realizing he was malfunctioning and would not find an explanation for Bonnie’s actions in his phone.   
But Bonnie was moaning from the inside of Damon’s room. What explanation was necessary?  
He noticed he’d been holding his breath and let it out. Still not knowing what he was really doing, he reopened his music app. He panicked his way to his bedside table and dug his headphones out of the drawer. He sat on the edge of his bed, plugged in the headphones and played himself a song, turning the volume all the way up, but it was no good. He couldn’t hear anything but the song but he could almost feel Bonnie’s moans in the air, grabbing him by the shirt and shaking him. What was she doing in there?  
He began to sweat. His face felt hot, and wet, and uncomfortable, and his heart hurt. He stomped his foot on the floor and threw himself backward on the bed, arms spread out, and he took a deep breath.   
He had half a mind to break down Damon’s door, brutally behead him and take over Bonnie where he left off in a creeping pool of vampire blood.

+

She came with a quiet howl against the underside of his tongue.   
When the shockwave was finished with her, she could no longer ignore the way he had started to press his lips to her skin in what felt flatteringly like religious adoration. His work was done but he went on paying homage in long breathy kisses, breaking her first rule. She cried and let him.   
When her breath was caught and she could again support herself on legs that now shook, she let go of Damon’s hair and patted him. He hadn’t said a word because his tongue was too busy making her come and that made him a good boy.  
He stayed on his knees and watched as Bonnie stepped shakily back into her panties. She checked that her dress hung evenly around her legs and took a few practice steps to work out a limp on her way to the bedroom door.  
“Wait,” she heard him pray from the floor in the darkness. “Don’t go.”  
She sighed and paused.   
“I’m a stupid, stupid man,” he said earnestly, “I’d die an idiot if I let you go now.”   
Bonnie could imagine what he had in mind if this imploring convinced her. She could lie down in his heavenly bed. And she was tired. She could have another round of his admittedly skilled tongue up her hole. And she believed her body could withstand it. She could have a Salvatore. And wouldn’t that be something?  
The trouble with it was she didn’t want a Salvatore. An orgasm was one thing. Self-sacrifice was another.   
Kai was out there, somewhere in the house. Maybe oblivious. Maybe listening. Maybe he hated her now. Maybe he didn’t care. She honestly couldn’t tell anymore.  
“Please, Bon-bon.”  
The man who left her to die. Now begging her to stay and let him keep making it up to her.   
But it was her turn to leave him.  
“Damon,” she said in lighter of a tone than the one she’d reserved for him over the last year, “You’re free.” She breathed in and deeply and let it out, feeling as though the exhale took the greater part of her anger and her hurt and her feelings of abandonment with it. “Stop having nightmares,” she hoped genuinely, wondering if her speaking it out loud would end his curse. Then she placed her hand on the door knob and even gave Damon the twitch of what could have been an honest smile, if it had been born. “We’re good.”

+

Kai watched out the window from the darkness in his room, his arms clinging like bat wings to the curtains. He wanted to crash through the glass and land on her car as she climbed into it, and was it just him or did her dress seem looser, stretched, backwards even?   
He wished he was still half vampire so he could stick his nose out the window and catch her scent on the wind. It was a fantastical idea, he knew, but how wet was she? How much of him still lingered? And specifically which body fluids? It mattered. And he wished he could hear the beat of her heart from where he clung. How excited was it? And could he pretty please bleed it out so that he may fill her again with his own rotten blood, renew her, restore her, restart her on a new life, a purer life, purged of any pleasure that had ever been caused by Damon Salvatore?   
His breath fogged up the sight of her taillights disappearing from the driveway, saying, “Oh, Bonster, what have you done.”  
He lost time worrying about it.  
At some point, the witching hour maybe, long after the house had been emptied of all guests, he ended up downstairs with a glass of bourbon in his hands, staring into the flames roaring up the great fireplace as he stoked, stoked, stoked away the night thinking. He knew better than to throw a fit. He had the littlest bit more self control than that. But it was near insignificant.   
The brothers never slept and it was only routine that Damon would come upon him sooner or later. When he did, Kai would be prepared.   
He remembered being a kid, breaking things. Too many accidents, and on-purpose mistakes, led him to a tantrum of denial before his father’s accusing eyes. The man always took his hand and knew, to Kai’s young frustration, when he was telling the truth or not. And not only the truth, but how the truth took place. Merely by the touch of the hand, his dad knew everything he wanted to. Kai wondered now if this sight was the privilege of a leader or a gift that only his father had been blessed with. If Kai asked hard enough with his mind, could he too learn the answers he sought with one touch?  
What did Damon do to Bonnie? What happened in that room?  
Knowledge was lying in wait on the surface of Damon’s skin, magically ready to be absorbed, like a siphoning of memories.   
Eventually the vampire came brooding into the great room with his hands on his hips and his sighs a mile out from his mouth. Kai allowed a front of apathy to glaze over his jealous features as he downed his drink and left the fireplace to pour another.   
Damon slouched on the couch and Kai, attentive, poured two glasses of bourbon.  
He handed the second glass to Damon and when the vampire reached to accept it, he let their fingers brush, a potential accident, a secret taking, his curiosity abrasive on the other man’s cold skin.   
And he was pleased to find that he possessed his father’s ability.   
It wasn’t being psychic. He was not suddenly filled with information. He could not solve the entire mystery for himself right there in that one swipe of fingers. What he could learn arrived in dream-like flashes, not dissimilar to the flashbacks he had experienced when he flipped his humanity switch back on the previous year.   
He saw: Bonnie’s open hips rocking back against the side of Damon’s bed, his face between them, urgently. He heard: her moans, her moans, her moans, her words, We’re good. Was it a one-time thing? He would be delighted if that were the case. Whatever it was, he received the heavy intimation that Damon had not actually fucked her. Lucky for Damon. Kai could recall there being a time when he felt a certain indifference toward Bonnie’s sexual history, and he even liked that she was at least a little experienced. Now… Now he was angry. Not specifically with her, but maybe with himself. Certainly with Damon.   
Kai realized he was still standing in front of Damon with his eyes closed, still possessed by a vision he wasn’t meant to have. He opened his eyes and took in the room with a new view. The black night outside the windows and the firelight in the room cast a rather scenic idea for a murder in his mind.   
It couldn’t be the first time somebody died in this room.  
He took a step back, eyeing Damon, who was contorting his features at him in annoyance while he sipped. The assface didn’t even know it but he was being spared.   
That Damon hadn’t come gallivanting out of his room with too much pride was a clue that kneeling at Bonnie’s altar, so to speak, had left him in a way disappointed.   
Kai sat on opposite couch and sipped on his own drink, continuing to stare down his Best Frenemy Forever, trying to figure out why Bonnie had gone to him for that.   
The way Damon looked, all bummed and charmed at the same time, he was trying to figure it out himself. Kai guessed this was the first and last time this thing, whatever it really was, happened. He had to wonder if it had something to do with him and the way he treated her that day. He disgusted himself. Now Bonnie was home with Damon’s scent on her, his vile saliva soaking in her cunt, and maybe she was in bed now, satisfied. Satisfied by Damon. Kai couldn’t stand the thought. Wouldn’t stand it.  
He chugged the rest of his bourbon, popped up from the couch and slammed his empty glass on the table.  
“Where’re you going?” Damon asked after him suspiciously. Kai was sure that he could take a few hours of vacation time. Jo and the twins would be fine with both the brothers at home.   
“Gonna go fuck shit up,” Kai said, knowing that Damon would have no idea what he meant by that. Kai wasn’t sure he himself knew. He was five years old and he didn’t give a fuck anymore.  
  
+

  
 Bonnie was too exhausted to wash Damon off of her. She felt, beside a sense of justice, dirty. But she had the feeling that taking a shower would not get her any cleaner.   
She had no regrets. That, at least, was certain. She slipped out of her dress, left it lying in the middle of the floor and crawled into her own bed feeling good, feeling as complete as she could after spending Thanksgiving being bullied by Kai and eating less than she normally would have.  
She buried her face in her pillow and let her hips sink into her mattress, relaxed, not strained as they had been by the onslaught of pleasure.  
In the dark stillness and the loneliness of her bedroom, the thoughts, one by one, filed in. Thoughts of Kai, but she pinched herself to move on. Thoughts of Nora and wondering if their friendship was about to fade.   
Because she couldn’t stand the anxiety over it, she sent Nora a text about Black Friday shopping. She waited.

+

He ran.   
He’d stepped out onto the porch and stopped for a moment to consider the Firebird in the garage, and then he just ran. There was too much inside him, jealousy, anger, vindictiveness, an abominable kind of lust…he was too horny to sit any longer. If he drove he knew he might crash into a lake just to cool his burning, aching balls.  And anyway, he needed the extra ten minutes to think about how he was going to do this.

+  
  
She waited for a while. Nora never responded.   
The worries followed the thoughts.  
But Bonnie had no time to tend to them, as the sound of her bedroom window unlocking and sliding open distracted her.   
Her eyes snapped open, head wrenched up from her pillow. Cold November air swirled around in the room with the sound of a car passing by outside, the whip of the wind. She pressed herself up by the elbows in time to see a man with a villainous silhouette climbing in through the opened window.   
Bonnie scrambled out of the bed and when her toes hit the cool hardwood floor, she could see in the moonbeam the familiar shape of this man, and feel his magic, feel his need. Her body went stiff, glacial in her bralette and cum-damp panties, as she stared at him, dared him.  
Kai Parker. Did he know what she’d just done? Had he come to finish what they started in the kitchen?   
He eyed her just as well, stepping his Converse flat on the floor. He pulled the window shut behind him, not needing to look at what he was doing, keeping eye contact. He was panting, the front of his shirt darkened with sweat, his forehead beading. He wiped it with his sleeve and then, taking an unwelcome step toward her, grabbed the hem of his shirt. His head disappeared in Soundgarden’s logo as he pulled the shirt off and threw it aside.  
Bonnie’s heart raced and so many useless questions arose behind her lips, questions she bared her teeth to hold inside of herself. _What are you doing? Why are you here? What do you want?_   
The answer to all of them was unmistakably her.  
Her cunt, already worked and closed for the night, quivered. The way he looked at her. Always, the way he looked at her. Like game.  
And a good game she would give.  
Bonnie put a slow, deceptive foot on her bed and stepped up onto the mattress to look down at him for a minute. His chest heaved. Did he run to her? His shoulders were more muscular than she remembered. She was already picturing herself underneath him.  
She bounded across the bed and leapt off the other side. She didn’t need to glance fearfully behind her to know he was chasing. She heard his shoes scuffing the wood, pounding after her, his panting getting louder. She grinned to herself, painfully withholding the giggle that shook up out of her belly as she grabbed onto her door frame and used it to propel herself into the hallway.   
Man sneaks into woman’s bedroom at night, chases her through the house. It was a nightmare at best. One she never wanted to wake up from.   
Loose hair flying, Bonnie whipped around the corner and ran in the direction of the front door, knowing very well that he wouldn’t let her get that far. He pursued her at an adorably human pace and she knew she could get away if she really wanted to, but she braced herself to be caught. She shed a tear for shameful joy. She lived for this.  
A loud gasp was forced from her mouth when his arms wrapped around her from behind, knocking her wind out. Under his weight, she fell to her hands and knees in the middle of the narrow hallway, bruising herself against the wood and whining at the collision. She felt fingers spreading out on the back of her head before a chunk of her hair was taken hold of.  
“I’ve been wanting to pull your hair for weeks,” he panted behind her as he straddled her back. He pulled her head backward by the hair and she groaned for him as she caught her breath, trying not to tense so much she napped her own neck.   
“What took you so long?” she teased.  
He gave her hair a light jerk.  
“Morality.”  
She heard his jeans unzip and thought, _Finally_.   
Damon’s tongue had taken care of her in one way but she was awakening from the core. Yawning. Yearning. Only one body part could satisfy. Only Kai had the one she wanted. “Where’s your morality now?” she asked, and his first response was a cloth-covered hump against her backside that took her breath away.   
He leaned over her and said lowly in her ear, “You left it in Damon’s bedroom.”  
Bonnie sighed and wanted to reach behind herself to grab him by the dick.  
“So this is about that?”   
“Not entirely.”  
“It’s none of your business.”  
“I agree. I don’t care what you did in there, and I don’t care why. I don’t think you’ll do it again.”  
“Oh yeah? Who says?”  
“Me.”  
“Don’t you tell me what to do, Malachai.”  
“I won’t need to. After I remind you…” he trailed off and humped, “…that I will always…” he humped again, “…fuck you better.”  
And she felt him, at last. Something heavy and hard fell onto her lower back and trailed over her ass, along the strip of fabric riding up between her cheeks and all the way down until she jolted at the sensation of him, there, _finally_.  
“I didn’t with him,” Bonnie tried to say without too much insistence. Even though it was true she didn’t want to give Kai the satisfaction of her deference to him.  
“And you never will,” he said positively as her panties were tugged and stretched over her left cheek, her hip gripped and lifted to an angle. She felt a brief wall of fresh air on her exposed slit before his naked tip jammed into her clit. She could feel the knuckle of his thumb brushing along her flesh as he guided himself downward and, with a wide open breath of deep relief, he pushed inside.  
Her body remembered him. She was tight from months of inactivity but still it was as if her insides were molded to the shape of his dick; it was welcomed so desperately, it was home.   
“You know,” he said at the back of her head, leaning into a deeper thrust and breathing through her hair in his fist, “I feel so stupid. It’s my favorite fucking holiday and we never went around the table saying what we’re thankful for.”  
 _You_ , her mind admitted in an instant. _You, you, you_ , it cheered as he inched deeper in her belly and gusts of her own breath rebounded at her from the hardwood. She dug her chin into the floor, hoping it would bruise.  
“Me, well, that should be obvious,” he said. “I’m thankful that I have magic now. Otherwise, where would we be? You and I,” he breathed and pushed, “Never could’ve had our own world. And I enjoyed that time, frankly, looking back. I don’t regret it.”   
While he talked, his cock slid along her walls, deeper with every push inside.   
“I actually kind of miss it sometimes, isn’t that funny? Isn’t that weird?”   
His voice made her wetter, hungrier for every inch of his length to fill her but he took her slowly, and with savor.   
“I felt guilty for the longest time but right now, being inside you like this, I wouldn’t change a fucking thing about it. I’m thankful I had that fucked up time with you, Bonster.”   
He grew hoarse as he went on. The shadows of a another passing car outside crossed the room. If someone were to come close enough, if any of her friends happened to stop by, if anyone peeked through the window, they might be disturbed by what they saw. They might think something horrible was happening to her. Maybe something was.   
“I’m thankful I had you for as long as I did.”  
She yelped and arched her back into him when he pounded painfully into her cervix and there was no doubt about it, he had reached the end of her.   
“What about you?” he asked audaciously. “Bonnie? What are you thankful for?”  
Bonnie flattened her palms against the floor and curled her fingers so she could scratch with her nails, so she could tic, so the sensation of her nail beds shifting tectonically might ground her. Kai could be as cowardly and cruel as he wanted, but she was going to tell the truth.  
“I’m thankful you’re alive,” she said softly, too kindly for the way she had been treated. And there was a moment of pause. She stopped breathing. He stopped fucking.  
She felt gutted when he pulled out. She lost weight. She lost ease.  
An arm hooked her belly and flipped her around. His hand traveled up the center of her body and pushed, her back met the floor that had warmed up considerably after a moment of fucking on it. He kept her down with hands at her shoulders. He repositioned himself on top of her, his knees at her hips and his cock in poise, pointing, tip balancing the rest of his beam in wait at her pubic bone, a jot of thick vaginal fluid clinging to his balls.   
Bonnie looked indulgently down at their sexes before he urged her back. She let her neck relax without his grip on her hair twisting her muscles, looking up into his eyes at last. Where she imagined there to be dark tints of jealous rage and depraved deliverance in his moon-wide pupils, she saw suspicion. Suspicion bordering on disbelief, but wondrously. Maybe he wanted to believe.   
She gripped his forearms, letting all his warmth and all his energy feed into her and feed off of her, kneading her thumbs into his veins as if she could convince him by holding him tight enough. She wished he would say something. Do something. Change something. Hug her. Just to be close. Just so she could feel his heart communicating with hers in a language of beats and murmurs all their own.  
His eyes flicked from one side of her face to the other, looking for the truth. She let his arms go and smoothed her hands over his pectoral muscles, rubbing in the cold sweat, hair on his nipples rough in her palm.   
_Why are you being so nice to me now?_ she wanted to ask, but couldn’t. He lowered his body over her, closing his halfway convinced eyes and she felt encouraged to do the same as their mouths met.  
His mood had changed. She did something to him. She said something. He kissed like they were both twelve and it was the first time. Bonnie came into the idea that he was afraid of something, but she couldn’t know what and she wasn’t going to ask. She moved her hands to his jaws and caressed along his stubbled bones in comfort.  
Below, he moved to run his dick the length of her flowering lips and slide back in where it belonged. He pushed his whole length in and introduced a calmer rhythm, one that was not so avenging. The feeling of reconnection was such a relief that Bonnie laughed and smiled into his kiss, saying without saying that she had missed them, she had wanted this, she had been waiting all her life for him to break into her house and finish her like this, trapped and tried on the hallway floor. She felt his lips widen to a smile of his own, but he didn’t break away to show her how pleased he was. And she didn’t need him to. His leader’s mega-magic seemed to swathe her in a warm blanket of gratitude. For this embrace, he was just as thankful.

+

Hours. He forgot to count them as they passed.   
Bonnie took him in well. They came together on the hallway floor and he had to refrain from blubbering out loud how much he had missed her. But holding back was pointless when he, in a post-coitus stupor, let her lead him gently to bed. She took off her underthings and he kicked his unzipped jeans to the foot of her bed and settled in underneath the blanket with her.   
For a while they laid without speaking. All his body’s sweat dried in her cotton sheets. His mouth never left the surface of her skin. He drew circles over her breasts, absentmindedly, lovingly, until it put her to sleep.   
While she slept, he breathed in her carbon. He put off the self-loathing he was due for weaving her back into his web; it could wait until she was not the picture of happiness, asleep and carefree in the crook of his arm.   
He wondered how anyone, this pretty creature especially, could make a monster like him feel so loved?


	12. We Shalt Begin, We Shalt Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Radiohead - Wicked Child  
> New Order - Blue Monday  
> Marilyn Manson - Personal Jesus  
> Purity Ring - Fineshrine  
> Flume - More Than You Know  
> Son Lux - Pyre  
> SEXWITCH - Ha Howa Ha Howa  
> Chelsea Wolfe - Iron Moon

Kai was too lovestruck to sprint back to the boarding house. Instead, he walked, looking like a loser on some kind of joy stroll. He didn’t have anything on him to help him feel normal, no phone to mess around with, no headphones to drown out the annoying sound of pre-dawn joggers saying their nauseating Good Morning’s to him, not even his wallet to stop and buy a coffee so that his hands didn’t look so suspicious. He always felt more dangerous when his hands were empty.  
Despite it all, it was kind of a good morning. He was spent and dragging along, but with a certain noticeable pep. His dick was happy. His heart was darker and if possible more deranged, but it felt light in his chest like the seed of a dandelion. He worried he might sneeze it out and lose it forever.  
His chest fell weightier with panic, however, when he came upon the cloaked boarding house and met a skulking stranger.   
“Hey!” Kai shouted. The man was about his age, and lurking in the grass where Kai knew the kitchen to be. He was looking out into the trees that surrounded the invisible house, searching for something that perhaps this man was told existed. His posture, alert and head low with the hood of his green sweatshirt up, informed Kai that he was no innocent wanderer.  
The lurker turned at the sound of Kai’s voice, splaying his forearms and fingers in defense, eyes red. On instinct, Kai cloaked himself just as his opponent vanished into vamp-speed.   
The man stopped nearly a foot in front of cloaked Kai, his confusion plain. And though Kai’s adrenaline pumped for murder, he couldn’t help but shake his head and tsk the poor, dumb bloodsucker.  
He knew he had little time before the vampire gave up and disappeared. The sun was rising soon, and when he would return looking for the legendary cure could not be known. Kai was in no mood for mystery attacks. He pondered quickly which way he would like to kill this man, realizing now that he’d been called into duty he had none of the strengths he’d grown fond of when he was a Heretic. He thought of plunging his fist into the lurker’s chest and ripping out his heart, but it would break his human hand. He thought of tearing his head from his shoulders, but he was not strong or fast enough in comparison. These weaknesses. They impaired his confidence.  
To stall, Kai uncloaked himself and gave a fun row of aneurysms. He watched the lurker fall to the ground and clutch his forehead in agony while his red eyes begged into Kai’s for mercy. He could just set fire to him, that would be simple. But would it be effective enough? Would it feel good enough? He hadn’t killed in a while and this time it was for a good cause; it should be done right and brutally.  
“What the hell are you doing?” he heard Stefan’s voice say. He looked up as the broody Salvatore stepped out of the house’s cloaking range and appeared, frowning back and forth between smirking Kai and his new plaything.   
“We have a problem,” Kai informed gleefully, “I’m taking care of it.”  
He fluttered his fingers and the lurker’s neck snapped, rendering him silent and temporarily dead.  
Stefan put his hands on his hips and sighed down at the “problem.” He approached the body and crouched down.   
Kai furrowed his brow and watched as Stefan dug his fingers with enviable ease into the lurker’s chest and scooped out his heart. He grimaced a little, inconvenienced by the clinging, stringing veins and arteries, deforesting them from the quivering crimson organ. After a second of this struggle, he held the heart out in smug accomplishment then tossed it carelessly aside in the grass.  
Kai didn’t know whether to fanboy over Stefan’s cool kill or shun him for jealousy. Quite paralyzed with indecision, he could only smirk back and follow him into the house, leaving the corpse for Damon to manage.

+

Bonnie woke up twisted in her blanket while a late morning sun burned her naked back. She was alone in the bed. By the silence hanging heavily in her house, she guessed Kai was gone.  
She looked up at the bright ceiling where she had little charms and beads hanging by strips of red yarn to keep her eyes entertained, to forever remind herself that she was in a witch’s house and she was the witch. She breathed in through her nose and let out a long, loud sigh.   
Kai.  
She broke into a lip-biting smile and kicked her sheets with uncontainable excitement.  
A long shower was enjoyed, a deep red Novembery dress slipped into, a healthy breakfast of fruit eaten, a chapter of her book read, tea made, mailbox walked to, university inbox checked and student concerns responded to most politely, herbs for a calming spell crushed, calming spell recited and new ideas penned into her grimoire before Bonnie even allowed herself to check her phone.  
There was no news from anyone, most disappointingly Nora.   
She wasn’t surprised Kai disappeared on her, and if she was being honest with herself she didn’t expect to see or hear from him in an appropriate amount of time or manner. It bothered her more that Nora, who was normally very punctual in her responses, was not responding at all.  
Ever since she joined Kai’s coven, it seemed, Nora was fading into the background of her life. But it hadn’t been very long. Maybe she was just very busy. Maybe there was more to being part of a coven than Bonnie understood. Again, she felt so left out. Not that she wanted to be in his stupid coven, but her curiosity was killing her. The feeling of disconnection from other witches was a painful nagging loneliness. She longed for a tribe.

+

“It’s like this,” Kai started, his mouth half full of the burger he had asked Nora to kindly bring from the Mystic Grill.   
He sat on the edge of his bed and Nora as far as possible from him, sideways at an antique writing desk, legs crossed and hands in her lap watching him eat with a grimace that was not subtle enough for him to ignore. It was midnight, the house silent and he was finding it difficult to continue their conversation in a hushed voice while she sat there so haughtily like she was better than him or something.   
He needed more than a burger to straighten out his frazzled nerves. He needed to fuck Bonnie again.   
“Jo still half hates me. And I get it, I’m not Brother of the Year. I’m not shiny gold star Uncle Trusty right now. I mean, I do know what’s best for her but she won’t believe it. Not yet. So try to keep this on the D.L., that’s _Down Low_ , like don’t tell anyone, especially Jo, and most especially Bonnie because she’s a good person and she’ll hang me out to fucking dry. Here’s all the plane tickets you’ll need,” Kai said, tossing a thick manila envelope from his side to Nora’s unprepared hands. Despite her advantages, she fumbled and scoffed as the envelope fell to the floor. She was distracted. Kai smirked.  
“I scribbled all the property addresses down on the thing…”  
“I have finals,” she complained, picking up the small parcel.  
“Yeah, I factored that in. You leave the day after.”  
“Kai…you want me to travel across the country with no warning, I can’t just—”  
“There’s plenty of warning. I’m giving you like three weeks to prep.”  
“This is fucking ridiculous, I won’t go. I don’t want to move. I’m in the middle of a school year, I’m in the middle of a degree.”  
“We’re not moving yet. And anyway, you can transfer. You don’t think the west has universities?”  
“No, I’m just..established…here. Catching up on time since 1903 has been hard enough, can you even comprehend what it is like to go straight from desiccating in a hat and frilly knickers one day to Ugg fucking boots and cellphones and halter tops and the internet and gay pride and actually having rights as a woman…literally _the next day?”_  
“Right, right. God I forget sometimes how fucking old you are.”  
“Shut up.”  
“You’re an antique woman, Hildegard.”  
“I’ve adjusted quite well to this age, I believe. I deserve an amount of comfort, Kai, I’d like to stay here.”  
“It doesn’t matter what you’d _like_. The coven comes first, and that’s what you agreed to when—”  
“I can’t do this anymore with you--"

" _That’s what you agreed to_ when we cut open our hands and said the words.”  
“Because you blackmailed me!”  
“Regardless. You’re in this now. You’re part of something. You should be happier.”  
“I’ve been happier, Kai, even though you’re a dirty snake and you practically forced my hand, I want to be in this as much as you want me to be. But I do not want to move so far away. What about Bonnie?”  
“What about Bonnie?”  
“Don’t be daft.”  
“Nobody’s being _daft_ ,” he mocked. “Is Bonnie in the Gemini coven? No. Pretty sure she wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot wand either. So forget Bonnie.”  
“You’re infuriating,” Nora spat.  
“Bless you.”  
“Fuck you.”  
Kai held his chest and feigned heartbreak. Then he sighed. “It’s not me, alright? This side of the states is infested. Kind of a drag when I have a coven to protect. Nora. I caught a vampire lurking around the property this morning. They know. I don’t want to wait for it to get worse.”  
Nora rested her elbow on the chair’s arm and scratched her forehead in elegant distress. “Ok, so say we move. What’s to stop them from following?”  
“Come on. I have so many tricks up my sleeve.”  
“Such as?”  
“Don’t challenge me. Trust me.”  
Nora sighed and shook her head in disbelief. Kai wished she wouldn’t be so stubborn with her allegiance. Especially since she was his only member. Being a good leader, it turned out, meant relinquishing previous ideas of awesome dictatorship. This time, and maybe more times in the future, he needed to meet her halfway. Or at least pretend to.  
“Hey…look…there’s a sort of festival happening soon, a Winter Solstice festival. Up in the mountains. It’s gonna be full of witches, some with their covens, some without. I plan to recruit. If I can get enough, maybe we can stay. The whole safety in numbers thing…it’s a maybe.”   
Nora nodded. “I would greatly fucking appreciate it.”  
“Ay. Just because you’re in the twenty first century now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk like a lady,” Kai quipped, insincerely stern.  
“Oh fuck off.”  
“Don’t get your hopes up.”  
“You should take Bonnie with you to this festival.”  
Kai raised his eyebrows.  
“She’s lonely.”  
“She told you that?” he asked, imagining it already. Being alone with her again. In the car. In the woods. In a tent. Just the two of them. Oh, what fun they would have.   
“I can just feel it. She could do to meet some more of her kind. Especially if we’re leaving.”  
Kai nodded. Nora was right. Bonnie should go. But not to meet other witches. There was little need to expand her address book.  She wouldn't be getting lonely. He wasn’t leaving her behind.

+  
  
Three weeks.   
It was all Bonnie thought when she saw him walk in.   
Three weeks.  
She stood at the end of the bar with Caroline and Elena, practically yelling at each other over the loud music and crowd sounds while they waited for their drinks. With Elena studying for finals, it was the first night they were all able to get together to celebrate her engagement to Stefan, and it also seemed to be the same night everyone else on campus had scheduled their rain checks. The night of the last day of finals. Bonnie hadn’t been into Scull Bar since she was hired as a professor and every time she made eye contact with a student she had to quickly hide her eyes. It was happening a lot more than she liked, and by the time he walked in she was ready to take her shoe off, throw it at him and give up on the night.  
It had been three weeks since he climbed in her window. She had known better than to expect anything else but he had not repeated his actions, called or texted until that very morning to ask her if she wanted go on a road trip. The proposal was random and the idea of it tempted her, and while she was slightly satisfied to have finally heard from him, she was pissed that it took so long. So she ignored the text. Over the course of the day, she kept picturing the road trip, kept wanting to ask him what the hell it was for and where the hell he intended to go, but resisted. And she felt that she reserved the right to ignore him. It appeared now, as he entered the bar alone with the expression on his face that meant he was up to no good, he did not intend to be ignored.   
Bonnie rolled her eyes and ducked her head again. Feeling lightheaded and bloated and generally ill that night was making her extra irritable and she just wanted to go home.  
“What’s wrong?” Caroline interrupted herself to ask Bonnie when she noticed her dedicated duck for cover.  
Instead of yelling his name in response, Bonnie simply tipped her head in the direction of the door and Caroline took the hint.  
“Ah,” she grinned slyly, “I see.”  
Intelligently, Bonnie had not told anyone about either of her Thanksgiving conquests. While she was dying to have a squealing session of girl talk over it, it was awkward. Both Caroline and Elena already had their turns with Damon and Bonnie couldn’t imagine what lovely sentiments they would have to say to her about that. And Kai…Kai was just Kai. If she mentioned it, it would become a thing. She didn’t want to have to justify sleeping with him in real time.  
Caroline, however, had a sixth sense about sex.  
“Oh my god, you slept with him again, didn’t you?” she asked, play-slapping Bonnie’s shoulder. Bonnie winced and shrugged out of Caroline’s reach.  
Elena giggled, “Oh my god, she did, look at her face.”  
“Look at _his_ face!” Caroline laughed, pointing at Kai.   
“You guys,” Bonnie begged, beginning to straighten her green button-up blouse and obsess with her stray tendrils of hair.  
Caroline raised her arm in the air and yelled, “Kai! Over here!”  
“Caroline!” Bonnie admonished, glancing up to see that Kai heard his name and was now headed in their direction.  
“What? He’s obviously looking for you.”  
“And I’m obviously hiding.”  
“Even though you obviously like each other.”  
“Like” was such a weak word. _Don’t you know how we’ve killed each other?_ Bonnie wanted to say. She looked helplessly to Elena who merely shrugged.   
“Oh, look, Nora’s with him,” Caroline observed. Bonnie’s ears perked up.   
Her only contact with Nora had been a days-delayed response to her text about Black Friday shopping, apologizing for being too swamped with studies. And nothing since. Even in class, Nora didn’t participate in discussion or stop to acknowledge Bonnie before and after class like she used to.  
The new Gemini Coven, party of two, emerged from the crowd at Elena’s side to join their circle. Bonnie shrunk into herself.   
“We’re just waiting on our _drinks_!” Caroline yelled, turning her face rather obviously toward the bar when she emphasized the word _drinks_. For once, Bonnie felt just as impatient and did not elbow her friend for being so rude. She made the mistake of sweeping her gaze over Kai and noticed that he was fucking her with his eyes. Right in front of everyone. Nora chatted with Elena and Caroline over the sexual gaze, maybe trying to divert their attention and collectively pretend that the man to her right and the woman to her left were not engaged in something spiritually separate.  
Their drinks were hardly set down on the bar before Bonnie swiped up her gin and tonic and started sipping. Mid-sip, she felt Nora’s body warmth at her side and heard the Heretic softly say in her ear, “Can I talk to you a moment?”  
Bonnie gulped her mouthful down and nodded desperately. After feeling like she’d done something wrong for the last few weeks, it was all she wanted to hear. A private heart to heart with Nora was something she needed to feel normal again.  
Nora hooked arms with her the way they usually did when they were off on a girls’ room excursion together. Bonnie made sure to glare back at Kai as she was led in the direction of the women’s restroom.  
In the bathroom, Nora stalked the row of stalls in her loud red pumps, kicking the doors open to make sure no one was present. She didn’t look like much of a threat, swishing her long curls around, nostalgic for summer in her sleek bare legs and short magenta romper but her overconfident strut caused an incoming group of chatty girls to shrink back out of the door the second they opened it. The only other girl in the bathroom rushed through washing her hands after Nora growled at her to “beat it.”   
Bonnie wondered if she was actually in some sort of trouble; she’d never seen this vicious side of Nora before. But once they were alone, Nora turned to her with the kindest eyes, something sad about the way they fell from Bonnie’s face to the crescent moon pendant hanging two buttons down her chest.  
“I owe you an apology,” Nora began, and Bonnie’s hand drifted to thumb her own necklace in uncertainty.  
“You do?”  
“I haven’t been the most available friend lately and I think you deserve to know why.”  
Nora reached out and took the end of Bonnie’s collar between two delicate fingers, tucking away a rebel stitch Bonnie knew was there.  
“Since MaryLou was killed I haven’t been quite right. I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I’ve missed her. Though I don’t think I need to explain it,” she looked knowingly into Bonnie’s eyes then. It sounded like she was comparing her loss of MaryLouise to Bonnie’s loss of Kai. Sighing, she dropped her hand from the collar and Bonnie caught a glimpse of the induction cut on her palm, now a sand-pink scar in the skin.  
“The point is…until I met you, I thought I’d never love again.”  
 _Oh._ Bonnie’s brain seemed to short circuit for a second. She and apparently Caroline had suspected that Nora had feelings for Bonnie, but love was another level. Not noticing how Bonnie had stopped breathing, Nora kept speaking.   
“I’m sorry if this is strange to hear and I know that you and I can never be, I have no expectations. I never have. There was a time when I thought you might be opening up to it, and then…well, one of our lost loves came back to life, didn’t he?”  
Finally something she had a response for. Bonnie shook her head, dropped the moon pendant from her worrying fingers and waved her hand in a shortly frantic spasm, nearly spilling the gin in her other hand.   
“I don’t love—”  
“Please,” Nora cut her off politely. She didn’t want her excuses. She knew better. “It’s taken me a few weeks to consolidate all of this and I’m sorry if you thought for a moment that our friendship was suffering, Bonnie. I’m so sorry, I should have been able to handle it better. But I think I’ve come to a good place in myself now and I wanted to apologize, and to thank you. …Thank you for teaching me that I can love again.”   
“I don’t know what to—”  
“I’m leaving tomorrow. Kai is sending me to look at a fuck ton of properties out west. So I’ll be gone for a while.”  
All the air in the room turned to a solid weight in her chest.  
“Is he moving away?”  
“Don’t tell anyone yet. He wants to move Jo’s family out of Mystic Falls. He thinks it will be safer and I can’t say I disagree with that part of it.”  
Moving. She thought Kai would have mentioned such a big idea to her. She thought she was worth at least that. She ground her teeth and reminded herself not to take her frustration out on Nora.  
“Well when are you coming back? What about school?”  
Nora looked solemnly down at her feet. “He hasn’t bought my return ticket yet.”  
“Tell him you’re not going. Or buy your own return ticket. Fuck him.”  
“He’s my leader, Bonnie,” Nora shrugged and smiled hopelessly. “I must do as he says. It’s for the good of the coven, of which I am a part.”  
“But—”  
“Don’t fret. I may not be back for a while but I’m one text away. We’re still friends.”  
“The best ever, but I don’t want you to go,” Bonnie pleaded, surprising herself by the desperation of it.  
“Bonnie…if I may be honest, it’s difficult for me to have a civil holiday dinner pretending that Damon didn’t slaughter the love of my life.”  
“…That’s why you left so quick on Thanksgiving…isn’t it?”  
“I can’t be around him. Everyone else seems to have found their own way of coping with his mistakes but I’m quite certain I will kill him if I see him again, actually.”  
Bonnie considered mentioning the method she had used to help herself get past his _mistakes_. But Nora would not employ the same method, she knew. She decided to keep it to herself, save the story for a lazy day far in the future when it would not have any impact but laughter.  
“I understand.”  
Nora smiled and nodded. “Well then. My flight is early, I only came to say goodbye. I should get back to the dorm and finish packing.”  
“Do you need help?”  
Nora shook her head, “I’ll manage. Besides, I think Kai wants his own word with you.”  
Bonnie rolled her eyes. Nora headed leisurely for the door but there was something Bonnie felt should be said while they were baring themselves to each other.  
“Wait,” she said, and Nora hesitated underneath a flickering light. Bonnie clutched her glass tighter, rubbing her fingers nervously in the cold condensation. She took in a deep breath and, to bring herself courage, remembered all of the times she had needed a friend in the last year when Nora was the first to comfort her, and all of the late nights they spent reading together, drinking and watching movies, rosy-cheeked and talking until the conversation swam so deep Bonnie had gotten the idea Nora might kiss her, or the other way around. “You weren’t wrong…” she said. “I hope this doesn’t make you upset but…before Kai came back…” she trailed off because she didn’t know the right words to explain what it was she knew she’d begun to feel for Nora, before she found out Kai was alive. Curiosity? Interest? _I thought you might be opening up to it_. She didn’t know how to properly put it, and uncomfortably closed with, “Yeah.”  
But Nora understood. Nora always understood. A bashful smile spread over her face and Bonnie watched her pupils widen into fascinated black pools. “Yeah?” she asked for confirmation.  
Bonnie bit her lip and nodded.  
“That bastard Parker,” Nora joked.  
Bonnie laughed weakly and kept on biting her lip in thought. She was getting an idea; there was something she was beginning to think she wanted before Nora left. With the impending distance and the mutual understanding between them that Kai was hers and she was his, in however unstable of terms, it might be alright. She felt sure that if she got this small thing she wanted from Nora, it would not change their friendship. It would not harm it. It would not warp with tension. On the contrary, Bonnie wondered if it might even tie their fringing feelings in a neat little bow.  
“Kiss me goodbye,” Bonnie said, her heart fluttering.  
Nora’s perfectly plucked eyebrows lifted in surprise.  
“You’re drunk, Bonnie Bennett,” she giggled, glancing between her lips and the half empty drink in her hand.  
“Am not,” Bonnie defended with her own giggle, “This is my first drink tonight. I can’t even finish it, it tastes disgusting.”  
Nora smirked. Bonnie heard the click of her heel take a tentative step back from the door. She crossed her arms and Bonnie straightened hers at her side, ready. For the first time in minutes it felt quiet in the bathroom and she could hear the ebb of loud music outside it. She looked down nervously and watched Nora’s long twiggy legs carry her, the pocks of her heels slow and considerate. Nora took her arm and guided her into a stall, Bonnie watching their shoes, black and red, the whole way. She blinked. Heard the stall lock and she was where she never would have pictured herself; an adult woman squeezed into a bathroom stall with another adult woman. When their shoes stopped, toe to toe, she looked up into the Heretic’s searching eyes.   
“This is the last time I kiss you, wicked witch,” Nora informed cheekily and the soothing sound of her voice begged for her full lips to be studied.  
“Make it count,” Bonnie teased.  
In a delayed second, Bonnie tipped her face up. Nora stepped her heel between Bonnie’s shoes, bringing her lips so near the peach fuzz on her cheeks rose in static. Their mouths touched and it wasn’t the first time, Bonnie remembered, because there was that fake kiss, that play kiss, that acting game the last December. This kiss, it startled her to discover, was exceedingly different. Nora’s lips were so soft compared to Kai’s, and it wasn’t necessarily better or worse. Just different in a highly satisfying way. She was gentle, not so hungry. Eager but not consuming.  
Getting past that she was kissing one of her best friends was easy when Nora opened her mouth. It was subtle, so much that Bonnie hardly noticed it had happened until she was tasting that strawberry gum she knew was a testing day favorite of Nora’s. The woman was a notorious bubble-blower in academic settings.  
Bonnie wasn’t sure how much time was passing as the kiss went on, longer than she expected when she asked for it, but she felt far from bored. She even felt that the slow brush of the backside of Nora’s hand from her clavicle down her breastbone, delicately over the front of her dress where the swell of her breast led to her peaking nipple just beneath, was justified. Nora’s hand stopped at Bonnie’s diaphragm to gently take a pinch of the fabric of Bonnie’s blouse, or was it a button between her fingers? Wanting to reciprocate the affection, Bonnie lifted a hand, comfortably without quiver, and trailed her fingertips down Nora’s neck. She focused more on keeping up with the kiss and let her fingers on their own follow a natural path down the center of Nora’s chest, where her V-cut dress left smooth skin and hard sternum features exposed. When her fingertips trailed down to the end of skin, Nora gave her a gentle nip on the bottom lip. Bonnie let her fingertips curl in toward her palm and pressed her knuckles to the left, an acknowledgement of Nora’s breast there, loose and modern without the confinement of a bra.   
Maybe it was magic. She wasn’t sure. But she began receiving images, daydreaming, making up. She entertained what a life with Nora might have looked like if Kai had never come back. And it was nice. It could have been her Grams’ house shared, knitted blankets, witch friends, tea for two, reading their separate books together on the porch, late nights out drinking too much, tipsy cab rides home and kissing in the back, feeling each other’s boobs in the back, fighting about needing to drink less, getting healthy together, falling back in it together, going through phases, making up spells, taking too many pictures of each other and themselves, hosting boozy dinner parties, being crazy, being simple, being complicated, being good for each other anyway.  
Nora laughed lightly into Bonnie’s mouth, her wide smile cracking open what had quickly become a sealed and dedicated make-out.  
“What?” Bonnie had to know, grinning as she caught her breath before Nora’s mouth was on hers again.   
Nora spoke without removing her lips, resulting in a buzzing sensation and a normal string of words that turned Bonnie on more than anything else she could think of in the moment.  
“He’s outside the door,” Nora informed, and smooched, and whispered, “I can hear him sighing.”  
 _I will always fuck you better._  
Bonnie laughed through her nose at the thought of Kai loitering outside the girls’ bathroom waiting impatiently for either of the two of them to come out of it.   
A burst of loud music and crowd sounds filled the bathroom as someone entered the bathroom and Nora broke away from Bonnie’s lips to giggle cruelly. The bar sounds deadened progressively as the door swung closed again. It was quiet for a moment and though Bonnie couldn’t see outside the stall, she knew who was standing out there. Nora smiled at Bonnie and bit her lip to help herself quiet down.  
“Not nice, girls,” Kai’s voice scolded from outside the stall, loud against the tile.   
Bonnie couldn’t help it. She laughed hard and loud, stirring Nora into her own fit.   
“What’s going on in here?” Kai asked, his voice closing in from the other side of the stall. Bonnie looked down at Nora’s shoes touching hers and the toes of Kai’s Converse peeking underneath the door.  
Nora recovered from her laugh attack to give Bonnie an official last, close-mouthed kiss before she unlocked the stall door and stumbled out. Bonnie smiled after her and took a long, needed sip from her melting gin and tonic.   
“Goodbye, Bonnie,” Nora laughed, though it was the last time in a long time they would see each other, clicking away as she nodded respectfully at her leader, “Kai.” Then she let herself out of the bathroom and Bonnie was alone with him.   
She sucked down the rest of her drink, wincing all the way because it really did taste odd. It was either too much gin or something was off about the tonic water, but she actually had to concentrate on keeping her throat from closing off, or contracting the other direction.  
Kai watched her as she emptied the glass, waiting patiently for her to make herself easy for him. She carried her glass to the sinks and set it down, no longer her problem. She brushed the condensation from her fingers onto her pants, avoiding looking at him because of the hungry, simpering stare she knew was on his face.  
“So I assume the reason you haven’t answered my text is because you started packing right away.”  
Bonnie leaned with her hip on the row of sinks and crossed her arms.  
“I’m not going on a road trip with you.”  
“Why not?” he laughed like it was absurd.   
“Why do you think?”  
“PMS?”  
“Where have you been?”  
“At the boarding house…”  
“No, I mean…we had sex, Kai. I don’t know what you want from me or what you think we have, but you can’t just come to my house and take what you want and then go back to ignoring me, not if you want me to go on stupid road trips with you and especially not if you want me to sleep with you again.”  
“Which I do.”  
Bonnie bit back a blush, “This isn’t our world. It’s not just the two of us biding our time anymore.”   
“I know.”  
“I can’t do casual. I’m not that girl.”  
“I know.”  
Bonnie sighed, “Where are you going?”  
“It’s a surprise. We’re leaving on the twentieth.”  
“We?”  
“Me and you.”  
“No one else?”  
“No one else.”  
“How long?”  
“We’ll be back before Christmas.”   
She knew he wasn’t that much taller than she was but he seemed to tower when he let himself into her bubble, closing in so that Bonnie had no choice other than to back up against the sink behind her. Why he always put her in these inescapable positions made her think he was, deep inside, worried that she might really want away from him.  
“Come on,” he whispered, worming his fingers through her belt loops, “Say yes.”  
“Why now?” she demanded to know, refusing to let him smolder her. “Why, after faking your _death_ , after acting like everything that happened in our world didn’t mean anything, hasn’t changed me, hasn’t ruined me, hasn’t bonded me to you in this horrible, weird way that I still can’t shake…jesus I sound crazy but I feel like you’re underneath my skin when you’re not with me…I can’t shake you and you made me this way, and then you left me this way…so why? Why do you want back in my life now? Why should I let you?”  
Kai bit his lip and Bonnie couldn’t stop looking at his harmless teeth. It haunted her how much she missed his fangs and she desperately wanted to get past it. Maybe if she licked these flat human teeth enough, if he bit her with them to no damage, she would get used to them.   
He sighed and moved his eyes as they grew darker and narrower with guilt over her shoulders, her necklace, her covered breasts, her hands.   
“I made you this way,” he murmured, echoing her words. “You’ll let me back in whether or not you want to because then I might fix you.”  
“You’re conceited.”  
“I was nervous to see you again. I thought we were better off apart. I’m coming to my senses.”   
“Come quicker.”  
“Whatever you want, Bonnie.”  
“What I want is you.”  
“You can have me.”  
“I can’t.”  
“You can.”  
“Liar. When were you gonna tell me that you’re moving?”  
Kai’s hands fell from her belt loops to his sides. Bonnie waited for his answer but the more quiet that pressed on, the less she could hear of it. Her ears began to ring, her vision blur, her stomach churn. She inhaled deeply and felt a foreboding tingle at the ends of her jaws.  
“Hey,” she heard Kai say but his voice sounded underwater, “Are you ok?”  
She was able to clear her mind enough to shakily walk to the nearest bathroom stall. Kai’s eyes followed her and she could feel them glaring.   
In the stall, she had no will to close the door behind her. She stood over the toilet, dropping her head, breathing, pressing her hands to the cold black walls that closed her in and waited for it to come.  
“Bonnie,” Kai said cautiously, approaching from behind.  
She evened her breath, eyes watering, stomach flipping.  
“It’s just the drink,” she was able to mumble after a moment. “I feel sick.”  
She took in a deep breath as the nausea passed more quickly than it had arrived.   
“Let’s get you home,” he said, and she had lost the energy to fight him on it.

+

“I’m so tired,” she had complained as she unlocked her front door to let him in.  
He watched her crawl into bed with all the lights left on. She was sick with something but he wasn’t going to let it keep her from going to Winterfest with him. She fell asleep almost instantly and he thought it would be a good time to get her started on packing. Luckily he knew her well and could remember where she kept most things.  
He first dragged her suitcase down from its spot in the top of the closet, realizing he was doing that thing again. He was packing for her, he was making a decision for her, taking responsibility, perhaps overstepping. Standing in her closet, her suitcase in his arms, he looked out to where she lay sprawled out over her bed, bare feet dangling off the edge and her nice thighs spread, and _I’m crazy about you_ , he thought. Shaking his head at himself, he decided to embrace his overstepping tendencies and keep going. He dropped the suitcase on the floor and crouched down, beginning a mental list of things she might need while he unzipped it.  
Then he stopped.  
Inside the suitcase laid a jostled little nest of Christmas presents. The presents in the Halloween wrapping paper he picked, things he got for her in their world before he knew they would be leaving it.   
Her presents. She never opened them.  
He had almost forgotten them himself. It only occurred to him then that he could’ve had something else to worry about: the smallest present. It would have been obvious to her, if she ever opened it, what it was intended for.   
A Christmas present the size of a votive candle; it could have betrayed his emotional stealth.   
Without thinking, he swiped up that smallest gift and shoved it in his pocket.   
The presents were uncloaked, so he knew she must’ve seen them at some point and consciously decided not to open them. Was it due to mourning or disregard? Did she care? Had she forgotten they were here? He wondered if she would notice one was missing.   
Probably. Few things escaped her notice.

+

Bonnie awoke the next morning to find that Kai had again disappeared on her. When she made a lap of the house looking for him and a breakfast she hoped was already cooked, she found instead her suitcase packed and sitting presumptuously by the front door. Folded over the handle was one of her older outfits. Her hiking boots sat neatly beside.  
She sighed, ran her hand through her messy morning hair and dragged her feet into the kitchen where she started a pot of coffee and picked up her phone.  
 **Bonnie: next time we go on any kind of trip, let me do my own packing. weirdo**.  
She didn’t even half expect him to respond to her text and so began to fry an egg without even waiting for an answer. Her phone buzzed before she could turn the burner on.  
 **Kai: next time???**  
Bonnie smiled a little before quickly straightening her face. She rinsed the raw egg off her right hand while texting back with her left.  
 **Bonnie: why did you let me fall asleep?**  
She was surprised he hadn’t woken her up for sex before he left. Apparently he kept himself busy enough packing her suitcase.  
She turned the dial on the stove and watched as the egg grew whiter, deciding at the last minute to scramble it with her fork.  
 **Kai: are you feeling better?**  
 **Bonnie: yeah, I think so. I’m making breakfast, you should come over.**  
 **Kai: Damon and Stefan not home. Gotta stay with Jo.**  
 **Bonnie: ok.**  
 **Kai: i’ll pick you up at five tomorrow. AM.**  
 **Bonnie: yuck.**  
 **Kai: i’ll understand if you’re not dressed yet.**  
Bonnie blushed and imagined Kai winking. She dumped her scrambled egg on a plate and sat down at the kitchen table. Instead of finishing her conversation with Kai, she sent Nora a goodbye text. Her appetite vanished suddenly and she stared at the egg for a minute before she gave up and put the plate in the fridge. She needed more time to wake up before eating. She needed to go through her suitcase and revise Kai’s clothing choices, make sure he hadn’t just packed a bunch of lingerie.

+

Against his wishes, Bonnie was fully clothed when he arrived at dawn. He’d barely pulled into the driveway when she walked out, tugging her suitcase. He was planning to park and help her out, maybe take a half hour detour in her pants, but she seemed cranky and ready to just go. He guessed he should feel lucky that she was actually going with him.   
Instead of the tight sexy jeans and flannel shirt he had chosen for her, she wore jean shorts and a vintage Pearl Jam T-shirt. She looked comfortable, but…  
“You’re going to be cold,” he warned as soon as she sat in the passenger seat.  
She shrugged and fastened her seatbelt.  
“I’ve never seen you wear that, is it new?”  
“I went shopping with Elena yesterday,” she said.  
“Mmm. Too bad.”  
“Why?”  
“I’ll be ripping it off tonight, you’ll have to get a new one.”  
“Don’t you dare.”  
“If I can make it that long. You look…”  
“Shut up and drive.”  
Kai cleared his throat and started the car with a rumble. Bonnie gasped and hummed at the Firebird’s loud growl, and he couldn’t help but grin with pride.

+

She slept most of the drive. It was noon before she woke up the first time, craving a gas station burrito of all things. “You mean a shit pocket?” Kai said when she mentioned it, then took the next exit and bought her one.  
Back on the highway, she devoured the burrito with relish while Kai typically did the same on a bag of pork rinds.   
“Why won’t you tell me where we’re going?” she yelled with her mouth full, the windows rolled down, air tunneling through the car. None of the road signs or the towns posted on them seemed familiar. All she could see otherwise was forest, tall and dense.  
“Next question,” he yelled back.  
“Well how far are we going? Are you sure we’ll be back in time for Christmas?”  
“Yes,” he groaned, “I promised Caroline.”  
“You promised Caroline?”  
“We sort of planned a big Christmas thing.”  
“Uh huh…”  
“Big slumber party on Christmas Eve at the boarding house.”  
“No…”  
“We’re all gonna wake up together on Christmas morning. Since, you know, none of us have actual families anymore. Like literally none of us have parents.”  
“I think Jo is our mom now,” Bonnie speculated.  
“Not mine,” Kai scoffed.  
“I’m not doing that. My house is close, I can just drive there on Christmas morning.”  
“Nope nope nope you’re going. Caroline has this whole gingerbread house idea, and…and all this shit,” he concluded, stuffing a pork rind in his mouth, saying while chewing, “You’re not getting out of it, Bonster.”  
Bonnie eyed his snack. She could smell the flavor of the pork rinds and it was making her mouth water. Without asking, she reached over and plunged her hand into the bag.  
“Hey!” Kai said, but didn’t pull the bag away. He watched as Bonnie snatched a pork rind and took a tiny bite out of the corner.   
It was disgusting.  
“This is disgusting,” she said through a grimace, hating the texture and how it kept crunching even after most of the bite was chewed. She put the rest of the chip in her mouth and stuffed her hand into Kai’s bag for more.

+

“You packed my nice suitcase to go camping?” Bonnie complained when Kai parked in a field with the other cars. “I have an ugly backpack for this.”  
“Well by all means, leave your clothes in the car,” Kai retorted with a smirk. Bonnie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in a shiver. The brisk forest air smelled of smoke and coming snow.  
“What is this?” she asked as he lifted her suitcase out of the trunk for her. She was looking out to the tall firelight beyond the trees, their beacon in the darkening night. “Are we at one of those three day concert things or something?” And he could see how she’d think that. The music was loud, there were a hundred cars parked in the field at least. The beatings of live drums, he could hear, bounded between the trunks of trees. Chants chittered through the dead winter branches. He felt home calling and the hair on the back of his neck stood up.  
Kai closed the trunk and looked at Bonnie with terrified excitement. “Winterfest,” he said between his chattering teeth.

+

Bonnie’s legs shook, frozen, as she followed Kai to the lining of the trees where an orange fire waited bright and she was beginning to make out the shapes of people running and swaying between the silhouettes of trees.   
Kai’s arms were full with his own backpack and a large camping bag, but the chanting grew louder in time with the drums and Bonnie had to fight the urge to cling to him. She didn’t know why it scared her. The chants, as she listened, sounded familiar and, if she knew anything about magic, harmless. But hearing so many voices saying them made her feel as though she was about to walk in on something to which she was not invited, and would be punished for intruding upon. A private party. A cult. A sacrifice.  
It was, in the least, a gathering. After a short stretch of dense forest, they stepped into a clearing where the bonfire lorded over a disorganized crowd of unmistakable witches. Some danced with their arms outstretched and spines twisting to the beat, some sat off to the side laughing, eating, drinking, some were children running and chasing each other while they giggled. Men and women, Bonnie noted, were equal in number.   
Crowns and tiaras of all kinds sat on their heads… The children wore intertwined twigs decorated with fake plastic gems and organic things like berries and shells, and adults wore tall juts of dead sticks from a ring of twigs, shards of amethyst in copper wire, feathers of many birds, antlers, pinecones, vines of roses, faux bird’s eggs, baby’s breath, dandelions, daisies, elegant chains dangling over foreheads…  
“Hey, come on,” Kai nudged Bonnie and she realized she had stopped walking completely to ogle.  
“What are they doing?” she asked.  
“Bringing in the new season,” he answered as he led her through the bonfire crowd. Bonnie stared behind them, blind to what was in front of her as she admired the swishing black robes, catching glimpses of what looked like plain jeans and everyday clothing underneath when anyone moved too spastically. As she followed past huddles she listened in on their chit-chat to hear people talking about their jobs, how far they travelled to get here, what so-and-so did to embarrass herself this year.   
“They’re just regular witches,” she observed.  
“Duh,” Kai laughed, “What else would they be?”  
“I’ve never seen so many witches in one place, how do they organize this? How do they all know about each other?”  
The music faded slowly as they entered what appeared to be the sleeping grounds. Hundreds of tents were pitched between the trees, a rare few lit and occupied by shadows and hushed giggles. Most people were at the fire.  
“Being a witch is a whole different story when you’re in a coven,” Kai said, and Bonnie waited for elaboration but he stopped there and she couldn’t help but feel that disconnection again. She suspected that the feeling wouldn’t last long, however. Every other person they passed in search of a bare patch of ground greeted them enthusiastically. One person even stopped to give Kai directions for a good tent-pitching spot.   
“How did you hear about this?”  
“Winterfest happens every year Bonnie. Pretty much since the dawn of human civilization we’ve had gatherings to celebrate Winter Solstice, now widely known as Christmas but Christmas is fake Winter Solstice propagandized by organized religion to cover up and therefore easier demonize nature rituals and witches for their own Christ-happy gain. Where do you think the concept of a Christmas _tree_ comes from? Any other time of the year most people don’t give a holy camel’s shit about trees.”  
“Jeez. You know some of us happen to like Christmas.”  
“Of course, Christmas is fucking awesome, but it’s important you know your roots so that when you celebrate Christmas on December twenty fifth you also have in mind that its origins were to celebrate the solstice and the approach of spring and to collectively vibe for good crops and, like, not freezing to death and stuff.”  
Bonnie smiled to herself. She knew all of these things about Winter Solstice already, but she liked listening to Kai yammer on and on like his old self. She had slept for most of the drive but she was enjoying all of their waking hours together, alone, like it used to be.   
In no way was she going to reminisce over the time in her prison world but she missed this easy one on one stuff.  
“Here should be good,” Kai said when they came upon a nice patch of dirt. It overlooked a steep hill where the trees grew diagonally and the forest beneath was utter darkness. “We should’ve left earlier,.” He groaned, dropping his bags on the ground and kneeling to drag out the supplies. “I hate pitching a tent in the dark.”  
Bonnie kneeled down to help, trying to remember the last time she went camping for fun. Most of the time when she wanted a taste of nature she would just go up to a cabin with her friends because cabins were warm inside, and there was a toilet, and now that she thought about it she realized she had to pee and then started dreading having to go out and find some crouching solitude, and how cold it would be, and maybe her body was going into shock but she didn’t feel all that cold anymore…she didn’t fell cold at all, actually.  
“It’s weird, I was a lot colder when we got out of the car, I mean you’d think I’d be freezing in shorts and the dead of winter out here at a high elevation but I’m…fine.”  
Kai smiled up from the mess of pegs he had just dumped into the dirt, “Warming spell. It circles the whole site. Like a bubble. They really outdo themselves here.”  
A stranger climbing out of her tent noticed Bonnie and Kai working on their tent and called out to see if they wanted help.  
“We got it, thanks!” Kai called with a friendly ring, then scowled and muttered to Bonnie, “Some of these witches are happy hippie dippy ding-dongs, so watch out.”   
Bonnie shook her head at him. The sense of community was overwhelming her already, but not in the same way it seemed to be overwhelming Kai. She wondered if Grams had ever been to an event like this.  
 _Grams._  
Bonnie thought of the dreams she had in their world. _Our world._ Grams warning her about Kai, instructing her to kill him, talking about the heresy of a witch like her loving a monster like him. That Grams was a projection in her own mind but still, she wondered what that projection would say now as she helped Kai pitch a tent on the campgrounds of a gathering of covens. He had taken her here to show her a whole new world, one she couldn’t help but feel in the deepest hollows of her gut she was meant to be a part of. Maybe it was the now distant chanting drilling into her brain but she felt like he had brought her, as a witch, home. Unless he decided to relapse and raise some sort of hell, loving him now wasn’t heresy in the slightest.

+

The next hours were a progressive blur.   
When they finished pitching the tent, Bonnie and Kai traveled back to the fire. They were given long black robes of natural silk to fit in and kissed on their foreheads by the man who draped them on. Bonnie was invited to make herself a crown out of various materials at a table where other women and girls did the same, showing them off to each other, sharing ideas and gossiping while they created, just like any craft table she’d ever sat at. Kai disappeared at the food tables and returned with two drinks just in time to watch Bonnie crown herself with braided wheat and white wildflowers, tall and intimidating in the front with crooked twigs.  
Kai nearly dropped the drinks in his hands. She couldn’t ignore the way his eyes changed when he looked at her. It was different from the lusty leers he usually gave her.   
“You look beautiful,” he said, somewhat reluctantly.   
“I feel like a queen.”  
“My queen,” he said, handing her one of the black paper cups.   
Kai wasn’t much for tribal dancing. As it turned out, neither was Bonnie. They mostly weaved in between the dancers, meeting new witches. Hera from the Blackwood coven. Cora from the Water-Nix coven. Bel from the Annesley coven. “All these witches have covens already,” Kai muttered in frustration. “Who knew there were so many?” was Bonnie’s response. It was evident to her that he was looking for something and not telling her, apparently witches without covens to adopt in his own. Bonnie noticed he wasn’t mentioning the Gemini coven at all, or his last name when he introduced himself. Though as time passed and their murky herbal drinks disappeared, he seemed to care less about whatever his goal was and she seemed to care less about dancing with him in public. One minute they were lost in conversation with a couple named Elspeth and Runa, (names Kai made fun of in Bonnie’s ear before she reminded him that he wasn’t excluded from the silly-witch-name club), the next minute their hands were latched on each other’s jaws, their foreheads pressed together and their bodies swaying in slower time than anyone else’s erratic movement. They weren’t even in time with the music.   
It would have looked romantic with their eyes closed, but they kept them open as they stared into one another’s eyes with haze and connection. It was the tea, Bonnie understood, even in the blurriest of moments. It wasn’t psychedelic but it was altering in some way. She felt so present, so united with her own body and everyone around her, and so bound to Kai by forces stronger than she cared to understand that she felt certain, if he asked her to, she would let him slit her palm twice and say the words. She would join him in anything.   
Later, he chased her back to the tent. Their robes blew behind them. Bonnie’s crown bounced loose and flew off. Kai snatched it with eager claws. They passed their tent and skidded down the steep hill, out of the warming perimeter, yards from the edge of the campsite, close enough to be heard if there were screams, close enough to be seen if one were to look down. Bonnie caught herself on a tree, dug her soft hands into its harsh wood and held on as Kai rammed into her. She shivered in the sudden cold and didn’t care that he tore her shorts down, she helped. She slipped out of her shirt, lest he rip it like he threatened to, and leaned her naked back against the unforgiving tree while his mouth left wet marks to become ice the length of her body.   
He was inside her before she expected it. Her cry dwindled to a hungry moan he ate with a growling kiss. His hands held her hips with bruising strength, slamming her ass into the bark when he withdrew, yanking her pelvis to a bang at his when he pushed.   
She wanted to tell him it was too cold for this, here, now. She forgot how to speak. It was either the tea or a hormone, she could not—would not—let him out of her until her cunt wracked its pleasure around him and devoured his seed. Three weeks since he last filled her with it and she already decided it was too long, and never again could so much time pass between these violent embraces. She wanted him to come in her so badly she could taste it in the back of her mouth, metallic and salty like white blood in mix with her saliva, a first for cravings. She wanted to feel his cock shudder its release in the very end of her and know she’d done well, satisfied him, pacified him, her old enemy, her future leader, maybe, and to swallow his final groan. She wanted him wholly and would take a bite from his flesh if she had the teeth. Panting breaths made a cloud above them, and somebody had to know what they were doing down there, and one of them would die of hypothermia if they didn’t come soon but Bonnie could not care. She had him again, and he had her, and everything else could wait.


	13. I Think I Saw You In the Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chelsea Wolfe - Flatlands  
> Mogwai - i love you, i'm going to blow up your school  
> PJ Harvey - black hearted love

Kai woke up warm, his limbs entangled in hers beneath the sleeping bags they zipped together. “ _People might hear us_ ,” she had said the night before, after they ran in post-coital limps to their tent, when Kai zipped the door closed behind them and kissed her like he was ready to go again. “ _So_?” he said feverishly into her mouth, “ _They’re doing it too_.”   
Now a winter sun moved softly across the top of the tent, the scents of fire and toasting breakfast were leeching through the nylon walls, the sounds of other witches whispering and dressing and rustling out of their tents preceded a tired parade of crunching footfalls outside.   
Kai turned his head to push his nose through Bonnie’s smoky hair before he breathed in deeply. She was still half asleep but her left leg laid in a hook over his hip while his dick, hard from relaxation, slept in her still. They had fallen asleep soon after their last climax.  
He still couldn’t believe she let him do this to her.  
He unstuck his sweaty arm from her back and combed his fingers through her hair. As his nerves frilled to consciousness he noticed his dick becoming aware of the tasteful location in which it had slept, and growing harder. He sighed peacefully. Uncertain whether it was ok or not, he gave his hips a subtle shift forward, gasping a little at the heavenly sensation of his tip gliding an inch further into his favorite vagina.  
Her back vibrated with an exhausted laugh.   
Kai looked down to watch Bonnie’s eyes open, her evergreen irises so vibrant in the late morning sun’s tent-dimmed light as she took him in. He was terrified for a second that when she saw him in the daylight she would recognize him for what he really was, remember him for his worst, and regret the night. But she only smiled weakly, closed her eyes again as she burrowed her head into his bare chest and tensed her leg around his hip to reel him in deeper.   
They laid on their sides, facing each other, hips grinding painfully into the ground, panting the oxygen in the tent hot and useless, but he couldn’t seem to get enough. It was the fourth time in the last ten hours and he could tell by her strained movement her body was just as worn as his, but the wetness between her thighs was eternal. He slipped in and out with ease.   
When he was certain he could not use any of his muscles for much longer, he rubbed his thumb into her clit to send her off, and knowing that she was taken care of he too let her contracting insides urge him to a finish.  
Fresh air froze his dick when he finally pulled it out of her, and he rolled onto his stomach with a loud yawn. Infected, Bonnie yawned too, nestling into his body warmth. He wanted very badly to tell her that he lied. He lied about that stupid finch on Thanksgiving and he lied about not getting her voicemail. He was a dirty rotten shit and he knew she thought she loved him, or did once. Although he’d already told her how he loved her in the past, he didn’t know how to say it now. Did she even want to hear it?  
Instead, he rolled back onto his side, gave her shoulder a playful nip, and to her yelp he whispered, “Join me.”  
Bonnie’s head lifted from the pillow they were sharing as she rolled onto her back, her eyes skeptical.  
“Excuse me?”  
He reached for her hand and held it palm up so he could trace with nervous fingertips the cut he wanted to make. She really did have nice palms…smooth, pretty, scarred only subtly from past spells. Virtually unscathed. He could change that.  
“Join the Gemini coven. We can do it right here, right now. …My family can’t stay in Mystic Falls, Bonnie, I need to move them. But I can’t stand the idea of going without you.”  
“So don’t go. Jo and the babies are very well protected where they are, between you and—”  
“Not for long,” Kai said, shaking his head. “I know you love your hometown, Bon, but it’s a bad spot. It’s bad for witches. You said it yourself, back in our world…you hate the vamps. So come with me. Let’s ditch ‘em, let’s just get the hell out.”  
“There are vampires everywhere, Kai.”  
“Not quite.”  
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Well the ones I like are in Mystic Falls. All my friends, all my everything.”  
“Elena and her Doppelganger drama just makes the vampire situation even stickier.”  
“Mystic Falls is my home. I can’t leave.”  
“Sure you can. I did it. Sold the old Parker family home to a couple of bozos and I’m never looking back. You have to think about the future.”  
“You’re acting like such an adult, it’s weird.”  
“Say yes or I’ll lick your eyeball.”  
“Gross.”  
Kai smirked, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth as he thought about torturing her with it. She was scowling at him, stiff with anticipation. Because usually when he made a threat, he fulfilled it.   
“It’s not that I don’t like the idea of it,” she admitted, and her eyes glazed over as if she was picturing running away with him like he was picturing it. “I want the same things you do, Kai. I want to live where it’s safe to be a witch. I want a safe place to…maybe…raise children someday.” He raised an eyebrow, his interest in her vision of the future piqued, but she had made the statement in a detached way. He couldn’t tell if she had him in mind as a father. He could only assume not. He knew he showed her repeatedly what father material is not. “I want a safe place to rebuild the Bennett family,” she continued, “And I want that place to be Mystic Falls. I know it needs work, but…”  
“Well,” he interrupted, unable to bear any longer the idea of her starting a life and a family with another person after he left. “That’s a no, then.”

  
+

Bonnie guessed that it was around noon by the time she climbed out of the tent, ready for a day of wilderness in her purple fleece jacket, jeans and boots. She was also ready to pee. The murky tea she drank the night before was messing her up; she snuck out of the tent three times in the middle of the night, needing very badly to pee very small amounts.  
When she finally made it to where the fire still burned, everyone else had eaten most of the breakfast and was off doing different activities she was too late to join in. But she was okay with it. Her left eye still wasn’t quite right after Kai held her down and licked it. She laughed a little out loud to herself thinking about it while she scooped fried potatoes from the big community cauldron onto her paper plate. She had never been licked on the eyeball before.  
After she ate, she wandered. Kai had gone off to find cell reception that morning, mentioning that he might end up driving to the nearest town, and she didn’t know when he would be back.  
Not far from the fire, she came across a tall pen full of black kittens and cats playing, jumping all over each other and meowing. It was an unexpected sight on a campground and she stopped in her tracks to ogle.  
“Have you gotten your cat yet, dearie?” a voice said. Bonnie jumped and glanced to see there was a woman sitting in a chair beside the enclosure. She hadn’t noticed her, but now recognized her small mousey face and wide umber eyes. She was one of the witches they’d met the night before.  
“Oh…god…you scared me,” Bonnie stammered.  
The other witch stood, beaming, and came to take Bonnie’s hand.  
“It’s Bonnie, isn’t it?” the witch said, taking a sweep of her curly ginger mane and pushing it over the back of her shoulder.  
“Yes, and you’re…”  
“Cora.”  
“Right.”  
“Did you get your cat yet?” she asked again.  
Bonnie glanced skeptically to the pen of cats. “Um…no?”  
Cora laughed, “Don’t worry, I’m a vet in my real life, all of these kitties are spayed or neutered and most of them well-tempered. I borrowed them from my shelter to see if I can’t get some of them adopted out here while the most loving families in the country are all in one spot.”  
“Oh, uh…” _Aren’t you worried about wild life?_ “Why all black?”  
Cora chuckled, “Just a little joke. Every witch needs a black cat, don’t you think?”  
“Huh,” Bonnie nodded and wanted to laugh politely, but found herself distracted by the idea of actually humoring Cora and adopting one. Her house was empty of all life except for herself and the drying herbs that hung from her kitchen ceiling. It did get lonely sometimes, those late nights grading papers and answering emails. She gazed into the enclosure at all the furry cats and her hands began to curl.   
“Can I pet them?” she asked.  
Over the next half hour, Bonnie sat in the dirt in the enclosure getting cat hair all over herself and sharing small talk with Cora.  
“What coven did you say you come from?” Cora asked at one point.  
“Oh I didn’t,” Bonnie answered shyly, “But I’m a Bennett.”  
“Bennett? I thought there were no Bennett’s left.”  
“I’m all I know of. Except my mom, Abby.”  
“Powerful family, you Bennett’s.”  
“I suppose,” Bonnie shrugged.  
“How about the young man you came with? What is his coven?”  
“Oh, um, Gemini.”  
“You must be yanking my chain,” Cora laughed.   
“No…?”  
“The Gemini Coven was destroyed by their new leader just a few years ago. Same boy they put away for the massacre in 1994. A blight on witch-kind. On humankind too.”  
“Oh…right.”  
“ _Malachai Parker_ ,” Cora spat. “Something about that name that sticks with you, can’t you just taste the evil when you say it?”  
“Yeah,” Bonnie breathed, sensing the other witch’s suspicion was just about to make the circle. Her heart putted to a panic.  
“Some people are just born evil.”  
 _That’s not fair_ , Bonnie thought. She still didn’t know the extent of the abuse which he had suffered because he didn’t like to mention it, but after the few things he told her she knew there was no way Kai was _just born evi_ l.   
“He wasn’t,” she muttered out loud before she could stop herself.  
Cora’s crooked ginger brows twisted at her. “You defend Malachai Parker?”  
“Not for his actions, no, but…” Bonnie was used to the montage of violent memories that flashed behind her eyes. A stab here, a siphon there. For the briefest of hesitations she felt normal. She didn’t want to defend him for hurting anyone. She wasn’t going to make excuses for him. But she was learning that she didn’t like to hear anyone judge him. They did not know him like she knew him. _You defend Malachai Parker?_ “No,” she lied.  
“Didn’t you say your friend’s name was…”  
“I should get going,” Bonnie tried to say calmly as she stood and brushed the dander off her hands. No telling when Kai would be back and she didn’t want him to find her here, mindlessly divulging all the secrets she just realized he was trying to keep.  
“Please take a cat,” Cora insisted, distracted completely from the topic of Malachai Parker by the prospect of losing an adoption.   
“I don’t have any money or anything.”  
“Nonsense. For a Bennett, I’ll waive the fee. I’ll even pretend I didn’t bring the proper paperwork.”  
Bonnie sighed and looked longingly to a slender adult cat she had been petting that was now rubbing against her ankles on her way out of the pen.   
“Are you sure?” Bonnie asked, giving the vet some room to back out, giving herself a last chance to consider the commitment.  
Cora took Bonnie’s hand and traced her fingers casually over Bonnie’s palm lines without looking. “Yes, quite sure. You’re skilled at caring for others, aren’t you? Take Shakespeare,” she smiled, nodding at the loving cat by her ankles. “The older ones have a harder time finding a home. And he won’t get in the way when other someones need your attention more.”  
Bonnie pursed her lips and smiled down at the cat whose tail slithered affectionately around her shins. She bent down and scooped him up by the armpits, and he settled into her hold with minimal squirm.  
“Shakespeare, huh?” she said, scratching behind his ears and feeling him purr.  
“All the cats are charmed not to leave their adoptive witch’s orbit until you leave the perimeter,” Cora informed as Bonnie carried the cat out of the pen. “Take care, Bennett witch. Take _good_ care.”

+

“Change of plans,” Kai found himself muttering regretfully into his cellphone. “We aren’t going.”  
He was parked on the side of the highway an hour from the campsite, the closest spot he could find reception. It was still shitty and he could barely make out Nora’s words on the other end but something was crawling up his back about leaving Bonnie alone for too long.  
“ _Are you kidding me?_ ” Nora griped, hurling an indirect curse word he could hear more clearly than anything else.  
“Bonnie won’t leave Mystic Falls. And I won’t leave Bonnie,” he said matter-of-factly, watching his windows fog up.  
“ _I understand your attachment to her, Kai, but think of the coven_.”  
“What?”  
“ _Mystic Falls is a bad place for the coven and the coven comes first_.”  
“I thought this would be good news for you. You can come home.”  
“ _You’re a little late. This is going to sound strange but—I’m at the fourth location—and I like it. And I think you’ll like it, too. There are exactly six structures on the property, not five as listed. The second house is just perfect for your sister and the girls and_ —”  
“What’s the sixth structure?”  
“ _A playhouse_ ,” Nora giggled.  
“Sorry?”  
“ _For children, you perv. The last family must’ve had little girls, it’s definitely built by an amateur but I’m sure it can be reinforced. It’s about the size of a small apothecary but it’s miniature, even I am almost too big to get through the door, and it has pink trim and it’s just gorgeous and_ —”  
“Check your chin for drool.”  
“ _Shut up. I’m standing in it right now, I escaped the realtor for a moment but I can’t talk long. Oh, Kai, it would be just perfect for the girls when they get older_.”  
Memories of Éternité danced through Kai’s mind. He usually tried not to imagine all that could have been.  
“What happened to you?” he accused.  
“ _I don’t know. I hated Oregon, I will tell you that right now. Not just the property there but the whole state, very much not my style. But Colorado just… It feels right. Something about it. It’s cold as hell right now but…_ ”  
“Don’t get used to it.”  
“ _Kai, listen to me. I know you don’t want to leave her. I don’t either. But if moving means the life of your family, you have to be the leader and just do it. If it were Bonnie, she would do it in a heartbeat. Think of what matters. Do what is best for them, and I promise you, the rest will follow_.”

+

 _The rest will follow._  
Nora’s words played on repeat the whole drive back. He was lost in his mind, he didn’t know what he was going to do. Because Nora was right. Moving was right. And if Bonnie was in his position, she would do it. His father, who was the scum of the earth but Mr. Best For The Coven himself, would have done it. Someone back in the bloodline did it at some point. Relocating is part of human life, witch or not. Survival is a powerful instinct.  
How deeply and darkly he loved Bonnie was possibly more powerful.  
But the rest…the rest will follow. Was Bonnie the rest? Did Nora mean to tell him that Bonnie would follow?  
Something felt different when he returned to the campsite.   
Eyes were on him. Shifty, judgmental, appalled, accusatory.   
And the whispers. He thought he heard, “ _Abomination_ ,” as he walked past the fire.   
He looked around, seeing gazes drop as his crossed them. Bonnie was nowhere to be seen. And the eyes drilled into his back as he entered the sleeping grounds.  
The atmosphere with Bonnie was only a bit warmer. He decided not to mention his experience. He could have imagined it. And anyway, there was a cat in the tent.   
“Where the hell did that come from?” he asked, scowling down at the furry bastard taking up all the room in Bonnie’s lap.  
“Cora.”  
“What the hell is it doing in our tent?”  
“I adopted him.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I want a pet to pet after you leave Mystic Falls with half the people I care about.”  
“Oh.” He was somewhat wounded and lacking the energy to snark back.   
They lazed the afternoon away on the sleeping bags. Bonnie’s mood shifted at some point and all she wanted was to be underneath him. The cat curled up in the corner of the tent and they joined bodies again. Kai couldn’t stop wondering how they got there—from her killing him with a pickaxe to her whispering, “ _Yes, there, please, Kai_ ,” in his ear.   
When they went to the fire for dinner that evening, the cat hopping along at Bonnie’s ankles like it was part of the gang already, it became clear to Kai that he had not imagined the eyes on him.   
It was a little dramatic, really.  
First, a parent yanked her toddler out of his meandering, non-threatening path and held her close as though he was on some kind of rampage and not a leisurely walk to the food table. He thought it was a bit weird but decided to let it go and assume that parent was the overprotective kind. Then he was rolling on the ground at the will of a spell coming from someone he couldn’t see while it felt like his guts were liquefying. Distantly he heard Bonnie cry out and he could sense her near him still. For a few seconds he let this attack spell take him, having been caught off guard. He writhed and groaned up at the trees all blurring into one piney spiral and then he remembered he was the leader of a fucking coven and he could take whatever little shit was trying to mess with him.   
He closed his eyes and concentrated on fighting back from the inside first. The pain would not yield. Was it another leader attacking him? He felt like his bones were about to disintegrate.  
Then a sudden calm enveloped him. The pain stopped and he tuned into all the loud voices he hadn’t been hearing a moment ago. His brain settled and he whipped his head around to see that a crowd of witches had gathered around him, most of them angry. It was a practical mob and the robes and crowns were back out so it was even creepier.  
He caught the end of something in a man’s scratchy voice, “—an embarrassment to witch kind and he must die for the crimes he has committed.”  
Then the husky and authoritative voice of a young woman in distress, “That is _nature’s_ decision to make, not yours.”  
“We _are_ nature. That boy is sick in the head, he is a monster, and it is our duty to _take him out_.”  
“He’s the leader of a coven,” the young woman reasoned, and Kai turned his head to look up at his defender. “You take him out and innocent people will die,” she said, one of her hands splayed as it cast a defensive bubble over his body and the other hand outstretched for attack at a tall, gaunt, middle-aged man who stood before the gathering. Kai tried to sit up but his abdominal muscles were so sore he could hardly move.  
“Innocent people have already died, at his hands. Young lady, he has killed his own coven already. How can you be so stupid as to stand with this abominable boy after all he has done? He will end your life himself if we don’t end his now.”  
“Don’t!”  
“You ask a foolish favor.”  
“ _I’m not asking_ ,” she snarled, curling her fingers wickedly. Her dark hair picked up in the wind of her gathering magic and swirled behind her. If Kai could physically swoon, he would have.  
“Who are you, witch?” the man questioned angrily. “What is your coven?”  
His defender’s lips played into a self-assured smirk as she spoke, no trace of desperation or plea in her voice.  
“My name is Bonnie Bennett, and I’ve raised the dead before. If you kill this man I can promise you he will rise.”  
The warlock seemed taken aback. Kai wished he had the strength to rip his crooked nose right off his face.  
“A Bennett witch? And you take responsibility for this maggot?”  
“In full.”  
The season over the crowd changed. The other witches looked from one to the other, holding their little ones tight. Some stared in disbelief at Kai on the ground, some watched in appraisal as Bonnie, this young coven-less witch out of nowhere, stood up to a leader with such ferocity in her tone. And the intent at her fingertips was raw, ready. Kai knew when she was bluffing and when she was serious, and he could see the red glow waiting underneath her aura. She would kill.   
But there would be no duel.   
The bonfire crackled on and the frenzy of the people simmered.   
Kai didn’t get it. He was about to be mob-murdered because someone learned his name, and she was able to save him because of hers.  
The warlock stepped back and shook his head, “He isn’t welcome here.”  
Bonnie hesitated to lower her curse-poised hands. “Fine. We’re leaving then.”  
She cautiously side-stepped until she could reach him, and he needed her help to stand, but he was so angry he hardly noticed the pain as she led him away from the fire. Behind them, the tribal drums and wooing at the moon began to pick up as if the scuffle hadn’t happened.   
“What about the tent,” he asked as they crossed the thicket of trees before the parking lot.  
“Forget it,” she said.  
“But your stuff? Your pretty crown?”   
“I don’t need it.”  
“Where’s the cat?” he panted.  
Bonnie stopped to glance around her feet just as the cat came meowing toward them from behind. She scooped him up in her arms and picked up her pace, both of her boys clinging onto her.  
“Who was that guy?” she asked angrily.  
Kai tried to shrug. “Some other coven’s leader, best guess.”  
“He can’t get away with this….this pop-up persecution, what are we, Salem? I thought we were past that, I thought we were above it, being witches and all, but I guess I was wrong.”   
Kai wanted to tell her to calm down but she was getting herself worked up in his defense. It was cute.

+

“I’m driving,” Bonnie announced when they reached the Firebird. Her heart was pounding and part of her was afraid that they still hadn’t gotten away yet. She wouldn’t feel safe from that crazy crowd of witches until they got into Mystic Falls…and maybe not even then.  
“Nah, it’s fine, I’m good to drive,” Kai rasped, trying to limp away from the passenger door where she had let go of his arm.  
“Oh, bull,” she dismissed, plunging her hand into the right pocket of his jeans and stealing his keys.   
“Bon, it’s a manual transmission.”  
She rolled her eyes and unlocked the door for him. “Uh yeah, I figured.”  
He paused against her hands on his shoulders trying to push him down into the passenger seat, “No, I mean, it’s a stick shift.”  
“Oh, is that what manual transmission means?” she joked, pushed him into the seat and dumped the cat on his lap. He didn’t get it. His eyes swiveled around in disbelief and he was about to say something else, but she slammed the door shut and jogged to the driver’s side.  
“I can drive a stick, dummy,” she said as she buckled her seat belt and started the car.  
“Say that again but without the dummy part.”  
“I can drive a stick,” she repeated happily, proudly. Then she saw the lusty grin on Kai’s face.  
“Stop,” she laughed, hitting his shoulder, and he yelped in pain. “Oof, sorry.”  
“No,” he said, and she watched in relief as the world started moving and the parking lot grew smaller in the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry. I ruined our vacay. Classic me.”  
Bonnie sighed and shifted the car into next gear, loving how it felt to jump into that speed. She loved it so much it made her crazy. She wanted to turn up the radio and tear down the mountain road at a dangerous speed, drive like hell away from those crazy witches she had thought were better people than to corner Kai like that.   
“It’s not your fault. Well, it kind of is, because of all the terrible stuff you did, yes, definitely your fault, but…I sort of accidentally mentioned who you are while you were gone and…I wasn’t even thinking, I mean I didn’t know they were all gonna turn on you like that and just—”  
“They were gonna kill me.”  
“…I’m sorry, Kai.” Bonnie glanced nervously over to the passenger seat, at Kai leaning his head against the window and staring into the black forest as it passed.  
“They probably would have finished, too.”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
“But you care about me for some reason. Enough to save my ass, at least.”  
“Yeah…”  
“So thanks for that.”  
“You’re welcome.”  
“Bonnie…”  
“Yeah?”   
In her peripheral vision, she could see him turning his head, feel him watching her.  
“I love you.”  
And there were those words again.   
She chuckled, “Shut up.” And in a glance she caught his eyes gleaming in adoration at her, his head rocking loosely against the headrest with the movement of the old car, an acute smile not quite forming on his mouth. She noticed his stubble was growing back and then he looked away.  
“K,” he said, respectfully shutting up. And she knew that he knew, whether or not she was ready to say it to his face.  
Bonnie smiled. She turned up the radio and rolled down her window to feel the freezing winter wind blast through her hair. She heard Kai scoff as he turned the radio dial to make the rock blaring out much louder. She thought she heard him call her an amateur, but she chose not to ask him to repeat it. She simply breathed, and gave herself a mental pat on the back for standing up to a warlock who really did look pretty powerful, and she felt Kai’s warm hand slither over hers on the stick shift and just rest.   
She really didn’t want him to move.

+

With all of the wreaths and garlands Alaric and Stefan had tirelessly hung for no reason because the house was cloaked anyway and no one else would be able to see it, the Salvatore boarding house was actually a welcome sight.  
Kai burst in through the front door with Bonnie behind him, eagerly taking in the scent of cinnamon pinecones and distant poopy diapers, the sight of Alaric rolling eyes at him with an eight foot Christmas tree twinkling behind him stacked with presents he was glad to see that Jo had finally gotten around to wrapping. It still didn’t feel like home but it was damn close enough after almost being sacrificed for the greater good by a bunch of lunatic witches in the woods.  
“God I need to pee,” Bonnie danced behind him, practically thrusting her cat and her newly packed backpack into his hands. They had stopped at her house first for her to get a few days’ worth of needs. She was surprisingly cool about having lost her nice suitcase and the things that were in it.  
Kai watched her slink without greeting around Damon as he sauntered into the foyer. Damon looked straight at the cat wriggling in Kai’s arm and got the words, “What the hell is—” out of his mouth before Kai shouldered up the strap of Bonnie’s backpack and snapped his fingers, resulting in the snap of Damon’s neck. Kai smirked as the vampire buckled to the floor, ignoring Alaric’s scolding frown when he stepped over the body.  
He had taken lately to snapping Damon’s neck the minute he entered any room. It was partly a petty revenge routine and mostly entertainment. Just knowing that Damon would wake up alone on the floor ten minutes later having forgotten what he was going to say made all of Kai’s hurting guts tickle with glee.  
Kai took Bonnie’s suitcase to a guest room in the east wing, as far from his room as possible. They agreed to keep their sexcapades a secret, each for their own disclosed reasons, Kai’s reason being that he didn’t need everyone riding his ass about screwing up Bonnie’s life and Bonnie’s reason being that she was a private person. Plus the secrecy was sexy.

+

Kai’s bedroom. It was new territory again.  
After she relieved herself, Bonnie went to find him for lunch, or a nap. She was exhausted from driving all night but she felt drawn to having him at her side at all times. If he was just as tired, they could sleep. Though she was guessing he would accept the invitation to share a bed with her even if he was full of energy. Maybe especially then. And she wasn’t about to lie to herself and pretend she wasn’t also interested in reenacting their better night at Winterfest.  
Ten minutes away from his body and she missed it already.  
She followed his hum and found him standing in a small room that looked like it must be his because there were dirty clothes and takeout boxes from The Mystic Grill everywhere. A small stereo was set up on the dresser next to a grimoire and some candles, and a stack of CD’s. Kai stood there, searching the stack for something to listen to while holding an active and googling baby in his left arm. He looked up from the CD’s and smiled as Bonnie stepped in.  
“Hello Lydia,” she babied at the pudgy infant.  
“Say hi,” Kai told the baby, taking her little wrist and puppeteering a wave.  
Bonnie gushed.  
“So this is your room…”  
“Uh yeah,” Kai shrugged, looking around at his mess and frowning, “This is me. …I put your stuff in the guest room that’s by the reading room, your pussycat’s already hiding under the bed.”  
“Oh,” she nodded and smiled to hide her disappointment. “Thanks.”  
“Something wrong?” Kai smirked.  
“No, no, I was just, um…I’m gonna take a nap. I wanted to let you know. Just in case you needed anything from me. Um…I’ll be in my room. Napping.”  
“In case I need anything.”  
“Right.”  
“I can’t think of anything right now, but give me fifteen minutes, I’m sure something will come to mind.”  
“Don’t knock, though. You can just come in and…shake me awake.”  
“Mmm…yes. I will do that.”  
“Good. Of course, I am pretty dirty from camping so if I’m not in the bed I might be…”  
“In the shower,” Kai finished with a hungry grin.  
“What are you two talking about?” Jo said as she rounded the corner through the doorway. At the same time, Kai winced and gasped through his teeth.  
“Yowza,” he whispered, pulling his finger out of Lydia’s grasp and shaking it out. “She’s getting stronger.”  
Jo chuckled cruelly and took her daughter from him. “You deserve a taste of your own medicine. Just wait until she turns thirteen and you do something to piss her off.”  
It stuck out to Bonnie that Jo was mentioning any type of future with Kai in it.   
“She siphoned you?” Bonnie couldn’t help but chuckle along with Jo.  
“Damn it feels good to have no magic sometimes,” Jo teased.  
“It was just a little zing,” Kai said, crossing his arms, but he wouldn’t stop rubbing his fingers together. “What?” he asked when he noticed they were still staring at him.  
Jo turned to Bonnie and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Can I have a word with you? Just us girls?”  
Bonnie stuck her hands in her back pockets and nodded innocently. Her eyes flicked to Kai, who was again shaking out his siphoned hand.  
As Bonnie followed Jo out of the room, Kai called, “For the record I love that your babies are like me, sissy! _I have much to teach_.”  
Jo rolled her eyes and led Bonnie down for a quick tour of the kitchen where she slipped Lydia into her high chair next to Josie, kissed Alaric who was stirring up mashed pea lunches, and then they were off to the great room. Jo had some last minute gifts to wrap and seemed intent on having something else to do with her hands while she said what she needed to say to Bonnie.  
“I’ll do you a favor and not waste any of your time, Bonnie, I’ll just give it to you straight. Because…one, I respect you, but two…I love you. You might as well be part of the family, you’re like a daughter to me, which almost makes what I have to say even more uncomfortable and I’m sorry for that.”  
“Jo, is everything okay?”  
“I want everything to be okay. But that depends on you. Your happiness is so important to me, Bonnie.”  
“What’s going on?”  
Jo sighed and began shearing a large strip of poinsettia wrapping paper from its roll.  
“Ok, look…I don’t know what happened between you and my brother at Winterfest, and honestly I don’t really want to know because I’ve had that tea they give out and it’s potent as hell so I have kind of an idea what might’ve happened but that’s…not the point,” she laughed uncomfortably. Bonnie started to get an idea of what Jo’s concerns were about. She clasped her hands together and gripped herself tight.   
“The point is…my brother has a habit of letting his emotions, rare as he has them, run away with him. I know you were stuck with him, you might know him almost as well as I do at this point because of that, and I know that you might even have an idea of what you’re getting yourself into, but…I’m not worried about what will happen if you start a relationship. Bonnie…I worry about what will happen if you ever decide to end that relationship.”  
Bonnie bit her lip and aha’d, keeping her disappointed eyes trained on Jo’s wrapping, not wanting to make eye contact.  
“And inevitably,” Jo continued, “You would be the one to end it, sooner than you might think. I saw my brother sift through relationships when we were teenagers and even when he wasn’t that into a girl, you better believe they got it bad for rejecting him. And Kai is _really_ into you. So if you can imagine the danger there…”  
“Jo…” Bonnie interrupted, hating the idea of Kai with other girls and wondering painfully just how many girls he’d been with. Also…he was _really_ into her? The doofus made a prison world for her. It was practically true love. “The two of you seem to be getting along so well. Don’t you think he’s a different person now?”  
“It’s true, he is a little different. I can’t ignore how mature he seems. Sometimes. He keeps killing Damon for some reason but let’s face it, that doesn’t count. I just wish he wouldn’t do it in front of the girls. But he hasn’t siphoned _anyone_ , that I’ve seen, which is his usual way of acting out or defending himself. I’m surprised, really. But all his life he’s had a pattern. Things may be going well right now, but I’m just waiting for the day he snaps. And he always snaps. I don’t want your life, or your happiness, or your heart, to be in jeopardy when he does.”  
“I can defend myself.”  
“He’s stronger now. It may be the reason he hasn’t felt the need to act out, but if my father’s strength was any indication of what Kai’s could be…we should all be on our toes.”  
“I really appreciate you looking out for me, Jo. I do.” Bonnie wanted to say many more things. _I don’t think you need to worry about him anymore. He’s changed. He won’t snap on me. Even if he snaps, I can handle him._   
But she left the conversation at that. Jo would be happier thinking that she got through to Bonnie. And Bonnie was afraid that, in a way, she did. In a way, she might have gotten through to both of them. Bonnie wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw an eavesdropping Kai slip out of view behind the upstairs banister when she got up to leave the room.  
Instead of investigating, she found the guest room he chose for her. She took a long shower in the adjacent bathroom. She laid in bed to take that nap she promised.   
Kai never showed.


	14. Still Through the Cloven Skies They Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (Q-Burns Abstract Message Remix) - The Pied Pipers, Johnny Mercer
> 
> Santa Baby (DJ Sleep, Alexkid Remix) - Earth Kitt
> 
> The Christmas Waltz - She and Him
> 
> Hypnotic (Vanic Remix) - Zella Day
> 
> It Came Upon a Midnight Clear (Charles Webster Remix) - Ella Fitzgerald

He talked a lot of shit, but Kai loved Christmas. Bonnie could tell. He ripped off his shirt right in front of everyone just to put on the sweater she bought him the minute he unwrapped it. It was a knit Christmas sweater with patterns of bloody broken gingerbread men. And he loved it. He was so giddy about the sweater he almost knocked over her spiked egg nog.  
They sat beside each other on the floor, near the fire. The couches were dominated by babies, Jo and Alaric, Caroline, Elena, the brothers… Enzo and Sarah were there. Matt and Penny would be on their way, and maybe Tyler Lockwood. It seemed to be Kai’s instinct that he was under unspoken banishment to the floor, and so Bonnie joined him there. She didn’t care if it looked suspicious. It was Christmas morning; red, green, blue, yellow and purple lights twinkled on the tree and from lit garlands embellishing every appropriate surface; the snow fell hard outside; there was so much shimmery tinsel lying around the house she worried someone would have a seizure; the kitchen island was stocked full of holiday cocktails, tiny pumpkin tarts, gingerbread cookies; it was the babies’ first Christmas and a ton of pictures were being taken…it was a great day, and Bonnie had a mouthful of grinch-related insults waiting for anyone who had a problem with her sitting next to Kai.  
As Stefan doled out the gifts from underneath the tree, Bonnie could already tell she was getting more presents than Kai, so she started letting him help unwrap hers. She was surprised by the amount of gifts she had, and the sizes of them. There was a huge rectangular box left behind from Nora, she couldn’t possibly guess what was inside.  
She got a tattered book on Haitian Vodou and a small textbook on public speaking from Alaric, a poorly crocheted scarf Jo made for her during the two weeks she took up the hobby out of boredom, a very old Oxford dictionary from Damon that she actually kind of liked, a blank diary from Stefan, a canister of her favorite loose leaf tea and a monogram mug from Elena, a thousand dollar gift card to Victoria’s Secret from Caroline (which was a gift she chose for all of the women in the room and because Bonnie loved lingerie shopping, she decided to let this one example of immoral compulsion go), and from Kai a pair of green Beats headphones with a walkman and a burned CD, scribbled on with the words, _the Bonnie mix_ , hiding inside. She couldn’t wait to listen.  
Nora’s gift turned out to be a neoclassical dress box with a practically antique dress inside. The colors were so rich it had to have been made for royalty, Bonnie thought. Normal people didn’t wear such bright pink and gold. There was a note lying over the top that said _I hope you enjoy playing dress-up as much as I do_. Caroline squealed and made her take the dress all the way out, hold it up against herself and pose for a picture she took with her cellphone and sent to Nora.   
Bonnie returned the dress to its box, curled up back in her warm floor spot next to Kai and joyfully, finally, got to taking the first sip of her eggnog.   
And she practically gagged.  
“What did you spike this with?” she called out scornfully after forcing the sip down her throat.  
“Damon’s good bourbon..?” Caroline answered, having trouble unwrapping a big espresso machine while looking at Bonnie like her drink-mixing skills couldn’t possibly be the problem.  
“There’s something wrong with your good bourbon,” Bonnie choked at Damon, trying to swallow enough of her own saliva to wash down the aftertaste. Kai took the drink from Bonnie’s hand and tried a sip.  
“Maybe there’s something wrong with your taste,” Damon jabbed, looking directly from Bonnie to Kai, who swished his gulp around before swallowing it with a vague scowl.  
“Maybe there’s something wrong with your face,” Bonnie mocked Damon, a cheap insult reminiscent of old times.  
Kai shot Bonnie a look, but it wasn’t related to Damon’s comment, or hers. There was slight concern in his eyes. She didn’t know what his expression meant and he didn’t say anything to explain it. He looked away and gulped down the rest of her eggnog before she could ask what he was thinking.  
There was a massacre of wrapping paper all over the floor by the time anyone noticed the pair of small presents still waiting underneath the tree, wrapped in Halloween paper.   
“Oh my god,” Bonnie said out loud when Stefan held them up for observation. She recognized them to be the Christmas presents Kai slipped into her suitcase forever ago. She completely forgot they existed. She thought she’d left them in her…suitcase…which was gone but…had been emptied and re-packed before the camping trip…so, “How did those get there?”   
“These are yours?” Stefan asked, stepping over heaps of crumpled wrapping paper to bring them to her.  
“Uh, yeah.” Bonnie held her hands out and took the gifts, then looked at Kai. The small smile on his face was telling. “Did you—?” she began, but didn’t know exactly what to accuse him of.  
“I found them in your suitcase when I packed it for you. Figured you forgot.”  
“I did,” she nodded, overly assuring, hoping he didn’t think they were left unopened for any other reason. Although part of why she forgot them in the first place was because she was in too much mourning to unwrap them the previous Christmas.  
“Well open them.”  
Bonnie took a deep breath. “Okay,” she agreed, bracing herself. She felt like the whole room was watching her, but when she looked up nobody was. The cleaning process had already begun, Stefan collecting empty eggnog glasses and Caroline stuffing large handfuls of wrapping paper into a trash bag.  
Bonnie tore into the first gift, a thin square box the size of a CD. When she lifted the lid, however, a strange and ravishing brooch stared up at her. She noticed then how the box hummed subtly of magic. A closer look at the gold band and the smattering of crystal-like shards fused around it made her shiver. There was something familiar about the materials…the shards looked more like broken glass, softened and tamed to be worn. Tiny gears were set sporadically between them.   
“I made it,” Kai said.   
It reminded her of something, hauntingly.  
“With the pieces of the ascendant,” he added.  
Bonnie couldn’t speak. It was a dark gift to give her. Beautiful, but frightening. Heavier than it looked, in both physical and emotional weight.  
“It’s…” _gorgeous_ , she couldn’t say. “How did you do it?”  
“I dicked around in the back of a Cartier boutique when I went Christmas shopping.”  
“And you…this…just like that?”  
“I can be crafty,” he said defensively. “Wanna wear it?”  
“Later maybe.”  
“You’re right, wear that later,” he said, and lowered his voice in her ear to a husky, stimulating, not-quite-whispering, “And only that.”  
She shivered and elbowed him in the collarbone. “Perv.”  
Jo was watching them. And this, sitting so close their knees touched, whispering in each other’s ears now and then like they had a world all their own and no one else was invited…it was exactly what Jo didn’t want to be seeing.  
Bonnie sat up straight, hardened her features, cleared her throat. She held the second gift in her palm, nearly as small as a ring box, almost too anxious to open this one. Jo watched patiently, bouncing Josie on her lap, and Alaric, catching on to his wife’s hawklike surveillance, clasped his hands together and also watched.   
Bonnie clawed the weakest corner with her forefinger and shed the small box of its wrapping. She bit her lip as she cautiously lifted the lid.  
To her consternation, all that lay inside was a single pair of socks. Baby socks. Soft mint-colored teensy little socks with black contour cabbages smiling.   
“Oh…”   
“I forgot I grabbed those,” Kai said. “Yeah…weird…I shouldn’t’ve…I got them to convince you back in the…you can throw them away.”  
Bonnie felt her cheeks heat up. She didn’t dare look at Jo.  
“Awww!” Caroline squealed from across the room, having noticed what was in Bonnie’s hands.  
“What?” Jo seared. “You got the socks to convince Bonnie to do what?”  
“Here, I’ll take care of it,” Kai muttered, reaching for the socks. But the minute his fingers pinched onto the little cotton toes, she pulled them away from him.  
“It’s okay,” she said, “They’re cute.”  
Something raw was swelling from Kai’s energy beside her. She thought she felt him scooting closer but he didn’t actually move.  
“Yeah?” he breathed, looking her over.  
Bonnie nodded, zoning out on the carpet as she kept her focus on the socks in her left periphery, and Kai’s hovering astonishment in her right periphery.  
“It shouldn’t be legal…how cute they are.”  
She felt his breath, almost. She felt his thoughts, meandering like hers back to that field where they chanted together in the wind because he wanted to put life in her womb. She felt suddenly sick.  
“Paris is dorky,” Kai said in regard to the cute socks.  
Bonnie flattened the socks over her knee, running her thumb on the soft stitching and remembering things, trying to ignore the unexpected flop her stomach had just performed.  
“Weren’t there three presents?”   
Kai screwed up his eyebrows and shook his head, “Just two.”  
She nodded, even though she could’ve sworn there were three gifts. Or perhaps the mourning had warped her memory. She felt too nauseous to argue.

+

Staying at the boarding house under the same roof as Kai for the duration of the holidays and not being allowed to slink off into his bed at night was beginning to wear on Bonnie.   
She liked to think of herself as a woman with too much self-control to stress out about how honestly horny she’d been feeling the last week. All she wanted was to be naked with him. All everyone else wanted, it seemed, was to keep them apart.   
Bonnie kept finding that she and Kai were being dragged in different directions every minute of every day and maybe she was crazy but these separations felt plotted. The day before Christmas Eve, they had tried going out for lunch at the Grill but right before they left, Stefan and Damon beat them to it. “ _Last minute Christmas shopping_ ,” Damon had sneered at Kai. In other words, Kai couldn’t leave the house. But it would be okay, or so they thought. Naturally, since they couldn’t go out for lunch, they sneaked up to Kai’s room and started making out on the bed. Then Alaric burst into the room with a screaming baby. Bonnie and Kai had practically blown apart like repelling magnets. “ _I need to get out of here, Bonnie, let’s go Christmas shopping_ ,” Alaric begged with no attention paid to the fact that he just saw her with half her boob under Kai’s palm and their faces melded together. Bonnie just shook her head and agreed to go, knowing Ric was put up to the interruption against his will.  
It didn’t stop there.  
On Christmas Eve, Bonnie and Kai had planned to meet in the garage and try sex in the Firebird. On her way there, Bonnie was stopped by Jo who apparently needed her help picking Christmas day outfits for the girls. Later that night, after the house fell dark and quiet, Kai slipped into her room but before anything could happen, they both received a group text from Stefan that said: **Did anyone else just hear Santa Clause?** Meaning that he had heard Kai leave his room, and everyone in the house who had a cellphone was on the alert and probably confused. It bothered Bonnie more than it bothered Kai, and the idea of lighting a privacy candle came up but she felt too weird knowing that everyone had already guessed what they were up to, whether or not it was audible. Why Kai hadn’t cloaked himself before even thinking about going to her room confounded the both of them.  
Caroline and Elena seemed oblivious to what Bonnie and Kai had taken to calling the Cockblock Initiative in their texts. Bonnie was sure, too, that if she mentioned it to either of them, her friends would be on her side. They would help her get laid if it was the last thing they did. But she didn’t want to involve them in what was either a ridiculous fiasco or a ridiculously paranoid delusional nightmare.   
Over Christmas dinner, or rather under it while nobody was looking, Kai texted Bonnie from across the table:  
 **Kai: i’m gonna murder the next cockblocker.**  
 **Bonnie: Don’t.**  
 **Kai: I have three kinds of knives in front of me.**  
 **Bonnie: Maybe we should just wait until the holidays are over. The minute I get home, you sneak out. They can’t get us there.**  
 **Kai: i’m not giving up. i will fuck you, soooooon.**  
 **Bonnie: No murdering.**  
 **Kai: i miss you.**  
 **Bonnie: I miss you too.**  
 **Kai: we’re gross.**  
 **Bonnie: The grossest.**  
 **Kai: 8 days.**  
 **Bonnie: ?**  
 **Kai: 8 days since penis in vagina.**  
 **Bonnie: Sext tonight?**  
 **Kai: can’t. will cry.**  
 **Bonnie: Pictures?**  
 **Kai: give me.**  
 **Bonnie: Ask nicely.**  
 **Kai: give me pictures now or murder.**  
 **Bonnie: Not nice.**  
 **Kai: hard to be nice with a boner the size of eiffel tower.**  
 **Bonnie: Patience. ;)**  
 **Kai: 8========== > ~**  
 **Bonnie: Rude. Who taught you that.**  
 **Kai: ( . )( . )**  
 **Bonnie: Grow up lol**  
 **Kai: ( . )myface( . )**  
 **Bonnie: Seriously**  
 **Kai: ( . )mydick( . )**  
 **Bonnie: Goodbye. Eat your dinner.**  
 **Kai: i would but it’s in your panties.**  
 **Bonnie: You’re hopeless.**

+

After dinner, Bonnie sprawled out on her guest bed with new cherry tea brewed in her new monogram mug sitting on the bedside table, new walkman flat on her belly and new headphones on her ears. The rest of her presents sat in a neat pile on an armchair beside the door and Shakespeare curled up on the bed next to her feet. She had gathered a few candles from around the house and lit them with brain waves. Her room, though filled with haunted Salvatore antiques and otherwise impersonal, was the perfect shade of dusky orange and shadows. Bonnie thought herself quite good at creating ambience.  
She pressed the play button on the walkman and Kai’s mix began. She pulled her phone out of her pocket to text him.  
 **Bonnie: Listening to your mix.**  
 **Kai: and liking it?**  
 **Bonnie: I’ll let you know.**  
 **Kai: did you find the tracklist?**  
 **Bonnie: Where?**  
 **Kai: taped on bottom of walkman.**  
Bonnie put her phone down to inspect the CD player, and found nothing. Her phone buzzed a second time.  
 **Kai: cloaked.**  
Bonnie smiled and whispered to the underside of the walkman. A square, folded up piece of notebook paper appeared.  
 **Bonnie: Got it.**  
She unfolded the paper and read his crappy handwriting.

_Bonster,_   
_Here are just a few songs that make me think of you. Don’t read too much into it._   
_-K_

_P.S. You’re hot._

_THE BONNIE MIX_   
_1.) nine inch nails - closer_   
_2.) depeche mode - barrel of a gun_   
_3.) pearl jam - yellow ledbetter_   
_4.) deftones - you’ve seen the butcher_   
_5.) nine inch nails - discipline_   
_6.) divinyls - i touch myself_   
_7.) soundgarden - pretty noose_   
_8.) marilyn manson - man that you fear_   
_9.) nirvana - rape me_   
_10.) radiohead - all i need_   
_11.) ween - i fell in love today_   
_12.) elvis depressedly - crazier with you_   
_13.) eels - fresh blood_   
_14.) nine inch nails - 13 ghosts II_   
_15.) VAST - flames_

**Bonnie: Lots of nine inch nails**  
 **Kai: i missed lots of good stuff in 1994**  
 **Bonnie: You’re kind of a romantic, you know.**  
 **Kai: sick.**  
 **Bonnie: So…I less than three you.**  
 **Kai: i know. i got your stupid voicemail.**  
 **Bonnie: oh**  
 **Kai: and i sent the stupid finch.**  
 **Bonnie: I know**  
 **Kai: jo is making me clean**  
 **Bonnie: Sad face.**  
 **Kai: pictures. now.**  
 **Bonnie: Maybe when you’re alone like a normal person.**  
 **Kai: what is a normal person**  
 **Bonnie: Don’t open it yet or I will kill you**  
Bonnie sighed, admonished herself with a quick shake of her head and lifted her shirt. She wasn’t wearing a bra but she tried to give herself some cleavage when she held her phone up and took a picture. Hesitantly, the picture was sent and she started questioning herself.  
Kai didn’t respond until well past the last song on the CD played, and by then she was half asleep and too deeply touched to move.   
She was stupid.  
She was so stupid.  
Kai was so helplessly in love with her. It was truly terrifying when she thought about what it meant.   
What would happen when he left?

+

On New Year’s Eve, she caved.   
In the eleventh hour, she decided she would not stand to listen to the countdown, to watch all of the couples in the boarding house kiss in the new year while she stood stiffly on the opposite side of the room from Kai, just as tense.  
The babies were asleep in their crib and Jo and Ric were drunk on the couch fondling each other, Stefan was lost in Elena’s attention by the ambient Christmas tree, music was playing but not too loudly, Caroline had an empty champagne flute in one hand and her bright cellphone in the other when she called out to the room, “Fifteen!” Damon rolled his eyes and stalked off to the bourbon decanter, “Fourteen,” Matt and Penny laughed from somewhere in the room, “Thirteen,” Kai was draped over the throne dropping his cellphone on his chest to look up for the eyes she hoped he could feel on him, “Twelve,” Bonnie unzipped her hoodie and stepped out of the room, “Eleven,” Enzo and Sarah were holding flutes and a bottle of champagne at the ready, “Ten,” most everyone was already buzzed on cheater bottles of champagne from earlier, and no one would notice if two people… “Nine!”…slipped out… “Eight!” ….one by one… “ _Seven_!” Caroline’s voice was getting softer in the distance as Bonnie jogged to the top of the stairs. “ _Six_!” She didn’t look behind but she felt him, terrible and hungry, near.   
“ _Five_!”  
She turned into her dark room and gasped when she ran into something hard.   
“ _Four_!”  
He was already there, grabbing her arms and pulling her in. She kicked the door closed.  
“ _Three_!”  
She wanted him more than he could’ve known. She yanked back harder than he pulled.  
“ _Two_!”  
His back slammed against the door and it rattled. He panted through his open smile.  
“ _One_!”

+

New Year’s day. Kai didn’t find it as exciting as most people. For them, it was a brand new start. He could never seem to get one of those. But maybe this one would be different.   
After all, he’d never woken up on the first day of a new year in the warm blanket twists of a restless sleeper like Bonnie. This was certainly a New Year’s first.   
He thought back on the midnight he just had. Her warm hands stripping him before herself, all in a frenzied kiss. She took control of him that night and he let her. She pushed him into the door, she pushed him onto the bed, she straddled and pushed herself onto his anxious dick. For once it felt like she wanted him as bad as he wanted her. She was already wetter than hell for him. Once he was inside her and her hips were slamming at a feverish pace, it was difficult to care if anyone came looking for them. Let them wonder. Let them search. Let them see. Of anyone, he hoped it would be Jo. She needed a lesson on how real this was, this thing with him and Bonnie.   
He had listened in on his sister’s advice and he needed, respectfully or disrespectfully, to disagree. If he was going to snap on anyone, it would be the next person to tell him that he wasn’t good for Bonnie. He knew it well enough on his own and he didn’t need to be told, but the fact that other people seemed to think he would actually harm her again just pissed him off. Normally with everyone expecting the worst from him, he loved to prove them right. Because what was the point in proving people wrong? What was the point in proving your worth to anyone? Whoever needed the proof wasn’t worth his time.   
But with Bonnie involved, it was something else.   
Maybe he was just as wrong.  
Maybe he was good for her. Because he was the one who upheaved his life so she wouldn’t have to risk hers keeping Jo safe. He was the one needed to get her help when she was stuck in 1994 on her birthday, and he almost died getting it done. Not that he complained. He was the one opening her eyes to the witch community, her own kind. He was the one she chose to kiss at midnight. He was the one she was fucking.  
No one else.  
“ _Be my girlfriend_ ,” he had said when she rolled off of him, sweaty, skidding her wetness and his own cum down his side.   
She laughed from her pillow, “ _What_?” and he repeated himself, adding, “ _I just want to live a disgustingly normal life with you_.” To which she frowned and took to gazing at his lips for a moment. “ _Boyfriend_ ,” she said, leaving the word alone to hang out between their mouths, maybe trying to imagine it.  
Her teeth had left an indent in her lips when she finally said, “ _Ok_.”  
Now he felt he was in fragile territory. Because if he did something wrong, there was something for her to break. On top of that, he was supposed to be moving the coven elsewhere. What if he had to be the one who broke it?   
He sat up in bed and she stirred with a sleepy moan.  
“Good morning, girlfriend,” he whispered, petting her hair.

+

She asked him to bring her coffee.  
Kai hopped downstairs and into the kitchen to find that coffee was already made, and his sister was standing at the kitchen window in her robe with a mug in hand and the curtain in the other, watching something.  
It was the way she stood that startled him. She didn’t like whatever it was she was looking at.  
“Hey, sis,” he said, his voice quite loud in the emptiness of the early morning and Jo jumped, almost spilling coffee on herself. She looked away from the window long enough to roll her eyes and sigh at him.  
“What are we watching?”  
Kai approached the sink to hold the curtain for her and see what she was seeing.  
Two obvious vampires, standing in the shades of the pines and talking to each other while they looked out, right through the house. Their faces weren’t familiar, but their behavior was.   
“They’ve been standing there for fifteen minutes, they know something’s here.”  
“They can’t see us, chillax.”  
“And the sun is up. It’s day out, Kai.”  
“They have daylight rings…” Kai mused out loud in annoyance. That any other vampires out there walked in the sun with the help of witches agitated him. They didn’t deserve the privilege.  
“Jo…I want you to rejoin the coven.”  
His sister looked away from the window to scold him.  
“Now? We have a problem here.”  
“I’ll take care of it. But sissy…”  
“I’m not even a witch anymore.”  
“Sure you are. Just without magic.”  
“Regardless, you must be out of your mind to ask me that.”  
“Why? We’re family. It’s only right that we—”  
“I’m not an idiot, Kai. If I join, Josie and Lydia get looped in. And my daughters are not going through that fucked up merge.”  
“Josie and Lydia could be the future leaders of the coven, it’s their destiny.”  
“How can you say their names, knowing what would happen to them? I dreaded that merge for half my life, so did Lucas and Olivia. God, they don’t even have their own magic, Kai. It wouldn’t work so go have your own doomed children and ruin their lives instead, please.”  
Kai raised an eyebrow and mentioned something as it came to mind. It was genius, really, He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it already.  
“It would work if they’re Heretics. Then the one who loses doesn’t even have to die.”  
Jo closed her eyes and raised her coffee mug to her forehead like a cool rag.  
“No, Kai. Just no.”  
“I just want my family back. I want us to always be together. Don’t you miss that? Holidays in a full house like this, god damned witchy woo all out in the open, no vampires… And the merge…sucks, yeah, but it’s tradition, Jo, it’s the way things have always—”  
“I said _no_!” Jo spat, her eyes flaring at him. She was devoid of magic but he could’ve sworn he felt a spark.   
Kai cracked his jaw. _Final answer?_ he wanted to ask, as he fantasized about grabbing his sister’s hair and bashing her forehead against the window, just like old times.  
He bit his tongue to hold himself back and nodded. He walked out of the kitchen, grabbing two stakes from a rack that hung on the wall, and went outside to purge.

+

Feeling refreshed and thoroughly sexed, Bonnie wrapped a robe around her happy body and wandered out to help Kai make coffee. It was a cold white morning, perfect for keeping close to another warm body, or as close as she could get before the hungover house started waking up. She shivered as she padded down the stairs, thinking she would have to sit by the window and read a book when she got home.  
She passed the front door on the way to the kitchen in time to catch it opening. A gust of frozen air fogged into the foyer, making her pull her robe tighter and cross her arms. Her heart spiked when she saw the front of his shirt.  
Red. Red. Red.   
Blood splattered Kai’s chest. Snow flecked his hair. He held two dripping stakes in one hand and gleams of satisfaction in his eyes, even as they rose to meet Bonnie’s.  
All she could think, quietly within herself, was that horrific word.  
 _Boyfriend._


	15. If It Suddenly Comes Back to Warn Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Neighborhood - Sweater Weather  
> SOHN - warnings  
> Siouxsie and the Banshees - spellbound

 

Having Kai Parker for a boyfriend was something like she could have imagined.  
For one, no one else was aware of the news yet. If she was being honest with herself, she wasn’t sure she wanted anyone to know until it was over and he had moved and there was nothing to indicate her life could get much worse. When she finally got home with her backpack and her cat late on New Year’s Day, her first instinct was to bang her head against a wall.  
All of a sudden she was a girlfriend again. She didn’t see that coming.   
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend every minute, waking or not, with him. Because she did want that. And it wasn’t that she disliked the commitment. She did like it. Devotion was arguably one of her strongest traits. “I guess it still just bothers me that he did all these horrible things to me in the past and now…he gets to sleep with me whenever he wants. Like he has some kind of power over me,” Bonnie ranted as she paced in front of her desk.   
Nora was back from her trip and hanging back after class to catch up. School was already a week and a half in and this was her first day back in Virginia. Bonnie thought she was too motivated. She sat prettily in her student desk with a latte, watching Bonnie stress back and forth with her mug.  
“No one can have power over you unless you give it to them,” Nora stated, washing back her sophisticated advice with a light sip of her latte.  
“Am I giving him power?”  
“In a way, purely by the fact that you like him.”  
“But I _don’t_ like him. Ughh.”  
“You love him. And that’s worse.”  
“Why, Nora. Why do I love him. I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense.”  
“Love tends not to make sense. If you want to try explaining it you may as well write for a card company.”  
“Ugh.”  
“If you feel uncomfortable, tell him.”  
“I can’t just drudge all that up again. It’s over. He’s apologized. I’m not even all that upset about it anymore, I’m just upset with myself for…for…”  
“For not being upset anymore?”  
“Yes!” Bonnie burst out. “Sort of.”  
Nora laughed, “You’re bloody complicated.”  
“I wasn’t always.”  
Bonnie tried shaking off how worked up she’d gotten herself, noticing how Nora’s energy shifted subtly. All through class and the beginning of their conversation about the amazing houses Nora had seen on her dreaded trip, she seemed off.  
“Bonnie…there’s something I have to tell you.”  
Bonnie nodded internally, anticipating an intro like this.  
“Sounds important.”  
“It is,” Nora said, hanging her head a bit, playing with the tip of her coffee lid. Bonnie leaned to sit on the edge of her desk, clinging to her mug. “So…” Nora began nervously, then her eyebrows twitched and she cocked her head to the side. Her mouth hung open but she didn’t finish her thought. Instead, she frowned at Bonnie and said, “Do you hear that?”  
Bonnie straightened up and looked around the classroom, though they were alone and there was nothing to see. Nor was there anything to hear. The only sound in Bonnie’s ears was hallway noise, deafened by the heavy closed door.   
“Hear what?” she begged.  
The door clicked and whined open then. Bonnie looked back and a cocky, clear-eyed, chipper Kai was stepping in. It was a new kind of panic that swarmed her chest when she saw him.   
“Hi,” she squeaked, surprised to see him all the way at Whitmore. She wasn’t expecting him and hadn’t actually seen him since New Year’s Day.  
Kai smiled and nodded when he noticed Nora, who had already begun to pick up her books. He was wearing the sweater Bonnie got him for Christmas and it looked like his thumbs were sticking out of little holes at the ends of his sleeves.  
“The Ringling Bros are home so I decided to take an afternoon off,” he announced, so proud of himself.  
“What’d you do to your sweater?”  
“Hm? Oh, just a little modification.”  
Bonnie shook her head. “I haven’t cut thumb holes in my long sleeves since—”  
“High school?”  
“Mhm,” Bonnie said as she watched Nora head for the door in a swish of hair. The Heretic stopped mid-exit to make a phone gesture with her hand.  
“I’ll call you later,” she said, and slipped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her. For how intimate of a conversation it seemed like they were about to have, Nora was awfully quick to leave the scene, Bonnie thought.  
Kai doubled back for the door and turned the lock with a familiar grin on his face that made her cunt tingle and her skin come alive with heat. She put her coffee down and crossed her arms.  
“Really? I’m at work.”  
He sauntered to where Bonnie stood and there was no hesitation in his movement.   
“You teach magic. Would it be so crazy to bring a little science into the classroom?”   
He backed her up until the backs of her thighs hit her desk and her throat ran dry with the angle she had to tilt to see him.   
“Um, I teach occult,” she defended, trying not to smile, “And yeah, it could be bad luck.”   
He turned her around and clutched her butt as he pressed on her back. Bonnie simply let him, resting her elbows on two folders for cushion as she bent over and rested her front across the top of her desk. She was okay with his inability to be in the room for thirty seconds without starting on her like this. It made her feel like an animal and in a weird way she enjoyed the primal submission.  
She winced through the rough way he tore her pencil skirt down to her knees. She felt his dick already hard and lounging against her upper thigh as he leaned over her, warm fingers locking onto her left hip.  
“Better knock on wood, then,” he said, giving the surface of her desk a quick rap.  
“Your breath smells like Cheetos.”  
She felt his body quaver with a laugh, then his lips on her ear and his hot, cheesy breath whispering, “That’s probably because I ate some.”  
Bonnie rested her head on her desk, letting her spine relax and her butt bounce into his crotch. She’d become more comfortable with her body recently. Both the amount of time she had spent naked with him over winter break and the muscular changes that time had put her through were helping factors. But it had been three weeks. At this point, she needed his sex like air.  
“You think I’m easy,” she accused, bracing herself when she felt his tip foraging between her thighs.  
“Definitely not. But I am,” Kai grunted as he found her opening and pushed himself in with audible relish, “Easy like a Sunday morning.”

+

Bonnie laughed and he could feel the inner walls of her cunt squeeze around his tip as he slid in.  
He loved making her laugh. Especially when he was inside her. He loved the way it felt in his brain and on his dick.   
And he loved coming inside her. It felt better now that he was human. He could remember the urge to fuck being strong when he was a Heretic, when the potency of his spunk was questionable. He had thought it was stronger then. He now knew that it was only her. It didn’t matter what species he was; the urge to fuck her would be great. And nothing gave him greater satisfaction than tugging his tired dick out of her hole and watching his unquestionably potent cum drip out.   
Just thinking of it made his neck and shoulders feel hot, like he was standing naked under the sun on a sweltering day. He hardly thought it was his business to ask her what she was doing for protection. She clearly didn’t care that he wasn’t using any. And he liked his bare skin privileges. But he couldn’t ignore certain concerns. He and Bonnie were both human and neither of their bodies were bound to a time loop. Consequences were only logical.  
He bit the inside of his cheek and pushed his concerns aside as he gave her bucking hips a jerk toward him, plunging himself to her depths with heavy breath. He watched her right leg bend up for a moment, looking like she wanted to do something with it. Climb on the desk, he hoped. While her leg was up, he couldn’t resist reaching between her thighs and having a feel at the moisture collecting outside her lips. He gave her clit a teasing pinch, causing her to jerk her knee into the edge of the desk and whine. “Sorry,” he said insincerely, drawing a line of her wetness along the crease between her vulva and her thigh on his way to a safe butt clutch as her leg lowered back to the ground with a kick. Kai had no choice but to conclude that she was losing control over her limbs, he was just that good at fucking her.   
He grabbed the end of her shirt and pushed it up a little so he could watch her back muscles working beneath her beautiful skin, her spine busying in a curve that led straight to his crotch.  
Were they being irresponsible? He shook the thought out of his head and buried his fingernails into her back. Was she on something that made this unsafe sex ok? He dragged his fingers a few inches down, winning a hiss and four pretty little scratches.   
What if it wasn’t safe?  
His thrusts became pounds and he closed his eyes, feeling the crest of pleasure coming. It was too soon but he needed to come, it had been too long and he felt backed up like his balls were swelling full of man chowder and it hurt. She was too velvety inside to hold back much longer.  
“Fuck,” he breathed, curling his toes in his converse for a better grip on gravity as he took to a violent rhythm that made a slapping sound of her ass hitting his pubic abs. Climax threatened in his balls and he could feel her, inside, tightening in apprehension.   
He halted.  
“Wait, wait, don’t move,” he ordered, and she went still.   
He just wanted this to last. After a moment of catching his breath, he withdrew a measure, savoring the way her cunt swallowed after him like it didn’t want him to go. Then he gave back, feeding himself in at a deathly slow pace. He felt a vibration in Bonnie’s back as a long moan chopped out between her quickening breath. At the same time, her wet flesh began to tug on his cock in intervals, stronger each round. She yipped and banged a fist on her desk and then he was doomed. The surge overtook, his groin knotted with pleasure, he opened his mouth to the air and panted out a goofy noise as the heat shot up his dick.   
He could sort of feel the pooling. A clot of spunk rimming him as he reclaimed a pathetic semblance of a pace and pushed through it, so slowly, until he was empty.  
Kai opened his eyes to Bonnie’s wilting back. He swallowed a dry mouthful of saliva and patted her butt cheek.   
“Good run, horsey,” he said, before she kicked him in the knee.

+

The dress she was supposed to wear to Matt’s wedding didn’t fit anymore.  
“What the hell,” she groaned to Kai, who was lying back on her bed and watching as she changed clothes. It was dark outside and they’d spent the last hour spooning until she had to get up and move around. All day and on and off for a couple weeks she’d been getting these bastard little twinges in her lower abdomen. Sometimes they were minor, other times it hurt so bad she got halfway to calling a nurse’s line and asking questions. But the pains came and went. Most days she didn’t feel them at all. Today was different. She felt them more often, starting when Kai bent her over her desk. But now that she was standing in front of her mirror with an expensive dress that suddenly didn’t fit she was too irritated to feel pain.  
“I didn’t eat _that_ many pumpkin tarts,” she swore angrily, “Did I?”  
Eating from a bag of Funyuns, Kai tossed one in the air and caught the yellow ring around his tongue. Bonnie watched in disgust as he opened his mouth wide to fit the chip in and crunched down loudly.  
“Maybe,” he slurred with his mouth full.  
“You’re a bad influence on me. I’m fat!”  
Kai gasped dramatically, “Take that back!”  
“I would if I could also take back all thirty five of the cookies I ate on Christmas.”  
Kai shook his head and stared down his now empty bag of Funyuns before he crunched it up and tossed it to the side. “You did not eat thirty five cookies. I would know because I watched Caroline bake them. I counted fifty on the pan and I ate at least twenty when they came out, not counting the cookie dough square I snagged when she looked away.”  
Bonnie rolled her eyes and looked back at herself in the vanity, trying not to panic. She didn’t _look_ like she had gained any weight. But the extra width was there, somewhere on her body. The grey tulle-riddled dress that had zipped up comfortably in November couldn’t even be zipped an inch. It had to be her belly.  
“Maybe I’m still full from dinner.”  
“You ate salad,” Kai reminded her with a tone, like eating salad was a preposterous thing.  
“And a side of garlic bread.”  
“Big whoop.”  
“And the gelato we got after.”  
“Oh yeah.”  
“And then the latte on the way home.”  
“You pig.”  
“Hey!” Bonnie scolded, throwing a hanger at him.  
“Kidding. But seriously, how can an _Earl Grey Chai_ latte be a real thing that tastes good, I just…”   
“It’s good!”  
“That barista looked at you like…”  
“He wasn’t a real barista then.”  
“I should’ve killed him,” she heard Kai murmur to himself.  
“Maybe it’ll fit by Friday if I start skipping dinner.”  
“Uh, no, you need to eat, Bon. …You can’t still be full. I had like nine thousand slices of pizza and I’m fine. …I’m actually hungry.”  
“You have the metabolism of a frickin’ hummingbird.”  
Kai groaned, “I have to get back soon so you should maybe stress out about this tomorrow. Take off the dress and worry about more important things, like let’s see how many consecutive orgasms you can have.”  
“Kai, the wedding is this weekend. If this dress isn’t going to fit I need to know ASAP and get a new one.”  
“Because Worry-Wart’s Dresses-N-Things is open right now? It’s ten.”  
“I stress, ok? I am upset.”  
“Ok, ok. Here’s an idea… Don’t go.”  
Bonnie pursed her lips at his reflection behind her and watched him shrug.  
“ _I’m_ not going,” he said innocently, and Bonnie rolled her eyes.  
“Because you’re not invited.”  
“And it hurts. Blow it off. Make a statement.”  
“I am not missing Matt Donovan’s wedding.”  
“They better have those little bubble tube things if you’re that excited.”  
“Kai…” Bonnie trailed off, turning from the mirror with her head tilted at him like she had something important to say. She’d been debating all afternoon whether to mention how she was feeling about their history. Openness and honesty were key functions in a healthy relationship, she knew. But, and to the point, when had her relationship with Kai at any level been healthy? More importantly, could it ever be? Her stomach growled and she sighed. “…I’m hungry too.”

+

Because she was his girlfriend and that felt something like sex insurance, it didn’t bother Kai that Bonnie wasn’t in the mood. It was the first time in weeks she seemed to be uninterested and he did find it strange, but cooking up some late night macaroni and cheese with her was still fun.   
He had been able to stretch out his time away from the boarding house to an all day thing, mainly by ignoring Stefan’s texts and calls. He missed Bonnie too much to tear himself away; he’d pretty much only been able to text her (mass amounts) since New Year’s and that was no way to kick off a new relationship. Even he knew that.  
While they ate their second dinner, they sat in her living room and watched Batman Begins in the dark.   
“What’s it like…becoming human again?” she asked him. “Do you miss it?”  
“Do I miss being a Heretic?”  
She nodded, taking a bite and listening earnestly to hear the truth.  
“No,” he lied a little, feeling the ends of his fingers tingle their nostalgia for inhuman strength, phantom aches in his gums where his fangs used to emerge. It was the power he mostly missed. That extra little kick that his vampire half gave to his magic. “Do _you_ miss it?”  
She thought for a minute and his mouth salivated for the idea of blood before she shook her head. And he would never expect her to miss those feedings. He set his empty bowl on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch, letting his head rest to the side so he could watch her darkened profile turn her attention to the movie.  
“What if I still was?” he asked, his hand sneaking up on her thigh. “Would we be here, like this?”  
Bonnie looked from the movie to his hand crawling on her skin to his wondering eyes and down to her bowl. He watched her move around some macaroni noodles with her fork. As much as he wanted—needed—to know what she was thinking, he regretted asking the question already.  
“Stefan kissed me,” she said to her bowl.  
It wasn’t what he was expecting. She said it and the image was there in his mind. Stefan kissing Bonnie. But why? And how the hell could she? And when the hell did she? Stefan was going to get it. Kai took a breath to wash away the hammer in his chest, his heart thumping in budding rage. _Stay calm. Don’t even move_.  
“When?” he asked, trying to keep his hand on her thigh from squeezing much harder than a normal lusting pressure.  
“Last Christmas.”  
Kai breathed. He was dead last Christmas. But Stefan knew better.  
“Did you want to be kissed?” he asked. Bonnie’s teeth appeared to be chattering. Could she tell he was that angry? Was he scaring her?   
“I wanted… _I asked him_ …to bite me.”  
“You what?” The rage throbbed again in his chest. He dug his fingers into the flesh of her thigh.  
“Because I missed you. So much, Kai.”  
“So much you had a death wish?”  
“I had a hard time…adjusting.”  
“You missed me so much you wanted to relive the worst thing about me?”  
“It wasn’t the worst thing,” she argued so quietly he had to pause for a minute and replay it in his mind.   
Bonnie knew him so well. Other than Jo, she knew more about him than any girl ever had. She knew what the worst things were. She could reconcile the others. Somehow she had learned to look past all of it and see _him_. Just him. Or maybe it was his training. His brainwashing. All the time spent in solitude with him. He was nervous to get to the bottom of why she still liked him. It could be fragile.   
From the sound of it, though…her attachment to him was strong. If the closest she could get to his memory was to feel a specific kind of pain, and she went there…  
“That’s so…” _fucked up_ … “hot.”  
Bonnie scowled. “What?”  
“I fucking love you,” he said, taking her jaw and smearing her mouth with a kiss.  
The macaroni bowl in her hands idled between them until he relieved her from holding it and set it on the coffee table beside his, never leaving her lips. He needed to taste her through and through, to show his appreciation for how she mourned him, his apology for ever pretending she wasn’t the sole object of his desire, to express how much he wished he could’ve taken an astral projective form and bitten her in her sleep if it would’ve helped her find peace.  
He broke away from kissing her quickly.  
“Wait, did he do it?”  
“Do what?” she panted, just barely catching up with the transition from calm movie-watching to aggressive kissing.  
“Bite you?”  
“Um…just a little. He didn’t break the skin.”  
“Good. Good good.”  
He took her mouth up again for a minute, amending internally to punish Stefan in some way when he got back to the boarding house, then broke away once more.  
“Wait, where did he kiss you?”  
“On the neck.”  
“Did you kiss him back?”  
“What if I did?”  
“Did you?”  
“No.”  
“Good girl.”  
He planted his open lips on hers and raided the inside of her mouth with his tongue. Batman Begins crackled with a bout of static before the television zapped off altogether and then they were in the dark, kissing on the couch, and all Kai could feel was her grasping energy. She was in the mood again. He would never rest. He would never want to. She leaned back into the couch, taking him with her as she wrapped her legs around his back.  
He relaxed all his weight into her, giving his hips a thrust to heavily pressure that soft spot in her shorts with his boner. He felt her fingers skim the back of his neck and scratch through his hair, giving it a pull as she moaned for the rough second thrust he gave her.  
“Kai,” she moaned into his mouth.  
“Mmhm?” he asked without breaking the kiss. Until she nipped his bottom lip, a request for the freedom to speak.  
“Bite me,” she pleaded against his stubborn lips.  
“Really?”  
“Hard,” she urged, nodding vehemently.  
He smiled and dipped into the familiar warmth of her neck, brushing his cheek on her soft skin until he could kiss her there, and lick, and suck, swirling his tongue around in hungry circles, willing blood he could not drink to come up to the surface and say hello. He missed the violence about being a Heretic, yes indeed. But even more than that he missed the taste of her life force.  
He widened his mouth over her pumping jugular with ease and muscle memory, thinking how dark this was, how reminiscent, how romantic. And how wrong were they for each other to enjoy this? How right were they?   
He stretched his lips over his teeth and pushed harmless tips, edges and corners of every tooth he could fit onto the surface of her skin. He heard her suck in a breath and felt her body arc beneath him, the V beneath her ribs pressing up into his, hips opening up.   
“Harder,” she breathed into his hair, and he obeyed. The salt of her flesh hit the roof of his mouth as his teeth sank down through petty layers. There would be a dental mold in her skin by the time they were through.  
“Come on,” she pleaded gently, and he could not hold back. She squeaked under the pressure of his bite and he could feel a wound was dangerously near. It was different, when he got close to breaking through to blood. His teeth weren’t sharp enough to give it that satisfactory pop. Their dull tips kept sliding, and it was this repetitive glide over bite marks that was going to make her bleed.  
He relaxed his bite and swished his tongue over the marks he made. With a kiss, he left her neck unharmed and lifted himself up enough to look down over her.   
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he said heavily.   
Bonnie’s green eyes seemed to brighten a shade while she stared up at him.   
“Then stay.”  
“I want to, trust me. …I give it another hour before Stefan comes to huff and puff and blow down your front door—”  
“I mean in Mystic Falls,” she whispered, sliding her hands into affectionate grips on his biceps. “Stay.”  
“Bonnie…I don’t wanna have this conversation right now.”  
“You made a world for me. I was that important to you once.”  
“I was that cruel once.”  
“I couldn’t get away from you. How can you let me go now?”  
The air was changing. The way she looked at him wasn’t as desperate as it was self-assured. She knew her worth. He was the dumb one for wanting to go anywhere she wasn’t.  
Kai sighed. “First of all, and let me make this as clear as I can… I’m not letting you go. I am never letting you go. I don’t care if you cry and beg for me to leave you alone…even if you’re here and I’m there, wherever I end up…you’re mine. I’m leaving because the threat against my family is real, and I have to protect them. We’re a hot shit couple, Bon, but the conflict between witches and vampires is bigger than us. And I need you to understand that without ever feeling like I won’t come back and steal you away from this bloodsucker shit show of a town the minute you ask me to.”   
It was partly a lie. It was getting less possible to even imagine leaving town without her. He was certain at this point that if he couldn’t get her to agree to following him then he was going to tie her up and strap her into his car. It was for her own safety, really.  
“ _I’m yours_ ,” she mimicked his words quietly to herself. He wondered if _You’re Mine_ was all she took away from what he said. It made him think of her scar. The whorl of fused flesh on her abdomen was his work. Every time he looked at it, which was often when he fucked her, he was reminded of the sense of ownership it gave him. It was wrong and it was evil of him to think that way, and he guilted himself accordingly. But the scar was his brand. The witch who wore it was his pet.   
“That’s right,” he said, well aware of how she could punish him for being so possessive.  
Having thought of the scar so consciously, he thumbed her shirt up to have a look at it.   
“Are you mine?” she asked, the accusation and the dare in her tone evident. Her chest rose and fell with quickening breaths as he ran the pad of his thumb over the juicy scar beneath her rib. He considered her question while he admired his work, devouring the self-loathing that arose with his admiration. What better way to redeem his possession of her than to grant her equal ownership of him? He didn’t need to grant it, he realized. She already had power over him. He had been hers for perhaps longer than she had been his.   
Kai cracked his jaw and let his eyelids flutter insidiously low while he looked in her eyes, a habit of his that he felt protected the full scope of his emotional vulnerability from the onlooker.   
“Totally,” he said, and he ducked his head to suck on her scar.

+

It scared her.  
Things with Kai were moving so quickly. They didn’t know any other way than to obsess and possess and burn themselves out on each other.  
Bonnie was so afraid of the inevitable end of their relationship it was making her physically uneasy. After he left her house, even though she was exhausted and had to get up early to teach the next day, she stayed on her couch casting a calming spell on herself and reminding herself of her own independence. She did not need him. She did not need to be his. He was the enemy first. He could easily return to that.

+

However heavily Kai hinted at wanting to be Bonnie’s date, he still couldn’t get himself invited to Matt’s wedding. “Sorry, not sorry,” was the vibe he got from everyone. Given his history with weddings, he supposed he couldn’t blame them. And he didn’t. He was busy anyway.   
Jo didn’t feel safe to leave the invisible confines of the boarding house and Damon wasn’t invited to the wedding either, so the other brother’s protective presence in the house left Kai some free time.  
Jo sometimes asked him what he was doing in there, in his room.  
“With what evil plan are you entertaining yourself?” she would drawl in varying words. Because she knew him better than anyone. Any time Kai was content to hole up in his room was no good time for anyone else. No good time at all.  
He hoped she would understand it when, if ever, she discovered what it was. He hoped she might even be grateful when, if ever, the device was needed.  
There had already been two more lurkers since New Year’s Day. They came at night, and they came expecting resistance. Kai, equipped and excited for menial bloodshed, took a break from his midnight lunch to hop outside and brutalize. These lurkers put up more of a fight than he was expecting, but he was coming into the power at his fingertips and his enemies’ advantages of speed, strength and blood thirst were hardly a challenge.   
Still…a back-up plan was a must.  
He wasn’t going to ask Jo but he wondered constantly whether she was considering his proposal and how dumb it was to stay in Mystic Falls. If Bonnie was half the reason he kept dawdling on the move, then his hanging-in-there respect for Jo’s opinion was the other half.   
He considered promising to let her daughters off the hook. They were Siphons and she was right: unless the girls were given something big to siphon from, merging was not possible. Due to the cure blood running through their infant veins, the girls could never become Heretics, though he still applauded himself for the idea. Maybe where the merge was concerned, vampire blood should stay out of it. But otherwise…   
He was the only Gemini Siphon in his generation and when he was a kid he thought that meant he was alone. He thought his family was right: there was something wrong with him. He was a dud. A freak. But he knew better now. There were more. There always had been and there always would be. It ran in the family. It ran in the coven. And why? He wanted to find out. And he wanted to nurture it. He wasn’t an idiot. He wasn’t going to treat any Siphon (spirits bless the day another was born into the Gemini coven) the way he had been treated. Perhaps one day, all Siphons of the Gemini coven would be given the opportunity to become what he once had, to become what Nora was. At a mature age, they could be given a vampire’s blood, a gentle, temporary death, and subsequently the chance to wield purely their own magic like any witch. The chance he never got, until it was much too late.   
The Heretic condition: a Goodbye to resentment.   
Kai only wished things could have been so logical when he was growing up.

+

Bonnie hardly spent any time at the wedding before she ended up doubled over in front of a toilet.   
The ceremony was short and sweet, and Bonnie cried through most of it. It just felt like such a big thing to see Matt Donovan happy at last. She didn’t know why but ever since he announced his engagement it gave her anxiety. Part of her prophesied in private horror that there could be no such happy ending for Matt. So she was extra relieved when Matt and Penny said their I Do’s and nobody died.  
Nobody except her. After eating the crab cakes.  
Legs shaking, stomach uprooted and her newly fitted dress feeling tighter already, she started puking up all the hors d’oeuvres she’d eaten.   
At least the venue’s restroom was nice.   
“But I had crab cakes too!” Caroline stamped her foot while she held Bonnie’s hair out of the line of fire.   
Bonnie’s mouth was too busy vomiting to say _You’re a vampire, Caroline, you don’t get food poisoning_. Luckily, Elena was there to clear things up.  
“So did I,” her voice said from somewhere else in the restroom, “And…I feel ok.”  
“What else did you eat, Bonnie? And what is this weird bruise on your neck, oh my god, did somebody bite you?”  
Bonnie moaned through a final dry heave, her hands rickety in their clutch on the toilet seat. She tried to concentrate on the floral wallpaper behind the toilet, letting her eyes get lost in the pattern and her haranguing nausea fade with every shallow breath. After a moment of this she felt comfortable enough to lean back from the toilet and try to stand up.  
Caroline took Bonnie’s hand and helped her to her weak feet, grimacing and making some sort of salute underneath her nostrils. Having a heightened sense of smell was probably not Caroline’s favorite thing just then.  
“You ok?” she asked, her eyes wide and sympathetic. “Do you think you’re done?”  
Bonnie nodded. Maybe it was just the immediate relief of no longer puking, but as her back straightened and her blood flow opened up, she felt…better. As good as new. Wasn’t food poisoning supposed to last longer?  
Elena uncrossed her arms and opened the bathroom door, letting in a gust of fresh air that smelled like cake and suddenly Bonnie felt as though she’d just woken up from the most refreshing nap. Cake sounded delicious.  
“I’m gonna go see if Stefan will drive you home,” Elena said. And home did sound nice, in case this vomit spell returned, but Bonnie made a mental note to grab a slice of cake on her way out. Maybe three slices.  
“Can’t you take me?” she asked, worrying it would be awkward to sit in a car with Stefan and no one else.  
“Not unless your corvette magically became an automatic,” Elena joked shamefully and left the bathroom.  
Caroline helped Bonnie to the sink and even turned the faucets on for her and squirted soap into her hands. “Thanks,” Bonnie muttered. She looked at her reflection while she rinsed her hands and thought she looked sicker than she felt. She tried remembering what else she had eaten that day but none of it was out of her usual diet. There was no reason for her to be sick.  
When the soap was all rinsed from Bonnie’s hands, Caroline turned the faucet off and handed her a cloth hand towel from a wicker basket. As Bonnie was drying her hands, Caroline raised one of her eyebrows and turned her body a degree to the left.  
“Do you hear that?” she asked quietly.  
Bonnie frowned and listened. The toilet was finished flushing. The sink was off, and not dripping. There was music coming from the reception outside, and laughter, and loud gossip.  
“Hear what?” she asked, feeling like she had Deja Vu.  
Caroline’s eyes were scanning the empty bathroom. She took Bonnie’s hand towel to the dirty basket and peered into stalls as she walked.  
“Is there someone in here?” Caroline called, her clear voice bounding from wall to wall.  
“Care, there’s no one in here.”  
“You don’t hear that?”  
Bonnie shook her head.  
“Oh gosh,” Caroline laughed in frustration and put her hand on her forehead. “I forget sometimes you’re human. Of course you can’t hear it.”  
“Oh my god, hear _what_ , Caroline?”   
The blonde put her hand on Bonnie’s shoulder and held still, her pupils zoning out in the corners of her eyes while she listened.  
“ _Heartbeats_ ,” she whispered.  
“Heartbeats?”  
“There’s someone else in here, I swear.”  
A sinister feeling crept along Bonnie’s back.  
“Let’s get out,” she insisted, taking Caroline’s hand and walking straight for the door with all her hair standing on end. Kai had been telling her about the vampires lurking outside the boarding house. She hoped they weren’t spreading out.

+

Even though Stefan was happily engaged to Elena and Bonnie was secretly devoted to Kai, she noticed a lingering charge in the air. Nothing could be done about it now, or ever, but the mood between them while he drove her car with the radio on too loud to talk, while he walked her inside with his hands in his pockets, while he made her a cup of tea for the nausea that had returned…it had her wondering what _if_.   
She’d been a wreck that Christmas Eve in the Porsche, when she asked to be torn into and he nipped her gently. She had no doubt he could’ve taken good care of her that night. For all her liquor and all her trauma, he could’ve set a new bar for comfort sex. She should’ve let him.  
“Sorry I slapped you,” she had to say from her chair in the kitchen. Her voice was a little muffled as she held her head between her knees, trying to snap the nausea in half, but she knew he heard.  
The kettle on the stove started screaming. She heard Stefan turn the dial and the clash of the kettle as he placed it on a cooler coil. The kitchen grew suddenly much quieter without the tinny sound of water boiling inside the copper kettle. The silence was truly deafening and she wished he would say something immediately. Neither of them had mentioned the dramatic night at Tyler Lockwood’s Halloween ball and Bonnie had noticed sometime in the last hour that she hadn’t really interacted with Stefan since. Not like she used to.  
“Sorry I kept him from you,” Stefan said before the sound of her cabinet closing. A tea bag was ripped. The sound of hot water being poured into a narrow mug.  
“That’s my favorite sound,” she whined. She watched Stefan’s boots walk up to the table where she sat.  
“What, me apologizing?”  
Bonnie lifted her head and took to leaning it miserably in her palm with elbows on the table.  
“No,” she tried to laugh innocently, “The, um…the tea, being made.”  
“Ah.”  
“Reminds me of Grams.”  
Stefan nodded and carefully set the mug in front of her as he took a seat across the table. It was late at night and really cold in the house. Lonely in a way. Bonnie shivered.  
“Can I get you a blanket?” Stefan asked, rising immediately from where he just sat before Bonnie could even answer. He left the kitchen and returned with the yarn blanket she kept on the couch. She smiled and thanked him as he draped it over her shoulders.  
 _I should text Kai_ , Bonnie thought and almost narrated to Stefan, who would’ve been confused. She wondered if anyone else was spreading the word about her getting sick at Matt’s wedding.  
“I feel bad,” she said, wrapping her cold fingers with some pleasure around the warm mug. “The wedding was fun.”  
Stefan nodded, his lips tight together and his eyes dark.   
“I’m so happy for Matt. …Did you and Elena set a date?”  
Stefan interlaced his fingers and leaned forward with contradictorily smug embarrassment.  
“Actually…we kind of already got married.”  
Bonnie almost knocked over her cup. “What?”  
“Yeah, we sort of…eloped.”  
“When? Does Caroline know? …She’s gonna be so mad.”  
“Last week, and no, Caroline can’t find out until at least two weeks from now, it’ll totally take away from the joy of Matt and Penny’s wedding so please don’t tell her.”  
Bonnie sighed and had a small internal funeral for the memories she was looking forward to making at her best friend’s wedding. “Why, Stefan. Why did you guys feel the need to… We all wanted to be there.”  
“And it’s not that we didn’t want everyone to be there, we just felt that there was no need for a big celebration, and with Jo being so reluctant to leave the house and Damon being who he is and all of the vampire killing that’s happening on my doorstep lately, we just…”  
Bonnie shook her head and couldn’t stop the exhausted laugh from flying out of her mouth.   
“I get it,” she said, and she did. They just wanted to be together. Just like she and Kai wanted to be together, and didn’t care how many lies that had to be told or who they were told to. She opened her mouth to say something else, then she lost what it was when she noticed a shift in Stefan’s posture.   
His eyes were looking down at something intangible and Bonnie realized he was concentrating on something. His eyebrows drew into a concerned curve and he held his hand up toward Bonnie, a silencing gesture.  
Stefan got up from his chair in liquid movement and vanished from the kitchen. Goosebumps starting prickling all over Bonnie’s arms. In her delayed perception of his movement, she whipped her head around to the doorway through which he disappeared. She didn’t know whether to stay put or follow; if they were in some kind of danger, the safest place to be was behind Stefan.   
Then she remembered she was a witch. She tried quietly sliding her chair back and stood up, clutching the corners of the blanket around her shoulders as she tip-toed to the doorway. Her heart started walloping and she focused on garnering her magic to the tips of her fingers.   
With a whoosh, Stefan reappeared in the kitchen, his hands gently landing on Bonnie’s arms in a protective way. He was still looking out and losing focus in his eyes, and his body went stiff as he waited for something he wasn’t explaining to Bonnie.  
“What is it?” she whispered, trying not to let her concern shake her voice. Finally Stefan looked her in the eye, but there was something about the way he gazed.   
“Heartbeats,” he said quietly. And a zing of terror shot up Bonnie’s spinal cord. Something was following her. She felt her breath pick up and leave her as she stared, panicked, back at Stefan. But he shook his head at her fear.  
“I checked the house,” he said uncertainly, “There’s no one here.”  
“I don’t understand,” Bonnie tugged on her blanket impatiently, feeling like a helpless child. “Should we go? Stefan, you’re freaking me out.”  
Stefan’s eyes dropped down to the floor, his head tilting as he listened, then he looked back up to her again and appeared to be losing himself in her eyes. She watched his dark pupils as their focus waned on her and he held her still with his mouth open in confusion. He took the subtlest of steps closer.  
“It gets louder when I get closer to you.” He whispered, “There’s yours, and then there’s…”  
Realization dawned in his sharpening pupils. She watched it like the rising sun.  
“Bonnie…is there any way you could be… _pregnant_?”


	16. I Want You So Much But I Hate Your Guts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daughter - Landfill  
> Rihanna - Needed Me  
> Gardens & Villa - Alone in the City

 

Things started coming together. A flush of embarrassed heat claimed her body as she thought back to having her dress re-fitted and looking at her naked belly in the mirror. She had looked so bloated, and felt it too. When she pressed her palms into her belly it was firm.  
Still she shook her head a violent No.  
She took quick strides to the calendar hanging on the wall by the stove. It was the last night of January. She couldn’t recall and she never marked having bled that month. She flipped back to December and realized she hadn’t bled then either.  
“I can’t be,” she murmured to herself, flipping in a panic to November. There she found her last marked menstrual cycle. How could she not notice skipping two of them?  
“Bonnie you need to calm down,” Stefan said from behind her, “When you stress out your heart beats faster, and so does—”  
“This can’t happen, Stefan,” she interrupted, unable to bear the idea of her fast heartbeat making it do anything, letting the pages of the calendar go. “There’s just no way, I…I have this tea that I drink, I drink it every week, it’s basically birth control so this—”  
“Did you forget to drink it?”  
“No. …At least I’m pretty sure. I had a jar with me over Christmas break, I drink it every Saturday, Stefan. I don’t forget.”  
Cautiously, Stefan approached where she stood, his hand twitching. She knew what he was going to do before he did it, and she let him. His hand gravitated, palm out, to her belly. Fingers spread, he laid his palm out over her dress, over her belly button, where she had been looking most bloated. She felt him apply some pressure, his concentration frightening. And he sighed. She looked into his eyes for confirmation but he wouldn’t make contact with her. Among feeling panicked and freaked out and confused and terrified she remembered that Elena became human again because she wanted the mortal package…children. Something Stefan could never give her, as the cure no longer ran through her veins for him to drink. And Bonnie wondered if, as he felt for something she hoped was not there, he was feeling bitter.  
Stefan moved his hand from her belly to his hip, and maybe she was hypersensitive or delusional but she felt like he was judging her when he finally stopped looking away.  
“Bonnie… _who_ …?” he trailed off and she was sure he already knew the answer. She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, intending to confirm his suspicion without saying it out loud.  
“Don’t say anything. To anyone. I’m gonna figure this out.”  
“What’s there to figure out?”  
Bonnie started wringing her hands. She couldn’t get her breath under control. There was only one person she could think of whose arms she wanted wrapped around her, whose voice she wanted to hear telling her that she was going to be ok, whose wisdom would make this fuckup digestible.  
“I need Jo,” she begged, feeling her throat tighten. “I need Jo, Stefan, please get me Jo.”  
“She won’t leave the house.”  
“Tell her it’s an emergency…I feel sick…I think I’m gonna puke.” The tears began to make their uncomfortable presence known in her eyelids. They pushed out and rushed down her cheeks. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, she hoped with all her might this was a nightmare. She couldn’t be pregnant. Not now, not with Kai Parker’s baby, not ever. Biological daydreams aside, it would be a dangerous mistake.  
_Get it out of me_ , she wanted to plead. _Just rip it right out._  
“Hey,” Stefan cooed, cupping her shoulders in his hands. “Breathe.”  
She nodded and sniffed, and tried to do as she was told.

+

“I’m not gonna lie, I got kind of excited when Stefan told me you need some medical advice. I even brought my lab coat,” Jo said happily, beaming as she stepped through Bonnie’s front door carrying her white coat and a big, fashionably cerulean medical bag.  
Stefan stood on guard behind her and followed into the house.  
“So is everything ok?” she asked, seeing how Bonnie stood in the foyer with her arms folded and her face puffy. Stefan had left her alone for an hour to get Jo and the whole time she had managed not to cry…until she saw the older woman and knew that truth and comfort were coming.  
Judgement and criticism were probably also due. Jo had seemed pretty serious when she advised Bonnie to keep away from Kai.  
Noticing the tears multiplying as they fled down Bonnie’s cheeks, Jo set her things down and all of a sudden Bonnie was wrapped in a tight and warm hug.  
“What’s the matter?” Jo asked, her hand rubbing Bonnie’s back in sympathy. Just so glad to have someone like her, Bonnie buried her face into Jo’s shirt and bit her lip to get the tears under control as she hugged back.  
After a moment of this embrace, arms relaxed and Bonnie regained solitary footing. She sniffled and didn’t know how else to begin.  
“Is there a pregnancy test in that bag?”

+

Peeing on a stick was one of the more humiliating moments of Bonnie’s life. Even worse was facing herself in the mirror after the purple plus sign appeared.  
It was official. Kai had gotten her pregnant.  
Bonnie washed her hands and splashed her face to rinse the dry tears and bring her color back. She resisted touching her belly. Whatever was in there wasn’t welcome. She was so scared she felt nauseous and tired and angry all at once. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t part of the plan.  
Jo must’ve turned opaque when she asked for the test. As Bonnie stepped out of the bathroom, positive test in hand, she could see not much had changed. Jo was sitting on the living room couch with her hands clasped tight and her eyes the size of jawbreakers, awaiting the news. Unlike Stefan, she didn’t need to ask or receive a telling look. She knew her brother was the cause of this. And she was worried for the same reasons Bonnie was.  
Bonnie held the test up with a mortified chuckle.  
Jo nodded and flattened her hands over her knees. Bonnie was expecting some kind of lecture to begin. The pissed-on plastic stick dangled in her fingers and she felt sickeningly light on her feet.  
“Okay then!” Jo said, shooting up to her feet. “So you’re pregnant.”  
“With the antichrist,” Stefan sighed and laid back in the armchair, crossing one boot over his knee and brooding away.  
Bonnie screwed up her face to start crying again.  Her grip on the pregnancy test weakened until it slipped through her fingers and plopped to the floor.  
“No, no,” Jo cooed, stepping close and squeezing Bonnie into another hug. “Don’t cry. It’ll be alright. We’ll figure this out.”  
Stefan groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. “Again, what’s there to figure out? She’s already pregnant.”  
Jo snapped around. “Stefan, play the quiet game,” she scolded.  
Bonnie let Jo lead her by the elbow over to the couch. They sat beside each other, Bonnie sinking back as far into the cushion as she could. Jo began to pet her hair.  
“I’m sorry,” she finally said, not really knowing why she was apologizing. It wasn’t like she got herself knocked up on purpose. Jo simply continued to pet her.  
“Sex…happens,” the woman offered sympathetically.  
“You told me to stay away from him and I didn’t listen to you.”  
Jo shrugged, “Well I had to try but you are your own woman. And Kai…well, Kai gets what Kai wants, so I’m not even sure how accountable you are in this.”  
“Try fifty percent.”  
“Nah. At least thirty.”  
Bonnie tried to be polite and laugh but it came out wrong. After how much she had craved letting Kai come inside her, she couldn’t help but feel one hundred percent at fault. If she had known this was going to happen, back when he was moaning and humping her raw against the trunk of a tree, she would have bucked him off.  
“If you don’t mind me asking…what did you guys use for birth control? Or did you?”  
Bonnie held her hands together and squeezed.  
“I drink Jack in the Pulpit tea once a week.”  
“Wow, really?” Jo seemed impressed.  
“I grow it.”  
“Clever gardener.”  
“Not so clever. It didn’t work.”  
Jo smiled and patted Bonnie’s shoulder.  
“Funny thing about coven leaders…they kind of have steel swimmers. I don’t really know how and trust me, as a doctor, it gives me a long run for my money, but it’s a thing. Most families of coven leaders are, um, pretty big. It’s creepy.”  
Bonnie had to wonder if Kai knew about this. If he’d been drawing her in and fucking and coming, knowing what it would do to her. Knowing him, she wouldn’t—couldn’t—put it past him. He had wanted this with her back in their world…now it looked like he was getting it. The sneaky bastard.  
“What am I gonna do?” Bonnie croaked.  
“Well…luckily the embryo isn’t also steel. You said your last cycle was in November, so you’re a little bit further along than most women when they find out they’re pregnant, but you still have options. Just not for very much longer.”  
“What do you think I should do?”  
“Hey, it’s your decision. I’m here to play the objective doctor. Although…and this isn’t meant to sound biased in any way because I will respect and stand by whatever you choose to do…but if you so chose…you would be a great mother. And, not that you’d need it, but you’d have so much support. Between me and Ric, and Stefan if he gets over himself—”  
“Hey,” Stefan piped up and Jo shushed him.  
“—Elena and Caroline and Nora…” she went on.  
“And Kai,” Bonnie added miserably, trying and failing to picture it.  
“Exists, yeah. I don’t know how he would handle parenthood. If his track record with children is any indication…it won’t be good. But you’re the one who had sex with him so you’re the only one qualified to decide whether he gets to play a part in the results.”  
“I don’t even know what I’m going to do yet. I just started my career, I feel too young for this, I’m still working on me, and he’s…crazy…” Bonnie emphasized, familiar with the tessellation of bad memories of Kai that filled the screen in her mind. “This just isn’t the life I pictured bringing a baby into.”  
“It’s okay if you’re not ready. It’s not my field but I have a colleague… It’s really very easy to make this go away.”  
“What about Kai?”  
“Well he doesn’t know yet, right?”  
“No. He doesn’t know.”  
“Do you think he needs to?”

+

Something was definitely up.  
Jo had asked Kai to cloak her before going out “to help with a busy night of patients at Whitmore” with Stefan. But he watched as they drove out and Stefan’s car didn’t turn left toward the highway. Kai debated going out to follow but he was under strict orders to stay with his nieces. And he didn’t mind helping Ric with the chubby little monsters. But when Jo and Stefan returned not too much later, she was uncloaked and acting all irritated with him. She headed straight to her room. Stefan went straight for the bourbon.  
“Where’s Damon?” he called from the decanter.  
Kai, lounging in the throne the way he liked to do, set his cellphone aside and crossed his arms.  
“Out.”  
“Did he say where he was going?”  
“He said he needed grownup juice.”  
“The Grill should be closed by now.”  
“Then your guess is as good as mine, Stef.”  
“Stop calling me Stef.”  
“Where’d you guys go really?”  
“Whitmore. Bad accident. Lots of patients.”  
“I’m not convinced.”  
Stefan swiped up his glass and raised his eyebrows at Kai, fixing him with wide indifferent eyes as he took a sip. He grinned tightly and nodded as he swallowed, and Kai had the feeling that Stefan was passing some kind of judgement. It made him even more uncomfortable as Stefan forwent the courtesy of speaking his ill thoughts aloud. All he said was, “Ok,” apathetically, and then he went away with his bourbon, leaving Kai to wonder what Stefan knew that he didn’t.

+

Bonnie promised Jo she would sleep on it.  
Now that she was alone in her house, in the dark and in the quiet, she felt so stupid. Because she could feel the embryo inhabiting her womb in the same way she could feel her own magic. Or maybe it was because of her magic that she could feel the other life humming inside her. And it hummed so loudly, so gracefully abrasively, that she didn’t know how she could have missed it. The embryo, the fertilized egg…It as she tried to think of it to keep her distance…was most definitely a witch.  
She laid in a curl on her side squeezing her quilt, unable to fall asleep, trying to continue resisting the curious urge to touch her own belly. Just to feel it. Just to see.

+

“How was the wedding?” Kai droned into the phone that was balanced between his jaw and shoulder while he cut up a plate of steak.  
“ _Wel_ —”  
“Ha!” he belted his voice out into the rather quiet kitchen. “Kidding. I don’t really give a shit.”  
“ _I assume nobody’s told you_?”  
“Told me what, the Donovan curse struck again? Did he trip and break his neck before he got to say ‘I do’?”  
“ _No. Bonnie got sick, it was dreadful. She spent half an hour in the ladies’ room spewing._ ”  
Kai mulled over a mouthful of meat for an aggravated moment. Finally he swallowed and stabbed his fork to a standstill in the steak.  
“How come nobody called me? I would’ve picked her up.”  
“ _No need. Stefan took her home_.”  
“Interesting.”  
“ _Oh lose that tone. Just because you two are secretly dating doesn’t mean she’s going to cut herself off from everyone else with a dick_.”  
“I know that, jeez. …Who said we’re secretly dating? ‘Cause that’s…”  
“ _True. Isn’t it_?”  
“I was going to say classified.”  
“ _I’m not an idiot_.”  
“Well have you heard from her? Is she alive?”  
Kai washed the chewed-up bite of steak down his throat with a gulp of bourbon, making a mental note to harass Bonnie about all of this later.  
“ _I sent her a message but I haven’t heard back. You should go check on her_.”  
“Stefan and Damon are gone, I have to stay put.”  
“ _Maybe I will then. I keep putting it off but I should, I should go. She’s just been acting so strange lately. Weeks, now. Something’s going on with her, I don’t want to—_ ”  
“Wait, putting what off?”  
The woman on the other line sighed heavily.  
“… _I have to tell her, Kai_.”  
“Not sure I follow.”  
“ _About what I did._ ”  
Kai resumed cutting up his steak to relieve some frustration.  
“Nora, that was like a million years ago. There’s no need to bring up the past, you’ll just piss her off. Let it go.”  
“ _I’m not like you. I have to atone for what I’ve done, I can’t build a relationship over deceit. I’ve felt guilty about it longer than you know_.”  
“Why? She’s blissfully unaware and she likes you, you’re golden, fucking perfect as puppies to her, why would you fuck with that? There’s literally no reason for you to tell her. Unless you’re trying to leave the coven…” Kai figured out loud, with dread.  
Nora was planning to tell Bonnie her secret so she could rip out of Kai’s hands what he was holding over her head. There would no longer be any incentive for her to stick with him in the Gemini coven. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if he wasn’t having so much trouble getting other people to join him willingly. Now he was going to be alone. She was going to leave him.  
_Oh no you don’t_ , he thought, grinding his sharpest teeth together.  
“ _I’m not_ ,” she stated boldly. But he was used to being lied to.  
“I don’t believe you.”  
“ _Believe whatever you want, Kai. It’s not about you. I’m going to tell her. Soon._ ”

+

Bonnie had until Monday to immure herself. She took a trip to Bell’s to pick up ingredients for her favorite home-cooked meals, made a stop at the library to check out some books on pregnancy, then the rest of Saturday and the whole of Sunday were spent at home. She ignored the anxious calls from Caroline, the suggestive, somewhat needy texts from Kai that came every four or five hours. If she was going to talk to anyone, it would be her Grams, and she was bordering on ready to plunge herself into whatever realm of nonbeing she needed to in order to find the woman. She needed more guidance than any living person could give her. She ventured far enough into the idea to realize she may have to temporarily end her own life to find Grams, and that in turn would end the embryo’s life, and that in turn would render the trip moot, and that in turn would depress her.  
So she refrained from that fantastical option.  
Because she always preferred to know what she was up against, she kept herself busy learning everything there was to learn about pregnancy. In almost no time at all she concluded that it might be the most frightening thing she had ever faced. Forget Klaus. Forget Kol. Forget Katherine and Silas and Damon at his worst. Forget Kai Parker in the ’94 days. Pregnancy was weird. It was going to make her vomit. It was going to make her vulnerable. It was going to make her fat with the most precious thing she alone had ever beheld: her very own flesh and blood, the future.  
She couldn’t do it.

+

Kai woke up from a dream heavy with hints of how much he missed Bonnie, to Stefan patting his cheek roughly and insistently. Once his eyes opened and he got an eyeful of who was waking him up too early, he groaned and rolled over.  
“Get the hell up, we’re going to the bar,” Stefan ordered.  
“At the asscrack of dawn, I don’t think so,” Kai murmured into his pillow.  
There was a pause and Kai sensed, even in his half-asleep state, that there was something more than a spontaneous hankering for an early morning booze cruise.  
Stefan sighed, “Damon’s being held hostage.”  
Shocker.  
Kai exhaled into the hardly breathable fabric he was smashing his face into. Indeed not the classic Salvatore alcoholism at play. Instead, the classic Salvatore hostage situation. Of all Bonnie’s stories, Kai found the excess of hostage situations most dramatic.  
He was slow to fake his concern.  
“So?”  
He felt Stefan’s disbelief dampening the air, giving Kai the familiar old taste of letting someone down and hardly feeling sorry for it.  
“So if it isn’t beneath you, your royal highness, I need your fucking help.”  
Kai was too tired to face Stefan and show how he was grinning.  
“It’s beneath me,” he promised tonelessly to his pillow.  
“You’d forsake a third of Jo’s protection for your goddamn pride?”  
“Yup.”  
“You’re reckless.”  
He groaned again. He was officially too pestered to fall back asleep. Even if Stefan left that second while his presence in Kai’s bedroom was least wanted, sleep was not happening. Plus it was irritating that Stefan seemed to think he needed Kai’s help. If the vampire really wanted his brother back, he should be gone already, right? Kai wondered if his magical strength had become more of a comfort to those around him than he knew. For a second he imagined himself saying Fuck it and going on ahead to whatever backwoods bar Damon was being held hostage in, and wondered how he would handle it. Which form of treachery, which spell, would be wisest and was it also what Stefan was picturing when he had the bright idea to wake Kai from slumber and ask for this stupid fucking favor.  
Kai sat up in his bed with a couple more groans to really ingrain his agitation in Stefan’s brain. He rubbed his eyes and savored the blurry sight of Stefan leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his eyebrows nearly becoming one in their disappointed angle.  
“Who the hell’s idea was it to hold everyone’s least favorite hostage? No tact,” he said, almost wanting to laugh, though he was growing angrier as he realized something. It happened to Bonnie, and it was happening to him now. Almost. If he let it. A vampire, whatever their alliance, recruiting a witch’s help.  
Yes, Damon had been the tiniest bit of help in protecting Jo lately, but Kai was smart. If he helped now he would get sucked in. The problems, and oh how many there would always be in Mystic Falls, would decrease in relativity to his concerns and increase in risk to his life. Sooner than later he’d find himself in toxic cycle of needless self-sacrifice.  
Good thing he was an island.  
“Just leave it, Stefan. He’ll be home by the end of the day when they realize fucking nobody cares.”  
“I care.”  
“Damon’s a big boy, I think he can be his own knight in shining armor this time. Ugh. What do they even want? For Damon’s sake it can’t be worth that much.”  
“They want Jo,” Stefan said coldly.  
Kai laughed this time. “I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re implying that some poor soul out there thinks Damon’s safety is as valuable as my sister’s.”  
“Maybe it is, to some.”  
“To one,” Kai corrected, raising his eyebrows at Stefan.  
“It’s not just ‘some poor soul’ after Jo, you’re aware of that, right? All these lurkers we’ve been having are just minions. It’s a whole fucking club that’s been after Jo, and now they have Damon. If we don’t make our move now we’re relinquishing the ball to their court and I don’t want to find out what happens then.”  
“What did they say on the phone? What happens if we don’t show?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“That’s professional.”  
“He didn’t say! He said I should be at this bar by sunrise to make ‘an amicable trade,’ ‘the cured vessel’ for my ‘mouthy brother,’ and then he hung up.”  
“Who’s he? Who’d you talk to?”  
“The goddamn lurker king himself, said his name was Ollie.”  
“Ollie?” Kai giggled, “Sounds dangerous alright, he sounds like a real boss of bosses.”  
“Actually he sounded old as shit, Kai, which could be pretty dangerous for us, yeah.”  
“Sorry, sorry, explain that to me? He’s a crusty old vamp and that makes him more of a threat?”  
“You really don’t know anything about vampires, do you?”  
“Uh, blood lust, immortal, cranky as balls,” Kai counted on his fingers as he rambled, “Not actually threatened by garlic, I was pretty fucking grateful for that when I was one—”  
“Could you fucking get up and put your dirty shirt on? We’ve got an actual problem here.”  
“A problem, you say.”  
“That is what I said.”  
“Well Ollie the old-as-balls dementia patient and his cronies are organized.”  
“So it would seem.”  
“And he called to tell you that he himself, the beating heart of this fucking annoying lurker gang, will be where he says he is like a dumb sitting duck.”  
“…Yeah.”  
“That doesn’t sound like a problem to me… That sounds convenient.”  
“Great. So let’s go.”  
“Nah.”  
“ _Kai_.”  
“Stefan.”  
Stefan’s hands curled like he was resisting the urge to wrap them around Kai’s neck. It wasn’t as disturbing to Kai as it was entertaining.  
“I’m calling their bluff, alright?” he reasoned.  
“My brother’s life is at stake here.”  
“Literally, I hope.”  
Stefan shifted on his feet and gave Kai the scariest scowl he’d ever seen. It took everything in him not to beam wider than his own face.  
“Go then,” he dared. “Go get him if you really want to but I swear on my dick of a father’s grave it’s not necessary. I know they have a witch on their side, the last lurkers I took care of had daylight rings. They could have gotten to Jo already if none of our lives really mattered to this senescent Ollie twat. It’s annoying, I know, but…I think he’s trying to do things diplomatically. I can pretty much guarantee you nothing will happen to Damon.”  
Stefan shifted on his feet and shook his head.  
“How can you possibly guarantee that?”  
“I’m a pro at the wait-and-see method.”  
“And if you’re wrong? If Damon gets killed for your cocky negligence?”  
Kai wasn’t sure that Stefan was going to listen to him. He didn’t honestly care what happened to Damon but there was a small part of him that hoped Stefan wouldn’t play the enemy’s game. He thought Stefan was better than that. Smarter. Whether the vampire played by Kai’s rules now would tell him.  
“Trust, Stefan,” he reassured the uneasy vampire. “Worst case scenario, they turn Damon loose with a better ultimatum.”

+

It was a darker February than she was used to. Even as the sun rose earlier, promising of Spring in some distant but imminent week, her world was in shadow. She worried the season might never really change. The tumor in her belly might never come out. Kai might never know just how deeply he had fucked her.  
She was supposed to keep Jo updated. She was supposed to have slept on her impregnated belly for one night and called the next morning with a general idea of what she was going to do. But she couldn’t decide and she couldn’t seem to find comfort in anything or anyone since that night. Even Jo, who had been so kind and supportive. It was all now just shit. Just terrifying shit.  
And Valentine’s day was coming.  
She could remember at some point during Matt and Penny’s wedding losing focus and thinking about asking Kai for a real date. Food at a restaurant, a movie, something normal.  
She had to realize yet again that normal could never be them. His seed was warping into an infant between threads of tissue he had scarred.  
Regardless, she texted him.  
**Bonnie: Valentine’s day?**  
He didn’t answer right away. When she sent the text, she’d had plans to bundle herself up in a coat and take a walk around the neighborhood. But he normally texted with enthusiastic response time and now he wasn’t answering her and it was making her feel unstable.  
She waited around. Something she knew much better than to do. By the time she heard from him, she was close to making up her mind about him.  
**Kai: fuck that noise**  
**Kai: jk come over at 9 and i’ll make you dinner**

+

The day before Valentine’s Day, she agreed to a coffee date with Nora. Other than the occasional eye contact during lectures in class, they hadn’t seen much of each other. Bonnie had begun to feel, once again, that Nora was avoiding her for some reason, so it was to her pleasant surprise when the Heretic pleaded for girl talk over hot drinks.  
She felt unwelcome in the cafe.  
Nothing was wrong with it; the barista who made her Earl Grey Chai was nice, the other patrons were calm and kept to themselves, Nora was rosy-cheeked and pretty as ever. But as Bonnie sat down on the opposite end of the small table, she looked around and couldn’t help but see the rest of the tables and chairs smashing to loud splinters on the floor; Kai, bright-eyed and fresh-fucked painting a picture of their next eternity together if he could just get her to move in with him; herself, in the eye of a fit, being laid back over the cashier’s counter and pumped into.  
It was the same cafe they had destroyed together.  
“Alright, Bonnie?” Nora’s voice entered her memories.  
Bonnie blinked them away and tore her eyes from the pastry display glass that was once broken in another world.  
“Yeah?”  
“You’re zoning out,” Nora informed gently as she took a tealight out of her purse and arranged it between the cups of sugar packets and cream cups.  
“Sorry.”  
Nora twirled her fingers to light the candle and Bonnie didn’t have to ask to know that everything they said would now sound indistinct and hushed to anyone who chose to eavesdrop.  
“You’ve been doing it quite a bit lately, everything ok?”  
“Yes,” Bonnie insisted, not needing or wanting to hear about how distracted she knew she was.  
“Because the other day in class you were lecturing on the Gytrash and then you started talking about butterbraids.”  
“What?”  
“I have my notes with me, you can see for yourself.”  
“No…no…” Bonnie had truthfully been debating whether to tell any of her friends about the pregnancy or not. She was still undecided as to what she was going to do. Of anyone to tell, she thought Elena would react the most reasonably, the most supportively. Caroline would lose her mind and Nora was from a different era, something that Bonnie worried might have an influence on how Nora thought of her. She knew Nora was rebellious to her generation in other ways, she had put strenuous effort into her education and performed a complete 180 on the expectations of women she’d grown up with. But Bonnie wanted nothing more than to be careful, discreet, dignified. For her own sake and for that of the little life inside her.  
It, she reminded herself. It.  
“Let’s talk about you,” Bonnie said with the gummiest of fake smiles. “How are classes?”  
Nora smiled halfway and nodded, “Good, good,” turning her eyes down to watch her bony fingers as they fidgeted with the paper sleeve around her coffee cup. “Actually I wanted to see you because there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. Not wanting. Needing.”  
Bonnie was beginning to feel like they’d had this conversation already. Still, she braced herself to comfort her friend and hope that the Heretic’s problem, whatever it was, could be more dramatic and shadowy than her unplanned pregnancy. She needed perspective if anything, and she didn’t care that it was selfish.  
“You’re such a good friend,” Nora said sadly, “And I sort of hate it. This would be easier if you weren’t a good person. Say something mean so I can just lay it on you.”  
Bonnie reached out and cupped the back of Nora’s hand, thumbing her smooth knuckles in premature sympathy.  
“Nora, what is it?”  
“Take a sip of your drink first, or can I buy you a pastry? Put something delicious in your mouth so you won’t hate me as much as I know you will.”  
“I could never hate you,” Bonnie said, growing less concerned about how better or worse Nora’s problems were. Her friend seemed like she was about to fall apart. Dewey tears magnified the emerald in her already large eyes, but she wiped them on the sleeve of her sweater and sniffled everything back before she spoke again.  
“Here it goes, I’m just going to say it.”  
“Ok, say it.”  
Nora inhaled deeply and sighed through an O in her lips. She reminded Bonnie of herself, that morning, when she was trying to keep from puking.  
“I helped…” she stammered, “Kai wasn’t alone when he— In 1903, we…”  
Bonnie listened and tried to draw conclusions from the chopped up statements she was being given. She noticed her own hand sliding back across the table, away from Nora, towards her own cup to fidget with.  
“I didn’t know you,” Nora said, fixing her eyes directly on Bonnie’s for at least a second to reassure her that. “When we lost Lily and got him, I had never met you. All I heard about Bonnie Bennett was traitor, and ugh…how he loved you and hated you and the revenge was just too perfect. Marylou thought he was pathetic but in some twisted, shameful way I…empathized. With him. Knowing what it was like to be damned to an eternity in a place like that, every day just the same, and he knew, and you knew, and you still left him. Damned him to it all over again. He promised us freedom and I wanted to give back. I’m so sorry, Bonnie. We put our heads together, I gave him the idea to put you in a world all your own. It’s my fault you were stuck with him there, I’m really sorry, I can’t say it enough but I can’t just go on, lying to my best friend… You’re my best friend, Bonnie, please say something.”  
Bonnie leaned back in her chair, dropping her hands from her coffee cup to a limp knot in her lap, having lost her appetite for the much-craved Chai. She remembered the cold whips of time and space and the hard asphalt that followed, Kai’s rage. Or, she supposed, that memory was fake. Placed there, by Kai, as he told her it was. To cover his tracks. To hide how happy he was to spend eternity with her and her alone. To have his trapping and eat it too.  
Now to know that all that evil didn’t belong solely to Kai…  
“But you were Caroline’s roommate for…how long?”  
Nora swallowed, “A year. Or so.”  
“A year. Or so,” Bonnie repeated dangerously. She was terrified to look at Nora and reveal the emotion that was on its way. “And you didn’t… You didn’t tell anyone that I was there? You practically moved in with my best friend…you lied to her all that time, when you could’ve…”  
“I didn’t know you, Bonnie. Trust me, the shame arrived before you did. I doubt you would have been trapped there much longer before I caved in and freed you, simply because of how Caroline spoke of you. You’re beloved, Bonnie, I know that. Even if you forgave me now I will always carry the guilt…”  
“If I forgave you now…” Bonnie chuckled in disbelief. “This is all just…a lot to take in.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“How brave of you to tell me,” Bonnie chided. She glanced at Nora, who was obviously wounded. Bonnie’s heart was beating quickly and painfully. She remembered what Stefan said about the speed of her heart beat influencing the speed of It’s. She tried to breathe.  
But it was just so weird.  
Someone she had grown so close to, spent so much time with, kissed…  
And it was all coming back to her again. The way she felt when she was trapped with him, again. The entire year that unwittingly slipped by and she was alone, because he thought they had forever and he left her that time to collect herself. _How thoughtful of him._  
All the nights, skin skittering because it knew the only one out there in the world was him. The memories she made with him there, good ones, bad ones, the journey he dragged her psyche on, the metamorphosis of emotions. Her time there was both the worst and deepest experience. She could never get that time back and it sickened her to think that sometimes she didn’t want to get it back. That sometimes she reminisced over any single moment of that hell.  
Bonnie finally took a sip of her Chai.  
“So when does Kai plan on moving the coven out of Mystic Falls?”  
Nora seemed taken aback by the sudden change of subject. She took a moment to recover from her solemnity before flattening her tentative hands on the table.  
She cleared her throat and replied with a subtle croak of woe, “He said that summertime is the deadline.”  
Bonnie took a calming breath, however frantic she felt, and nodded. She pierced Nora with her eyes and gripped her drink.  
“Any chance you guys can leave sooner?”  
Nora’s eyes dropped again to her coffee. Bonnie knew she was being mean but didn’t care anymore. Her only real friends in this town were Caroline and Elena.  
She ignored Nora for the rest of the time it took to gather her purse and walk away. She left her coffee behind, and Bonnie’s trust with it. It wasn’t until the Heretic had left the cafe that Bonnie took a complete breath and realized what she had to do.


	17. You Forget So Easily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Widowspeak - Wicked Game  
> Zella Day - East of Eden (Digster Live Session)  
> Marilyn Manson - Devour  
> Radiohead - You and Whose Army?  
> MOVEMENT - Like Lust

Kai wasn’t expecting the visitor he got that night.   
There was a petite knock on the front door and only he was around to answer. There on the doorstep, sullen with a dusting of snow over her hair and the long azure coat wrapped around her thin frame, stood Nora.  
He could tell she had been crying.   
“She hates me,” she whimpered.   
Kai gathered that Nora finally told Bonnie about her involvement in the prison world scheme. It didn’t surprise him that she was here now, in tears, rejected. He extended his arm and welcomed her into the house.

+

To his surprise, she did not ask to leave the coven. She was apparently not through with him.   
_My little disciple_ , he thought, though Nora was a hundred years older than him.  
“Any news on Damon?” she asked nonchalantly, settling herself into the living room couch beside Kai. She took a long gulp from the short glass of vodka he had poured her, eventually setting the empty glass noiselessly on the coffee table.  
“Still missing,” Kai said, watching as the vodka disappeared without so much as grimace on Nora’s face.   
“It’s been almost _two weeks_ ,” she noted, dabbing the corners of her mouth on her blue sleeve.  
“Stefan’s a wreck,” Kai said with a grin he couldn’t seem to get rid of. “Alaric won’t talk to either of us.”  
“He’s probably upset that you didn’t let him weigh in when you made your decision not to rescue his best friend.”  
“Well seeing as his wife was the trade, I think he’ll buck up.”  
“I hope. Damon is worth no one’s misery.”  
Kai chuckled and leaned in, lowering his voice. “Keep it hush hush but I did a locator spell on him, he’s in some mansion like two miles down the highway, he’s fine.”  
“You…what? And you haven’t rescued him?”  
Kai smirked evilly. Nora was frowning but then, to his utter joy, she smirked back. He was glad to have someone who felt as little for Damon Salvatore as he did.  
“He leaves Bonnie to die,” Kai said matter-of-factly, “I leave him to die.”  
“You devil,” Nora gushed, and Kai shrugged with a blush.  
The mood took a turn then. Kai could see in Nora’s eyes that she was thinking of Bonnie again. He’d never really had a best friend…he didn’t know what it was like to lose one. But he could imagine, for a split second of excruciating discomfort, what it might feel like to lose Bonnie.  
 _Poor Nora._  
“God,” she said, combing all her fingers through her hair while she hung her head in exasperation. “Why is everything just falling to shit?”  
Kai shrugged, “I don’t think it is.”  
Nora turned her face to give him a scolding look and say, “Ass.”  
“Bonnie will forgive you eventually.”  
“You really think so?”  
“Yeah, totally. Well, maybe. …I’m not sure. But if she can forgive me for actually doing the shit, I think she can forgive you for coming up with it.”  
“I feel horrible.”  
“I’ll talk to her.”  
The Heretic clasped her long fingers all together, leaning her elbows on her knees. Kai noticed how very unladylike she was sitting, with both feet flat on the ground and her knees resting a good half foot apart, and he was proud.   
“Kai…is it ready?”  
Kai snapped out of his thoughts and looked to Nora’s large sad eyes.   
“Almost,” he said, picturing the details left unfinished on his project. “Why?”  
Nora shook her head and looked at the carpet. “Just wondering.”  
Kai, however, had a suspicion. She looked just miserable enough to want to sequester herself.  
“I can’t send you there by yourself,” he said with some authority. “You don’t deserve it.”  
“It wouldn’t be the worst vacation. If only for a week…”  
“No.”  
Nora crossed her arms and pretended to be agreeable.   
“Fine.”  
To Kai’s mild irritation, she shortly fell again into tears. He found himself giving in to this weird human instinct and hugging her stiffly. He brought his only coven member, the only person in his life who he now knew was truly devoted to his cause, into his chest and wrapped his arms around her scratchy blue coat. He pitied her, truly, for being on Bonnie’s bad side.   
He patted Nora’s back, noticing his sister passing by from the corner of his eye. Jo’s set scowl did not change when their eyes met, even though he nodded in acknowledgement. She went on her way without saying anything.

+

A deep, dark, ocean-at-night type of blue dress was what she chose to wear. It buttoned in the back, was tight against her thighs and corduroy, hard to undo or slide up skin. The dress said, ‘I respect you and this occasion, but I will not be fucked or fucked with on this night.’  
Bonnie stood in front of her vanity mirror, assessing herself and how the old dress fit her new form. She was getting pretty good at not touching her belly.  
Her hair fell long and wavy down her shoulders. She thought about putting it up but she sort of appreciated using it as a curtain lately. Hair down felt safe. Hair down felt right.  
Her stomach was growling and she knew he was cooking but she didn’t honestly feel like eating with him. Knowing what she was about to do, she wouldn’t sit through a meal.  
Her hands shook.  
She didn’t know if she could even do it.  
She had to.  
She hated it.  
But she had to.

+

The drive was cold. She didn’t turn the warm air on in the car. Part of her hoped she would contract pneumonia and die before her path could lead her any farther. This was too wrong.

+

She was used to letting herself in to the boarding house. She stepped through the front door and, finding the kitchen void of any cooking, went ahead and climbed up the stairs.  
Kai opened his bedroom door after one knock.  
Her legs quaked beneath her.  
His hair looked good but he wasn’t wearing anything special like she was. Jeans and a T-shirt, his go-to.   
“You look nice,” he commented politely, smiling at the sight of her. She shrugged and stepped into the room.   
He closed and locked the door behind her and when she turned on her heel to have a good look at him in the light, she noticed that the inner sides of his lips were blue.   
“Happy V day,” he cooed sexually, and as his mouth opened to speak she could see that his tongue was bluer than her dress and his teeth were teal.  
“Why is your mouth blue?” she asked, distracted from her own mood.   
He frowned. “Blue raspberry sucker. Duh.”  
“Huh.”   
Bonnie clutched her purse and sat tightly on the edge of his bed, brushing the unmade, twisted plaid comforter to the side.  
His room was simple. He only had a few belongings at the boarding house. Still it somehow felt the same as the angsty, messy, teenage bedroom he introduced her to in their world. It felt youthful, bachelor-esque, a little angry, mostly sexual.   
Maybe it was the smell. The hint of his minty breath on the air, old food giving off a vague aroma from somewhere hidden, his uncapped Old Spice deodorant on the dresser, subtle body odor floating off of the heaps of dirty laundry every few feet. None of these things were a bad smell when they all culminated to represent the smell of _him_. To Bonnie, his room actually smelled attractive…in an uneasy way. For how tall on her toes he kept her, he kept her good. Fucked well. Fed her. Of course the way he smelled was pheromonal.  
“I made us some pesto macaroni, it’s sitting in the microwave downstairs.”  
“I’m not hungry yet.”  
Kai cocked an eyebrow and watched her from the corner of his eye. “K…”  
He turned his back to her to put a CD in the stereo on his dresser.  
“Do you know how miffed I am that I missed out on Marilyn Manson?” he griped idly. “First album came out June 1994. What kind of crap is that?”  
Bonnie crossed her legs and cherished the sound of his rambling while she could. Then Marilyn Manson started up and she couldn’t keep herself from wilting inside. It was so not romantic. He didn’t have a clue what he was doing with her.  
“I have something to tell you,” she announced, flattening the hem of her dress over the tops of her thighs. “I think you should wash your mouth and sit down.”  
“Ok but first,” he said, taking his seat right beside her on the bed, “Kiss me.”  
Bonnie’s eyes darted to his lips and she recoiled.  
“I’m not kissing you while your mouth is like that.”  
“Come on, it’ll be fun.”  
“Because my mouth will turn blue like yours? No thanks.”  
“Please.”  
“No.”  
“You’re the prettiest girl in the world, please?”  
Bonnie glanced to his shiny blue lips again. He was getting closer like he expected her to give in. She could smell the blue raspberry on his breath; she wondered if she would still be able to taste it on his tongue. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to taste any flavor secondhand, or, _secondtongue_. But when she forced herself to look away from his encroaching mouth to his gleaming eyes, she stopped caring.   
One breath of surrender, then she tilted her head back to let his lips land upon hers. She kissed back, needing it, missing it already, the way he consumed. He closed his eyes and she closed hers but she could feel him smiling against her, having won the kiss.   
As minutes ticked by, songs ended and began, she fell harder into kissing him. The next time she opened her eyes it was like waking up, and his hand was palming needy sweat on her knee and working its way up, and her hips were itching to grind against his mattress.   
It had to stop or she would never do what she came to do.  
She broke away from his mouth to catch a breath and he moved to work on her neck.   
“Hey,” she panted, “Wait.” Her own voice began to sound tinny in her ears.  
“I can’t,” he breathed into her skin between kisses. And she didn’t want him to wait either. She only needed him to stop touching her for a minute to think, to reconsider, to figure herself out. Because when he touched her like this, she lived within the bowl of her hips, without her mind, wanted nothing but to be his, painfully.   
She thought of the fetus napping in her belly, unbeknownst to Kai, its father. She hoped to the spirits he wouldn’t sense it.  
“Kai,” she pleaded, husky, to his bruising suckling on her artery. He kissed too reminiscent of feeding and it turned her impossibly on, always. She found herself leaning backward towards his pillow. She was losing. She had to do something. She had to speak louder.  
“We have to break up!”  
That got his attention.  
Kai stopped kissing, though it did nothing to slow her panicking heart. The CD skipped and stopped and the bedroom went silent.  
“Please go wash your mouth,” she repeated, knowing he wasn’t going to listen.  
He leaned away from her to sit in his own bubble. Put his hands flat on the edge of the bed. Glared at her with some but very little beseeching.   
“I’m sorry,” she said, pinching an inch of his sheets between her fingers.   
At least another minute passed awkwardly before he said anything.  
“Why?” he demanded.  
She was still breathing heavily. Her stomach turned over. She worried she might not get through this without throwing up on his floor and that would just make it all worse.  
“Because…” she began and scrambled for tangible answers in her head. “You’re leaving.”  
“And we talked about that.”  
“I know, I know, but…our history is just too much. We’re not right for each other.”  
“Like hell we’re not.”  
“I should go,” Bonnie said without thinking. She had to get out of his room and his quickly darkening aura. She realized that she could have chosen a better time and place to break up with him. Alone in his room on Valentine’s day was harsh, and dangerous. She thought of his rage. How he claimed to be unburdened by emotion and yet how his emotion ruled his behavior.   
_…I’m just waiting for the day he snaps. And he always snaps._  
She had to get out.  
Slowly she got to her feet, eyeing him without quite looking at him. She picked up her purse that had fallen on the floor and took careful steps for the door, feeling his eyes burning into her back. Literally. It hurt.   
Whether he knew what he was doing or not, she rolled her shoulders in pain and shot him a grieving look.  
“I love you,” he growled, his face tilted down so she could see the white in his scowling eyes as they watched her, his irises threateningly slivered.  
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, and she meant it. She needed him to hear how much she meant it.  
“No,” he said, standing up and stepping towards her, “You don’t get it.”   
Bonnie willed herself to stand still and listen, wait patiently, see where Kai was going with this. Even if he threw a fit. She wasn’t as afraid of what he might try to do to her as she was afraid for his safety when she defended herself. She would be fighting for two this time.   
He stopped inches from her body, his eyes dying in hers. “I’ve never liked anyone. And I. Love. You.”   
_So?_ she wanted to say. Instead, she felt what he was trying to impress upon her.   
Her knees nearly gave out and the words, before she spoke them, tried to run away with her breath. She couldn’t not say it anymore and she knew now was the worst time but it was killing her, he was killing her.  
“I love you too,” she whimpered.   
Kai blinked. He opened his mouth to speak again, cracking his jaw in the process and even though he was all blue it was still intimidating but she refused to shrink before him.   
“So make up your mind,” he said, the restraint on his tone audible. “Do you want me, or not?”   
“Not,” she lied.  
“Why?”  
“I told you.”  
“And I don’t buy that bullshit. You’re not leaving until you give me a real reason.”  
“I’ll leave when I want,” Bonnie snapped.

+

He didn’t mean to scare her.  
He slammed his hands on the door to keep her from opening it. She jumped at the sound of his palms pounding the wood.   
“Damn it, Bonnie, what do I have to do to?”   
It was unclear to Kai just what, in that moment, made her kiss him. But she flung herself from the door into his caging arms and smeared herself over him. She let everything go. And he didn’t know how long it was going to last or what it meant, if it was acquiescence or goodbye.   
Her hand, notably warm and damp, gripped the back of his neck like the edge of a cliff and her tongue lunged into his cheek.  
She was so poisonous that he could for a short time ignore the fear rifling through his guts. She was trying to obliterate their love, dash it the floor and stamp on it with her tiny beautiful feet. This kiss was his shot to play keep-away.

+  
  
She knew what he was doing. Even before his desperation made him say the things that were going to break her heart until the end of time.  
It took everything in her not to beg him to be careful with her. He clung to handfuls of flesh at her hips and dragged her pouting and pleading back to his bed.   
Breathily she scraped her lips along the sharp hairs growing from his jawbone while he unbuttoned her back.   
The damned dress betrayed her. It slipped off the second he wanted it to. It fell the floor at the foot of his bed and was forgotten, like her panties, like her bra, like her will, with his clothing on top.  
He widened his mouth over her left breast and enveloped half of it, making her gasp, making her throw her head back and allow herself to be arranged, like a pillow. He lined her up and hovered above, his broad shoulders looming, entrapping, while he suckled on her. Her breasts had been feeling so tender from the pregnancy hormones, she hardly needed the edges of his teeth to harden her nipples.  
Below she felt his hand crawling between her thighs until something, a knuckle perhaps, pressed in between her folds and slid upward toward her clit, and down again, and up again, buttering her up.   
She couldn’t handle it, she needed to hold onto something. She chose his dick.  
It was thick and springy already, skimming soft lines back and forth on her inner thigh as their bodies began to move in rhythm.   
His knuckling finger catapulted inside her, straightened out and rotated. He stretched her apart in a few careful circles before introducing a second finger.  
“God,” she breathed into his hair. His mouth released her nipple and she hissed at the cold air on her wet skin. She tightened her hand around his meat, loving that she could feel his veins pumping beneath the pads of her fingertips. Daring, she slid her grip down to the base of his shaft and extended her forefinger to tug on his scrotum.  
His turn to hiss.  
“Yes,” he whispered into her neck before starting on a new hickey.  
Bonnie accepted the encouragement and balanced his shaft between the bones in the heel of her hand, sliding downward until it aligned with her wrist and she could cradle his balls in her palm. He liked that; she could tell by the way his fingers inside her jumpstarted to a deeper, harder pace. He left her neck to bite her lip and sigh between his gnawing teeth.  
She breathed in his carbon.  
She curled her fingers.  
She squeezed his balls.  
“Fuck,” he murmured desperately, removing his teeth from a new bloody indent on her bottom lip. He sighed, “I need you,” and slipped his fingers out of her cunt, stringing her warm wetness across her belly before smearing his soaked fingers on her shoulder he used to support himself.

+

Kai was rarely, if ever, the type of guy who begged. That was why it surprised him when, the second she shoved his cock inside her and he felt her lavish wetness coaxing him deeper for maybe the last time, he moaned pitifully and breathed, “Please don’t leave me, Bonnie, please don’t leave me, please, please,” and for every “Please” that left his lips he thrusted. The two separate functions began to coincide and in time he lost count of the “Please”’s.   
Her only response was to tear up and hug his upper body tightly to her. He didn’t know if anything he did or said was making any difference. He could only beg, and hope the rare surrender broke through to her.  
And he didn’t know why she was doing this to him. To herself. To them. _Why why why_ , it fucking boggled him, fucking broke him, fucking rearranged the atoms of his being and made him want to kill something. Just a couple weeks earlier they were perfect. Texting regularly, romantically, joking with each other, teasing each other, taunting, wanting. Fucking with some comfort.  
Maybe Nora was right, he thought between “Please”’s. She had mentioned something about Bonnie acting weird and he couldn’t deny it was true. He wondered if whatever was going on with her had something to do with her sudden need to break up with him. And what was wrong with her? What was he missing?  
He had a theory but he was terrified to test it. Too anxious to get his hopes up for it. He refused to consider it.  
“I can’t fucking lose you, Bonster,” he moaned as he twisted his hips against hers. He was afraid to look into her eyes for guidance on what to say next, or how she was feeling, or what she was thinking about him and the frantic way he fucked.  
He caught her lips tear into a frown before little streams of tears slid down the sides of her face. She tightened the cross of her arms around his back, taking up a chunk of his hair in one hand and holding on affectionately.  
“I know you don’t want to do this,” he said, “Just come if I’m right, Bon, come if you want me, come.”   
On command, he felt her cunt grip and gulp along the length of his dick. He gaped and watched her eyes squeeze pools of tears as they closed in guilt. Familiar shameful heat collected in his groin as a zing of pleasure choked up every vertebrae in his spinal cord. A guttural groan ate his airways for a few seconds as she, pegged by his grinding shaft, moaned a blend of gratification and despair.

+

It had to be the last time.  
The last time.  
For the curdling satisfaction it gave her.   
To feel the hot clot of semen being spread from the mouth of her cunt to the apex of her womb like white cream by his triumphant cock, the butterknife of all ruin.   
But _god._  
 _God,_ she cried inside herself.  
 _God._  
It felt so good she wanted to just keep going.   
To envelope every ounce of cum he could produce.  
To keep whining that she loved him.  
To fuck and be fucked, in worship, like this, forever.  
His balls slapping her bottom. Her religion.  
This was the foulest love she would ever know.  
The basest.  
Most natural.  
To come so far from something so fucked.  
She rolled out of the bed the second she was not pinned by his impossible weight.  
“I have to go,” she wept.   
“Give me a real fucking reason why,” he said.   
All she could think of that would close the case was, “Because you’re a monster.”  
And she stepped into her dress, confident that her belly had expanded five inches already. She didn’t even bother to strap on her bra, or put on her panties, or button herself up. Or to look back at him as she left him, for she was positive he was just as weepy.  
But when she turned the door handle, he leapt up. And it was that snap Jo warned her about.  
He snatched her hand up from the door and squeezed, and she could feel her hand bones getting ready to crack. At the same time, a scorching pull she knew too well.  
Bonnie gasped, had to grit her teeth in this familiar and yet still so shocking pain, as she turned her eyes up into his and glared hard. She could almost see her own rage register in his watery pupils. He looked as though her baring teeth might sway him, tame him, elicit an apology.   
The pain of the siphon travelled through her muscles, from her hand and up her arm, into her shoulders…it would suck from the rest of her body in a second if she let it.  
“I don’t think so,” she snarled into his face, jerking her hand in his grip.  
The pain vanished suddenly. Then Kai grunted. His face turned pink and angry blood vessels busied up on his forehead. Bonnie almost expected to see fangs descend from his bared gums because his mouth hung wide open in distress.  
It appeared that she had transferred her pain onto him.  
She didn’t know that was possible.  
He growled between his teeth, releasing her hand in a fit. He seemed just as confused as she was. She wanted to ask what had just happened but the need to storm away from him was greater.

+  
  
She clutched her underthings to her loose breasts and dress as she padded speedily down the staircase, racing her regret to the door as fast as she could.  
She could feel his wad slipping out from between her lips, the runnier part like the whites of raw eggs streaming down her leg as she trotted.

+

When she slammed her bare, freezing ass into the driver’s seat of her car and started the engine, she had to wait. She had to sit in the driveway for a minute and let a tremor of absolute agony rip cries from her hollow chest. It was an ugly cry, the kind that blurred streets at night and led wicked witches headlights-first into trees and lakes.   
She had no idea what she was doing. And she wanted so badly, more than anything in the world, to clamber back inside and take it all back.   
For a second of what felt like true insanity, she couldn’t remember why she did it in the first place. Maybe it was that her reasons half an hour ago were a front for a truth she could only discover when the time was right.  
 _Kai wasn’t Dad material._  
Mindlessly, she held herself by the belly. Cupped her palms over the loose blue corduroy and trembled. There was nothing yet there to hold, but…something happened to her.  
When she realized she was touching her belly, she froze.   
She felt more than the warmth culminating between her hands and her clothing.   
She felt a strange and unanticipated kind of protectiveness.   
_Mom_ , she thought with a unique sense of terror in her heart. _I’m going to be a mom._  
Maybe it was centuries of ancestry broken and exploited by vampires, or the imagined ghosts of Bennett’s closest to her huddling around her, crooning, but there was a calling. Like the cold air in her car swirling saying This Is Everything And More. The last seed of the burnt Bennett family tree, planted.   
She heaved breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, downward, rubbing her thumb over the corduroy with love. She dreaded the inevitable battles she was about to fight, but she knew already she would survive them, and with fervor, for this. She knew already that she loved whatever, whoever, was growing in the pit of her belly.  
If she was to find hope anywhere in this damned night, it was within her.  
She sniffed back her tears long enough to find her phone in her purse. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and swiped through her contacts.  
Jo answered on the first ring.  
“Hello?” the woman’s eager voice sounded on the other end. Maybe she had just heard Bonnie’s swift exit, or caught an unfortunate glance of her disheveled, dripping, dashing.  
Bonnie, feeling already like a new woman, took a deep breath.   
“I’m keeping it.”


	18. This Is One Fine Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt-j - Left Hand Free  
> Miike Snow - Heart is Full (Mark Ronson Remix)  
> ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead - The Best  
> The Weeknd - The Hills  
> Marilyn Manson - Born Villain

  
Kai licked the pits of his molars.   
He felt fantastic. Just great. Just fucking unbelievably swell.   
He tongued his teeth and could still dig up bits of his breakfast burrito.  
He’d been stuffing his face, not the kind of poor sad sap who let heartbreak ruin his appetite. If anything, his taste for food was fueled by the power of a 6,470 days, give or take, that he’d been forced to live before some anomalous girl named Bonnie Bennett ever crashed into his lowly pathetic existence.  
He missed those days. The days before her and how she had changed him.  
At least now she was out.  
And good riddance.  
Now here he crouched, licking his own teeth in bitter solitude and fucking loving how miserable he was. He needed something to do with his tongue while he watched, cloaked and hidden in the bushes, either for good measure or bad habit.   
It was a gorgeous structure. Ivory, crumbling, crawling with vines and history.  
Some _mansion two miles down the highway_. It was a fucking plantation.   
There were barns, sheds and service cabins galore. Acres of surrounding trees. Kai had to park down the street, _Invisique_ before he passed the gate and then walk a practical quarter mile just to get up the driveway. Not counting the club of lurker-type vampires he could see as he peered through the windows in the side of the mansion, he guessed there were at least a hundred of the bastards living on the property.   
They weren’t even doing anything, it seemed through the blurry old glass. Just lounging around inside like it was a fucking frat house. There was no sign of Damon.  
But Kai knew he was in the right place. His skin tingled, his witchy instincts sensing that he was completely surrounded by danger. Surrounded by _vampires_. It was an ages-old disgust he felt slithering through him, a historic coursing of bad blood through his veins. Vampires, but these in particular, made him sick with vengeance.   
He couldn’t tell which one was Ollie, their inaptly-named leader. They all looked the fucking same. Like wine-sniffing hipsters with engineering degrees. All young, chipper, dapper, super-duper fuckwads. The only threatening thing about them, as far as Kai could see, was how many there were.  
…Jo had told him to get off his ass and do something productive. She walked in on him lying on his bedroom floor with his feet up on the bed, arms above his head, not even listening to music, staring off into space. He was plotting and it must have been apparent.  
She knew him well, alright. But he knew her too. And he still felt like she was keeping something from him. She’d been acting nervous around him. Touchy. Snippy and aggravated, and now especially anxious since it was obvious that whatever had been going on between him and Bonnie was now over.  
She was still afraid of him. Maybe it was a good thing. He was afraid of himself sometimes.  
One week since Bonnie smashed his heart to smithereens and still all he could contemplate was punishing her for it.  
Maybe Jo was right to urge him into doing something productive. Before he fell too in love with the idea of tying anyone up and waiting out solutions, in Jo’s case a confession to whatever the hell she was acting so funny about and in Bonnie’s case kinky make-up sex.  
Sex.  
He was going to miss it so much. He started wondering where he might find rope in the boarding house.  
 _Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You need to get out, he told himself._   
He thought he’d be cool and rescue Damon just for the fuck of it, just to get Stefan and Ric off his ass about it. And he was in just the right color of a fuck-all attitude to think he might slaughter every vampire in his path and be done with this oh-so-sensitive cure blood drama once and for god damned all. He was heartbroken. He was tired. He was angry. He was a monster.  
 _You’re a monster._  
…He could see now that he was not as monstrous as others made him out to be. He alone would be no match for the amount of cavalier Dickens-reading douche-bags skipping around this cocky-ass plantation. Damon was as good as dead.  
And why so many? It was really irritating. Didn’t they know there was only one dose of cure in his sister’s blood? Three doses in total, if they were counting her daughters. Which begged Kai’s next question: were they counting them? The attack in October had been on Jo. The price of Damon’s release had been Jo. It seemed to Kai that only Jo was wanted, which could only mean that the cure blood running through his nieces’ veins was still secret.  
So why were all these tools banding together to collect one dose? Did they intend to retrieve it just for their leader? Were they so whipped?  
This Ollie guy had to be some kind of idiot to think he could employ a hundred immortals who would loyally and selflessly deliver him the one and only cure for immortality.

+

Bonnie waited, painfully patiently, for her punishment.  
Jo kept telling her to watch her back, for him. And she did watch. She slept in the shallowest levels of sleep. She kept her magic sharp on alert.  
But she was not dreading his wrath.  
She was hoping, more than anything, to be convicted of her crime in such a way that would dash her forehead to his feet and her eternity to his hands.   
To be begged for. For the millionth time, by him, her curse. Her belly up. Her man.  
She missed him so much she took a sick week at home to keep herself barred from the possibility of giving in, going to see him. She felt so guilty about lying, so alone with his growing seed inside her.   
Only Jo knew, and Stefan, still. But in the loneliness of it all Bonnie was growing to accept that she could not keep it a secret forever. Perhaps from Kai, if he left soon enough. But not from Elena or Caroline. She needed their support. To hug and be hugged. For someone with free range of the town to stand by her and remind her that she was doing the right thing in keeping Kai out of it. Jo kept saying it over the phone but it had as much impact as a brush on the cheek, or a vibration in her ear. She called Bonnie every day to check in, to insist that she get an ultrasound to make sure her birth control tea hadn’t harmed the embryo, to ask if she’d gone out and bought prenatal vitamins yet, to strain herself saying that everything would be ok.  
Each time Jo said, “My brother can’t know about this, trust me, you’re absolutely right, Bonnie,” it sounded less convincing. Maybe it was Bonnie’s own guilt warping Jo’s tone.  
Every so often she found herself smoothing a hand over the skin below her belly button like she’d just eaten a fine meal, imagining Kai and what he was doing.   
Despite herself, she honored her decision. Strangely, so did he. She did not reach out to him and he did not claw out to her. He did not punish.  
That, in itself, felt like punishment.

+

Kai returned to the boarding house to slump over in the throne with a tall glass of bourbon and he nursed it all day. The hours, still, all seemed to blur into one agonizing moment and no amount of healing could be accomplished by the time or the alcohol.   
In the evening when her schoolwork was done, Nora came to commiserate and together they completed the project that had been on their minds.  
“Beautiful,” Nora admired, turning the iron triangular prism in her long fingers. She sat criss-cross at the foot of his bed, Kai at the head, facing her and dancing his fingertips to his thumbs in a repetitive way that kept his mind at ease. The candlelight in his bedroom was dim and even though he had grown grossly fond of the woman before him, mostly for her loyalty, she wasn’t the woman he wanted in his bed just then.  
Nora’s smile fell as her eyes got lost in the workings within the prism.  
“How long do you think it would take for anyone to notice if we…?”  
“We’re not,” Kai reminded.  
“I know. But can you imagine…? We haven’t got anyone who loves us here. Oh, to be away…”  
“It’s strictly precautionary.”  
“You don’t have to keep reminding me.”  
“You don’t have to keep romanticizing.”  
“Do you ever miss it?”  
“No,” Kai was quick to say, appalled he even needed to answer the question. “Do you?”  
“Of course not. A hundred years in that cold hell… Never. Though if we hadn’t left it, I’d still have Marylou.”  
“You’d look like beef jerky.”  
“It would be worth having my love.”  
“Sorry I freed you? Bitch?”  
“No. I’m glad it’s over. Even if Marylou is gone…life must go on.”  
Kai zoned out, like Nora, on the minuscule gears within the prism, delicately waiting for the words to make them roll. He hoped he’d never have to say them. And yet…  
“I only miss the other one we made,” he hummed, remembering snips of snaps of the beginning of learning what it felt like to be good. The wind in the lavender in the fields in France and her bare feet with soil on them.  
“2013,” Nora whispered in as much reminiscence, of probably very different memories.  
“Great year,” Kai chimed to her mourning.  
“She was there.”  
“She was there. And she was mine. No matter what she did.”

+

Because classes can’t teach themselves, Bonnie finally dragged herself to work on Monday. Life had to go on, otherwise what was the point in detaching herself from Kai?   
Nora didn’t come to class.  
She figured Kai had filled her in. Maybe in some way ditching Bonnie’s class was showing her loyalty to her coven leader. Or maybe it had nothing to do with Kai and everything to do with the way Bonnie trashed their friendship after Nora’s confession.  
Bonnie still couldn’t believe it. And she realized halfway through a lecture that in her break-up haze she had forgotten to tell Elena and Caroline that they weren’t friends with Nora anymore. Beneath her lecture, she started planning out in her mind how she might explain the change, then she remembered she was pregnant and she started planning how she was going to explain _that_ to them, until she noticed she was skipping beats, feeling nauseous and losing focus altogether.   
“Professor Bennett?” one of her students from the front row asked. “You ok?”  
Bonnie smiled, nodded, and ended class forty minutes early.

+

He literally didn’t know what he was thinking.  
So much tequila could do that to a person. Even the highly tolerant leader of a coven.  
And he couldn’t remember when he switched from Jim Beam to 1800 Silver. He guessed it was probably sometime between his second and sixth drink at the bar.  
Another week since Doomsday and he had to figure he’d been idling. Stalling. Broken.  
It was pathetic.  
Fourteen days without seeing her, without hearing her voice, without fucking her. It was already March. Time left him behind like a passenger without a ticket and it still felt like yesterday she ripped his heart out.  
 _You’re a monster._  
Damon was still gone. Stefan was more of an alcoholic than ever. Elena, who had officially moved in to the boarding house, was a pretty yet pretty fucking annoying lingerer who watched him and Stefan drink with her arms crossed and her sighs loud as church bells. Kai hated church.  
That’s why he was at the Mystic Grill. Lost on tequila and shattering every inch of glass with only the clench of his fist as he staggered from his stool to the front door.  
People screamed. He couldn’t tell if they knew the explosion was his doing but he was ready to start impaling anyone who so much as breathed on him.   
He laughed as he left the building, giving his fingers a little twist to make things more interesting. He didn’t need to look behind him to make sure that all the spilled liquor had ignited. He could feel the heat at his back and hear the clamber of human beings in a panic spilling out onto the street as he sauntered away.  
As hard as he tried to focus on the sidewalk ahead of him, he couldn’t make things sit still. The world spun in such a fun way. He couldn’t stop laughing about it.

+

“ _Motherfucker_.”   
She whispered it to her pillow at night because she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Maybe it was because part of him now lived inside her. And it would only grow stronger. And she couldn’t stop thinking that when she finally gave birth, her baby might have his eyes, or his nose, or his habits. The possibility that her baby might resemble him in any single way was either terrifying or adorable—she couldn’t decide. And what if it—he—she—turned out a siphon? She wouldn’t know how to handle that. She wouldn’t know how to nurture it.   
She supposed she would have to figure it out. Same as nurturing a baby in the first place.   
Bonnie turned over onto her back and groaned up at her dark ceiling. She could swear now she was feeling Kai’s magic seeping through the walls in her house like he was there.   
Then she heard the banging.

+

When he caught up to himself, he was banging his forehead on her front door. He wasn’t strong enough to vampire-punch it down anymore and now that he was in the deep end of his drunkenness his magic wasn’t working so well. Every time he tried to huff and puff and spell the door unlocked, or _motus_ it off the hinges, he felt these tickly little zaps in his fingertips.   
So he did what only a plain old human, drunk off his ass, could do.   
“Bonniiiieeee,” he moaned, smashing the side of his face against the door, giving it a sad pat with his fist before banging his forehead again. Any bruise made against her door, he felt, would be a holy bruise.  
Finally the door gave way and he stumbled forward. He was caught by small arms and a warm, tattered aura.   
“Kai!” she yelped angrily. He was yanked into her foyer and at last his eyes coasted over her furious, beautiful face. “What are you doing here?”  
He assumed she would appreciate him being forward when he said, “You.” But at the first sight of her face in so much time, it was the only word he could manage. Then he watched her eyes drift down his shirt and back up again.   
She snarled, jerking up a handful of his jacket, “Why is there blood on your shirt?”  
“Mm?” he mumbled, letting his eyes laze down. There was a long, spattered whip of blood across his black shirt. The red could only be seen in the white lettering of the band name and he honestly had no idea why he was bloody.  
“What did you do?” she begged.  
Kai frowned and looked hazily from his shirt to Bonnie’s narrow eyes, trying to think.   
The thinking took too long.  
“You’re fucked up,” she spat, casting her grip on his shirt away with a shove to his belly and he found himself backed against the wall of her foyer, rejected yet again.  
“Just the way you like me,” he mumbled through a smirk.

+

She almost didn’t blame him. If she could go on a bender in her condition, she would. But she had to be responsible. She had to tackle her emotions sober.   
The fear was first. She was afraid that he’d gotten himself so drunk he thought he was going to do something to her. Or with her. Or about her. She was afraid that he already had when she saw the blood on his shirt. Then she caught a glimpse of a nasty gash on his hand; it was his own blood. Hopefully.  
Then came the frustration. In too many ways Kai Parker had made a mess of her life and he had already vowed never to leave her alone. Cutting him out wasn’t going to be easy and Bonnie was tired of things not being easy for her. So tired of it that the idea of just killing him, for the first time in a long time, taunted. For selfish reasons, including that she didn’t want to clean him up afterward, she decided she had better let him live. There was also the fact that she was carrying his child, and that she kind of sort of loved him, and that it would be a shame to leave the world without a dick like his.  
Then there was the longing. It was easier to feel than it was to suppress. Though she wanted to stay strong, stick to her guns and keep the psycho away from her baby, she missed him. She missed him and here he was, self-delivered upon her doorstep for some reason he was having trouble articulating.   
Then there was the pity, because he was hopelessly plastered for missing her. Even if he couldn’t say it in such clear words, this was killing him as much as it was killing her.  
Guilt came riding in faster than the little voice in her head that told her when to quit. She wanted to amend for how she had broken them, but without fixing them. To say sorry without giving herself up.   
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, taking his jaw in one hand and rubbing her thumb over his cheek. She looked sorrowfully into his eyes, her chest searing for how much she wanted to cling to him and renounce the last two weeks of pain. His eyes started watering. She watched them fill. As a droplet slipped out of his left eye and down his cheek, she felt her bottom jaw vibrating. Her throat tightening. Her own eyes filling and clouding. She wiped them before they could spill.  
Bonnie took a step inward, checking that the knot around her robe was tight as she placed her lips on Kai’s cheek. She could feel a single tear, wet on her mouth, and she dragged it down to his neck. She felt his hands grip onto the sleeves of her robe and she didn’t care if he bloodied it. She chose a spot on his neck and she sucked him complacent, until the slow tears dropping from his cheek to hers stopped.   
Then she kneeled.

+

Kai heard the rickety creaking of the boarding house front door swinging wide open. Then, dramatically, slamming closed. It was louder than hell and Kai realized when he opened his eyes and all he saw was hardwood floor that it was because the door was right behind him. He was laying on the entryway floor.  
He let his eyeballs roll upward to the blurry figure looming over him.   
“What the hell happened to you?” it asked with very little concern in its tone. And Kai had to be hallucinating. It had to be a product of his hangover.  
Leather jacket-clad and looking healthy and haughty as ever, Damon Salvatore stepped over him. Kai followed his boots until they stopped a few paces past from where he lay. Damon threw his arms out and called, “I’m home, brother! Thanks for the rescue mission!”  
On cue, Stefan seemed to materialize in the entryway. He looked as shocked as Kai felt, but definitely more pleasantly.   
“Damon…I—”  
“Save it,” Damon cut his brother off. “I’m ok.”  
 _Great_ , Kai thought. And he closed his eyes again. The morning light peeking through the few windows nearby was too much for his pounding head.   
“Did they hurt you?” Stefan’s voice asked.  
“Just the opposite, brother. I’ve been wined and god damn dined.”  
“I don’t understand.”  
“Got to eat fresh. Got to play pool. Got to drink the oldest smelliest bourbon I ever did taste. Nicest guys. But the best part…”  
“Damon…”  
“The best part is…I don’t think they’re crazy.”  
“Damon, you just got home, you should sit down.”  
“Yes! Let’s all sit down. Lots to tell, Stef, get the bourbon.”  
“Wait,” Kai mumbled against the floor, because he didn’t think he could stand another minute of Damon’s lunacy. He opened his eyes and angled his head so he wouldn’t have to lift it to look Damon in the eyes while he talked. Kai needed to get a feel for what kind of brainwashing he’d been put through. “What do you mean, you don’t think they’re crazy?”   
“Yeah, what do you mean?” Stefan seconded. “We’ve been killing their guys for months.”  
“Bet you haven’t had any lurkers since I’ve been gone though, have you?” Damon said with a smirk.   
It hurt his brain, but Kai thought about it and realized that Damon was right. They hadn’t had any problems since before Damon went missing.  
“Uh huh,” Damon said, “And you won’t. Because they realize that method isn’t going to work. Apparently neither is taking a hostage and by the way, guys, Ollie just wanted to talk.”  
“He said he wanted Jo.”  
“He wanted to _talk_ to Jo.”  
“About what?”  
“Oy. This is why they turned me loose. To enlighten you.”  
“Oh well enlighten us then,” Stefan challenged and Kai could hear the irritation budding over the concern in his voice. Kai’s fingers twitched, to a little shock of pain, and he glanced at his hand to see there was mystery gash. He would have to ask Stefan for help with that when the conversation was over.  
“They know we’re here, Stef. They’ve always known. But we’re fellow vamps, they’re not gonna do anything to us. They like us. Got no problem with us. They haven’t been lurking around outside waiting to ambush, they’ve been waiting politely to inform.”  
“Is that what they’re calling it?”  
“What are they gonna do, knock on a door they can’t see? So they’ve been waiting around. Creepy? Yes. With a purpose? Yes.”  
“But they’ve been violent.”  
“In self-defense,” Damon corrected with his pointer finger.   
Kai groaned, “They’ve been waiting politely to inform us of fucking what, Damon?”   
“They don’t wanna hurt Jo.”  
“Bullshit.”  
“No, really. These aren’t just your average vamps. They’re scientists. There’s a whole lab in the basement, I saw it, tons of test tubey things and beakers and machines and a really comfy looking chair, they’ve got several doctors on campus—”  
“Campus?” Stefan scoffed.  
“Yes, the University of the Supernatural. That’s where I was, Stef, it’s this big property, next town over, most of the vamps there are students and Ollie, he’s like the head professor or whatever, he’s got like fifty different degrees from all these other universities so he started his own, and—”  
“How have we not heard about this?” Stefan asked.  
“It’s new. But listen. Ollie is tired. He’s lived his life. He just wants to be human again, and then die. Last thing he wants is for any harm to come to Jo.”  
“Damn it, you’re too excited, you’re not making any sense.”  
“Ollie wants us to take Jo over to the University so they can run tests on her blood so they can develop an immortality cure for wide distribution.”  
Stefan went silent.   
“So…they want to do experiments on my sister,” Kai summed up.  
“For the greater good,” Damon added.  
“Since when do you care about the greater good?” Stefan asked.  
“Think about it, Stef,” Damon said, putting his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “Aren’t you tired of this life? Don’t you want to be mortal again? To feel alive? To get older than seventeen? To age alongside your wife, have kids someday?”  
Kai looked to Stefan and could see him imagining these things. It started to unnerve. Jo was somewhere in the house, unaware of this conversation, unaware that Damon had returned and was ready to sell her out. Kai understood…they wanted to be human again and he admired that. But he knew better than to believe that no harm would come to his sister in the process. He didn’t care if there were scientists, he didn’t care if there were doctors. Experimentation on live subjects rarely went well for the subject.  
“Damon,” Stefan began, and his face was still drawn into a pout that told Kai he didn’t have to worry. “Of course I want that. All of that.”  
“And we can _both_ have it.”  
“But to put Jo at risk…”  
Damon sighed and dropped his hands from Stefan’s shoulders. He took a few steps closer to the end of the entryway and Kai could feel the vampire’s intention beaming toward the bourbon.  
“Yeah you’re right,” he said. “It does sound hokey now that I’m home.”  
Kai and Stefan both watched as Damon stalked miserably off into another room, then they looked at each other. What a development things had taken. What would it mean that Damon could not convince them to take part in this so-called University of the Supernatural’s goal?   
“Rough night?” Stefan asked suddenly. Kai remembered he was still on the hard floor and hadn’t even lifted his head. For a flash of a second, he was enveloped in the memory of moaning as Bonnie’s throat opened to let the tip of his dick glide past her uvula. He was spat back out into reality just as quickly.  
“Somewhat,” he answered.  
Then he felt the vibration of nearing footsteps and his eyes flicked up to whoever it was coming to join the conversation.   
Jo, wrapping her fuzzy black robe tighter around her, slowed her steps as she approached. Her morning hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was unscrewing the cap on a gatorade bottle as she took in the scene in the entryway. She looked incredulously from Stefan to her brother sprawled across the floor. Kai gathered from her expression that he looked horrible. He was a little familiar with the coral bags that swelled up under his eyes when he woke up after a tequila binge. He also realized he hadn’t checked the floor around him for vomit yet, and that he couldn’t remember how he got home or why he couldn’t make it to a more respectable passing-out spot.  
“For Pete’s sake,” Jo said with a tint of pity, “She’s pregnant, alright? Get off the floor.”  
Kai watched his sister’s bare feet as she stomped off in the direction of the kitchen, leaving him with the sobering impression that she was talking about Bonnie. He looked back to Stefan, whose mouth hung open.

+

No longer able to ignore Caroline’s clawing concern for her, Bonnie agreed to brunch at the Mystic Grill with her and Elena on Saturday afternoon. When they arrived, however, a change of plans was obviously needed. The Grill’s front windows had blown out and the inside was burnt to blackness. Yellow tape barred the entryway and the Grill staff, along with a firefighter, were hard at work cleaning up the inside.  
“Unbelievable,” Bonnie said, recalling all of the work it took to put her town back together, and how big of a deal it was to have to Mystic Grill fixed up.   
Now it was in ruins again. She kept her suspicions about who and why to herself.  
“I guess we’ll have to go somewhere else,” Elena said, disturbed.  
The girls shrugged and started walking in search of an alternative restaurant. Out of nowhere, Kai swooped in from behind and grabbed Bonnie around the belly. Elena gasped and Caroline whacked him once with her humongous purse, a comparative slap on the wrist to what she was capable of, but he held onto Bonnie despite her friends’ confusion. One hand held tight on her abs and the other searched out what had become the tiniest of bumps beneath her belly button. He palmed the bump and Bonnie could feel him absorbing the truth. He panted in her ear and she remembered the night before…his helplessness, the strong smell of tequila on his heavy breath, taking him into her mouth for humility, his hands digging into the back of her skull, pulling her against him as he began to thrust and swallowing his head, and his shudder, and the helping of cum that slid down her throat, and only being able to taste it afterward on the back of her tongue like seafoam.   
“It’s true,” he said in her ear, sounding just as enraged as he was amazed. Bonnie could see Caroline out of the corner of her eye, grimacing at the way Kai groped her belly. He let her go then and she could tell it was hesitant, so she took as many steps away from him as she could. But before Kai made any remarks, before Bonnie could ask how he found out or why he had to be so weird about it, he vanished.   
“Ok, what the hell was that about?” Caroline snapped, glaring at Bonnie like she had already guessed what Kai was grabbing her belly for.  
Elena clutched her purse anxiously and fixed Bonnie with suspicious eyes. “Bonnie…are you..?”  
“Yes, ok?” Bonnie admitted, furious that it wasn’t on her own terms. “I am pregnant.” She became aware of the sunlight overhead waning behind cloud cover. Early March winds picked up. Caroline’s face fell.  
“With his…?”  
Bonnie nodded, narrowing her eyes and staring off into the charred Mystic Grill, just ashamed as they wanted her to be.  
“Oh my god, Bonnie,” Elena said, sounding like she was almost sick to her stomach. “Kai is not the right guy to have children with. He murdered his entire family.”  
“I know that, Elena,” Bonnie tried to say without snapping. But she couldn’t stop herself from adding a little reality check. “It’s not like Stefan’s track record is any better.”   
“How can you say that? You know Stefan.”  
“I know he’s a ripper and that he’s killed hundreds more than Kai. I’m not trying to fight with you, Elena, I’m just saying. Neither of them is more dad material than the other.”  
“Well I guess I don’t have to worry about that since Stefan can’t even have kids.”  
“Don’t make this into something it’s not,” Bonnie sighed. “He’s your husband now, I’m sure you guys will figure something out. Can we go to brunch now?”  
“Wait, husband?” Caroline stepped in. Bonnie bit her tongue. Had nobody told Caroline yet?  
The look on Elena’s face was telling. She bit her lip and looked apologetically at the blonde, who was crossing her arms and visibly preparing to burn all of the planning she had already put into her best friend’s wedding.  
That was about the point when Bonnie knew that they would never get to that second restaurant. She watched Caroline walk away and get into her Prius. Elena then shook her head at Bonnie and walked off toward her Jeep.  
Some support system she had. Bonnie held her belly and guessed she would just eat at home, alone, again.

+

He was going to be a father. He couldn’t get over it.  
At first he was livid that he was finding out secondhand but now the reality was setting in. He’d gotten Bonnie pregnant at some point, finally. And he kind of knew it already, he supposed. But now for it to be real… He could feel the life swelling under her skin, its magic reaching out for his when he called to it. If they were twins, he had an heir. If not, he had a start.  
And Bonnie thought she was keeping him away from that.  
How wrong she was.  
Kai laughed out loud as he climbed up the stairs to his guest bedroom at the boarding house. He had some things to get. He had a wicked plan to see through. He had a box of Cheez-its to devour while he fine-tuned the details. He still had a hangover but this was bigger than that.

+

As night fell, Bonnie curled up on her couch with a quilt. She willed the television on with her magic and it flicked on with a pop, then a fizzle, and then it turned off again. She got up to press the power button manually, but it wouldn’t work. It was broken. She sighed and resorted to turning on the radio, with her fingers. She felt lonelier than she ever had in her life and she needed the background noise to help her fall asleep, which it did after some time. It lulled her and she dreamed of ordinary things.  
When she next opened her eyes, it was because she felt fingers in her hair. Delving in between strands and cupping the base of her neck. She turned her head and saw the shadowy form of Kai Parker standing over her.  
 _This has to stop_ , she thought to herself.  
“What are you doing?” she moaned with a resignation in her voice that couldn’t surprise her. She felt her neck rise up from the couch as another of Kai’s hands slid behind her bent knees.  
“I’m kidnapping you gently,” he said, and then she was lifted in his arms.  
Bonnie had been feeling so lonely that it was difficult to fight for her right to stay that way.   
“Where are we going?” she asked, burying her forehead in his chest as he carried her to the front door.  
“One of two places,” Kai said.  
“Hm?”  
“Just wait.”  
He carried her outside and to his running car. Bonnie let herself be arranged and buckled into the passenger seat and it wasn’t until Kai climbed into the driver’s seat saying, “That part was easier than I thought it would be,” that she started to question her complacency.   
The warm air was running and a CD playing, but he turned that off and flipped open the glove compartment at her knees. Bonnie pulled her quilt tighter as she watched him take out a triangular object and set it carefully on the dashboard before her.   
It was a strange looking prism, and Bonnie’s nerve endings all itched to climb out of his car and run far away because she recognized the strangeness about it. Her heart rate picked up as alertness settled into her skin. Stiffly she watched Kai reach back into the glove compartment and pull out a small gift in Halloween wrapping paper.   
“Hey!”   
_The third gift_.  
Half a cartoonish witch on a broom cackled up at her before Kai set that on the dashboard, a foot apart from the triangle.  
Kai closed the glove compartment and put his hands on the steering wheel, watching Bonnie’s reaction.  
“Choose,” he said.  
“I don’t understand my options. What is that?” she asked dangerously, nodding at the triangle with a scowl like she already knew. “What the _fuck_ is that?”  
“You know what it is. Now what about the other thing?”  
Bonnie bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head. It still wasn’t clear to her what was going on but she promised herself internally that if the triangular object was option number one for places to go, she wasn’t going there. Never. Ever.  
She sighed and swiped the small Christmas gift from the dashboard. _What it can it possibly be_ , she thought, _an even smaller ascendant?_   
Bonnie tore into the paper, flinging shreds of the cartoonish witch to the floor of the car, and uncovered a square black velvet box. She paused as she held it in her palm without its wrappings, afraid to flip the lid open for what she worried might be inside. Whether another ascendant was better or worse than what she began to fear was debatable.   
Carefully she poised her thumb at the end of the box and cracked it open. The lid flipped up. Inside, prettily and hellishly, sat a gold ring, topped with a gaudy colony of the same rounded off shards that made up the necklace she had unwrapped on Christmas. It was a ring boasting a broken eternity, which was perhaps what it promised.   
“Kai…” Bonnie said unsteadily, breath escaping her.  
“You can come with me and my coven to a new world where it’s freaking safer for us…or you can marry me now,” Kai said, eyeing her cruelly. “Choose.”


	19. You Didn't Have to Run, Stop, Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +++(crosses) - nineteen ninety four  
> max frost - nice and slow  
> son lux - alternate world  
> lia ices - little marriage  
> how to destroy angels - welcome oblivion

She was out of the car faster than he could finish his sentence.  
“You’re crazy,” she said on her way, slamming the door behind her and heading back up the driveway. She heard the driver’s side door open and close behind her, and she plowed ahead into an unexpected wall.   
It wasn’t visible, this wall. It was magic, meant to block her from going back into the house, to block her from choosing not to choose between the two worst options she had ever been given.  
Stubborn, she adapted quickly to being barred from her own home and immediately rerouted towards the forest. She could talk him out of this, she was certain. All she needed was some time and natural beauty, and the deciduous trees on this early spring night were vibrating with rebirth.  
“You’re right,” Kai called from behind her as he followed at the same pace. If she didn’t run, neither would he. So she kept calm. “I’m crazy.”   
Bonnie scoffed.  
“But I happen to know that you’re a little crazy too,” Kai said.  
Bonnie entered the tree line, barefoot and tip-toeing around knobby twigs and clusters of pine needles. All the trees, deciduous and coniferous alike, shed painful leavings.  
“You know I can’t play your game, Kai. That’s not how you propose to a girl, you don’t propose with an ultimatum. That’s not how you start a marriage.”  
“No in the old days all I’d have to do is come from good witch breeding, which we both do, and ask your father.”  
“Who’s dead.”  
“And may he rest in peace.”  
“Kai, do you even understand? Do you get it?”  
“All I understand is you’re pregnant with the future of my coven, you’re carrying my—our—baby, and that I’m in love with you. So what’s wrong?”  
“W—”  
“Yeah, no, don’t tell me, I’m a monster. Be real, Bonnie.”  
Bonnie splayed a thicket that was in her way so she could get through it, and she let it snap closed before Kai could follow her through. But she stopped on the other side. She looked up at the yellow moon slashed through by the twiggy tops of the trees.  
Kai emerged from the thicket and wrapped his hand around her arm. Habitually anticipating a siphon, Bonnie recoiled and pulled her quilt tighter around her shoulders. At the same time, Kai snapped his hand away and hissed in pain.  
“What is that?” he said, somewhat angrily, shaking out his hand.  
Bonnie sighed and shook her head. Between hurting him without meaning to and breaking her own television, it was evident.  
“I think being pregnant makes my magic stronger,” she mumbled grumpily at the moon as she crossed her arms.  
“Ow,” Kai groaned, miserably rubbing his hand, then between his gritting teeth he said, “That’s awesome.”  
Bonnie’s heart warmed a little at Kai thinking that her weird pregnancy strength was awesome. But she didn’t allow herself to smile, or clutch her belly with any kind of meaning.  
“Every time I try to picture a domestic life with you,” she said, “I imagine you losing control. I can’t marry you, Kai. My answer is no.”   
“I don’t accept that answer. That’s the old me. I wanna do this with you. I’m ready. I’m going to be here for you and for this baby. That’s the new me, Bonnie. You make me good.”  
“And if I die in childbirth? Who will you be then? Because I can’t love the kind of man whose goodness relies on me. I can’t have a baby with someone who will only be a good father if I’m there to be a good mother. You should be good, with and without me, Kai.”  
“I will be.”  
Bonnie laughed, “You’re not capable. You kidnapped an innocent college girl because you couldn’t handle your feelings. Yeah, I heard about that. You’re not the kind of person I can—”  
“I’ve changed! And she lived! She’s probably studying for some midterm right now, right where she belongs. Ok, if she can survive me then I think my own daughter can.”  
Bonnie paused, quite taken aback by the word. “Daughter?”  
Kai shuffled on his feet and looked at the ground, pulling on his jacket and shrugging.  
“It feels like a girl, alright?” he mumbled.  
“It _feels_ like a girl?” Bonnie repeated, unable to keep the left end of her mouth from turning up into an accidental hint of a smile.  
“Whenever I’m close to you…I can’t describe it. There’s just so much…yin…right here. It’s weird. I don’t know. Forget I mentioned it.”  
Bonnie sighed. A daughter. She would take Kai’s word for it, she decided.  
“As long as there’s only one of them,” she said, turning to fix him with calculating eyes.   
She didn’t really have a hard time picturing forever with him. He lost control from time to time, sure. But even she had to admit that he was getting better. Since he’d come back from the thought-to-be-dead, he had been different, so unlike the Kai she met, and even the Kai she had spent her solitude in the 2013 world with. He had become his better self, someone who proved he could relearn behavioral patterns, backtrack sociopathy, be some degree of normal. It wasn’t even until she insulted him while breaking his heart that he decided to remind her he was a siphon. Only then, when she might’ve actually deserved it, she thought.   
He was no monster.  
He deserved the truth.

+

“It’s the merge,” she said, shifting her weight onto her other side. “Because you’re right. I’m pregnant…with the future of your coven. If I have this baby with you, I’ll fall into tradition with you. Who knows, maybe we’ll have more. Maybe I’m already carrying twins, I don’t know. I don’t know. But I can’t raise them up telling them to love each other and be kind to each other and at the same time knowing that one day, only one of them will be strong enough to survive, and the other will die. My baby,” she whined, her face suddenly souring as tears fell from her eyes. Her hands moved to her swelling belly and she looked down at it so woefully.  
Finally Kai understood. He stepped closer and covered her hands with his, meaning to comfort her. He was already in love with whatever bundle of DNA was growing inside her, whether there was one or two, whether it was a boy or a girl, or both, or both of either. It would be his baby too that died in the merge.   
This was why Jo refused to join him. Though she was most definitely off the hook now, he understood perfectly. The Gemini Coven’s traditions were fucked up.  
“Let’s skip it then,” Kai said.   
He was sure it was the right thing to do. He needed no time to think about it.   
Bonnie looked up at him, slipping one of her hands out from underneath his to wipe her eyes.  
“You’re just telling me what I want to hear,” she said without a trace of the sobbing in her voice. Kai swiped a loose tendril of hair away from her face, trying to be affectionate but moving too quickly and with little grace.  
“There are other ways to elect leaders,” he lectured, “Yeah, the Gemini Coven has been super powerful for centuries because of their wack-ass method, but…we’ll figure something else out. Maybe when we do have twins—”  
“When?”  
“—we’ll just have two leaders. Still intimidating, still upholds the name.”  
“But Kai…”  
“Bonnie. We’re in this. You are definitely pregnant and it is definitely because you had sex with me, now let me do right by you. Let me marry you. Let me adopt you into my formerly fucked up but now less fucked up and still totally powerful coven. Let’s rebuild our families together, Bonster, I’ll even give you do-over since I did it wrong the first time, what do you say?”

+

Kai reached into his back pocket and pulled out the dreaded black box.   
“All my friends hate you,” Bonnie said, having a stare-down with the box as Kai smirked and got down on one knee.  
“What’s new?” he asked. He hesitated to open the box up to her, probably anticipating more hesitation on her part.  
“And you don’t do your laundry.”  
“I would for you.”  
“You need to get rid of that ascendant, I hate that you have one. Why did you make it? Get rid of it.”  
“I can’t do that, Bonster.”  
“I’m not going to another prison world, ever.”  
“It’s for emergencies only. It’s just our cellar door. Cross my heart and hope to die, I will never put you in there unless our lives are in immediate danger.”   
“What about our last names…our respected witch family names? Lineages?”  
“The Parker family died when I killed them,” Kai said too easily. “Keep your name.”  
“Do I have to—to join…?”  
“I would like it. Maybe at the altar.”  
“The altar,” Bonnie chuckled, though she was out of breath. She realized her face must’ve looked less scrutinizing than she thought, because Kai was smirking at her knowingly. Just as she could see the anticipation behind his eyes, he could see the temptation behind hers. The things he promised were too good. …A father for the problem-nugget in her belly, status beside the leader of a coven, a coven, and to keep her last name, and to keep him. And he swiped her concerns right off the table. A supposedly Plan B ascendant. No merge. Half the monstrosity of Kai Parker was where he came from, and he was showing her now that he didn’t mind flipping tradition on its back and moving forward.   
She supposed that it shouldn’t surprise her. Kai Parker was a rebel at best.   
“It’s too perfect,” she said, flinching at the perfection.  
“You don’t deserve anything less,” Kai said, losing the smirk. And she could imagine it now with ease. A life with Kai. Maybe it was the way he was looking at her, his dark pupils shiny and bright in the moonlight, blue irises swimming with hope. She could see herself waking up with him every morning, their own house, maybe their own land, a semi-secluded life like the property in Portland, except less isolated, less bloody, less West, less reminiscent of his younger years and the ways he lived them. More alive, more warm, more inclusive. Magic out in the open, always. Home-cooked meals made together. An herb garden, tended together. Spells for comfort and unity chanted in a circle. Kai teaching her all he knew about witch history. Watching her baby grow up in the environment she didn’t get to. Thanksgiving dinner, big and inviting. Christmas mornings better than those which raised her, filled with old friends but founded by new family.   
Family.   
She needed the family, most of all.  
Her final qualm she kept to herself.  
 _What would Grams say if she were here? Heresy?_  
Bonnie heard a crackling sound above and looked up. The buds on the deciduous trees over their heads, bare and nestled between the pines, were peeling and birthing the leaves that normally shouldn’t arrive until some sunny morning awakened them. They emerged from their curls and spread into wide green summery leaves.  
“I want to stay in Mystic Falls,” Bonnie said dreamily as she watched the leaves blooming in the night, because it felt as though Nature was giving its blessing. And if Nature herself blessed a union such as theirs…her, the good witch, and him, the wicked one…then Bonnie knew her grandmother would say no different.  
“Fine,” Kai said begrudgingly, “We’ll stay.”  
Bonnie smiled down from the treetops to Kai, still kneeling in the pine needles at her feet.  
“And I want a nice wedding. No Vegas chapel bullshit tonight.”  
“Bonnie Bennett…” Kai said, acknowledging her last comment with only a smile as he opened the black box. He was so cute, she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by it. _So cute._ Bonnie looked again to the daunting ring with fire in her heart.  
“…Will you marry me?”  
She laughed nervously through a grin she couldn’t shut down and whispered, “Yeah,” with a feverish nod.  
Kai beamed back at her and took her hand. She watched as he picked the ring out of the box and slid it to a perfect fit on her left ring finger.  
“It fits so nicely,” she said, starting to tear up again.  
“I checked your ring size when you were passed out drunk forever ago.”  
“How romantic,” she whined, positive it was the pregnancy hormones exaggerating the overwhelmingly poofy way she was feeling. She blinked away the water in her eyes and admired how the ring sat on her hand, pieces of the broken ascendant fused together so prettily. Kai kissed her forehead and looked at the ring with her, though she sensed it was more the look of his conquer that he was admiring.  
“Can we go back to your house and have make-up sex now?” he whispered in her ear.

+

She wanted to stay in Mystic Falls. Kai had agreed to it. And yet…  
It wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t safe where they were. Somehow, some way, he would convince her of that. If he couldn’t convince her, then he supposed he was going to have to drag her. And dragging others kicking and screaming was something Kai felt quite confident in his ability, and willingness, to do.  
Bonnie moaned into the pillow she was hugging over her face. _Wife_ , he thought deliciously, slipping his tongue down as deeply as he could stretch into her open cunt. He flicked his eyes up toward her moan and realized he could not see. Naked and without a blanket to obscure the evidence of what he had done to her back in November, her belly rose into a beautiful little bump that blocked his view of the rest of her. He grinned into her labia, drawing his tongue up to give her clit a harsh flick. Her body jolted and Kai heard a restrained squeal muffled by the pillow. Darkly he considered taking the pillow away and experimenting with how loud he could make her scream.  
…He felt a little guilty that he had lied. Just a little. He did wish there was another way; he could see himself living out the rest of his life in Mystic Falls with her…if he squinted. He preferred the western states to the eastern ones but if what made her happy kept her just as safe, he might compromise. If only there was some way she could stay in the town where she felt home and no unwelcome vampire could set foot past its perimeter. Except for Stefan. And of course Nora. And other obvious immortals. He wondered if there was some kind of spell sitting in his grimoires that blocked vampire entry, kept them out and in their place. Unless they proved themselves worthy, he guessed. Unless they were invited.  
…Like a threshold spell.  
 _An invitation barrier._  
Kai’s eyes widened as he thought of it. His tongue slowed in pace, giving Bonnie cause to toss her pillow to the side and grab him by the shoulders.  
It was possible, somewhat, wasn’t it? It had existed, minus the invitation part, before he himself siphoned it up. The anti-magic border. And good riddance to that, those dumb travelers and their phony problems. But they were onto something with keeping the vamps out of Mystic Falls, at least.  
Bonnie pulled Kai up from between her thighs and he took the hint. He hovered over her and buried her lips with his mouth, lowering his hips and letting his aching dick sink inside her.   
All he needed was to declare someone the inviter, the only person in the town who could approve a vampire visitor and invite them within the town limits. Naturally he put himself first. He was the only one he trusted. Although his queen deserved rulership over something and he supposed he would trust her judgment when it came to vampires. She hated them almost as much as he did. Maybe more, now that he thought of it. She had more cause. More vampire-related casualties in her life.  
Her boobs were bigger, he noticed with relish. They bounced with every thrust, only slightly, as she reminded him that he needed to be careful with her now.  
Kai wondered if the preexisting vampire residents of Mystic Falls would agree to such a barrier. Then he remembered he didn’t care. It was a witch’s town first.

+

Bonnie realized with some shame that she said Yes to a marriage proposal that was part of an ultimatum.   
She would have to leave that part of the story out whenever anyone asked.   
The day after, she decided she couldn’t give her friends any more time. She dressed in jeans, boots and an earthy green T-shirt that was easy on the eyes, grabbed her keys and hopped in her Corvette to make a round of amends.   
Not that she felt she was really the one who needed to apologize. She did feel bad for spilling the beans about Elena and Stefan eloping, and she regretted hurting Elena’s feelings with her comment about Stefan. She knew there was tension surrounding the issue of having kids and she wished she’d never brought it up. …Then again, how could she avoid the topic?   
Regardless, they were her oldest friends. She needed them to get over themselves and support her, and if she needed to ply them with lattes first then so be it.  
She’d had some difficulty convincing Kai to give her more time. The only compromise he was willing to make, no matter how much she pleaded or how childishly she stamped her feet or how sexily she kissed his neck, was setting the wedding date two weeks out. The weekend of March 18th.   
It would be a faster wedding than what she ever imagined for herself, but considering that her dress size would only go up, and day by day at that, sooner than later was probably for the best.   
March 18th.   
The only way to get it done was the only way she wanted to: with Caroline’s help. Luckily, asking Caroline to plan her wedding was the perfect bait for reeling her back onto good terms, and possibly smoothing things over with Elena since it would get the wedding-planning fever out of Caroline’s system. Bonnie only hoped her hot-headed friend would look past her reservations about the groom.  
It was funny. Her friends blushed and giggled and teased when they thought Bonnie was just fucking him, but once any meaning was applied to it, everything changed.

+

Kai peered around the open doorway to his sister’s bedroom. Jo and Ric were inside folding onesies from a heap of laundry on the bed. He gave the wood of the doorframe a little knock and leaned against it comfortably as his sister and her husband looked up at him.  
They were never happy to see him.  
“Hey sissy,” Kai said.   
Jo glared, finished up folding the onesie in her hand and flopped it stressfully into the neater pile of clothes. “What,” she monotoned.  
Kai shrugged. “I wanted to thank you for sharing the news with me,” he said genuinely.  
Jo sighed, “God, please don’t make me regret it more than I already am.” Her tone led Kai to believe that she suspected he had gone and done something destructive already. Which made him wonder…  
“Why did you share it with me anyway? Bonnie seemed to think you were keeping a secret for her.”  
Jo dropped the onesie she’d just picked up and looked at Kai like he was such a traitor.  
“You didn’t tell her I told you. You didn’t.”  
“Oh, I did. Now thanks to my favorite twin in the whole world, Bonnie and I are, um…”  
“Spit it out, Kai.”  
“We’re getting married, sis,” he said, still having a hard time believing it. He couldn’t stop smiling.  
Jo paused for a second to raise her eyebrow. Then, in a somewhat resigned manner, she went back to folding. “Shut up, no you’re not.”  
“We are. It’s true,” Kai chuckled. “I asked her last night. She said Yes.”  
“Shut up,” Jo repeated. Kai couldn’t tell what the look on her face was. At first glance, she seemed mortified. But as he watched his sister look back at him in disbelief, he thought she was beginning to look…excited?   
“Sissy, if you hadn’t told me…who knows what—”  
“Wait, I’m sorry, I must be missing something,” Ric piped up from his folding spot. “What news?”  
Jo looked to her husband apologetically. Kai suppressed a laugh.  
“Ric…um…sweetie…Bonnie is…” Jo trailed off and Ric frowned at her for a moment.  
“No,” he said when the information finally sunk in.   
“Yeah, well, that’s how sex works,” Jo reminded him lightly, adding grumpily, “When you don’t use protection.”  
“I don’t need to hear about that,” Ric groaned.  
“So…say that again? You asked her to marry you and she said Yes?”  
“Yup. Oh and she’s not mad at you for spilling the beans, by the way.”  
“You…my psychotic brother…you’re getting married…to Bonnie…that’s just…wow.”  
“I think I need a drink,” Ric grumbled, laying out a onesie and stepping back from the bed. He brushed past Kai rather apathetically and disappeared down the staircase. When Kai looked back to his sister, she was crossing her arms and nodding to herself.  
“You think he’ll be a groomsman?” Kai half-kidded. “Wedding’s in two weeks.”  
“Doubt it. …Two _weeks_? Why the rush?”  
“Because I want what I want and I want it now.”  
“Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she wouldn’t appreciate a decent wedding that isn’t slapped together like—”  
“Caroline’s planning it.”  
“Shotgun it is then. …Are you sure this is what Bonnie wants? You didn’t pressure her into this, did you? I know you, Kai.”  
“Um, I literally watched her cry tears of joy, I think it’s fine. Why? You don’t believe someone could possibly want to marry me?”  
“Honestly? No. And up until recently I know you yourself never gave a damn about marriage either. If I recall correctly, when we were 18 you said something along the lines of ‘ _Shoot me if I ever get engaged_ ,’” Jo mocked, dropping her voice to a manly bass.   
Kai shrugged, fondly remembering the exact instance of saying those words to Jo at an extended family member’s wedding. “Hadn’t met Bonnie yet, I guess.”  
Jo hmm’d, but Kai recognized the reluctant agreement in her tone. She said, “Hmm,” but what she meant was, ‘ _Bonnie is pretty great and I can see why you would change everything about yourself for her, beloved brother_.’ …Maybe his interpretation was a little exaggerated.  
“March 18th is the magical day. Better go dress shopping, sissy-pants.”  
“I already have a funeral dress.”  
Kai chuckled once more at his sister’s sass. It was his cue to leave, he could tell, and he figured he would respect it, despite how much he felt like he needed his sister’s blessing. He gave the door frame a subtle knock and moved to take his leave. Then Jo uncrossed her arms.  
“I’m sorry,” she said of her own accord, coming to him with arms suddenly outstretched. He stood stiffly in the doorway as his sister gave him a light hug. “I’m happy for you, Kai,” she murmured into his shoulder, and he tried to remember the last time the two of them were so close, emotionally or even physically. “I really am.”  
“So you won’t be one of the fifty people whining their objection at the ceremony?”  
“No,” Jo assured him, laughing a little as she loosened her hug and crossed her arms, looking at him from eye to eye. “I think it’s good. This could be a good thing.”  
“I would hope.”  
“I mean, I am concerned. I’m not going to stand here and lie to you and act like it doesn’t weird me out that my would-be forty year old brother who should’ve been institutionalized a long time ago is marrying a twenty-something angel—”   
“Oh, she’s no angel,” Kai said with a smirk.  
“Oh hush, I’m nervous, ok? Please promise me you are going to take care of Bonnie, and let her be good for you. I know I’m your family and I’m supposed to be on your side but I swear, Kai, if you so much as siphon her—”  
“Jo,” Kai interrupted, “I’m not a monster anymore.”  
“—I _will_ kill you.”  
“I promise it won’t be necessary. I’ve lived twice the time she has, I know, but…I feel like I never grew, as a person, until I met her. You know?”  
“Jesus, you really do love her.”  
“I really do. And don’t call me Jesus.”  
Jo rolled her eyes and lightly swatted Kai’s shoulder with the back of her hand.  
“Congratulations, ok?” she said, sounding sympathetic in a way.  
“Ok,” Kai laughed at the funny way his sister said things.

+

Halfway to Caroline’s house, Bonnie’s phone vibrated with a text from the blonde vampire herself.   
**Caroline: Do-over brunch at the Grill today?**  
 **Bonnie: I thought the Grill was closed?**  
 **Caroline: We just drove by, it’s fixed already. Meet u there at 12?**  
 _We?_ Elena must’ve been in on it, too. Bonnie considered for a second that she might be walking into an intervention.  
 **Bonnie: See you then.**

+

The Mystic Grill looked as though it hadn’t had all of its glass completely blown out just the day before. Kai had left Bonnie’s house early that morning. Bonnie wondered if he’d taken a detour through town while the shops were still closed, because the damage she had seen the day before couldn’t have been repaired so quickly without a witch’s touch.  
She entered the restaurant with two magically re-heated lattes, expecting to be met with hesitant welcome and bitter smiles. Instead, Caroline and Elena rose from the booth at their table to beckon her over, and when she approached she noticed that each friend had a gift bag with pastel-colored tufts of tissue paper fluffing out the top.  
“What are these?” Caroline asked with a sad smile on her face, looking at the drinks in Bonnie’s hands.  
“Apology lattes?” Bonnie shrugged.  
Caroline’s smile widened and her eyes softened.  
“Bonnie,” Elena said in the sympathy voice Bonnie knew well, “We’re the ones who need to apologize.” Elena wrapped her arms around Bonnie’s shoulders, and Caroline followed suit. Bonnie smiled to herself, feeling so much love emanating from her two best friends as the three girls hugged in the middle of the restaurant.  
“Let me get those,” Caroline whispered, breaking from the hug and moving the lattes to the table. Elena tightened her hug for another second before letting go and leading Bonnie by the hand, taking her seat in the booth and scooting over to make room. Caroline sat opposite.  
“Care and I talked through our stuff and we realized we were being selfish yesterday,” Elena said. “We should’ve been more supportive.”  
“ _Way_ more supportive, oh my god, Bonnie…you’re gonna have a baby!” Caroline squealed. “And who cares who the dad is?! _You’re_ the mom, and you’re going to be awesome, and that’s what matters.”  
Bonnie smiled shyly and scratched her forehead. “About that…”  
Her friends perked up, eagerly waiting for Bonnie to speak. Instead of finishing her sentence, she peeked down at her left hand in her lap before setting it out flat on the table. Her shattered-ascendant ring shined brightly in the afternoon sunlight beaming through the window.   
Caroline gasped. “Is that what I think it is?”  
Elena giggled nervously.  
The next hour was spent sharing some of the deepest conversation Bonnie had had in weeks. After opening up the baby gifts her friends had brought, (a pack of summery baby towels from Caroline and a set of organic baby soaps, lotions and balms from Elena) she let loose. She told her friends about the night before, deciding after all to mention that Kai’s proposal was part of an ultimatum, because she wasn’t going to be the kind of woman who hid her man’s questionable behavior from the people who would tell her just what they thought. And they thought Kai was crazy, of course, and there was talk of Bonnie being crazy for actually saying Yes to him, but the table’s general criticism waned as the conversation went on. “Ew, maybe it actually is true love,” Caroline grimaced at Elena after Bonnie mentioned the trees that sprouted leaves from their buds.   
They talked about Nora, and the other girls suffered from a few moments of disillusionment after Bonnie revealed the truth. That Nora was instrumental in Bonnie’s imprisonment, and that she kept it a secret for so long. That she could’ve freed Bonnie long before Kai did it himself. That she might have even been able to awaken Elena long before Kai did it himself. (The moral of brunch being that Kai was a better person than he led anyone to believe, just the opposite of Nora.) …It was a theory her friends had already thought of, Bonnie discovered. Somewhere along the line the fact came out that Kai had awakened Elena by siphoning the sleeping beauty curse. As Nora was also a siphon, there had been quiet wondering whether she could have done the same.   
“So that’s why I haven’t seen her in class,” Elena said.  
The girls then gossiped about where Nora had disappeared to for a while, until the conversation carried back over to Bonnie’s wedding. Bonnie was choosey about when and how to ask Caroline if she would plan it, but her timing didn’t seem to matter. The words ‘March 18th’ were spoken and Caroline blew up.  
“Are you kidding me? That’s two weeks from now!”  
“Kai wants to be married as soon as possible.”  
“Well you’ll be a whale soon, I get it, but two weeks? That’s impossible!”  
“Care,” Elena said, “Really though?”  
“Yeah, really,” Bonnie simpered.  
“You do realize you’re Caroline Forbes, right?”  
“I…just…we have to go!” Caroline panicked, “We have to get started now!”  
“I’m still working on my pancakes,” Elena muttered.  
“And I need more french toast,” Bonnie said.  
“You’ve had two plates already!”  
“I’m eating for two! …Maybe three.”  
“I’ve been listening to your heartbeats, there’s only one in there, I promise, so you can skip the third serving and save yourself the extra pregnancy pounds,” Caroline speed-talked, slapping a hundred dollar bill on the table, adding a harsh, “Pack it in, Elena!” as she slid out of the booth. Bonnie and Elena both stuffed as big of bites as they could into their mouths before sliding out from their side.  
“Ugh, seriously, _what_ is he doing here,” Caroline said to herself, quickly averting her gaze from the front doors.   
Bonnie looked up to see Damon walking in and heading for the bar.   
“He’s been acting weird since he got back,” Elena said with her mouth still full.  
Bonnie gathered up her purse and her gifts, swallowed her bite and asked, “Back from where?”  
“Ah crap, I forgot we weren’t supposed to tell you.”  
“Tell me what?”  
“Whatever,” Caroline griped, “It doesn’t matter anymore. Damon got kidnapped like a month ago. He was held hostage by those vampires who are trying to get Jo and Kai wouldn’t do anything about it. He only just got back. Apparently unharmed. Sounds fishy, if you ask me.”  
Bonnie cocked her head, “Damon’s been missing?”  
“Stefan only told me yesterday,” Elena said angrily, “All this time I thought Damon was just off on one of his benders.”  
“Wait, I’m confused, why didn’t anybody say anything?”  
“Stefan told me that Kai told him not to tell me or Caroline because he didn’t want anyone to tell you because he didn’t want you to try and rescue him. He didn’t want you to go and get yourself killed.”  
Bonnie closed her eyes in mild frustration. “Ok…skipping over how much that offends me…why would I rescue Damon?”  
Elena shrugged, “It’s what you do.”  
“Trust me, I’m pissed enough for all three of us that they’ve been keeping secrets,” Caroline said, crossing her arms and glaring in Damon’s direction. “It’s a freaking boys club now or something, Kai and Stefan. Jackasses. No offense, guys. I’m sure your husband and your weird-ass fiancé had the best of intentions, but screw them.”  
Bonnie watched her friends head for the door, only half listening to Caroline babbling about how she was cancelling the rest of her day so the three of them could drink mimosas at her house and shell out the entire vision for Bonnie’s wedding. A girls’ day. Bonnie knew she sincerely needed it.  
“I’ll meet you guys there, I just have to pee before I leave,” Bonnie said, nodding toward the bathrooms.   
Elena smiled and gave Bonnie a goodbye hug.   
She waited until her friends were outside of the restaurant before she made her way over to the bar. Damon sat in his usual stool, slumped over a glass of bourbon and sulking quietly to himself. Bonnie took the stool beside him and slid on, resting her elbows on the bar, crossing her wrists. In acknowledgement, instead of looking at her or saying anything, he flagged at the bartender, who very quickly placed a glass of what Damon was drinking in front of Bonnie.  
She looked fondly down at the liquor. Even ran her finger in a slow circle over the rim. Though she neither accepted nor rejected the offering.  
“I heard you were missing,” she said downward.  
Damon gave a delayed nod, pursing his lips in some kind of misery Bonnie figured she wouldn’t understand.  
“Are you ok?”  
“Do you really care?” Damon asked, finally setting his piercing blue gaze on her.   
Taken aback by the confrontation, Bonnie took a moment to decide which direction she would let the conversation head. She really was curious about the vampires who were after Jo. The more she knew about them, the better chance she had of helping Kai take them down. And if she had known that Damon was taken…maybe there was something to what Elena said. Even for all of the shit that Damon had done, it wouldn’t sit right with her, just leaving him like that. _Did_ she really care if he was ok?  
Honesty seemed best.  
She frowned and said, “A little.”  
It seemed to surprise him.  
“Well then yes. I’m ok. A little.”  
“What did they do to you? How’d you escape?”  
“Oh, the usual tactics. Sweet talked ‘em. Cracked some skulls. …Nah. They let me go.”  
Bonnie narrowed her eyes. Caroline was right. Something was fishy.  
“Good behavior, or…?”  
“I dunno, Bon-bon. The longer I’m back the less I understand ‘em.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Ask Kai. He seems to think he knows everything.”  
“He doesn’t.”  
“You know they actually convinced me that I wanna be human again.” Damon scoffed, “Crazy. And I get it…I need to die sometime. I want to.”  
“Damon…”  
“And maybe I want the rest of it, too. Kids. An expiration date. Fear. The whole life-is-temporary thing that makes it beautiful, and fun, and worth your time, Ric swears by it.”  
Bonnie sighed, feeling like she was about to watch Damon spiral out of control. He would rant, have another few sips, say something mean and then be out the door on his way to do something meaner.  
“But the girl I want…” he continued, his gaze settling once more on Bonnie in a way that made her more uncomfortable than she expected. “Can’t have her. So what’s the point in having anything else?”  
Bonnie shrugged, finding her hand without a rim to trace as Damon gently removed her glass from in front of her. He slid it to a clink against his own glass.  
“Congratulations, Bon-bon,” he said sadly, his eyes falling from hers to his new second glass of bourbon. It seemed he could hear her second heart beating and, much more rapidly than anyone else, he had deduced the obvious.  
“Thank you,” she said as solemnly. And she chose then to leave him wallowing.

+

Kai texted her sometime after that.  
 **Kai: invitation barrier around mystic falls?**  
 **Bonnie: Would that work?**  
 **Kai: only one way to find out**  
 **Bonnie: I’m in if we worry about it after the wedding. Too much happening.**  
 **Kai: cool.**  
 **Bonnie: Why didn’t you tell me about Damon?**  
 **Kai: Lenore.**  
 **Bonnie: What?**  
 **Kai: it’s french. means “light.” according to baby name website.**  
 **Kai: isn’t it purdy?**  
Bonnie decided to ignore the rest of his texts since he was ignoring her question. She wasn’t necessarily upset with him for keeping her out of the Damon drama. She just needed more time to figure out how she felt about his protectiveness of her. It felt strange not to be a first resort when a problem arose. It felt weird to hear that Stefan had needed help and, not only did Kai keep Bonnie out of it, but he apparently kept himself out of it as well. There had been vampire drama and no witch involvement whatsoever.  
It made her skin tingle.

+

Caroline had already flipped through Bonnie’s entire contact list, designed fancy digital invitations and sent them vie e-mail, complaining the whole time about how much she doubted anyone but their immediate circle of friends would be able to make it. Which was ok with Bonnie.   
The best location for the ceremony and reception was decidedly the Lockwood mansion. Caroline seemed confident that the mansion could be made into a dream of a venue if they held the ceremony in the back acre and the reception inside. She managed to book last-minute antique chair rentals, a live band, a catering company and a floral arrangement, and even get Tyler Lockwood to show an emotion that wasn’t bitter anger. By contrast, he actually seemed excited. She convinced Bonnie that her wedding colors needed to be black and lavender because it had been a dark yet beautiful spring, and because she thought the colors well represented the feeling of the union, and because she wanted to see herself in a lavender bridesmaid dress.   
It was the next weekend that the girls went to a wedding dress boutique, with Jo’s measurements in pocket because there was no way Bonnie wasn’t asking the woman, who had been like a mother to her as well as a friend, to be a bridesmaid.  
A bit of panic arrived when Bonnie tried on the first white dress and had a look at herself in the mirror.  
“Do you realize what this means for my life?” she ranted, “I will never be able to eat a cylindrical food ever again. Hot dogs? Nope. Popsicles? No way. Twinkies? Forget it, they’re cream-filled, there’s too much material there! I can’t marry this pervert.”  
“You already said Yes,” Caroline reminded her, straightening out her train.  
“I can take it back.”  
“Well, yeah, but…do you really want to revoke your Yes for cylindrical foods? Think of the calories, Bonnie. Phallic-shaped foods are like the worst foods out there. You’re better off without them. His pervertedness is what’s going to keep you from getting fat.” Caroline straightened up and cocked her head at Bonnie’s reflection. “…I don’t like this dress on you. Next.”  
Bonnie stared open-mouthed at Caroline.  
“What’s wrong with the dress? I think it looks really good,” Elena said from the chaise lounge, setting a bridal catalog she’d been flipping through to the side as she assessed. Bonnie pursed her lips and looked herself up and down in the mirror.  
“Well it’s not very slimming, for starters,” Caroline griped, motioning to Bonnie’s baby bump.  
“There’s not really anything we can do about my pregnant belly, Care…”  
“But there is a lot strategic fashion choices can do,” the blonde said, slipping the next dress off the waiting rack.  
“I think the dress should emphasize her belly, not hide it,” Elena said, practically gushing when she added, “It’s cute.”  
“You don’t want people thinking the baby is the reason you’re getting married, though, do you?”  
Bonnie shrugged. Maybe Caroline was right. But she liked Elena’s thinking, too.

+

“Be honest, Ric,” Kai said, adjusting his bowtie in the vanity mirror, “How do I look in this stupid fucking bowtie and what do you think of wrapping a threshold spell around Mystic Falls?”  
Ric paused before his own vanity mirror and frowned at Kai to his left.  
“A threshold spell…”  
“Say like an anti-magic border, only it’s anti-vampire. Same thing that keeps uninvited vampires from entering your home.”  
“Around the whole town?” Ric asked, shifting on his feet. It appeared that the concept of safety was new to him.  
“You’re a history man. You know about borders and wars and shit like that. Think it would work?”  
Ric looked back at himself in the mirror and Kai could only catch a profile view of his expression, but the older man’s doubt was evident enough.   
He had waited to ask this question until Damon and Stefan left the dressing room and it was just him and his brother-in-law, trying on their suits. He’d convinced Alaric to be a groomsman alongside Stefan, and since Bonnie had three bridesmaids Kai was pressured to include Damon in the wedding party. _Three for three_ , Bonnie had said with a little bit of a snarl. Wedding planning with only two weeks to get it done was making her into someone he almost didn’t recognize. Almost.   
His bride to be had managed to break him down and get him to divulge everything he knew about Damon’s kidnapping, and even admit to snooping around the plantation or so-called University of the Supernatural…in all, the height of the threat they were up against. Kai was smart not to let the conversation evolve into a petition to move away. He hoped she would figure out the importance of it on her own. As things stood, even knowing about the cult of vampire scientists who wanted to play doctor with Jo’s blood, Bonnie was more attached to the invitation barrier idea.   
“Could work,” Ric sighed, “But you know Mystic Falls. It’s safe one day and the next…all Hell…”  
Kai pressed his lips together and nodded. He didn’t need to extend their cute little man-to-man talk to know that Ric, however tense their relationship, would agree with Kai on one thing.  
He could cast all the spells he wanted. Mystic Falls would never change.  
“And the bowtie makes you look like a jackass,” Ric concluded with admirable nonchalance.

+  
  
“Wakey wakey, Bridezilla,” a gentle voice eased Bonnie into consciousness.  
Her friends had slept over. Bonnie shot up in bed to find them beaming at her with wild sleep hair, the both of them.  
It was March 18th.

Kai barely slept. It was midnight, and then three, and then ten in the morning all of a sudden and it was time to shower and grab his suit.   
The day had finally come. The day he was going to tie down Bonnie Bennett.   
Figuratively, of course.   
But it felt so harrowingly good to remind himself she would be his forever, soon. It gave him a shiver. He couldn’t wait to see her in her dress. He couldn’t wait to breeze through the annoying parts, the whole standing on a stage while people stared at them and judged parts, the whole saying meaningful things part. _Yuck._ He couldn’t wait to eat the crab cakes Caroline had promised him, the roasted chicken legs, the cake. _Cake._ And he couldn’t wait to whisk Bonnie as far the hell away as he could get her.  
Damon and Stefan had promised him they would hold down the boarding house and stay with Jo for a few days. Kai wanted to surprise Bonnie with a honeymoon. She hadn’t even asked him whether they were going to have one, maybe because she assumed he wouldn’t be able to leave his sister. But he had a rather attractive gift certificate in his pocket for two plane tickets, the destination of which he planned to let her choose once he drove her to the airport instead of home. He had already done what he did best and snuck into her house, and packed her things for her in a pretty new luggage set to replace the suitcase she left behind at Winterfest. Naturally he packed little more than lingerie, but it was partly because he wanted to buy her every piece of clothing she wanted while they were away.   
Some part of him still worried he needed to prove himself to her.

+

Bonnie showered with fragrant myrrh soap.   
Smiled to herself delicately in the mirror.   
Caught a ride with her friends to the Lockwood mansion.   
Caroline made a guest room into a dressing room. Bonnie slipped into her chosen dress, a eggshell high-neck halter with a sheer chest, satin body, a tight waist, and flares of lace and tulle cascading down from the top of her baby bump to the middle of her thigh. The layers of airy fabric succeeded in both masking her belly for those who didn’t know she was pregnant and emphasizing it for those who did. Bonnie credited Caroline for the find.  
The girls blow-dried and curled and teased and pinned and sprayed Bonnie’s hair until it sat in a fierce and wily bun at the back of her skull. Elena placed the crown of baby’s breath.

+

Kai avoided Tyler Lockwood like a disease. He didn’t care how generous it was of him to lend his house to their wedding for the day. Lockwood still hated him, he could feel it, and he didn’t want to test it. Any closer than a stiff nod from across the room and he’d get himself punched, he knew.  
He wandered around by himself, watching the set-up unfold at the hands of disgruntled staff from each different company. Rows of beautifully carved wooden chairs were already set up outside with tufts of lavender and black ribbons streaming from the shoulder of each chair on the inner side of the aisle. An altar at the end sat holy and inflamed with lush amounts of baby’s breath and lavender, and roses so near death they were blackening. Kai could tell it was an intentional touch. Caroline had a vision for his and Bonnie’s love; they had both been at times either the fresh and beautiful lavender or the wilting roses. Their love was one that had occasionally killed the both of them. But it always brought them back.  
As the sun began to set, people in uniforms began to fade and guests in suits and dresses appeared. There weren’t many. Matt and Penny took their seats in the front row, beside Tyler Lockwood and a woman he was seeing. Jeremy Gilbert and his wife, whom Kai did not recall inviting, seated themselves somewhere in the middle. Enzo and Sarah Salvatore showed up. Damon sat beside his descendent and his old friend chatting it up. Kai grimaced, hoping Damon would stay there and forget that he was supposed to stand up with Stefan and Alaric when the music started.  
There was a woman sitting in the second row who Kai knew to be Bonnie’s mother. Awkward. He decided to wait to introduce himself until the reception, when Bonnie was with him.  
There were a few strangers here and there, and Kai could feel something else. It was probably imagined but he’d begun to feel an energy collecting around him and in small masses throughout the yard as he walked. If he didn’t know the other side to be a dilapidated hole of oblivion he’d swear there were ghosts, Parker and Bennett alike, yeasayers and naysayers alike, all around him. If they really were there, they had come from somewhere else. Not Oblivion. Someplace of peace. Bonnie’s Grams among them, perhaps.  
He couldn’t stop fidgeting. He started blowing out and re-lighting candles just to keep his magic busy. Until someone caught him doing it.  
A calm acoustic guitarist and a petite singer with a flutey voice began a soft song at the side of the altar and it was almost time. Kai looked around and couldn’t see his sister anywhere. She and the rest of the Saltzman clan were supposed to have arrived with Stefan.   
Stefan wasn’t there either.  
Kai itched to have Bonnie at his side already. She brought him more peace than she knew.  
He caught sight of Nora in a long blue dress taking her seat in the back row. He’d forgotten/procrastinated clearing it with Bonnie for Nora to be welcome at the wedding. Still, even with Bonnie’s stubbornness, he had a sense that their fight wouldn’t last forever. Maybe Bonnie hadn’t considered it but they were about to be in the same coven. Kai would lock the girls in a room together until they kissed and made up if necessary. Well, without the kissing. …Maybe he wouldn’t lock them in a room together, actually.  
He noticed Nora twitch and turn her head to the side, like she was hearing something nobody else could. A second later, Kai heard it, too. A commotion.  
He turned in the direction of the his name being yelled, his legs carrying him in a delayed sort of panic back into the house.  
Stefan, hoisting a very bloody Alaric up as they limped, appeared at the mouth of the foyer as Kai ran into it.  
“He hit his head but I already gave him blood, he’ll be fine,” Stefan panted, and Kai could see his eyes struggling not to run black with thirst as the dark veins pulsed beneath them.   
“Where’s Jo? Where are the babies?” Kai yelled back, his heart pumping agonizingly hard.  
Stefan simply frowned as the veins burrowed back beneath his cheekbones.

+

“Well, you ready?” Elena asked Bonnie’s reflection. The three girls stared at themselves in the mirror, one in white, two in lavender. They looked so beautiful together that Bonnie started tearing up.  
“Jo hasn’t texted me back,” Caroline said, anxiously looking away from her reflection to pick up her phone.  
“I’m sure she got ready at home,” Elena consoled Bonnie, who wiped her tears and glanced at the antique clock ticking away on the wall.  
“Wait, I hear something,” Caroline murmured, setting her phone down and turning her ear toward the door. Seconds of silence passed before Bonnie could hear it, too. Someone stomping in what sounded like a hurry, coming up the stairs. Running through the hall. Bonnie could feel his radiating hysteria before he burst into the room, panting, his eyes wild.  
“Hey, get out of here, idiot, it’s bad luck to—!” Caroline yelled, but Kai interrupted.  
“They attacked the fucking car on the way from the boarding house,” he growled, “Jo and the babies are gone.”  
Bonnie stared at her groom in his tux and the fear that ran cold through her blood was hauntingly familiar.


	20. Still Feel It All Slipping Away But It Doesn't Matter Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nine inch nails - my violent heart (pirate robot midget remix)  
> puscifer - drunk with power (hungover and hostile in hannover remix)  
> nine inch nails - last  
> soundgarden - my wave

“What do we do?” Bonnie asked Kai, who stood seemingly paralyzed in the doorway. It took one heartbeat of time for her rationality to kick in and she didn’t care about the wedding anymore, she didn’t care how many people were downstairs waiting for them to walk down the aisle. Jo, Lydia and Josie had been abducted by cure-hungry vampires and nothing else mattered until they were safe.  
“Where’s Stefan?” Elena asked nervously. She knew her husband was the one responsible for transporting the Saltzman family from the boarding house to the Lockwood mansion. Bonnie didn’t blame her friend for being equally concerned about his safety.  
“Downstairs, I can hear him,” Caroline answered for Kai. She removed a twig of baby’s breath from a pinned tendril of her blonde hair, handed it to Bonnie and turned to Kai. “Damon should know where they’re taking them, right? Let’s go.”  
Kai stopped the blonde vampire in her tracks with a gentle hand and his eyebrows curved in doubt.   
“There’s too many of them. We’ll die trying.”  
“So we die trying!” Caroline snapped.  
“If we die, my sister dies. And Josie and Lydia die. We need something more. A hell of a lot of back-up, or…” Bonnie watched Kai’s expression change from one of fearful hesitation to something darkly revelatory. “I need my dad’s grimoire.”

+

When Kai marched down the stairs, Stefan and Damon were in the middle of a heated argument in the foyer. Behind him, Caroline sighed, “Naturally.”  
Alaric was sitting on an antique decorative entryway bench, hanging his head, gnarling his fingers into his hair and Kai didn’t need a double-take to know the man was concentrating on containing rage, and he’d better not interrupt.   
Nora rounded the corner then and entered the scene, wearing a scowl and her thin brows narrow with knowing. Kai had already called her on his way downstairs. She nodded at him as she slipped between the warring brothers and out the front door.   
“You knew this would happen,” Stefan growled at his brother.  
“It was a matter of time, Stefan, it’s not like I orchestrated it. They don’t listen to me. I’m not their friend. I don’t write their god damned game plan.”  
“You might as well!”  
“Well _I_ wasn’t driving the minivan, was I, Stef?”  
“I was outnumbered, you dick.”  
“Boys!” Caroline snapped.  
Damon turned to scowl at them, his energy focused mostly on Kai as they closed on the bottom stair. Kai could smell the guilt on him. Despite it, he cracked his knuckles one by one, keeping his hands at his sides and curling each finger up tightly until he felt the pop, to remain calm. Not so different from his brother-in-law. He flattened his feet on the marble floor and, not certain whether his busy fingers could refrain from hexing Damon, he tilted his head to the side to give his neck a little crack as well.  
“Caroline,” Kai said lowly to the woman at his left, careless with the authoritative tone he knew she may not take well. “Tell the guests we’re gonna have to take a rain check on the wedding. Make something up. Free pass on compulsion if necessary, I’m sure Bonnie won’t mind. And thank Lockwood for lending us the house but tell him we’re going to need it for just a little longer.”  
Kai kept his eyes trained on Damon but he could see Caroline, in his peripheral vision, hear and consider the way he spoke to her. Maybe it was due to the fact that his wedding day was ruined, or that his sister’s and his nieces’ lives were in danger, but she didn’t smack him on the back of the head. She nodded, perhaps accepting that she was the best woman for the job anyway, and went to do as she was asked.  
“Nora will be back in ten minutes with my grimoire,” Kai said to Damon. “In one hour, we’ll be ready. Will that be enough time?”  
“Enough time for what?” Damon snapped.  
“Enough time for us to get my family back before they’re dead. We could use your help, Damon. They know you.”  
“Unless you’re gonna pledge yourself to their cause, I don’t think they’ll be too diplomatic this time. They have what they want. I’m not going back there to take it from them, I’m not an idiot.”   
Kai noticed Ric look up at his drinking buddy with such dismay on his face. How powerless he must’ve felt, brimming with vengeance and being only a human.   
“Fine,” Kai said, having accepted long before this circumstance that Damon would be of no help to him. He frowned from one Salvatore to the next. “Stefan?”  
There was a flicker of hesitation. But stiffly the better brother placed his hands on his hips and nodded.   
“Awesome. Well then. A hundred vamps should be a breeze,” Kai chuckled with more doubt and sarcasm in his heart than blood.  
“Try three,” Damon grumbled as he sauntered towards the front door. “Three hundred. Give or take.” With that, the older brother left, closing the door behind him with a gentleness Kai perceived to be almost ominous. He wasn’t sure why.   
“Jesus,” Stefan sighed.  
Kai eyed him, blinking away visions of their brutal deaths. “Don’t worry, I have a half-baked plan…”   
“What about me?” Ric asked, getting to his feet, calmly joining Stefan and Kai.   
Kai shook his head, “Jo will kill me if she gets to live and you don’t. Stay here where you’re safe, Ric, leave it to us _supernaturals_.”  
“I might be human,” Ric agreed, “But I’m angry. And I have vervain bombs.”  
“And he’s _supernaturally_ good at killing vampires,” Elena’s voice added before her body appeared, descending the stairs from the upper darkness of the house.  
“They have taken _everything_ I care about,” Ric snarled, his posture turning rigid with restraint. “I’m coming with you.”  
Kai looked his brother-in-law up and down, sighing as he anticipated the many ways he could die. It could be a hindrance, having to look out for Ric on top of his own life. He wasn’t even sure if he’d have the ability in the condition he was about to be in.  
“He’s not _that_ good at killing vampires,” Stefan said to Elena, who shrugged and smirked. She turned to Kai, crossing her arms and crooking her jaw. He thought she looked prettier when she had something to worry about.  
“I only found seven candles upstairs,” she said quietly, “They’re in the dressing room now.”  
 _Only seven._   
Kai shook his head, “There’s more down here. Look around, Lockwood’s got candlesticks everywhere. Blow out the wedding ambience and get those too. We’ll need all the fire we can get.”  
Elena nodded. “Bonnie wants to talk to you,” she mentioned before shooting Stefan a mourning frown and going off to complete the assignment Kai had given her.  
It was kind of nice, everyone doing whatever he said. Except for Damon, who Kai was devilishly positive would be getting his due after this was all over. He told those bloodsuckers about the babies. This was his fault. Kai was sure of it.  
Stefan crossed his arms and the look he was giving Kai meant they were thinking the same thing. “What about Bonnie?”

+

Bonnie sat on the edge of the bed in her dressing room, forearms nesting in tulle while her hands clutched her knees. Eyes closed, breath reeled in through her nose and out her mouth, trying to find her center. Kai had asked that she sit and gather herself for a very powerful spell. The hardest part of garnering her strength was not knowing what sort of spell it was for.  
He wouldn’t tell her.  
Elena got to run around the house and look for candles and Bonnie had to sit there, wondering what brand of magic Kai planned on using to save his sister and whether any of them would survive the night.  
Maybe Kai was right about Mystic Falls. All she needed was to hear him say it one more time.  
 _It’s not safe here._  
She breathed in, wondering for as long as she could hold this one breath if a threshold spell around an entire town might be a little too fantastical. Was that the spell Kai was having her prepare for? She breathed out.   
She liked to think her flower crown was helping. It made her feel royal. She could feel her power tickling, burning at her fingertips. She could do anything with it, although…she thirsted to use it for killing.

+

Kai waited for Nora’s return before he went back to the dressing room. His pending wife had asked to see him but he knew she would have questions, he would be pressured for information, he would want to kiss her, and to never break off of her, and to drag her away from this awful place before she too could be taken away from him by the ever-breeding threats abounding in Mystic Falls.   
She didn’t know it, but he had the small triangular prism ascendant in his pocket. Had all day. Its weight there just below his hip was a comfort and once every hour or so he found himself reaching in to turn it over in his fingers, a contemplative distraction from how anxious he felt.  
He was glad now.  
If the right moment presented itself, he imagined he would remove the ascendant from his pocket and make another world of another wedding day. Circumstances absolutely demanded it.

+

The small bedroom swooned and flickered with orange candlelight. Elena had brought in a horde of them…tea lights, votives, pillars and tapers…and set them around the room. She fled when she finished, saying, “Kai told me I have to stay downstairs.” Then Bonnie was alone again. There was nothing to do but breathe and ignite the city of candles around her with sheer force of will. She loved being a witch.  
At last, Kai walked in. With Nora trailing behind him.   
“What’s she doing here?” Bonnie asked glumly.  
Her former friend stepped in, just as glum, more reserved than ever, fingers clasped together, the long blue silk of her dress swishing with each tentative step.   
“You’ll need her help with the spell,” Kai said, and Bonnie took notice of the tattered leather-bound book under his arm. Joshua Parker’s grimoire. She recognized it. She had perused it once or twice in 2013.   
“I thought I’d have _your_ help,” she said, tearing her eyes away from the book with some difficulty.  
Kai nodded once, grimly, in a way that did nothing to agree with or console her. He set the grimoire on the vanity desk where she, Elena and Caroline had so recently primped themselves for the wedding, too giddy to anticipate what malice instead awaited. He opened the cover so the book lay open, seeming to welcome whatever eyes sought what was inside it. Hovering his hand over the pages, he twitched his spread fingers slightly, until the pages flipped as though a violent breeze was turning them, rippling them with a fevered search. Bonnie thought the delicate, aged pages of the Parker patriarch’s spellbook were going to tear with how quickly Kai navigated them.  
And suddenly they quit turning. Kai’s fingers closed together from their flare, _Stop_.  
“There it is,” he whispered.  
Bonnie cautiously slid off of the bed and took a step closer. Peering over Kai’s shoulder, she could see the book bore a full page’s worth of scribbled ink. Kai gently picked it up and turned to Bonnie as he took a deep breath.  
She could feel the Heretic’s impatience from across the room.   
“Are you going to tell us what exactly your plan is?” the woman asked.  
Kai held the open book out to Bonnie, his eyes glimmering. She couldn’t tell whether he was nervous or excited. He looked like he wanted to kiss her, and she wished he would. They were supposed to have spoken their vows, kissed, initiated Bonnie into the Gemini coven and been bonded for life by now.   
She needed to forget about those things now.  
They could kiss after they rescued his family. _Our family_ , she realized.   
Bonnie gently accepted the grimoire.   
Kai backed away, making his way to the bed with some leisure. From the corner of her eye, Bonnie watched him climb in and lie back over the straight white bedspread, interlacing his fingers over his belly and drawing up a knee while he waited for her to study the spell. She felt Nora nearing, stepping up hesitantly to her side so she could also look over the words.  
“ _In monstrum_ …” Bonnie trembled as she read over small fractions of the incantation. She looked up from the book to Kai, who was watching the ceiling, rocking his bent up knee back and forth and twiddling his thumbs. “Kai, what is this spell?” she asked, handing the book off to Nora while she stared at the apathetic groom. “What will it do?”  
“Oh…dear god…” Nora whispered to herself. “I’ve heard of this spell.”  
“Then you’ll know it’s no spell at all.”  
“What is it?” Bonnie begged Nora.  
“It’s an old Gemini incantation. It was used for protection against vampires, only in extreme circumstances. …It’s a curse, Bonnie.”  
Bonnie knew her mouth was hanging open as she listened.   
“Why is this in your father’s grimoire? I thought the curse was disallowed after that man killed his lover and went rampant on his own coven. It was supposed to have been wiped from grimoires, it was an extinct incantation and that’s as of 1903. Kai?”  
“Somehow I doubt my ancestors actually honored ‘ _disallowances_ ’,” Kai mocked with finger quotes. “My dad probably copied it from some Crusty Parker’s book because he was neurotic.”  
“Can somebody please expand on the whole curse thing?” Bonnie demanded. “What are we putting the curse on? What’s—”  
“On him,” Nora cut Bonnie off, her eyes shifting to Kai. “We put it on him.”  
Bonnie’s heart dropped in her chest.  
“Ok, but—”   
“Right, Kai?” Nora pleaded to know, her eyes beginning to water. She was afraid. “We’re putting the curse on you? I don’t want it, I’ve spent too much time wishing I could have my life back and I’ve worked too hard in school to throw it all away now. If you think I’m going under this curse, you’re mad and I’m out, and a double hex on you for even suggesting—”  
“Yes, it’s for me. Doy,” Kai drawled from the bed.   
Seeing Nora almost tear up made Bonnie begin to tear up. Whatever the curse was, it was bad. To scare Nora so much…  
“I don’t understand,” Bonnie nearly whispered, her throat was so tight with fear.  
Nora took a dee breath and sighed, her eyes clearing up almost the instant she knew it wasn’t going to be her that took on the curse.  
“The curse is faulty,” she said, “It’s dangerous to undergo, it’s dangerous to perform. And…it’s irreversible. Though I’ve never heard stories of it clashing with siphons. I suppose it’s possible we could try to remove it once…once…”  
“I’ll kill them all, and then we’ll see,” Kai said.  
“Shouldn’t you first examine the idea of cloaking yourself and simply sneaking your sister out?”  
“Probably.”  
“Well then?”  
Kai sat up in the bed. His eyes were angry and Bonnie feared to look into them for what those angry eyes reminded her of. “They had the balls to take Josie and Lydia. _Babies_ , Nora. …I’m going to kill them all.”  
Nora turned sad eyes upon Bonnie. “These words…they’ll turn him into a vampire killing machine. A being whose sole mission is to feast on their hearts, desperately. He will become a creature whose hunger and strength exceeds that of his prey, and whose humanity has no switch to reclaim it. And the kicker is he will still have all the power of a coven leader. …We’re going to make him into a monster.”

+

They were out of time for _what if’s_. Bonnie had too much decency to ask Kai, _What about me?_ Jo and the babies were more important than her love life, and especially her problems with Nora. Retribution was pressing.  
So it was a curse. An irreversible curse that was going to turn her husband-to-be into an actual monster. Bonnie had trouble picturing it. And Nora seemed to have a shred of hope that the condition could be siphoned away once the job was done, but if she was wrong…Bonnie would lose him. She didn’t need to ask for specifics to grasp that. Once she and Nora laid him back and took hands at his bedside and together recited the first verse out of Joshua Parker’s grimoire, it was final.

+

The words were terrifying. It was the first and last thought he felt was untainted by either magical or psychological transformation. The words. Hard vowels whispered in chant on the lips of his girls. He was aware of them at his side, his eyes closed as the grimoire instructed, though as the chant went on he thought he was beginning to see Bonnie and Nora with his ears. And it pleased him that their palms were pressed together. Bonnie’s left, Nora’s right. Their eyes fluttered shut like his, their hearts fearful. He could smell it whirling in the air above him, their fear, hormonal, and since when did fear have a detectable scent?   
_Do you miss it?_  
It felt like hours he waited, listening to the incantations over and over, trying to believe what they were telling him. That he was becoming.  
His fingertips burned.  
His gums stung.  
His heart began a pace that made him worry the spell wasn’t working but was instead killing him. It pounded against his ribcage, a clear protest against what was happening to his body.   
He’d never seen this curse firsthand. He only remembered flipping past that page on a whim and it seemed lucky to have done so.   
He didn’t really know what would happen to him, what he would look like, if he would still be him. He imagined himself covered in a black coat of fur and rampaging on all fours, chewing up and spitting out bites of hearts. He wanted to be as beastly as magic could make him.  
He started to regret it altogether when his heart felt like its arteries were being stretched across the underside of his chest and rewired in different spots. The girls’ chanting drowned in his hearing, spiraling down and back up his eardrums, blocked out by the echoey rush of blood under high pressure. He tried to open his eyes to give Bonnie and Nora some kind of signal that this could not go on, his insides felt like they were ripping themselves apart from his throat to his bowels, every nerve in his body contorting, he was dying. But when he tried to look out at them, he could not see them. Only blurry red light. He was literally blinded by pain.  
He became vaguely aware of his own knuckles gnarling. Of the agonized groan vibrating between his clenched teeth, his clenched teeth and how crowded they were feeling all of a sudden, and this new tickling on the back of his tongue, rising up from his throat and coating the inside of his mouth with saliva. He wanted something. Wanted it so much he relished the thick salivation beginning to collect now at the front of his gums and the corners of his lips.   
He wheezed to take in a tight new breath, finding as he inhaled it that other scents sat passenger on his oxygen. Among Bonnie’s and Nora’s fear, vanilla. From the candles. Myrrh, from Bonnie’s skin. Strawberry from Nora’s. Oak. Cotton. The itchy plastic smell of tulle. Her dress. Salt, from someone’s tears. His own? Bonnie’s? Blood like rusted metal. That, he also tasted. Definitely his own. It was on his tongue, coming up from inside him. A minor consequence to his transformation, he assumed.  
His next breath came with ease as the pain slowly crept out of his body. It seemed to take longer than usual to fill his lungs, but it was not due to struggle. He inhaled through his nose and had never in his life felt more refreshed by a single breath.  
The ocean in his ears calmed and he could again hear the girls’ chanting so clear and sharp he wanted to bury his head underneath the pillow.  
Maybe the spell was a flop. He felt like he’d been lying there for hours already and it was supposed to have taken something like fifteen minutes. He twitched his fingers and curled his toes and didn’t think his body felt much different. Except for the grueling emptiness in his belly. He hadn’t eaten and he was fucking hungry. So fucking hungry he wondered if Nora wouldn’t mind lending him her torn open chest for a minute.  
Or Bonnie. She didn’t smell as tempting as Nora did but she was still full of blood. He fantasized guiltlessly of clawing his bride’s dress to ivory shreds and biting into her cunt, where that wet hormonal fear smell was coming from. He’d almost forgotten it, that scent, delectable desire pooling between her hips when he frightened her. And blood could be let anywhere. It didn’t matter whether it came easily from her neck or with reluctance from the veins in her pelvic pulp of flesh.   
But wasn’t there something else he was meant to be doing? What was it? _What was it?_  
He curled his fingers into and out of fists, enjoying a certain fluidity to the way they moved as the rest of him awakened. He felt like he’d been sleeping for years. And he believed he was ready, at last, to rise.  
He opened his eyes.

+

Bonnie gasped. Chant sat trapped in her throat.  
Nora, beside her, stopped reciting to whisper, “Oh my god.”  
Their fingers tightened in each other’s grip.  
Kai’s eyelids sat open and it was his calm, normal body that by contrast made the black orbs in his eye sockets all the more striking.  
The whites and irises to his eyeballs were gone. They were all pupil, all blank, small galaxies of unknowable horror. He stared at the ceiling for some number of seconds, his eyebrows furrowed with just the hint of a smile on his lips. Bonnie couldn’t move.  
“Kai…” she breathed, feeling sweat build between her palm and Nora’s but she hesitated to let go. “Are you ok?”  
Kai did nothing to show that he had heard the question. His body remained lying, straight and still, facing the ceiling. _We killed him_ , she thought.   
Bonnie took the subtlest of steps closer to the bed and leaned slightly over. The skin around his black eyes was pink, and redder closer to his eyelashes.   
“Kai…?”  
Just as she felt Nora’s gentle tug on her hand to bring her a step back from him, Kai’s eyelids fluttered. Though the monstrous eyes were all black, Bonnie could see that they had shifted in their sockets.  
He was looking at her.  
In an instant, all the candles flickered out.  
Total darkness, save for a thin bar of amber light under the closed door, took the room.  
Bonnie’s eyes couldn’t immediately adjust. It was Nora first who noticed and said, “He’s gone!” in hushed alarm, jerking on Bonnie’s hand and pulling her several steps backward.  
She heard Nora take hold of something to her left. A small candle flame popped up from a taper in Nora’s hand. Bonnie glanced to the woman’s panicked face, then around the darkened room in search of Kai.  
“Where’d he go?” she asked. He was nowhere to be seen.  
Until he was standing right in front of them.  
Both women gasped.  
“Kai!” Bonnie said, staring back into his dead eyes. There was nothing to see but her own reflection, gazing petrified at herself. She steadied her shaky weight in her heels, taking up a nervous little handful of her dress with her free hand. “H-how do you feel?”  
The monster was still for a second. Bonnie could feel her heart throwing a fit in her chest and she was willing to bet he could hear it. _Just like old times._  
Kai broke into a sudden smile and Bonnie heard Nora shiver. He bore a set of six fangs to each jaw. Glistening with saliva, three jagged teeth, all eerily different in length, decorated his gums in each of the four corners of his smile.  
“I feel…” he said in a low, thrilled tone, “good.”  
Bonnie nodded and breathed, and tried to remain steadfast for her husband-to-be. “Good. Good.”  
“I’m starving,” Kai added, cocking his head a little.  
“Do you want me to go get you some cake?” Bonnie whispered, needing to squeeze her stomach muscles to push the words out of her hammering chest. She knew it was a dumb thing to say but couldn’t think of anything else and couldn’t help but feel that not speaking, no matter how dumb the words, would be a sort of surrender. _To those fangs_ … The way he was looking between her and Nora felt more predatory than any other time he had craved her when he was a Heretic. At least back then, he had discernible features to his eyes that exposed some of his thoughts, emotions and next moves. Here, there was nothing for her.  
Nora gave Bonnie’s hand another jerk. “Blockhead, he doesn’t want wedding cake, he wants a heart to eat.”  
“Should we…scream?”  
“No.”  
“Because I really wish Stefan was in here right now.”  
“Stay calm. Kai is still in there. He just needs a little redirection.”

+

 _He just needs a little redirection._  
It was funny.  
He could hear them talking about him and he could feel himself inside, listening, considering, nodding. He was there. He was him. Just different. A kind of different comparable to nothing he had ever experienced. He wanted to kill and it wasn’t manic. It wasn’t a lapse in self-control. The urge to crack Nora open against a bedpost and feast on that pearl of a heart inside felt as natural and compelling and innocent as thirst for water. And he was oh so dehydrated.   
“Listen, Kai…” the Heretic said, “Remember why this was done to you. If you can get yourself to that plantation then you can have all the hearts you want. We need you to lead the way. Let’s go get your sister from those fiends.”  
“Maybe he should ride in a separate car from you guys,” Bonnie suggested, “I’ll ride with him.”  
“Bonnie…” Kai uttered, and her name on his lips felt strange. When she looked to the sound of her name her eyes were wide and hopeful, and he could see them seeking recognition in his own eyes, searching for the one she knew.  
He feared that although he was undoubtedly himself somewhere in a dark corner of his mind, he was no longer as she knew him. Knowledge of emotion remained, but a familiar disconnectedness soothed.   
However…  
Some pieces of a plan he had formulated, sometime between closing his eyes on that bed and awakening a new Kai, floated to the surface of his blood-pool consciousness.   
Bonnie thought she was going with. To join in the violence. To watch him dine. And part of him liked that. Part of him fancied the idea of showing off, showing her just how bloody and brutish this new body could be. Part of him wanted to gift her with his monstrosity.   
_How poetic._  
He held his left hand out to the woman he was meant to marry that day. His palm up, his lips lowered passively over what felt like sharp new toys jutting from where his useless human incisors used to be, he welcomed her.  
Her objection was visible. Despite herself, she nestled a warm, so warm, hand in his.  
He focused directly in the centers of her pupils, needing to find some adjustment in how well he focused on her, how finely his new vision honed in…he could see every strand of color in her irises, and the headache he was getting from Nora’s candlestick was really fucking distracting…  
“You said your magic is stronger…with the baby?”  
She bit her lip. She was confused. She mhm’d uncertainly.  
He smirked and held his right hand out to Nora, who took less time than Bonnie to place her faith, and her hand, in his. He waited for a moment, holding a hand with each of the women, savoring the light vibration of magic in their skin. He would need all of the power he could get to rip through three hundred vampires.   
He started with his left hand.  
Bonnie gasped and opened her mouth wide while her eyes squeezed shut, her hand twisted in his closing grip, and she began to crumple.  
He wasn’t a sadist anymore. Not with her. He didn’t enjoy seeing her in pain. It simply was what it was, and what it was made him confident that he would make it back to her.  
Sweet, strong magic flowed into him, and it was hard not to throw his head back in the pleasure of eating power. Instead, he turned his gaze to Nora, who stood transfixed in anger. While his left hand suckled at Bonnie’s magic, his right hand passed a message. Nora glared at him and shook her head, and sighed, and rolled her eyes. Yet she accepted the task he was giving her.  
By the time Bonnie’s knees touched the floor, Kai could tell that he was close to making a void of her. He opened both of his hands, releasing his bride to a curl on the floor and his bitterly loyal coven sister to an arms-crossed huff of a person.  
Nora brushed past him. He looked down at his poor heap of a bride. It was a mere twinge of regret that occurred to him, but regret nonetheless. He crouched down to fix her crown of flowers straight, and to hear her catch her breath against the floor.  
“You probably can’t tell,” he said, thumbing her forehead with some affection, “But it’s because I love you. Mkay?”

+

Bonnie rolled her watery eyes up at him as he left. She twitched her fingers and tried to make him come back…   
She couldn’t cast. She was dry. Empty.   
Betrayed in a way she had not expected. It was a different pain to have her own monster turn on her.   
It took a full minute to press herself back up onto her feet and it wasn’t until she staggered toward the doorway that she noticed Nora standing outside of it. She was leaning against the doorframe by one outstretched arm, looking in on Bonnie sympathetically. It reminded her of the time, many nights ago, when she’d gotten herself arrested and Nora peered in at her through the bars.  
Bonnie didn’t and wasn’t ready to understand why Kai siphoned her and not Nora. She just wanted to catch up to him and help rescue Jo. Though she’d be little help without her magic…  
“Let’s go,” she muttered miserably on her way out of the room.   
It was her belly first that bumped into something.   
Her body was stopped quite forcefully as she tried to walk through the bedroom doorway. She could feel the magic barrier like a sheet of ice hit her chest when she tried a second time to leave the room.   
“What the hell, Nora?”   
Nora sighed, guiltily avoiding making eye contact.   
“I’m sorry, Bonnie.”

+

Cool night winds whipped through Kai’s car.   
He had to ride passenger. He couldn’t focus on the road.  
Stefan drove.  
Caroline sat too attentively in the back seat.   
They hadn’t been expecting him to come back down the stairs inhuman. It took him a moment to concisely explain himself. While he thirstily stuttered, he could ignore Matt Donovan hastily whisking Elena off to safer room. He could ignore Tyler Lockwood puffing up like he was preparing to wolf out on him. What he just could not seem to get past was the thumpity delicious sound of Caroline’s and Stefan’s hearts as they stared at him.   
He could still smell their nerves stinking up the car.   
He made them nervous.  
Smart of them…to be nervous.  
Kai had to nibble the inner side of his lip to keep from ripping around and breaking Caroline, or lunging leftward, teeth first, into Stefan’s trachea.  
He watched the highway whiz past as he stiffly directed Stefan to the plantation.  
 _So fucking hungry_ , it was his mantra. _So fucking hungry._

+

“Your magic should return in a few hours’ time,” Nora said gently.   
Bonnie sat on the floor, up against the foot of the bed, her arms crossed over her tiny bump, glaring out through the entryway that Kai had spelled an invisible seal over.   
“Oh stop pouting. He doesn’t want us involved because he wants us to live. He cares about you. He cares about that little jellybean you’re growing. Be a little thankful.”  
“Thankful I don’t even have the power anymore to make my own decisions?”  
“You’re pregnant, Bonnie. Going with your monster fiancé to a house full of angry vampires isn’t particularly encouraged.”  
“I get it Nora. I’m pregnant so it makes me weak. Vulnerable. More valuable than usual—”  
“That’s not at all what I’m saying and you know it.”  
“That’s how I feel,” Bonnie whined. It was embarrassing but she was so angry that she was starting to cry. Did they think being pregnant made her invalid? Because she had the skills. She had the anger. She heard the call of duty. She was still Bonnie Bennett, damn it, and being pregnant didn’t change that. Nora leaned her head against the door frame and sorrowfully watched Bonnie cry. Bonnie wiped her eyes angrily and looked away.  
“Kai will take care of it,” Nora said. “I promise you.”

+

Tact was a tricky thing to master with the level of power ramping inside him.   
Stefan and Caroline kept trying to come up with a _plan_ , how they _planned_ on getting across the property without being stopped by an uncontrollable horde, a good _plan_ for sneaking around the house and trying to attract as little attention as possible, what the _plan_ was.  
But he was just _so fucking hungry_. And his curse had him feeling so fucking lucky.  
He sat like a good boy through Stefan rolling down his window for some twat at the gate to Ollie’s plantation, the University of the Supernatural or whatever, and he sat through Stefan spouting off some diplomatic would-like-to-speak-with-Ollie bullshit. To his surprise, the gate vamp let them pull through, but by the time Stefan rolled the Firebird up to circle driveway outside the main mansion, Kai was fleeing the car.  
He tried to run but his gait turned out more of a fiending amble. It felt animalistic. He didn’t feel the need to watch his step or pay attention to his surroundings. There were heartbeats in his ears, there was a heavy front door to bust through, there was a group of vampire students behind it.  
It was fist-in-chest plunges left and right.   
Maybe they had nothing to do with this.  
Maybe they were on their way someplace unrelated.  
But they were there and they were vampires and they were irresistible.  
He didn’t make it as far as the entrance hall the last time he was at this mansion. He had only lurked outside it. It was nice, but that was a background thought. He could hardly even see it through the red.  
“Oh my god!” Caroline yelled when she and Stefan carefully climbed through the hole in the front door to find Kai thrusting the last chunk of a juicing heart into his gaping mouth. He could feel the blood dripping down his forearms under his tuxedo sleeves, tickling.  
Stefan, in lieu of exclamations, raised an eyebrow as he stared at the floor around the entrance hall. Was he impressed? The look on his face made Kai want to giggle with pride but he wasn’t sure that this new body was capable.  
“I count eight bodies,” Caroline said in a high-pitched voice to Stefan. “Right? Oh no—nine.”  
“Kai,” Stefan said, “How?”  
“You’ve been in here for like ten seconds,” Caroline stamped her foot, appearing both offended and jealous.

+

They found the basement lab Damon had mentioned. By that time, of course, the alarm was sounded among the plantation’s habitants and there was a flood of resistance. The numbers increased the threat, decreasing Kai’s sweet heart-munching time, which aggravated him. He had to start tossing precious hearts to the floor so he could rip the next one out, and the next one, and the next one, all the while making a mental map of his heart leavings for later collection.  
Stefan and Caroline seemed to hold their own alright, though after some moments of blind killing he lost track of them. He hoped he hadn’t accidentally killed them too.   
Fluorescent lights above began to flicker until popping out entirely, and _thank fucking god_ because Kai’s vision improved a thousand times once the basement lab was blackness. Lab equipment was knocked over loudly, glass shattering, metal clattering, tools dinging, begging him to throw his hands in the air and laughing, yell, “Can’t we all see in the dark?”  
With his hands in the air, he remembered he had magic. And a stunning amount of it.  
Vampires were starting to hesitate when they approached him. He was the king of a practical mountain of bodies and they were starting to get that. Some were backing away. He understood they were just people, once. Some of them were probably cashing a reality check. Protecting their cure wasn’t worth this massacre.   
For the ones who didn’t back away, Kai had visions of lightning in his hands.   
“Where is this Ollie fuckface?” he asked the thinning crowd around him.  
No one answered.  
But between blank, determined faces, he saw Jo.  
Behind a tighter-knit group of bloodsuckers, in a glass room. She was reclined. Eyes closed. A thin medical tube of blood strung between her arm and a bag hooked to the side of the bed she was strapped to. And that was the glimpse he caught.  
These vampires must have known they didn’t have very much time.   
And where were the babies?  
 _That’s it._   
Kai opened his palms and curled his fingertips as if he could claw through the air itself and reveal its pink. A hot, quaking rage formed visibly between his hands, black and static, and he let it go.

+

Those whose hearts kept on beat-beating in their chests twitched on the floor. Caroline and Stefan were among them and there was no doubt about that. He was the eye of the storm and he couldn’t control who his hell-magic did or didn’t take down.  
He looked around at the bodies on the floor. They surrounded him. Some still. Some shifting but just barely. There was a blonde head some twenty feet across the lab, Kai noticed, but didn’t have time to take a detour there.   
Stefan must’ve seen Jo’s glass room before Kai. The vampire was curled up on a bed of broken glass where the door used to be, and was just beginning to find the life in his hands. Kai took a step over a body, his shoe crunching on shards.  
It didn’t occur to him until then that his destructive spell was careless. He could only hope, in the minimal ways a monster could hope, that the humans in the basement were ok.  
That thought remained in his head as the world turned, literally, upside down.   
Suddenly the ceiling and the broken fluorescent lights were right beside his face and he didn’t feel so fucking hungry anymore. Then the ceiling went away and he was looking at the ground, and it was much more than six feet away. And his head spun again and there was Stefan, crawling across a sea of sparkly glass pieces closer to Jo’s bed. His head spun and further out across the lab… _hey!_ …there stood Alaric, who had somehow accidentally become uncloaked. He was on his feet, virtually unharmed if not just confused, holding a baby in each arm as he made eye contact with him. _He found the babies_! Kai’s head spun and _man_ , what a fucking mess of a rescue mission because there was blood all over the lab, and he was starting to feel extremely lightheaded. His head spun and there was a new face, somewhat gaunt, however young, also making eye contact with him. The young man’s hand was stretched out towards a headless body wearing a bloody tuxedo.

+

Nora started choking. Bonnie didn’t care at first. The so-called friend could choke on her own lies for eternity. Then the choking became guttural. Nora was gargling.   
Bonnie heard a few thuds, felt the vibrations in the floor. She looked up from staring defiantly at the toes of her lavender heels.   
Nora was writhing on the floor outside the doorway. Face down. Rogue nerves fidgeting her long fingers.  
Bonnie watched in horror as the Heretic’s wide eyes lost focus and blood dribbled out from her lips.

+

Kai’s head spun and there was Stefan again, that old grump, getting veiny underneath his eyes trying to unhook Jo from her blood bag, and if he didn’t feel so strained at the throat he would’ve yelled _NO, NO, NO, NO, BAD STEFAN_. His head spun and the ground was getting closer now, and his head spun, and the bloody body wearing the tuxedo kneeled to the ground, and the young vampire standing over it with a hand out did not look happy, and his head spun and the ground was about to hit him in the face, and he squinted though he didn’t know why because he was starting to realize what had just happened and it didn’t matter if he squinted to brace his face for impact with the ground because his head was not even attached to his body anymore.  
It was perhaps why he lost concentration on keeping Ric cloaked.  
 _No matter_ , he thought, because he was having thoughts still, and since he was still having thoughts, he was willing to bet he could produce one last burst of magic….right? Because he was going to die. That was simply it. Once his head hit the ground, he was done.  
He scrunched his facial features, trying mentally to move past that he didn’t need to take a deep breath or steel his gut. He imagined the rage still burning in his heart down there, probably slowing to a stop in his body as he thought it. He thought of his nieces, now exposed. His sister, vulnerable to Stefan losing control over a petty fucking drop of blood at the end of a needle. He remembered Bonnie lying on the floor, pregnant in a wedding dress and drained of magic.  
Yes, he was about to lose everything.  
The ground was so close.  
Rapidly he willed the first thing that came to mind: Aneurysms.  
And there was a final twirl through the air, in which he saw the object of his attack grip his head in agony, and it would buy Alaric twenty seconds at most to get the hell out with his babies, Caroline twenty seconds to decide if she was dead or not and help out, Stefan twenty seconds to rethink his impulses. It wasn’t much. But what more could Kai do without his—

+

Nora’s body went still. Her eyes, glassy, remained open. Face expressionless. The blood pooling from her hung open mouth onto the floor slowed to a drip.  
“Nora?” Bonnie breathed. She crawled on her hands and knees across the bedroom floor and stopped before the door frame. Forgetting about the lies, their conversation in the diner, those shallow pains from having been deceived by her friend, Bonnie struck her hand at the open doorway. She needed to help. She needed to roll Nora over and try something…anything…CPR…that was her friend over there. That was her very good friend.  
The doorway struck back like a wall. Bonnie’s hand bounced and returned to her feeling bruised.  
“ _Nora_ ,” Bonnie wailed and yelled, “ _Help! Elenaaaa_!”   
She banged on the floor, repeating Nora’s name over and over. The Heretic didn’t respond.   
Bonnie could feel her magic just barely starting to return…she was still useless. But she was still a witch. The life forces of others could be sensed, she could feel it in her chest when someone else was around, it was their energy, and if they were a witch it was their _hum_.  
Nora’s _hum_ was gone.  
She was…dead.  
And if Nora had died…for no seeming reason…right before her eyes…then that meant…  
Bonnie couldn’t move suddenly. Her body felt glued to the ground by the weight of her heart.

+

 _Ouch fucking ouch._   
The ground hit him on the side of the head with a pretty hard thud. He was expecting to ooze across the floor but he actually felt pretty solid, and even rolled a little. It hurt every time he rolled over on his nose but he eventually slowed to stop, conveniently on the side of his head so he could sort of see things as he died. The beautiful darkness. The shining vampire blood on the floor. He was pretty sure he was laying right next to a heart, and he wondered what would happen if he tried to eat it now…when he swallowed, would his throat just shit it out right onto the floor? And then he wished he had a neck to shake his head with, because what a dumb last thought to have.   
A familiar boot stepped into view, and legs wearing dark jeans. Kai rolled his eyes to their corners to try to see who was kneeling down beside his head.  
And he scowled in confusion.  
“Ah-aa—?” he croaked. It was all he could do without the rest of his anatomy. He could hear the squelching of his severed throat hole trying to speak, and feel a little bit of blood run down his lips.  
Damon scowled back at him in disgust, and even more confusion, and was it—it sure looked like—pity? Kai blinked at him, and Damon blinked back, and even though Damon was definitely not the last face Kai wanted to see, the familiarity was nice. And the bastard, _You better not be here to fuck this up_ , Kai wanted to snarl, _You better fucking help, you dillhole_. He felt his eyes starting to water, his fangs digging into his tongue because he couldn’t move it out of the way. _Kill that man over there_ , was all he needed to get out. That, or _Go and brutalize the one who punched my head off because I’m positive that’s Ollie, and if he dies for this, that’s a fucking wrap and you can all go home and break the news to Bonnie that it’s over and I’m dead now_.  
 _Still having thoughts_ , Kai thought as he lost himself in the crystal lake blue of Damon’s irises. Two men, two monsters, staring at each other, one with a body and one without. _How funny._ Kai wished he could laugh. He wished he could bawl for the break that was surely rending his heart, for Bonnie. He knew Damon loved Bonnie. Was _in love_ with Bonnie. In a way. He had known since the first time he heard them fight in 1994. There had never been a worse time than now, his moment of death, to reflect on it. Yet there the thought was. Damon loved Bonnie. Perhaps it was the reason he turned up at this shit-creek hostile takeover after all.   
_For the love of Bonnie_ , Kai wished he could say, _Finish this now_.   
Unexpectedly, the weight of the ground vanished. His hair follicles burned. Damon was picking him up. _And still having thoughts. Shouldn’t that be done by now?_  
The dark, utterly destroyed basement lab teeter-tottered as Kai’s head swung by the hair and he recalled a word from his urban dictionary study guide… _turnt_ , was it?  
He wondered how many seconds were left before Ollie recovered from his aneurysms and resumed fucking his shit up.   
His own body came into view.   
_D-mess_ , he wanted to say, _What the hell are you up to?_


	21. We Need a New Song to Be Singing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Readers: I'm sad to announce that this will be the final chapter of the Heresy series. So I just want to take a minute to say Thank You to ALL of you, everyone who left reviews on those first few chapters of The Invitation Barrier because the support kept me going, everyone who ever left reviews along the way, the multitude of "Guest"s out there who say nice things, and those of you who are my loyal reviewers, you know who you are, thank you! Even those of you who read but never felt like commenting, I love it that you're out there.
> 
> I will not be writing any more fan fiction with this kind of dedication. It has been an amazing year, (I started my FF account in January I think? Maybe Dec 2015), and I'll still be around. I may end up writing one shots now and then, probably all Bonkai or Bonora, and that said...if anyone has any questions about Heresy that you feel were not answered in the narrative, OR if you have a one shot request for something you might want to see within or outside of Heresy fanon, OR anything, anything at all, hit me up in messaging, comments or even better, Tumblr. I love getting Asks. Please, fill my Askhole. respectable-alcoholic dot tumblr dot com.
> 
> And again. THANK YOU GUYS I LOVE YOU I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. Now please, get yourself a plate of cheese and crackers, or pumpkin pie, or salty delicious seaweed strips if that's your thing, and enjoy Chapter 21. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO!
> 
> SONGS  
> Nine Inch Nails - Heresy  
> Son Lux - Easy (Switch Screens Remix ft. Lorde) (AKA the Bad Bonnie song, reprise)  
> Arcade Fire - My Body is a Cage  
> Lia Ices - Thousand Eyes

_Right on time, the kick jolts her._  
_Every morning at ten, when she can at last sit herself up in bed, she pauses and turns her head. She looks out the window of her second floor bedroom. She gazes at the land and how the season is changing it._  
_September is taking the color out of everything but the pines._  
_She gathers her robe from side to side and it’s always then, when it’s the rest of her body that knows she’s on her way to the bathroom, when she takes that first step onto the cold wood floor and it creaks because it’s old…the fetal infant gives the inner wall of her mother’s belly a swift beating with the heel of her foot._  
_There is nothing she can do except press her palm calmly on her belly and pray to the spirits that all this drama between her and her unborn daughter dissipates when her water breaks._  
_If it ever breaks._  
_She’s a week overdue and bulbous. Her ankles have finally given in and started swelling. She pees constantly from the pressure on her bladder. She needs—needs—to give birth._  
_At the same time, she’s grown attached to pregnancy. She’s discovered, now that she’s past the nausea, she actually likes carrying the baby inside her. She feels cute. She feels important._  
_The tension of impending birth has led her to feel like an end is coming, and she cannot picture life afterward._  
_It terrifies her._

+  
  
So much emotion ran through Bonnie like blades to her chest.  
She could do nothing but weep against the door frame while she stared at Nora’s dead body. Any moment now she’d get the news, whether someone made it out alive and came back to share, or no one did.  
The mourning seemed to change the structure of her, spiritually. Not enough time had passed and yet her magic cooed underneath her skin, collecting in her hands, binding around her heart as it broke.  
It was returning to her like nothing and no one ever would.  
Nora gasped.  
Bonnie yelped and clutched her chest.  
The Heretic’s eyes, though they had already been open in death, rolled around to look at Bonnie, then blinked as she arched her neck and pressed herself up with her hands. Loose and mussed hair fell around her thin, bare shoulders as she sat up.  
Her dress was wrinkled. Dry blood decorated her pouting lips and with her low-lidded, baggy eyes Nora looked as though she was merely recovering from a hangover, and not necessarily death.  
_Of course_ , Bonnie thought. Even if Nora’s life was bound to Kai’s by their coven link, she was still half vampire. She had died that contractual death. Now she was fine.  
“What happened?” Nora slurred.  
“You died,” Bonnie reminded her, sniffing back a sob.  
Nora squinted at the little pool of blood on the floor beside her.  
“I did, didn’t I?” she recalled, pressing the pad of her forefinger to her lips and wiping over the crusted red. Her expression grew less hazy and more concerned as she looked Bonnie over.  
“Does it mean…?” Bonnie began, unable to finish the question aloud. The words were unutterable. The concept unacceptable. She hoped with all her might that Nora’s answer wouldn’t be what she knew it was.  
Nora put a hand over her mouth and looked to Bonnie, her eyes beginning to drip. She shook her head and breathed, “I don’t know.”

+

“Quit looking at me like that.”  
Kai tried to reorganize his facial features but ran into some difficulty, as his nervous system was on the fritz due to head loss. He could only frown into Damon’s earnest eyes as he watched the vampire kneel over his beheaded body and set his head on the ground. He didn’t know how, but he could sense the radial magic from his body, like home, calling, pounding in his brain.  
“I dunno if this is gonna work,” Damon grunted. He grimaced and held the sides of Kai’s face. Kai could feel the ground sliding along the back of his skull as Damon adjusted him, and he could hear wet spooning-through-leftover-macaroni type noises coming from just below his ears.  
Damon let go and his crystal eyes widened. There was this strange feeling of tightening in his skin, and it kind of hurt but it mostly felt nauseating. He could sense his stomach, unexpectedly, and it wanted to hawk up some of the hearts he’d stuffed down it. He started to get all choked up, not emotionally, not in a puke-y way, but like his veins and arteries were slipping around, busy bloody worms inside his neck.  
Suddenly he could breathe again.  
He was hungry again.  
He was aware, nervously, of his body again.  
Kai inhaled, rolled his shoulders back against the ground, sighed.  
In Damon’s eyes, he caught sight of his black-eyed reflection and the many fangs bearing back at him.  
“What the hell happened to you?” Damon muttered incredulously.  
Over Damon’s shoulder, Kai watched a tall young man step up to join the sentimental moment. It was a second of time, maybe, that he could drink in the sharp-nosed, white-lab-coated, glasses-wearing, basic fucking man that had stalked his family for months, had finally taken them away, and had seconds earlier killed him.  
Maybe his movements were perceivable because Kai was some kind of monster himself. Before even Damon could register the circumstance, Ollie leaned over. There was a cracking and a gushing.  
The scientist’s hand emerged into view, clutching a heart. Damon seemed to choke, and his pretty eyes slivered in confusion, and pain. Grey traveled up from the collar of his leather jacket and spread to his face, veiny and finalizing. He careened to one side and slumped over onto the ground at Kai’s side.  
Kai had imagined Damon dying a thousand times before. That he didn’t get to kill the bastard himself was irritating. But what really ruined it for him was that he had done something helpful for once. Of all saviors, of all solutions, Damon reattached Kai’s head to his body…and it fucking worked. And he still didn’t understand how it was possible and he still didn’t understand why Damon would’ve intuited such a bizarre fix-it method. True monstrosity was a wondrous thing.  
Now, Kai couldn’t help but feel a little miffed that Damon was dead.  
He heard little shuffles of feet, off somewhere in the lab. He could feel Caroline’s energy ebbing to life. Ric’s fear. One of the babies started crying.  
The fight was not yet finished.  
Kai flicked his dark eyes onto the emerald irises behind those wide glasses. Ollie, or, Dr. Oliver T as the badge attached to his lab coat read in tiny print that Kai could actually see if he zoomed in on it, was studying him.  
“Very fascinating,” he said, and his voice was deeper, rougher, than Kai was expecting. The scientist crossed his arms, drawing one up to scratch at his smooth chin while he looked down at Kai, who was waiting for the right moment to rise. “Very, very fascinating.”  
“ _Stefan_!” Kai heard Caroline’s whisper. He could hear the panic in her voice nearly overcoming the need to keep hushed. Kai honed in and could hear the wrinkling of a blood bag being squeezed dry like a Capri-Sun in frustration.  
“Oh my,” Ollie chuckled a little, looking up from Kai to somewhere across the room, “It seems you’ve chosen a rather defective rescue squad. Your vampire friend is, um, eating my patient.”  
Kai’s heart broiled.  
“No matter though. I still have two doses to work with, once I rip them away from their father over there. And by the way, when I kill you with one of my medical devices, do find Damon in the Oblivion and thank him for me. If not for his blabbering, I never would have known the immortality cure can be reproduced via literal human reproduction. Fancy that.”  
Kai heard stirs from other vampires on the floor, recovering from the bout of black magic he had cast. “ _Stefan, no_ ,” Caroline whimpered again.  
“Do tell,” Ollie went on, “What has been done to you? I just beheaded you, by all standards, you should be dead. It’s…against nature. It’s cause for study, really. A scientist is nothing if not curious and I am very curious about you.”  
Kai steadied himself while he listened, very aware of how his family needed him to get up.  
“Remy!” Ollie called out across the lab. “Remy is my little witch assistant,” he informed Kai. “Remy! Are you alive over there? I’m sorry I missed all the drama, I was upstairs in my study when I heard the commotion. Can we get this beast a bed and a clipboard?”  
He wanted to be as creepy as possible. The second Ollie turned his head, Kai sprung up from the floor like fucking Nosferatu. And he waited for the scientist to notice. He had a moment in monster time. He was faster. He was hungrier. He was more dangerous. When Ollie did turn back to find Kai standing before him and no longer on the floor, his falter was slight. The surprise was well-masked but Kai could see it in his emerald eyes: he was scared for a second there.  
“Well. Look at you,” Ollie said, smiling as he adjusted his glasses. Kai watched the man’s pupils expand and observe him, making a mental specimen of him already. He didn’t dare wonder what kind of experiments were crossing his mind.  
“ _Invisique_ ,” Kai whispered. The baby’s cry rebounding off of every cold, hard lab surface clipped silent. He knew without needing to look that Ric, Josie and Lydia were no longer visible, nor was Jo, cutting Stefan’s feed short. _Hopefully._ Death’s scent was already too thick in the air to tell.  
Ollie noticed his _patients_ vanish. “What…have you done? Where are they..? Remy!” he yelled and snapped his fingers. “Find them!”  
Kai spread his lips into a beaming, victorious grin. He made sure to show off all the tips of his fangs and not to withhold the craving drool, viscous with the blood of vampires’ hearts, bubble from the left corner of his mouth. He felt like some kind of fucking dragon and he was ready to destroy.  
He could see it easier now.  
Catch some steps as they were taken.  
Ollie, apparently a coward, vamp-sped out of the lab.  
He ran away and Kai had to make a decision. To chase, and he knew he would catch up quickly. Or remain, let it go for now, and ensure that his family got out safe.  
He itched to amble after the scientist and claw his heart to tasty little bits. It was the monster in him to want his revenge first. To have his hearts and eat them too. For all he’d consumed, he still felt starved.  
He whipped around and made his way to the shattered room in which his sister slept.  
Caroline was crawling on hands and knees towards Stefan, who had collapsed to the floor and was lying back, holding gnarled hands in knots over his chest. Jo’s blood dripped from the corner of his mouth as he held it open, vacuuming breaths with some difficulty, his eyes zoning out on the ceiling as though he was watching his very long life flash before his eyes.  
Kai wiped his hand through the air, uncloaking Jo to find that her neck had been ravaged, and she slept a possibly deeper sleep.  
The former ripper let his head fall back on the ground, flattening one hand over his chest and catching his breath. Kai could hear his speedy heart slowing down, normalizing. The thump weakened in his hearing, did little to rouse his hunger. As he looked over the tired vampire, trying to will himself against feasting on his heart for punishment, he realized he was no longer looking at a vampire at all.

+

_It has begun to feel less like a compound and more like home._  
_Though she knows the town is only five miles down the winding mountain road, she hardly leaves the property, and it’s easy to feel like the rest of the world has either ended or gone on without her._  
_The letters she gets occasionally from Elena and Caroline help to remind her that it’s all still out there, somewhere. Life is still happening to other people as it happens to her; Elena is two months pregnant; Caroline started singing in a local rock band of all things. Mystic Falls is, at the moment, calm._  
_Her best friends don’t know where she lives; the letters are sent to a PO Box and Nora picks them up on her way home from class. But she has to be fine with the seclusion. It’s safer for everyone this way. And despite the change of scenery, she is still herself._

+

Bonnie watched through teary eyes as Nora siphoned up the barrier spell between them. When the Heretic passed through on hands and knees to sink against the doorframe with her arms around Bonnie, it was a comfort.  
She needed that hug. She needed that closeness. She needed to cling to what she had left.  
She needed to leave this town that had taken everything from her.  
A home was not supposed to hurt you so.

 

+

Jo was beyond anyone’s help in a mansion full of dead or stirring vampires. Now with five humans to shepherd safely out and a magically injured Caroline who was very little help, he had no choice but to call for human back-up. _911_.  
Only after counting heads and snarling a rather passionate, “ _Incendia_ ,” at the busted front door.  
Even while Caroline got the paramedics on the phone, and Stefan held so guiltily onto Kai’s dying sister, and Alaric waited anxiously in the back of the Firebird with two crying babies, Kai was in burn mode. Long gone was any sense of sympathy he might’ve had for the wayward witch still inside. He stalked the front of the house, repeating, “ _Incendia_ ,” at any vaguely flammable surface. He wanted the entire place in flames without hope.

_Incendia._

_Incendia._

_Incendia._

+

_Her things finally arrived at the start of her seventh month and while she doesn’t consider herself a materialistic person, having familiar objects comforts her. Her blankets, her grandmother’s furniture, her clothes, her dishes and silverware, her tea canisters, her movies, CD’s, books and grimoires and jewelry and photo albums… All now furnish what was for months a cold, stark victorian cabin with more ghosts than boards in the floor. All now create busy patterns throughout the short-ceilinged home that make it feel as such. “It’s still froufrou,” he says in disgust. Quilts on the couches, rugs on the floors, wind chimes on the porch, a tea kettle is always screaming for attention, books fill the shelves and lay open on the tables, Shakespeare the cat is a loaf on a windowsill… These qualities give a sense of peace to the air she breathes. And now that Josie and Lydia are waddling around like she is, there is laughter on the wind that comes up from the western hill, where behind a sparse curtain of towering pines, a mother-in-law cabin and a miniature playhouse are built._

+

She stumbled, her heart in knots, down the aisle.  
She felt Nora watching from the back door as she clopped up the wood steps to the platform that had been built that morning for her to be wed upon. She drooped to her knees, gripping onto handfuls of tulle in her dress and sobbing upward at the white moon beaming down through the lavender that hung from the altar.  
She wasn’t sure if she could handle this again. Losing him, and with so much more to mourn.  
Hands shaking, she released her handfuls of dress and clutched her belly, wishing she knew how to stop crying. She worried her distress would upset her _jellybean_ , and she couldn’t lose _it_ too. _It,_ or _she_ … _Lenore_ …was all she had left of Kai.  
_Why_ , she asked the spirits. Why did she have to lose everyone she loved?

+

Caroline made the necessary compulsions.  
_Ignore the house burning down to all Hell._  
_Ignore the black-eyed humanoid in the bloodstained tuxedo._  
_Forget these strange circumstances._  
_This was an animal attack._  
Ric climbed into the back of the ambulance with Josie and Lydia, and in a symphony of sirens disappeared down the empty country road.  
Kai was not certain he would ever see his sister again. He was not certain that he would kill Stefan for what he might have done. Like him, he’d been a monster, doing what monsters do.  
In the car as they drove away from the flaming plantation, Caroline grunted in pain behind the wheel, and Stefan hung his head over the brother he had lost, and Kai watched out the window imagining himself bounding alongside the car, howling for the blood and sex of the woman he had left for this.

+

_Most afternoons, between a brunch of waffles and a snack of pizza rolls, she craves him. He comes inside sweating and panting and needing water and to sit down for a break from the small cabin he’s been building with Alaric._  
_Her hormones and her zigzag emotions and the sense that the end is as near as Lenore’s birth all have her wanting to rush things. He knows better than to take that seat he needs. Any chance she gets, she’s batting her eyes and rolling her hips when she walks and he’s charmed, following her up the stairs before he realizes it._  
_Her belly has grown so full he has to take her from behind. She doesn’t mind it because he holds her. He kisses the back of her neck, her hair, her shoulder. He lays his palm over her firm belly with affection, and hope, and lust._  
_The rhythm he pumps into her is reminiscent of the car ride they took in their wedding clothes. They got blood on the seats of the Firebird. There was only one CD. For two thousand miles she was exhilarated._  
_She grinds around his cock until she comes and she wonders if growing up in Mystic Falls has conditioned her to feel so doomed._

+

“Left at the altar,” a voice tsked.  
Bonnie didn’t recognize it. In her grief, she hardly cared to wipe her eyes and find out whose it was.  
But there was something about the way the air moved around her. It was spring turning into summer but she felt like it had begun to snow. And she had forgotten that being so emotionally close with another witch seemed to bind their skins together, because she could feel Nora from yards away, bristling. Something was wrong.  
Bonnie bruised her cheekbone with the heel of her hand wiping tears away, and looked up.  
He must have come to the Lockwood yard through the trees. A strategic direction from which to arrive.  
A man in a white lab coat, flecked daintily with blood, sauntered into the aisle from between the third and fourth rows. Glasses magnified his emerald eyes, where grey veins were squirming just underneath the skin. Bonnie received the immediate sense that this man had come from wherever Kai had gone to. If he was here and the others weren’t…  
She didn’t know what to think. So she waited.  
“The name’s Ollie,” the man said so politely, showing her a kind yet fanged smile. “And you are…Bonnie. Right?”  
Bonnie did not respond or nod in acknowledgement. She watched through persistent tears, positive she would not need to upturn her scowl.  
“I’ve been watching you and your kin for months now. I know a lot about you all. For instance, I know that today you were to be married. To the man-turned-beast who I finally met face to face. And I know how very deeply he loves you…”  
Bonnie glanced to Nora, who had begun to take stiff steps from the inside of the house towards the back row of chairs. Feeling her magic pulsing in full return at her fingertips, Bonnie felt confident, but knowing that Nora was on the move in her defense made safety even more certain.  
“I feel you back there, Nora Hildegard,” Ollie said, his eyes fixing on Bonnie’s. “I wouldn’t come closer.”  
Bonnie watched Ollie play absentmindedly with a lavender ribbon streaming from the back of a chair, feeling quite uncomfortable beneath his unrelenting stare.  
“Your groom saved the day, it seems,” he said lightly. “I’ve no longer got the cure-carrying humans. And I really was going to treat them well, I’ll have you know. I had comfortable rooms, wi-fi, a freaking Keurig. That is until someone decided to lead a resistance in my laboratory.”  
He lost the humans. Bonnie gathered it meant that Kai had succeeded in at least part of his mission. So where were they? Where was Ric? Caroline? Stefan? And _what in the hell happened to Kai?_  
“…He ripped the hearts out of hundreds tonight. I didn’t have the time to count the bodies…or the hearts,” Ollie chuckled, “But that’s a lot of damage. Let’s tally. My friends,” he named on his forefinger, “My hope,” he said, erecting his middle finger, and “My property,” on his ring finger. “Now I’ve come to equalize. I’ve got to kill _you_ if I’ve any hope of waking with a little dignity tomorrow. It’s just a formality. You understand.”  
It was clearer to Bonnie than the fresh spring night that this man was the probably the one who had killed Kai. The way he behaved, the way he spoke, the way he leered at her.  
She needed no more convincing.  
_Not another word from your mouth,_ she thought, as she firmed her heel on the wooden stair, and stood. She didn’t dare remove her eyes from her opponent— _ha, he wishes he was more than just a victim_ —but she could see Nora peripherally, bony shoulders squaring with anticipation. _Hold on_ , Bonnie thought, _let me_.  
“I understand,” Bonnie said pleasantly, subtly flexing the fingers of her left hand. When all of it—grief, rage, heartache, all that had rotted in the pit of her heart since the day vampires changed her life forever—came forth.  
In a look.  
In a scream.  
In a lightning whip of magic from her throbbing heart to her gnarled fingers.  
Ollie, caught off guard perhaps by the sound of her howl alone, watched her in awe for a second.  
Only a second.  
After, he appeared to have been paralyzed, though he remained stiff on his feet in the aisle. His arms shook at his sides and as the howl ripped through Bonnie’s chest, sanding her voice, Ollie’s face turned a shade pinker. Then it was magenta. Those grey hunger veins faded and natural red veins appeared.  
_Do you feel your insides liquefying?_ she wanted to ask through her howl.  
It was his eyes, first, that hinted at what was to become of him. The capillaries burst into the whites and he sported bright red polka dots in his agonized stare. Bonnie could hear his breath shallowing, a groan trapped in his throat.  
So this was the enemy. So big. So bad.  
He was nothing.  
Nothing but a pressure cooker.  
When his eyeballs popped like cups of cream, Bonnie held her ground. She held her arm still. She held her will. For all the strength this level of vengeful magic would remove from her, she would not stop until the pain did.  
The wind swirled around her, nature patting her on the back.  
Ollie’s streaming red eye-holes stared hollowly back at her as his body began to quiver under the intensity of her wrath. All skin she could glare at had become a frightful puce color.  
Then he was a firecracker.  
Ribbons of blood streaming through the air, out across the aisle and over the chairs.  
Crimson confetti.  
His liquid remains spattered much of Bonnie’s wedding dress and the skin on her legs, but she didn’t care. It was warm with righteousness.

+

He was right on time for the show.  
He ignored the scent and sound of Nora’s heart pumping excitedly as he brushed past her. Ollie was standing there in the Lockwood yard and it appeared he had come to enact some kind of justice. He could hear Bonnie screaming the darkest and throatiest of screams, and if it could have had a sobering effect on his monstrous condition he believed it’d be the one thing to bring him back.  
Ollie was fucking toast and Kai stretched his heart-wrenching fingers out to make sure of it, but the second he stepped forward to take Ollie’s heart through his back, the vampire changed form.  
His body erupted.  
Between the creamy red slivers, Kai stole a glance of his bride with her twisted fingers out, tendrils of her up-done hair falling loose, front teeth gritted in pain and hatred, and he saw Hell in her eyes.  
The slops of Formerly Ollie landed with slaps all over their beautiful wedding.  
There was no more heart to eat.  
But that was fine with Kai.  
The woman standing at the altar had just exploded someone into blood and maybe it was his condition but it was possibly the hottest thing he had ever seen.  
And then she saw him.

+

  
_When she has finished satisfying herself on him, she slides lazily out of bed and lets him return to his busy afternoon.  She has her own project she's been working on, little by little, day by day._  
_A bedroom on the first floor has a window seat and she has been making library of it.  It's here that she keeps the grimoires both Bennett and Parker, and all of her occult books.  She builds shelves and trolls the internet for more long, lost books to fatten up her collection.  It's one way to nest._  
_She is sad to have left the position she worked so hard to achieve.  But knowledge and expertise on her subject matter is only growing.  She imagines she might one day teach everything she knows to all of the young witches that will surround her here.  It will be noble enough to fulfill her.  If life allows her to get so far._

+

Stalking toward her up the aisle, his tux layered in sheets of blood, he was her rising sun. His black eyes glared with fixation, on her, and she herself was covered in not so much less blood than he, and it occurred to her to feel fear that it was only those red spots he was after, only satisfaction of some frightening kind because he came, head cocked, closer, closer, closer.  
But she had just killed a man with no more grief than pleasure.  
She remained where she stood beneath the altar, even if she trembled in the lavender heels.  
Behind her approaching groom, she caught sight of Caroline limping out through the doors looking tired as hell but ready to bitch slap anyone who got in her way, and the blonde stared around the wedding at all of the blood that had just fallen from the sky. Bonnie wanted to hug her so tightly. Out came Stefan then, a joyfully weepy Elena attached to his arm as he kissed her on the top of the head and there was something very inspiring about their love, and something very different about the way Stefan moved. He seemed slower. Less permanent of a force.  
Tyler Lockwood joined, and Matt Donovan. Bonnie’s own mother, who must’ve stayed behind and gotten held up in whatever safe-room Matt and Tyler kept Elena, also appeared.  
The new entrants stopped beside Nora and looked up at Bonnie, to the monster advancing on her from the aisle.  
Her monster. He was alive.  
She knew she shouldn’t be surprised. Kai Parker wouldn’t be killed. He was immortal in his own way. Still, tears returned to her eyes from the overwhelming relief flaring in her chest.  
She tried to hide them before he stepped up to the altar but it was hopeless. His nice shoes thunked on the wood, one last step and he was there, standing before her, those deep and endless black eyes having their consuming effect on her and her face was wet and her teeth were chattering and all she wanted was to go limp in his dangerous arms.  
At the same time she braced her hands before her in self-defense, he reached out. His cold fingers touched her neck and wrapped around. He cupped the base of her skull and his face loomed over hers in pause, giving her a chance to let the fangs strike a last beat of panic through her veins before the darkness in his eyes hypnotized. Bonnie could feel in daggers of energy the collective concern of everyone who watched from the back row of chairs. Nobody moved.  
She wondered what he was thinking and couldn’t guess. Nothing about him, like this, could give him away. Not until he go of a deep exhale and a gust of rancid breath carrying the scents of blood and digesting hearts wafted over her lips, and he unhinged his bottom jaw to crack it, and he wavered in some silent fight for self-control, before he latched his bloodstained lips over the whole of her mouth.  
The many fangs jutting from his gums rubbed and poked against her lips, knocking into her two front teeth when his tongue slithered out and he started sucking in her skin. Bonnie tasted the sour blood that lingered in his saliva, pooling into the small resistant opening between her lips. She didn’t want to share what he’d had in his mouth earlier, but it seemed that the beast wanted to kiss her and she had no choice but to accept the foul flavor. An accidental whimper hummed between their mouths and a short, satisfied laugh puffed from his nostrils.  
After all of it, still Kai.  
Bonnie took a loose hold of his blood-crusted lapels and gaped into his kiss, taking everything. The taste, sharp pricks of his teeth, smell of his breath and above all, their first kiss underneath the altar.  
Anyone qualified to pronounce them was no longer present, but it wasn’t needed. The matrimony was unspoken. They had witnesses to attest to the heretical union between monster and woman. Even if control was lost and the kiss went awry and one had to kill the other in the moments that followed, Bonnie and Kai were married.

+

He did not know what was driving him. But it wasn’t hunger anymore.  
Like the siphon he was, he could feel the magic of the monster curse pulsing heavily inside him and he wanted that power for himself, his true self, not the add-on entity that Hunger had become in his mind. He wanted that power, and he wanted to hold Bonnie without bars around his affection, without her knees buckling in fear against his or the trickling-in sounds of Caroline’s and Nora’s hearts dividing his attention, the very high probability that he would hurt Bonnie if he stayed this way. Though he could kiss her for a moment, it was a barrier between them. There was no future for him like this. No future but inevitable damnation to the Oblivion.  
These things he knew between the cracks of his mutated mind.  
He spread his lips around the fine collection of teeth he was definitely going to miss, and Bonnie jerked away from the kiss. He felt her grip on his suit disappear as her hands dropped to ready little fists half-full of weakened magic, waiting.  
Kai took his hand back from her hair and closed his eyes as he hugged himself tightly. He rounded his palms over his shoulders, digging his fingers beneath the white collar of his undershirt, feeling his own skin. He concentrated on dragging the magic out of himself, a complicated process he was not quite used to. The monster curse, thick and biting, crept backward.  
_Come on_ , Kai coaxed.  
A pair of delicate hands with familiar energy laid then against his shoulder blades. They sucked to absorb like his at the stubborn curse fighting back from its nest in his soul. It hissed at them.  
_Come on._  
It burned.  
_Come on._  
It fucking seethed and his eyeballs felt like they were bath bombs fizzing away in acid soup slopping around the bowl of his skull, and it felt like an exorcism, and it felt like Death’s scythe was splitting his soul, and then it felt like Heaven and Kai couldn’t breathe anymore.  
_Come on._

+

_It’s lucky when, on the porch at dusk with a mug of tea and the least of expectations, warm water gushes from between her thighs and Jo is already there._  
_She has a revelation as she locks surprised gazes with the older woman._  
_This is not the end, and it was silly of her to think so._  
_This is the beginning. Even as hours tick by, contractions start and worsen, Kai says, “Wait until we have twins, then you’ll be hurting,” and Nora has to remove him from the room because of the uncontrollable bouts of magic Bonnie is bound to injure him with, and it feels now more than ever like things cannot possibly go on after this much pain…it isn’t the end._  
_A baby girl is born. Bonnie Bennett feels like a new woman. Kai Parker has lost his appetite._  
_“It’s magic,” Bonnie whispers wondrously as she cradles the newborn addition to the Bennett bloodline and the Gemini Coven, and her heart is fat with love, and life astounds her. “It’s magic.”_


End file.
